Before Heaven

Chapter 13

XII

Somehow, I awoke from death.

I went like a yo-yo in and out of consciousness. When I wasn't just unconscious and gripped by horrific dreams, everything was faded and vague, like I was looking at the world around me with a plastic bag wrapped around my head. Lights occasionally danced in and out of my line of view. I focused on each that came. I was only lucid enough to really focus on one thing at a time. I think the longest time the light was in my eyes was about twenty-four minutes, give or take a few. The passage of time was blurred to me, but I eventually made an effort to start counting seconds regardless, messing up more than a few times. Everything else was just black and formless, most of the time; the light was faintly visible when it turned on, but it wasn't enough to dispel the all-consuming dark that was overtaking my vision. What I thought were voices mumbled at my ears. Someone had closed the door to my ears, though, and the only thing I could hear was just indistinct nonsense. In the delusional state of my half-consciousness, I'd told someone had filled my ears with mud and believed it. I was struggling to remember how I'd gotten into this situation, and something eventually came back to me. Pain in the stomach. Bloody vomit. Falling unconscious. Jenny's face. I focused on these stray images until I gained a bit more lucidity.

When the mud fell out of my ears and the blur of my vision cleared a bit, the first thing I noticed that returned was the ungodly pain. It wasn't as overwhelming as it was before I fell unconscious, but it hurt enough to anchor my body down. I was in a bed, I realized, with a really shitty cover draped over me. Most of the rest of the room was a distant blur, still, but I could just barely make out a digital clock on a counter beside me. When I'd regained consciousness, it read 11:34 PM. I'd been unconscious for around twelve hours. I couldn't move. Every time I tried to, my body fought against me and another sting of pain burst through me. I couldn't even groan audibly. People did flock in and out of the room, though; I pieced together the light flicking in and out of my face was from the light of the outer hallway, flung in and out of my face from the door at the upper end of the room. I overheard one conversation between a man I quickly figured out was Harlow at 11:56 AM and some other member of the faculty.

"Who's the poor wanker who's in here, huh?"

"Mr. Winters. #21. He passed out outside today. #7 let us know."

"Damn. Aye, f**k, he doesn't look too good. Kind of dead-looking, actually. What happened?"

"We thought it was just sudden fatigue induced from being outside, but we got a little sample of his fluids... It's poison. Something he'd eaten or drank shortly before he passed out was laced with the stuff."

It all came together at those words, practically slamming into focus. The Orange Crush. It was already open. It was poisoned.

Alice had poisoned it.

No. No. No. That couldn't be the case. It couldn't.

"Might be arsenic. Symptoms are certainly suggestive of it. There wasn't enough to pose any mortal threat, but #21 is going to be bedridden for a few more days yet."

Audible snicker.

"Aye, you still going to send him in the experiment in that condition? Kid looks like a broken ragdoll."

"Of course we are. He applied for this program. If he's having second thoughts a few days before the start of the experiment, that's his problem."

I sunk back into a deep slumber hating Harlow more than I ever had before.

The next few hours, I dwelt within the black space in my own skull. Explored every thought I had. Every feeling that passed. The world was dead to me, right now. I was unconscious, but I was still in pain. That was the only tie to the physical world I had at the moment. I didn't care. I didn't want to wake up. Alice couldn't have poisoned the soda. Why would they? Spite? Hatred? A horrible practical joke? Were they still my friend?

I got my answer when I woke up.

The darkness lifted, once more. I slowly blinked my eyes open. The pain in my stomach was still aching and bubbling as I gradually awakened. I was still suffocated by remaining grogginess as I lolled my head to the side. Even the limp motion of my neck twisting ever so slightly was enough to jolt a sensation of absolute pain down my spine. It was 2:49 AM. Why did I wake up again? Why couldn't I just fall asleep properly?

Then I realized. Someone was in the room.

My blood went as cold as an arctic wind and my heart started throbbing. I turned my head to the other side, even in spite of the pain, to look at the rest of the room. Everything was still swallowed by black and it took a good while for my eyes to get used to it. All the while, I could feel someone there. Someone watching me, staring coldly without a sound. They'd been there for a while, in utter silence, waiting for me to wake up. I blinked a bit and I hoarsely coughed out. The figure moved in response. A familiar voice spoke to me.

"Hello, Jackson."

It was Alice.

My breath-rate accelerated. They stepped into view, the light of the digital clock just barely illuminating their face. Their hauntingly pale skin contrasted nightmarishly against the spread of black engulfing the room, and their dull, lightless eyes – now as cold and lifeless as a winter gale in their soul – bore down on me, considering my vulnerable position, machinating foul things behind their gaze. Alice was smiling.

"Have a nice sleep?" they asked, in that same deceptively innocent voice I'd grown so used to.

