His Broken Mafia Queen

3. B L A K E

"Mmm..." This is supposed to feel good. "I need more." She moaned in my mouth, her fingers gripping my hair tightly.

My head was pounding, and every other thought was clouding my mind. I just wanted to feel good. I tried to forget all about... the other touch. The other things I feel when I am near her. The things that only torch the guilt within me. Damnit! I am again thinking about her! I should stop!

To distract myself from her enticing thoughts, I pushed myself further into the perky woman glued to me. My tongue invaded her mouth, my hands traveling around her half-n***d body, thankful for the crop top with no straps on she wore matched with the barely coverable skirt. Women like her make my day. "T-take me..." I couldn't possibly take her in the corner of the dimly lit nightclub. I do not use women like that. But... Was that really the only reason? I mean, was I really enjoying this makeout session? Did this attractive woman before me awaken any animalistic desires as the woman haunting my dreams did?

Who am I kidding? I feel nothing. "I have to go." I pulled away from her and saw the frustrated yet disappointed look she was shooting me. "Why?" Her hands snaked around my neck, bringing me back closer to her. "Aren't we having fun?" Not really. And it is not in me to use her when I absolutely feel nothing. Not to mention that in the end, I might not make it worth her while, so why waste her time any longer? Upon that thought, I removed her arms from around me. "I am sorry, but I really have to go." I sent her an apologetic smile, receiving a glare from her in return.

"Fine, asshole." She stormed away, and I sighed at my behavior. I understand her frustration, but I couldn't really help her with my mind occupied with another situation.

It's time to go home anyway. I called an uber, seeing as I am in no state to drive, and went outside to wait for him. As soon as the fresh air hit my face, I breathed in relief. It was so dark and hectic in there. The smoke and stench of sweat and alcohol clouded my mind and had me barely in control of myself. I soon found my uber pulling up before the nightclub and wasted no time getting in. I rested my head back on the seat, and images of her popped up. Her smile, her melodic laugh, her silky hair that I so much like to run my hands through it, her deliciously looking lips that I have been craving a taste of them since that day. And oh, her eyes, her guarded, dark eyes that always had me weak in the knees. I couldn't stop thinking of her. I tried, I really did, but she was just-- She was a damn bug! A virus that had me infected, and I cannot find a cure for it. Or maybe there is a cure, a cure that I so much distaste because I will feel like a traitor, and I do not want that.

"We arrived at your destination, sir." The driver's voice brought me back from fantasy about her; snapping my eyes open, I found out that indeed we were parked in front of my house.

My eyes squinting at the dimly lit living room, I knew she was awake. She was waiting for me, again. "Thanks." I paid him and climbed down the car. I took some drunken steps with my heart in my throat until I was before the front door.

My keys jingled as I struggled to unlock the front door from the haze of drunkness I was in. Was it the liquor's effect, though, or me not wanting to meet her magnetic eyes that would carry so much sadness and disappointment in them? I really do not know why I keep treating her like that. She has enough on her plate already, but I-- I, "You are late again," The door was snatched open, and in view came her angelic face. I couldn't dare and meet her eyes. I knew I would lose. "And drunk!" By now, she was frustrated. I pushed past her and heard the door shut, then her footsteps following me. "Blake..." She was determined. She was aiming for a fight that I desperately wanted to avoid. "Blake..." She stressed out, but I continued in my trail, heading to my bedroom. "Blake, stop f*****g ignoring me!" She gritted out.

I sighed in defeat, not wanting to tire her more than she already is. She had enough stress with her hormones all jumbled around. "What do you want, Sandra?" I turned to face her, still not daring to meet her eyes, though. I knew I would only be met with disappointment, and I hated that look on her, especially when it's directed to me.

"What do I want!?" She yelled. "What do you think I f*****g want, Blake, huh?" I saw her hand moving towards her growing belly as she has been doing for the past four months. Whenever she gets angry, she immediately covers her belly with her hands, maybe protecting the growing tiny humans inside her, or perhaps their mere presence calmed her down. I don't know. I hadn't really had a civilized conversation with her since she found out about her pregnancy. "You do not f*****g talk to me, nor eat with me; you ignore me all day long and only attempt to come home late when you are sure I am asleep." She took some darings steps towards me. My eyes still focused on her belly. Her belly was mere inches away from touching me, and I-- I was afraid. I couldn't bear to touch her. "Why do you do that, huh? Weren't you the one who decided that this would be the best arrangement with me living with you during my pregnancy as you couldn't let me live alone?" I did. And now I am really rethinking that choice. I just wanted to make sure she is safe --that they are safe, especially after that incident in Italy. "I didn't ask for your f*****g help! I would have taken good care of myself like I always did!" She took the last step that was separating me, touching her belly, and I gulped. She scoffed upon my reaction, "You can't even look me in the eye nor touch my stomach."

