Centuries of Sin : Book IV

43

Elizabeth rested her head on Sawyer’s chest and he wrapped his arm around her and drew her closer. 

She still felt guilty in a way she didn't want to vocalise, but he stroked her arm and she tried to convince herself he wasn't sacrificing things for her sake again. 

"Klara likes a guy…" she didn't think her cousin would appreciate her sharing the information but it was one of the few things she could actually think of sharing with Sawyer and she trusted that he wouldn't make her feel awkward about it. 

"She's a young, attractive woman and nobody else here is related to her; I'm sure that whoever she's interested in will be more than happy to accept her."

"I don't think she's interested in him that way."

"I really didn't need to know that, but I can't say I blame her. I may only be interested in you, but that made it even worse when I was frustrated. It was unbearable at times."

"I didn't need to know that," she blushed and buried her face closer to him so he wouldn't see. 

"I'm sorry. It's true though, and I'm not surprised she's found someone she's interested in."

"You don't talk much about that… the time between when you saw me and when we met."

"Why would I? It was torture, and I questioned what I did to deserve it every single day until the day you found me. After that...I asked myself the same thing, but in a completely different way. Now I ask what I did to deserve this… to earn this," he squeezed her closer again for a moment, and she noticed that his heart was racing.

"I'm sorry things weren't different. You had to deal with being frustrated like that because of what you are."

"A man?" he questioned her as if he didn't know exactly what she meant. 

"A man who was supposed to be in charge of a pack."

"You can't keep doing this, Elizabeth. If you say the wrong thing around the wrong people they will see us as a threat and they won't let us stay here. We can't raise a family with nobody else around; we need this pack."

"Humans don't consider it weird, you know. It's…" 

"...we're not humans, Elizabeth, and any child we may have will not be human; you understand that, don't you? I don't want to sound arrogant about this, but I don't think there's any chance I'll produce a baby that's not a shifter."

She hadn't even thought about it, but she nodded anyway.

"Of course I understand that."

"I don't think you do," he paused for a moment, and sighed. "I'm not trying to patronize you, and I promise I'm not just making excuses. I don't want you to be miserable because we didn't talk about things like this, I'm..."

"...trying to do the right thing; I know."

Sawyer moved Elizabeth from his chest to look at her properly and it made her feel awkward to see him looking at her that way.

"I'm scared. This entire situation terrifies me, for a lot of reasons. I don't want you to get hurt, I don't want you to regret this, i don't want us to end up alone, I don't want us to end up in danger... I can't count the hours I have spent thinking about every possible scenario in my head since you started talking about this, and I am trying as hard as I possibly can to make sure none of those things are an issue."

Elizabeth didn't really know what to say, and she looked down at her hands for a while before she spoke.

"I'm sorry if I made everything complicated and difficult for you."

"You didn't," he responded without hesitation, "but I don't want you to feel as if you have to do this. I know you really meant it when you told me you changed your mind, but we aren't tied to the idea and we're allowed to accept that it's not the right decision for us."

"I'm still sorry," Elizabeth muttered, and Sawyer looked confused at her reaction.

"Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry because I didn't understand what you were going through before. I wasn't exactly compassionate, and now I'm feeling something that is probably not even close to the way you felt and I know it's not even remotely logical but I can't help feeling it, and I really really regret it that you have to deal with this."

Sawyer sighed and he drew her closer to him again, resting his forehead against hers and enjoying the feeling of her body next to his.

"Having a child with you would be the most amazing and incredibly fulfilling thing. I don't want to sacrifice that for anything," he paused, "but I won't sacrifice our safety either, and that is the most important thing."

"I know," she murmured, "and it doesn't matter now anyway."

"No," he said, "I suppose in some respects it doesn't; but if I'm right, it will do."

His comment made Elizabeth smile, but Sawyer didn't really understand why at first.

"I suppose that's something else you don't want to sound arrogant about? Your ability to drive me crazy?"

"Not at all..."

"Good," she smiled, "because it's true. You do drive me crazy."