Chapter 2
2215 Words
Ithal
Eighteen months ago
"Will you keep in touch, Ithu?" Shiva's eyes reflect his sorrow as he holds my hand lovingly.
"Do you want me to?" I throw back another question in answer to his own.
"I do, Ithu. Our relationship as husband and wife did not work out well but we can still be good friends, don't you think?"
I smile, "Sure. I will call you once I reach Chennai.."
"Do you still don't want me to talk to your parents?" He asks with a concern-filled gaze.
"No, they would need an explanation for our divorce.." And I am not ready for it yet.
"I can talk to them.."
I shake my head, "Please, Shiva. Let me handle it.."
He heaves a sigh and pulls me into a tight hug, "I will miss you so much, Ithu.."
"I will miss you too.."
"You do know that I tried hard to make our relationship work, right?"
I look up at his handsome face, wishing we could have made something out of this marriage, "I know, Shiva.."
"I wish we could be more than just friends. I am so sorry, Ithu. Maybe in another lifetime.."
I snuggle into his chest to hide my tears before pulling from him and walking into the airport without a backward glance. Even though our relationship was nothing more than friendship, this departure was painful and it tore my heart in half.
Throughout the flight from Toronto to Chennai, I kept racking my brain on what to tell my parents. They will certainly want me to tell them what went wrong with my marriage to Shiva. He was lucky that he didn't come back to Chennai with me or else my father and brother would have wanted to break his bones and put them back in place. However, I don't want that for Shiva. He is a good man and he doesn't deserve such harsh treatment, neither does he deserve my family's hatred but I am not sure if they'd like him after he divorced me.
The first thing that catches my attention in the waiting lounge of the Chennai airport is my brother's worried face as he waits for me.
"Navil.." I wave my hand at him, dragging my luggage behind me to where he's standing.
I hug him and when I pull away from him, I see his face is marred with anger. "Did that son of a b***h let you go alone?"
"Shiva wanted to come with me but I insisted I go alone, Navil.." I argued in support of my husband, ex-husband.
"Let's go home, first.." He doesn't give me a chance to react as he drags me out of the airport toward his BMW. As he drives me home, he doesn't initiate any conversation with me, thankfully, but I didn't miss noticing how his jaw clenched and unclenched in what I think is fury.
When his car enters the huge gates of our bungalow, I see my mom and dad impatiently waiting for me near the front door. My mom rushes out as my brother parks his car in front of our house.
"Ithu, what's happened between you and Shiva that you have taken such a drastic step?" My mom begins to shoot her questions even before I can get out of the car.
"Nithi, let her get inside first.." My father stops my mother and pulls me in for a hug. I want to cry when his comforting warmth which I have missed so much in the last thirteen months engulfs me.
"Welcome home, sweetheart.."
"I missed you so much, pa.." I stifle a sob. I don't want to cry and make my parents even more worried about me than they already are but I can't help it.
"We missed you too, darling. Let's go inside.." He leads me in with his large arm around my shoulder protectively. "Have you eaten anything?"
"No, and I'm very hungry.."
My father tries to laugh even though I know he is disturbed about my sudden divorce. "Go refresh first then we will have breakfast together.."
"Okay.."
After a long shower, Mom served us all the food.
"Nithi, why don't you sit down and eat with us.." My dad pulls her down beside him by her wrist and I watch the simple act of love with a small smile on my lips. This is the kind of love I grew up wanting for myself. My parents had their own ups and downs in their lives but they always loved each other and they fought hard for their love. To think that I might never have something like that in my life feels like my heart is being squeezed by a vice.
"Will you tell us what happened between you and Shiva?" My mom asks me again.
"Nithi.." My dad tries to stop her but my mom snaps at him frustratedly.
"Kavin, please. I haven't slept an ounce since the second she told me she was getting a divorce from Shiva. I want to know now, okay?" She turns to me angrily, "Marriage isn't a joke, Ithal. It's a union of two families and you can't make such a big decision just among yourselves.."
"Amma, please calm down.." My brother reaches out to hold her hand to calm her down. "Ithu, please tell us what went wrong between you two. We thought you both were doing fine. You looked so happy in those honeymoon pictures you sent a few months back.."
Oh, I thought I was beginning to be happy too but guess what? A happy love life is not in my destiny.
"We weren't happy with each other.." I whisper. That's not a complete lie but that is also not the complete truth.
"You were not happy?" My mother repeats after me but her voice is several decibels higher than mine. "You were together just for a few months and you have already come to the conclusion that you were not happy with each other? I can't believe you, Ithal.."
"Nithi, let's hear out what she has to say.." My father interjects and then slants a gaze at me, "Sweetheart, tell me the truth. Did he hurt you in any way?"
I shake my head quickly, "No, Shiva would never hurt me, pa.."
He looks into my eyes for a few seconds longer to find if I am fabricating my answer and when he can't, he goes on to ask me the next question, "Who initiated the divorce? I want to hear the truth, Ithal.." He warns beforehand.