I tried to choke out some words, a bit panicked. They came out unformed and Alice leaned a little closer. I tried again.

"A-Alice," I said, just barely audible, "you... you can't be here..."

"Why not?" Alice asked. "I was concerned about you. I'm not doing anyone any harm by coming here."

"Yes... b-but!"

Alice leaned over me and placed a finger on my lips. "Ssh. Don't exert yourself. You're still sick."

I was on the borderline of panicking now. Alice could do whatever they want. They seemed content, however, to simply watch over me, perhaps savoring my dread, not doing anything but letting me anticipate what they might do. I didn't want this.

They ran a finger down my chest and stomach with the greatest of care, slitting their eyes and letting their smile grow a little wider. "You know," they said, after a long pause, "you're doing well. A lot better than I thought you would have when I administered the poison. Maybe you just have a strong immune system?..."

So they did poison me. Something in me shattered.

"I just... didn't know what else to do with you. I'm sorry, Jackson. We've come so far, haven't we?" They leaned their head down to me and nuzzled me in a cloyingly affectionate matter, pressing their head up against mine. I was too weak to struggle. Any attempted movement of my limbs just resulted in a whale of pain swimming through my body and forcing me to remain still. I was nauseated, partially due to the remaining poison and partially due to Alice's grip.

"I'm so lucky to have been your friend..." they said, apparently ruminating on something "You're fun, Jackson. You have great humor. And I mean it when I say I can relate to you. You still must be so angry that your parents abandoned you here, aren't you?"

They reared up a bit and looked at me in the eyes, their own eyes flashing for a second with something I couldn't comprehend. I thought it was sadness, for a moment. But that too, was a great deception. Whatever Alice was thinking of, it was devious; something they were proud of.

"Mine abandoned me too, in a way," they said, slowly sighing. "I never really did bond with Mom. Dad was a bit more fun, I guess. He didn't stay that way for long, though. As I said, he restricted me. That's when I ran away. Stole Mom's money and took a charter bus to wherever."

My eyes were as wide as golf balls as Alice placed their arms on my chest and leaned on me, furthering my pain. I sputtered out another word.

"W-Why?" I asked, not sure if I was questioning their real reason for running away from home or just their presence here.

"Dunno," Alice said. "I get bored easily, I think. Nobody really knows where I went or where I stay. Neither do I, actually. I drift around as I please. This was a... good opportunity for me, I think. I'm happy I took it. I'm happy I met you." Alice turned to me and looked at me, their smile as bright as ever. The connotations it carried now chilled me to the bone.

"Are you glad you met me, Jackson? Are you happy about the time we spent together?" they asked, in a way that could have very well be sincere.

I coughed out. I couldn't answer. I shouldn't have answered, anyways.

Alice sat up a little straighter. "I know we've hit a few bumps along the way, Jackson. I'm sorry. I just can't control you anymore. I guess that's what I like about you. You stopped submitting. When you talked back to me and saw what I was doing, you just carried this... admirable strength to you, I think. I've never seen it in anyone prior."

I finally managed the urge to say something. "Is... Is that why... you poisoned me?" I asked, on the verge of tears, still in disbelief they could do such a thing.

"I don't know," Alice said, not bothering to deny their culpability. "I don't really know why I did it. It was funny, I guess. A lot of things are. You are too, Jackson. I like you. I've liked you for a while. I'll continue to like you." They paused, and stared at the ceiling. "I need the money, too. Three-hundred million... Isn't that such a great deal? I'm really lucky. We all were, actually... I just need the money to continue living on my own. That's it. I'll be good to do whatever I want for the next few years. After that... who knows what the future holds? As you said, Jackson. The world changes and we all move on – but I'm never going to let anyone tie me down again. And I'll poison as many people as I need for it to stay that way."

I quivered. "A-Alice..."

Alice pressed back down onto my chest, and I groaned in pain in response. Alice looked back at me. "Do you really have any plans for the future, Jackson? Or are you still afraid that your parents will decide that for you, no matter what you say to them?"

My eyes trembled. I couldn't say anything except vague mumbles. Alice knew my response anyways.

"Your parents limit you, Jackson... You know, confronting them can only do so much. Why don't you just break those limits like I did? Why not just... be free? Isn't that what life is all about, anyways? Enjoying yourself?" Alice seemed to think about something. "I can't really understand why people just let themselves be controlled by someone else. It's always fun to observe, though. You stopped just letting yourself listen to all the stuff I was saying to you and Jenny. Why don't you apply that to the rest of your life, Jackson? Does it scare you what a world of independence might hold?"

