Loveless Marriage - My Second Wife Has A Baby

Chapter 7

Aadhi

Life is so full of irony.

When I married Priya, it was the happiest decision of my life because I was marrying the woman I loved. She was the woman I loved with all my heart. We were so happy with each other but fate had to separate us in the most cruel way and now, I am married again to another woman but my heart belongs elsewhere. I can't love her but I am forced to spend a lifetime with her.

Why should life have to be so cruel?

I don't miss the look of hurt in Ithal's eyes when I bring my dead wife into our conversation but I can't say I didn't mean to hurt her. I meant what I said. No matter how much I wish Priya to be here today with me, I can't have her back in my life ever again. I am stuck here with this woman whom I can probably never love.

I noticed Ithal doesn't eat much after our conversation. I feel guilty for upsetting her. She has no fault in how my life turned up to be but still, I always end up hurting her.

When I returned the morning after our first night, which I should have spent with her but did not, I didn't miss how her eyes were red and puffy. She must have cried to her sleep but what did she expect that I would love and hold her all night?

If that's what she expects from me then she is sure to get hurt. I don't do those kinds of stuff anymore. Those privileges belonged only to my Priya not to anybody else.

Dropping my plate into the sink, I retire to my bedroom while Ithal stays back to clean the kitchen. I lie down since I am damn tired due to the lack of sleep from the previous night which I spent in my house, I mean, the one I shared with Priya. Last night, I craved to be close to her. I felt the need to ask for her forgiveness for betraying her and trying to replace her with another woman in my life. I don't think she'd forgive me though. However, I am not going to love anybody in my life again and keep my promise to her love her till the last of my breath.

Throwing an arm over my eyes, I try to sleep when I hear the bathroom door open and shut.

I want to fall asleep before Ithal comes back from the shower so that she will not bother me. Yes, I want to have s*x with her where there will be no emotions involved but today was not the day. I am not prepared to take that leap with her yet. I cannot sleep with her when my chest is exploding with guilt for moving on from my dead wife.

I feel the soft dip on the bed beside me but I just pretend to be asleep. The fragrance of Jasmine that's unique to Ithal floods my nostrils making my abdomen roll into knots. I try to ignore the inviting scent of her and calm my racing heartbeat down. However, despite all my attempts, I freeze when she shifts closer to my body, wraps an arm over my waist, and puts her head on my chest.

I pull my arm away and look down at her to find her staring at me with big, innocent eyes that jab at my heart. My eyes trail down and observe the skimpy nightgown she's changed into. The soft swells of her breasts are spilling out of that silk fabric and brushing against my chest. My gaze wanders down the length of her body, lingering in the right places. She has a beautiful and sexy body, no doubt about it.

Is she attempting to seduce me? If she is, then it is surely working. It is taking all my self-control to not take her this very instance.

I am not a saint. I have been celibate for the last two and a half years. So, my body's reaction to her half-nakedness is justifiable.

I have to fight the urge to throw her onto her back and ravage her like a starved animal. Tearing my gaze away, I close my eyes. I have to grind my molars together from doing anything out of impulse only to regret it tomorrow.

Fire flares inside me, hot and raging when I feel her delicate palm on my bearded cheek as she pulls my face closer to hers to put her lips tender against mine. It is just a simple touch of our lips and nothing more but it still manages to spike my heart rate like never before. My sternum aches and there is a tight vice clutching my chest and squeezing my heart.

Before I can stop myself, I grip her elbow, throw her back on the bed, and slam my mouth over hers in a rough kiss. There is nothing sweet and loving about the kiss. It's just carnal and lustful.

I am angry at her for tempting me. She shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have seduced me.

I am angry at myself for being so weak, for letting her seduce me.

My love for Priya should have been stronger than my lust for my new bride. But it isn't and it frustrates me.

Ithal gasps and goes completely rigid under me.

I don't move my lips. She doesn't either.

I pin her small body under me and her balled fists come to my shoulders as if to push me away, but she doesn't.

Her breath is warm and her hollow eyes flare.. with shock and something else.

Uncertainty, nervousness, insecurity, innocence or.. inexperience?

I cannot give a name to that look on her face.

The kiss is barely even a kiss before I pull away from her quickly. Why must she look so innocent and inexperienced?

No, I must be reading it all wrong. She was married for a year to another man before she married me and there is no way she is innocent or inexperienced in bed. Of course, a woman will always feel shy for the first time with a man but that doesn't necessarily mean she's a virgin.

My heart softens for a second when I see the disappointment laced in her eyes but I turn my back to her before extinguishing the lights in the room.

