If I Were You

Chapter 4

“Have you ever thought about going back to school?” Milo asks one night as Lily, Mabel, Milo, and Milo’s best buddy Louie hang out together after work. Lily looks at Milo for a few seconds, then gazes at the dark night sky above the sea before taking a sip of her beer and plopping down onto the sand. Seeing her, all of them start to join her—Mabel on her left with both hands on her tummy and her eyes closed, Milo on her right with his hand behind his head, and Louie beside him making sand angels.

Lily takes a deep breath before answering. “I don’t know, and if I did, I don’t have the money for that.”

“Didn’t your mom give you her credit card?” Louie asks.

After working together for a couple of months, the four of them were comfortable enough to share almost everything. Mabel, 21, enjoys living in the moment. She’s a free soul, rebellious and content with her life. Milo, 20, dropped out of college in his third year to take care of his aging father, Mr. Jenkin. One of the three boys in his family had to give up their dreams for the family business. Milo doesn’t like to talk about it, but he seems to have come to terms with it—or so it seems on the outside. Louie, also 20, juggles part-time work and college just because he can’t stand being bored.

“I hate just thinking about it,” Lily says when Louie brings up the credit card. Milo gives Louie a nudge.

“I mean, I’m just saying—why don’t you use that opportunity to build your life back up? Use her money, be successful. If you want revenge, that’s the best way to do it. Use her money until you don’t need it anymore, then disappear from her life. How about that?” Louie suggests.

Milo jumps up and tries to shut Louie up. “Eat… sand… you… fucker…” Milo mutters through Louie’s resistance.

“Milo, stop that! Let him go! Milo!” Mabel says firmly, and Milo finally stops.

“I hate to say this, but Louie’s got a point, Lily,” Mabel adds. For the next few days, Lily contemplates it. A part of her wants to, but another part is terrified—terrified of the “what ifs.” What if people find out about her past? What if someone recognizes her? All those fears play in her mind.

Lily has a GED certificate from a prison education program she completed, but she’s scared of having her seemingly normal life come crashing down again.

•••

“Hey, I’m sorry about last night. I might have crossed the line,” Louie says.

Lily just shakes her head. “No, you were right. You got me thinking.”

“Is that why you’ve been so quiet these past few days?” Louie asks.

“Yeah,” Lily replies.

“Well, why don’t we go shake off some of those thoughts somewhere tonight?” Louie suggests.

“Sure,” Lily agrees.

“I’ll tell the others,” Louie says, referring to Mabel and Milo.

That evening, after work, Lily gets on Mabel’s bike while Louie rides with Milo as they head to town. Louie suggests going to his university’s admission party, where seniors host an open event for students and potential enrollees to experience the college atmosphere.

When they arrive, Lily is amazed. It’s beautiful, exciting, and the energy resonates with a part of her she didn’t realize still existed. Since the abuse and her prison release, her life has been filled with sadness, anger, and loss. She had forgotten what it felt like to have fun at her age.

That night, instead of feeling lonely and empty, she enjoys herself—and it works. After talking, dancing, and taking shots with strangers, the four of them leave with their arms around each other’s shoulders. They stumble on the steps, and Milo—sober—picks them up.

“You can’t drive like this,” Milo says, picking Mabel up by the collar of her leather jacket. “Sit up.” He brushes the dirt off her before helping Lily and Louie. They sit at the curb, facing the sky and letting the night breeze wake them up while Milo gets drinking water.

“Drink this,” he says, handing them each a bottle. “God, you guys are wild.”

About an hour later, Mabel sobers up enough. “You sure you can take her home?” Milo asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” Mabel says, laughing. “Go on. He’s so out of it.” She gestures at Louie.

“Promise me you’ll stop if you feel off. I don’t want to read news about you tomorrow,” Milo says.

Mabel rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry. You’ll still have a chance to annoy us at work tomorrow. We both know that’s what you’re really worried about.”

“Leave,” Milo says. He picks Louie up and gets ready to leave too. Before driving off, he stops beside Mabel. “Call me when you get home,” he says sounding rather serious before zooming off.

•••

“Did Mabel get home alright?” Lily asks the next day when she notices Mabel isn’t at work yet.

“She’s off today—upset stomach,” Louie says.

“Hey, Louie. Hey, rookie. You two were worried about me, huh?” Milo jokes, nudging their shoulders. Louie rolls his eyes and leaves.

“Hey, you feeling alright?” Milo asks.

Lily just nods and walks off, her head still pounding from the night before.

•••

“Okay, I’m gonna call her.”

“Do it already!” the three of them shout.

Lily dials the number.

“Hi, Officer Becket. I was wondering if you could help me with college options or guides,” Lily says.

“Of course! Let me see… Okay, I’ll gather some resources, lists, and planning guides and send them to your address soon. Anything else?” Officer Becket asks.

“No, thank you.”