I tried my best to shake my head, unable to say what I wanted to say. Alice smiled wider. "Don't be, Jackson. Life on your own is wonderful. Hard, but... invigorating." They paused. "I talked to Jenny before coming here, Jackson. She's so worried about you, you know. I think she might even like you a little. What misplaced affection, huh?"

"A-Alice... You can't do this anymore..." I said, practically begging.

Alice's smile dropped. "And who says I can't? You? Mom? Dad? Red Clover? The world? Face it, Jackson. You're as much a pawn as everyone else in this experiment is. But, I digress... Jenny's in the process of escaping as we speak. Remember when she said we were all going to be famous, when she made it public knowledge that she was immune?"

I didn't reply.

Alice's smile returned, a lot more content this time. They were thinking of the future. "Yeah. I can see it now, Jackson. So sad you're not gonna be there to enjoy it, though..."

My eyes shrunk. "A-Alice... W-What?" I said, utterly confused.

Alice suddenly crawled onto me, drowning my body in another burst of pain. I let out a weak, gasping scream as Alice leaned down over me. They didn't say anything. They just looked at me, right in the eyes, and gave the most horrifying, hollow smile I'd ever seen on a person. It still looked genuine. But I could see through the deception, now. What I could see reflected in that smile was pure and simple; a monster.

The moments following this were an unclear, vague blur. I could feel Alice's hands wrap around my neck, the pain increase around my spine, and my airflow cut off. I could hear myself gagging and try to fight back against Alice. They simply stayed on top of me, quietly humming, with no regard to me or themselves or anything. Everything started to go blurry after a few seconds and a swirling sickness started to brew in my stomach. After twenty seconds, I no longer started to care. This was happening. I couldn't fight it. My body jerked and spasmed by instinct after a while as my gags slowly grew quieter. Alice didn't budge. Their grip was cold as ice, numbing, iron-strong despite their weak body. Their eyes were closed and they were engaged in an odd serenity. Bizarrely, I could feel that same serenity resonate with me. I felt a compulsion to close my eyes. To just let it go, fall asleep, and stop caring forever. I just wanted to share one last moment of friendship with Alice. As everything started to go black and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I felt a strange calmness come over me as I prepared to enter the abyss.

Everything was black for a few seconds. I could hear a muted series of sounds from the end of the room and the weight on my chest suddenly heaved off. For a second, I remained drifting in near-death unconsciousness. Then my ability to breath came back, I took one deep breath in, and I came back just shy of the gate to eternal slumber. My eyes blinked open and my mind burst in a new flurry of panic. Through the blur of my vision, I could see two tall black silhouettes take Alice in hand, the door open and the light on, flooding my vision with light and straining them further. I simply squinted, continuing to lay splayed on my bed like a corpse and gasping for air. The Red Clover guards belted out a series of indistinct curses as Alice struggled, before one of them seized Alice by the hair and brutally slammed their head against the counter. I wanted to protest that was my friend they were hurting. But in the absolute confusion of the moment, I no longer knew how to feel about Alice. No hatred. A small, lingering sense of friendship I now knew was misplaced. Primarily fear.

Alice finally stopped struggling as the Red Clover guards poised to drag them out by the arms. Ash was at the end of the door, looking at Alice in confusion.

"What the f**k is happenin' here!?" Ash roared, his voice still indistinct in my mud-filled ears.

"#59 was trying to strangle #21, sir. He's purple as a grape."

Ash entered the room, gave Alice a glance full of disbelief, and looked at me in confusion. He didn't seem to care much that I probably looked on the verge of death. He just seemed mildly annoyed.

"Apparently so," Ash said, finally. "Ech. Take #59 out and dump them in solitary. I'll deal with them later. #21 will be fuckin' fine. He's already strugglin' with some fuckin' poison, so the other doctors can see to him or somethin'. Just... don't wake me up again. I swear to s**t I've been hearing somethin' or someone scampering around the fuckin' place. I'm gonna fuckin' check that out."

One part of me was stunned Ash was so frighteningly apathetic to the circumstance. Another part of me just accepted it like I'd nearly accepted my own death. And as for someone scampering about – was that Jenny?

The guards started to drag Alice out of the room. I locked eyes with them one last time. Their nose was gushing a torrent of blood from when the guards slammed their head down onto the counter, but their look of happiness wasn't shaken. They looked almost triumphant. They stared at me with half-open eyes and a proud smile.

"I'm glad we were friends, Jackson," I heard them say as the guards slugged them out of the room. "I'm glad I got to ruin you."

The doors closed and the lights flickered out. That was the last I ever saw of Alice.

I stayed in a stupor for a while longer. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. Eventually, the pain sent me back to sleep.

The only thing I dreamed about was Alice. That same, malignant smile remained imprinted on their face for as long as time would allow it, and it would continue to deceive and manipulate others just like me forever more.

What an i***t I was.