"We should sleep.." I say into the dark, "I have a busy day tomorrow.."

I don't get a reply but I don't care. There is silence between us for a few minutes. I wait to drift into sleep but when sleep does not come to me that easily I lie pretending to be asleep by regulating my breath.

Almost an hour later, when she believes I am really asleep, I hear soft whimpers that are muffled by her pillow. I want to turn around, pull her into my chest, and tell her I am sorry for how I treated her earlier but I don't give into that desire. She needs to learn that she shouldn't expect any kind of love from me. That way it will be easy for both of us to stay in this marriage.

***

Ithal

Waking up with a pounding headache has become common for me these days. Opening my eyes, I find the bed empty and cold beside me. I am immediately haunted by last night's memories.

Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have initiated that kiss.

I feel ashamed of myself but I tell myself there is no need to be ashamed. I'm a married woman and I have bodily needs that are to be fulfilled. It is my husband's duty to take care of it and it should be him who is supposed to be ashamed if he can't fulfill my needs.

Throwing off the sheets from my body, I quickly get ready to go to work. As expected I don't find Aadhi when I go to the living room. His car key is missing which means he's left for work already. Not really having an appetite for breakfast, I leave for work after having only a cup of coffee. Vasantha however packs me an extra bo of meal if feel hungry later.

"You did a good job today, Dr. Ithal.." My chief, Dr. Aathira, says to me as I stitch the woman who just gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

"Thank you, Doctor.." I gasp with pride.

"It was a complicated case. The mother had gestational diabetes and the baby had his umbilical cord around his neck but you handled the operation without any complication.." She appreciates me again with a pat on my shoulder.

"It was not possible without your help, chief.."

"I did nothing but watch how you were handling it and you were amazing.."

I thank her again before she walks out of the labor room, leaving me and a nurse to finish up with the remaining procedure. I walk near my real first patient and shift her baby into her arms from the weighing machine. "Congratulations to both of you.."

"Thank you so much, doctor.." The young woman looks down at her baby and then at her husband who lovingly pecks her forehead.

"I am going to love you both so much, sweetheart.." He says and the woman has tears in her eyes.

I sigh seeing the love dancing in their eyes for each other. I want to stand there and gawk at the cute family for the rest of the day but I move out of the labor room to give them the privacy they deserve.

"Hey, girl! What are you doing here?" Dr. Kavya asks me as I enter the resting room. She is a friend I'd recently made but surprisingly she has become very close to me in a very short time.

"Working.."

She rolls her eyes at me, "I can see that but why? Aren't you supposed to be at home or somewhere else with your hubby?"

Cleaning my hands, I sink down on the couch. Kavya takes a seat beside me, curiosity filling her pretty face.

"So?" I look up at her to see her wiggle her eyebrows playfully, "How was your first night?"

My lips twist into a sarcastic smile, "I slept well.."

"Huh?" She blinks, "That's not what I meant.."

"I know what you meant.." I sigh frustratedly, "Nothing happened on my first night. Aadhi left me alone at home so I really slept well.."

"He didn't try to.. uhm.. try to sleep with you?"

I shake my head in a 'no'.

"What about last night?" I wish she didn't sound so stunned. It makes me even more doubtful about myself. As if it was somehow my fault that my husband, okay husbands didn't want to sleep with me.

"I practically threw myself at him and kissed him but he then immediately turned his back on me and told me he had a busy day today and that we should go to sleep. Also, I didn't miss the regret in his eyes for that small kiss he shared with me.." I give her a complete detail of last night's event, rubbing my temple which was beginning to ache again.

"Maybe he was tired.." She says, and I know she's just saying it to make me feel better.

I give her a hard look, one which says, 'Are you serious?'

"Do you hear yourself, Kavya? He didn't look that tired to me on our first night. And what about yesterday? He can't be tired every night.." I bite my lower lip, "Do you think it has something to do with his wife?"

Kavya sighs, "You are his wife, Ithu.."

"The wife whom he doesn't want to be with him.." I scoff. "Maybe there's something really wrong with me. Maybe men don't find me attractive."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ithu.." She slams my arm, "You are the most gorgeous woman I know and a man not finding you atttractive should be blind. Aadhi has lost his wife, Ithal. Of course, it is going to take him time to accept you into his life. Give him some time. Maybe that's what he needs right now."

I ponder hard. That's what everyone keeps telling me. Perhaps I should give him some time and not push his buttons like I did last night. It may only drive him further away from me.

I am going to love him without expecting anything from him in return just like I have done all these years. Perhaps one day he will start to love me and want me.