Centuries of Sin : Book IV

12

Elizabeth was asleep on the couch when Sawyer got back, and he felt awful because he had assumed Klara would be there and he only remembered that he was supposed to be asking to borrow coffee when she woke up and rubbed her eyes.

He had been given plenty to eat and drink, and that was probably what was taking Klara so long, but Elizabeth had been waiting for him and he hadn't even got the instant coffee he promised he would fetch for her.

"We should pick some supplies up…"

Elizabeth yawned, and she looked unsure of what he was suggesting.

"Supplies for what? Can't I at least have a coffee first? How long were you even gone?"

"I mean food and drink, and… about three hours, I think. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be there for so long."

Sawyer sounded upset, and Elizabeth sat up so that he could join her on the couch.

"It's fine, I kind of expected you to be gone for a while. I was planning on going to get food so I could have something ready when you got back, but then I fell asleep. I take it this means you've been forgiven for running away with me?"

"We didn't talk much about that, but she seemed to understand. I think she’s just relieved that she has other people she can trust here now; she knows Selene still hasn’t really forgiven her, and even if you’re still angry at my sister, I can’t abandon her now after everything she has done for me.”

“I haven’t asked you to abandon her. I was the one trying to get you to call her, remember? I don't know why you're assuming I'll have an issue with you spending time with her; I know she's important to you, and I know her daughter is important to you. I told you I expected you to be gone for a while: I didn't say I had a problem with it."

Sawyer took a heavy breath, and felt his chest tighten as he looked at Elizabeth.

He had assumed she would be upset at him, and that she would say something horrible to his sister about the baby, and that she wouldn't understand why he needed to spend so long there; now she was being perfectly reasonable and she had been planning on making him food before she fell asleep, but he had shown up hours later without anything and she was probably starving.

"I know you don't really care about this stuff, but they're going to call her Saga."

"That's cute. I bet she's adorable - I'm excited to meet her."

"You don't have to do this… you don't have to pretend you're interested."

Elizabeth looked hurt, but she stood up rather than telling him she did care and that she didn't really know what to say but that wasn't because she didn't want to know.

"We should go. If I don't eat soon I'll be unbearable to be around."

"Elizabeth…"

She smiled, but brushed past Sawyer to get changed into something more appropriate now they had to go out to get supplies.

He was going to leave her to get dressed in peace, but he wanted to make sure she knew he wasn't trying to ignore her and that he hadn't forgotten about her all day.

"I know you're there. It's not so easy for you to follow me without me knowing anymore - though you never struck me as the kind of man who creeps on women while they are getting dressed, either."

Sawyer sat down on the bed as Elizabeth continued sifting through her clothes for something to wear.

"If I was trying to hide from you, I wouldn't have been positioned so you could see me in the mirror."

Elizabeth sighed and sat down next to him with a clean top in her hands.

"I can never tell with you. What did you follow me for anyway?"

"I don't know,” he shrugged.

“Is this because you don’t want to live with Klara? Because I know it’s frustrating, but she’s lived alone since before you were sent away, and I think she needs to live with other people while she gets used to the fact she’s not isolated anymore. She feels safe with us, and I don’t think she has felt safe for a long time, and my dad was kind of responsible for the fact she didn’t feel like she could ask any other pack to take her in, so I would like to let her stay with us for a while. I think it’s the right thing to do.”

That wasn’t why he had followed her, but every time she mentioned her cousin he realized that there were far more complex emotions behind her insistence that they care for her than he had initially assumed.

“You treat Klara like she’s made of glass. She’s the same age as you, and she survived alone for a long time - I can guarantee she’s not as fragile as you seem to think.”

“She’s a virgin.”

“What has that got to do with anything?”

Elizabeth fidgeted with the top on her lap, pointedly avoiding looking at Sawyer as she did.

“She was so awkward when she saw Jonas without clothes on that she had to admit that to me. She’s been alone for a long time, but she wasn’t treated well even before that and I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong anywhere, so I want her to know she was right to come here with us. It’s not like it’s going to be the most frustrating thing in the world to be a bit more reserved when you’re probably going to be spending a lot of time with your sister anyway, is it? And before you say anything - I know I wouldn’t have cared about that in the past. I’m not the same person I was when we met, I’m not even the same person I was when we left here. I’m trying to be a better person, and from everything I have learned I can see that helping others when they need support is particularly important in packs like this. Klara won’t be able to contribute much if she’s a nervous wreck around people, it benefits everyone if we help her adjust.”

“And helping my sister out now is important, because…”

“...because we might need her to do the same, one day.”

Elizabeth still wasn’t looking at Sawyer, but she knew her words had shocked him and that he wasn’t sure if he had interpreted her correctly.

“That’s how things work in packs like this, yes… you help people with the things they need, and they help you when you need it. But I’m not just helping because I think I owe her, or because I want her to owe me.”

“I know, and you know that’s not what I was suggesting. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I’m just letting you know I’m open to that conversation now in a way that I wasn’t before - a lot of things are different now.”

Sawyer looked at her closely - he was still surprised, and she was definitely avoiding looking at him.

“A lot of things are different. But some of them are the same, and some of them are different in ways you don’t understand, so…I don’t really know what to say. Are you trying to tell me you want a family? Where did this even come from? Are you afraid I’m going to spend all of my time with my sister now?”

“This isn’t because I’m jealous of the new baby - I may be spoiled sometimes but I am not going to do something stupid and performative like Linnea. I know it’s something you want, and I don’t think you can tell yourself it’s something that we can never have because of some stupid agreement you made with your sister when you were teenagers now that she has a kid of her own.”

Sawyer chewed the inside of his lip for a moment as the things Elizabeth was saying sunk in, but when he spoke he seemed to be completely ignoring what she had said.

“I always thought it was weird that Tobias went to so much effort to set Francesca up with Jonas. Think about it - he didn't care about her, he didn't respect her, and he barely acknowledged her. Why would he spend so much time and effort finding her a good mate like Jonas when I was free to screw around with people like Cordelia? I haven't said anything to them, and I never will, but it's obvious now. I think Tobias knew there was a chance that those two would end up with a white wolf."

"I don't understand, and I won't pretend I do. What does that have to do with us having a baby one day?"

"My sister could have died. Saga is beautiful, and healthy, but she's also tiny and I don't think she was due for a couple of weeks. It may have been harder on my sister if she wasn't born a little early; there are no white wolves because they're just not born anymore. It's too draining on the mother, but Tobias didn't care about risking Francesca's life over this. I was free to choose my own mate because he didn't want to pair me with someone who would just end up dying or failing to produce children. He wasn't being compassionate or thoughtful, and if she hasn't figured that out I don't want her to. I may have been over cautious before because of my mom, but I really don't think it's worth the risk now that I know there's a possibility we would end up with a child like Saga- we don't know enough about your heritage to be sure that wouldn't happen, and I love you too much to risk losing you when it's not even something you want."