"Stay away, Sandra." I was shaking. I was afraid I might do something I might later regret.

"No." She said stubbornly. "Not until you touch my stomach. Feel their presence..." She held my hand. "Your babies."

"Sandra..." I said carefully as she attempted to place my hand on her stomach.

"Feel them, please." She was desperate by now. Her tears fell on my hand, and my heart ached. She didn't want that, I know. Neither of us did. Like I lost a big piece of me, she also did. We weren't ready, and I know I was hurting her more than she already was, reliving all the pain every day. I was selfish, leaving her buried in her unbearable pain with this pregnancy a constant reminder for her. I am selfish for not being here for her when we promised I would. "Be the father you promised to be." I am selfish, so be it.

I snatched my hand away from hers. "I am going to Mia's and Jason's." Her sobs were the only thing I heard as I started making my way out of the door while ordering another uber.

"I regret every moment of that day, Blake." She yelled after me, her sobs breaking my heart. "I hate that you are the father." Another c***k in my heart, but I deserved this. My hand was on the front door's knob when she said the last agonizing words that were hurting not only her but also me. "You might turn out to be just like him after all." No.No! I could never be. I did not do what he did to her. She was a child back then, but now, she, I-I... "You both destroyed a part of me." I am a selfish monster just like him.

>>>

"What happened?" I wasn't expecting Mia to be up. I knew she would immediately sense that something was wrong. She always knew, and she always scolded me because we both knew I was in the wrong. "Why are you here so late?" If Ben just stayed here for a little longer, I could have slipped away from this interrogation.

"I will leave if you want me to." I turned to leave, but she caught my arm.

"Blake!" She sneered, and I knew she was not in the mood for my bullshit. "What the hell is wrong with you? Did you have another fight with Sandra?"

I avoided her gaze, my hands stuffed in my pants' pockets. I started rocking on my heels. "Now you know, would you let me get some sleep?" I started ascending the stairs, already knowing the guest room I would be sleeping in. I am almost every night here.

"What the f**k, Blake!" I heard her angry footsteps behind me. Her voice, however, was as calm as she could be, probably not to disturb little Damien's sleep or Abby, who had school tomorrow. "Why do you always do that to her? Why do you keep hurting her?" Wow, I remember that once she hated her. Now, she is defending herself.

I pushed the door open to my designated room and was ready to throw myself on the bed when she gripped my arm and had me facing her. "Mia, we can talk tomorrow."

"Yeah, right." She scoffed. "And when tomorrow comes, you will be already gone before everybody wakes to avoid us." I shrugged, knowing that this probably what was going to happen.

"Why do you do that, Blake? hmm?" Her tone took a softer turn, and soft Mia means manipulating Mia. She was trying to stir something inside me. "She didn't want that as much as you didn't. She also went through a lot of s**t and maybe worse than you..." I can't believe Sandra confided in them right after we came from Italy. I knew they were all better together but really didn't expect Sandra to open up to them about her past. "And this-- this situation just keeps reminding her over and over and over." Okay, it is working. As usual, she was able to stir the emotions I had locked within me. "She is probably feeling that-- pain, his ha--"

"Mia!" I growled. Her following words I knew so well, and every time I just think of her past, I get all riled up. I wish I were there to protect her. "I got it! Tomorrow we will talk about it, I said."

She gave me a disapproving look and was going to say something when Jason's voice interrupted her. "Lariene just called," We both turned to look at him from the bedroom door, already knowing something was up. "Rick is on his way here."

"Why?" Mia furrowed her brows.

"He didn't tell her," Jason sighed. "You know Rick since he woke up he--"

"I get it." Mia shook her head, upset by the way Rick's life always gets messed up. Whenever this guy manages and finds happiness, I swear to God something drastic strikes that ruin it all for him.

Suddenly, the echo of the front door was heard being shut roughly, and the three of us exchanged worried looks. Yells and cries came from downstairs then baby Damien's screams were heard. We wasted no time running down the stairs to see what's the commotion about.

"Open up!" A manly yell came from outside as pounding on the door echoed throughout the mansion.

"No!" A feminine shout followed by a sob was heard from the inside.

"What the hell is happening?" Jane came out of her room carrying a wailing Damien between her arms.

"Jasmine f*****g open the door!" It was Adrian and Jasmine. And it seemed like something major happened.

"Is everything okay?" Abby also came out yawning as she stood beside Jane, watching us from upstairs.

"Jass?" Jason's worried voice trailed off as he saw the mess Jasmine was in.

Her teary eyes met us, and again she burst into more tears. "Jasmine!!" After Adrian's yell, a rough sob shook her body, followed by his countless kicking on the door. Thank God that the nearest mansion is miles away from us.

It looks like no one is getting any sleep tonight.