I nodded, "Shiva did.."
"Why?"
I sighed, "Like I said, we weren't happy together, appa.."
"That's not enough of an explanation for a goddamn divorce, Ithal.." His voice for the first time in my life rises too high and this time it's my mum who touches his arm to cool him down. I flinch back with the harshness of his tone for he has never talked to any of his children in this manner.
"If you don't like me staying here, please tell me. I will go.." My lower lips tremble as I speak, keeping my gaze on my plate.
"That's not what appa meant, Ithu and you know it.." Navil adds, "We are all worried about your life.."
"Well don't be. I can take care of myself.." I say blinking back the tears in my eyes before walking away leaving the food half-done.
****
A few days later, I was in my room when I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Come in.." I sit up on my bed, assuming it's my mom. She's the one who usually comes to my room at this time of the day but I am surprised to see Mini entering my room.
"Mini, when did you come here?" I jump out of my bed and pull her eleven month old son out of her arms. "Oh my God, he's so much cuter than the photos you sent of him. Look at you.." My mouth falls open to see Eegan, her firstborn son grown up so much. "you are so big now. The last time I saw you, you were wrapped in a tiny blanket.."
He turns back to his mother and stretches his hand out for her.
"No, I am not giving you back to your amma.." I take him away from his mother's reach.
"It's so good to see you, Ithu" She speaks smiling at me. Finally, there is someone who doesn't want to jump down my throat for the recent decision I have made.
"I missed you so much.." With her little boy in between us, she throws her arms around me.
"I missed you too, Mini. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Rajasthan.." That's what my mom told me a few weeks ago.
"I was but I am here now.." She wiggles her eyebrows playfully.
"Yeah, I can see that but how?" As we talk to each other, her son makes a mess on my dress with the saliva drooling from his mouth but I don't mind. I love him as my own.
"We were supposed to come here a week from now but since Ela has a field job in Andaman Nicobars, we flew here earlier. He dropped us here before going there.."
"Wow, that's nice and how's our Colonel Elamaran?" I ask jokingly about her husband who is now a senior officer in the Indian army.
"He's great.." Her eyes display the love she has for her husband and for a teeny tiny moment I wonder if I would ever get there someday. But then I scolded myself to never go that way again. I'm done dreaming a happily ever after for myself.
"So, how long are you going to stay here?" I ask her.
"A few weeks. Then we will have to go to Andamans with Ela where he is posted for the next two years.." She sighs tiredly and I don't have to wonder why since she hates leaving Chennai but she has to because of Ela's work which requires him to keep traveling all over the country every few years.
I play with her son for a while and I am so grateful to Mini for not bringing up my divorce like everyone else would do.
"I love the baby scent.." I sniff the sleeping baby lying next to me on my bed.
"Oh, I know. I sometimes want to bite him.." She giggles.
"What's your plan while you are staying here?"
She thinks about it for a few seconds then shakes her head, "Nothing much. What about you?"
I shrug, "Apart from the entrance exam for my PG, I have nothing to do. Can we spend some time together?"
"That will be nice.." Her lips split into a grin. "We can have sleepovers just like we used to have in the past. Of course, it won't be the same now with this little guy.."
She eyes at Eegan and I laugh. "I don't mind at all. In fact, it will be an added plus to have him for our sleepovers.."
She spends the whole day with me. Our conversations are endless but never once she asks about my divorce. However, I feel like I should talk to her about it.
"Mini.." I call her.
"Hmm?" She looks up from her son while changing his diaper. He is wide away now and wants to get up on his feet and run around.
"You didn't ask me about my divorce.."
She stops doing whatever she's doing and stares back at me, "I thought, you would tell me if you wanted to.."
"Thank you so much for it, Mini.."
"But do you want to talk to me about it?" She raises her eyebrows.
"Just don't think I did it so that I could be with your brother.." I look down at my linked fingers. "This is not about Aadhi, I promise.."
She's the one who knows how much I was in love with her elder brother and I didn't want her to think that I divorced Shiva just because of Aadhi who had lost his wife a few months back.
"I know.." Taking my hand, she nods. "You are that insensitive or selfish to hurt Shiva so that you can be with Aadhi. Never once did I think like that about you, Ithu. So you don't have to explain it to me.."
I give her a grateful smile, "How's he now?"
"Miserable.." All the previous smiles from her face disappear at the mention of her elder brother. "He's no more the Aadhi I grew up with. He's so different. I wish I could do something to take away his sorrow but there's nothing anyone can do.."
"I'm sorry.." I squeeze her hand but I doubt it can calm her.
"So, may I ask why you divorced Shiva?" She asks carefully. "As much as I knew he was so good to you. In all the video calls we had, he seemed to be a dotting husband. Then what went wrong?"
"Mini, I cannot tell you about it now but when the time is right, I will.."
"Okay.." She pats my hand and lets go of that topic, never to bring it up ever again.
- Writer
