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961 Words
Elizabeth was silent for a while, and Sawyer decided it was better not to say anything else to her.
He didn't think she would be irrational or hurtful, but he didn't know what she wanted to hear and she was obviously embarrassed that she had said anything to him.
She was resting her head on the window and staring at the road ahead of them.
"Did you tell Selene who Klara is?"
Elizabeth didn't sound like she really cared, but Sawyer answered her anyway.
"I told her that Klara is your cousin, and that she would like to live there."
"Did you tell her about me?"
"Yes. I told her that you can transform again."
And that she made him feel alive in a completely different way now, and that he hated having to be considerate of Klara…
"Is she angry at you?"
"Why would she be angry at me?"
"Because you promised to help raise her son and then abandoned them for nearly a year."
Sawyer exhaled wearily and tried not to get too frustrated at Elizabeth.
"I think we should make small talk for a bit, or put the radio on."
"Because I'm right?"
"No; because I left with you despite the fact I was happy to stay with that pack, and despite running from my obligations I am confident we did the right thing - just like being open and explaining why I'm not interested in starting a family was the right thing to do. You're in a bad mood, and I don't really want to listen to you dragging up every mistake I've ever made because you are trying to convince yourself that you aren't actually feeling bad."
She leaned across and flicked on the radio, but the deafening crunch of static meant she immediately turned it off again and sat back in the seat with her arms folded across her chest.
"I'm just hungry, OK? I'm not mad, or embarrassed, or…"
"...or on heat? Because you're definitely not human anymore, but that hasn't happened in a long time and I don't think you're intentionally suppressing it. If you are serious about this, we can have a proper discussion about it when we know it isn't pointless. At the moment I don't think it would be a good idea when we have only just got back, we're not supposed to be drawing attention to ourselves, and it could be dangerous for you. I also don't think it would be physically possible."
She glanced at him, but he was still focused on the road.
“I’m not suppressing anything, but I hadn’t really thought about that part. I guess I’m not as normal as I thought I was.”
“You are normal. And I don’t want this to become a big deal when it really doesn’t need to be. Let’s just be happy that you actually felt comfortable talking to me about this - that’s a big deal for both of us, and I’m glad you can see us staying where we are for a while because I think we’ll be happy here.”
Elizabeth chewed the inside of her cheek as the feeling of disappointment subsided a little.
“You’re not upset, are you?”
“Why would I be upset? I really am happy that you felt comfortable enough to talk about this, Elizabeth.”
“You hadn’t questioned the fact I haven’t come into heat…it seems like something you should be upset by. Isn’t that important to you?”
“It’s enjoyable, but I’m not mad and I didn’t bring it up because I am disappointed or upset. It seemed relevant to mention: I wasn’t trying to hurt you, and I don’t feel like there’s anything missing from our relationship. Does it bother you?”
She hadn’t had time to think about whether it bothered her or not, but she tried to answer honestly and hoped that she sounded sincere.
“It bothers me a little, but I only have myself to blame. I didn’t want to be like you, and I stifled everything that wasn’t human: I was desperate enough that I asked your sister to help me, and it’s my own fault if that help ends up being permanent.”
“She wouldn’t have done anything irreversible without telling you.”
“Says who? She does what she thinks is right without consulting anybody else because it doesn’t even register to her that someone else might have a better idea, or that she might be wrong.”
Sawyer considered pulling the car over to the side of the road, but they were nearly at the store and he didn’t want to end up arriving too late so that they had to drive all the way back and then ask for someone to provide them with food while Elizabeth was in a bad mood.
“You’re being over-defensive again. Are you really angry at Francesca, or are you just confused about how you feel and looking to get mad at someone over something irrelevant? You asked her to stop you from coming into heat - did you specify whether you wanted that to be reversible? Would you have wanted it to be at the time? Did she misinterpret what you asked, or mislead you? Or did she do exactly what you told her you wanted?”
“You’re making it sound like I wished on a Monkey’s Paw or asked a genie for help.”
“No - you feel like that. She didn’t trick you, and it wasn’t supposed to be an ironic punishment for making a compassionate and perfectly reasonable choice at the time. It’s not deeply unfair, it’s not karma, and it isn’t the universe punishing us.“
- Writer
