Before Heaven

Chapter 12

XI

"#21. Mr. Winters. It's time to get up, #21. Can't stay in bed all day, now. You can sleep for as long as you want in the simulation."

I blinked my eyes open.

My world was still vaguely blurry. Harlow's pudgy, weasel-eyed face leaned over me and gave a mirthless smile as I shuddered into consciousness. "That's better," he said, tapping my digital clock and looking back. "Your alarm was going off and you hadn't turned it off, Mr. Winters. In fact, you'd slept right through it. Either you're a heavy sleeper or you've got good cause to agitate the other applicants."

I reared up. The feeling of that presence – that ungodly feeling, once omnipresent through the Nest, that feeling which had climaxed last night and boiled over in my mind – was gone. I could barely remember the dream I had, but I remembered enough. Alice's wicked smile, Jenny's broken face, all those haunting images; what was most memorable about the dream had already tattooed itself in my mind for the time being.

Harlow snapped his fingers in front of my face suddenly and I was jolted back to reality, jumping a bit and turning my gaze to his face. Harlow let out a painful-sounding laugh and gave me a little tsk tsk. "Clear up your head, #21," Harlow said. "Go get something to eat. Meet a friend. You associate with #59, correct?"

I gave Harlow a stink-eye as I finally got up with a bit of effort. "Who I associate with is none of your concern."

I walked out of the room and put one of my hands in my pocket, using the other to grip the sore side of my head. Harlow smiled at me again, his taunting grin following me out of the room.

"As it is, #21," Harlow said with a throaty chuckle. "As it is. There's an announcement in about half-an-hour. Stay tuned, and have a nice day."

It was 9:27 AM. There were only three days of the simulation left. It had been a damn while and every applicant had some feeling rising up in their chest as the day approached. What this feeling was varied from person to person. For some, it was nervousness, anxiety, possibly full-on dread, a regret that they'd ever applied in the first place. Others couldn't be more eager to get to the highlight of the program. I was mainly impatient, myself; I felt like I'd been here an eternity, and yet I still had two months left. Bloody joy. The supervisors at least seemed excited to start, at least; Ash had gotten drunk again a few nights ago in anticipation of it all. Chayne had kept him in Red Clover's lounge. Things still hadn't patched up between me and Alice. After I'd told them to piss off, they'd graciously accepted it and they hadn't talked to me since. They'd stopped frequenting the cafeteria to talk with me. They'd stopped accidentally bumping into me in the hallway. They hadn't so much as made eye contact with me – as I'd still seen them here and around as we did our own business – as we bustled about the Nest. For all intents in purpose, I was invisible to them. One part of me wished the case was the same with me, but the thing with friends was that they were incredibly hard to let go. I'd only known Alice for seven weeks and I'd already bonded more with them and Jenny moreso any other person in recent memory. I wasn't typically one to make friends at school, either; I'd only attended public school for a few years before I'd been relocated to a private one. Nobody there seemed to like me and the only people I can really recall associating with back at the public elementary were vague. I'd automatically come to accept almost all affection as shallow and manipulative, anyways; maybe it was from Mom and Dad's harsh words or the fact no other adult really seemed to give a s**t about what I had to say, but I always had a feeling no kind words or compliments directed at me were every truly sincere. Jenny and Alice had changed that, and though I was slightly bitter to admit it, I was missing the company of the latter. Maybe Alice was missing me as well.

I trudged down the cafeteria, feeling utterly drained – moreso than usual in the morning. As I went along, it was confirmed to me the overwhelming presence had almost vanished. There was still some subtle, minute detail I actively had to strain to focus on, but it was mostly gone. That horrific dream I'd had was on my mind, every step of the way. The longer I was awake, the less I remembered, and eventually, I couldn't remember most of it – just disorganized bits and bobs, vague images on which I had nothing much to base on – but I could remember just how nauseatingly horrific it had made me feel. A distilled version of that feeling bubbled up and simmered in my chest as I recalled the dream. I really wasn't in the mood to eat; I figured I'd just get some cheap plastic bottle of chocolate milk and gradually sip at that for the rest of the day. I felt physically ill, almost, like an organ of mine had been punctured and chunky red blood had coagulated into some crusty ball around my heart. I hoped I wasn't actually sick. It'd take a lot to actually get diseased from a dream. Maybe it had just been that powerful? I found myself yawning for a good few seconds – elevating the already-godawful feeling I had in my stomach a bit – before I sputtered a bit, the foul taste of gastric acid burning at the back of my throat, and walked the rest of the way to the cafeteria like I'd just been savagely beaten. I rounded the door into the cafeteria, eyes drooping and bags collected under them, with the fullest intent to just grab whatever and leave. I probably wouldn't even touch the chocolate milk until three hours after.

The second I turned into the cafe, I saw Alice.

They were right there, at the table we'd taken to sitting at usually. The cafe was filled with the usual people; Arno and Ken were sitting at the table again, the eyes of the former flicking over to me in curiosity as I stopped in the doorway of the cafe, and Daria had joined them once again. Daria wasn't talking. She seemed rather dour, actually; I couldn't see much of her face, but her hair was much more tangled, the curls in her hair rough and messy, and her head was tilted down. She didn't give off the lush, pretentious radiance I'd come to associate with her. She just sort of looked depressed. Alice, on the other hand, was sitting at our table with a pancake in front of them, a little square of warm butter in the center of it and cutlery laid at each end of the tray the pancake had been served with. They hadn't touched it. It looked fresh, but Alice wasn't eating. They were waiting. The moment they looked up, I felt a chill go down my spine in response. I gulped down the little cube that had formed in my throat from the sudden burst of anxiety as I trod as slowly as I could towards them. I felt compelled to do so, but at the same time, I felt incredibly nervous. Were they angry? Did they want to patch up? Did they just want to talk? I suppose one part of me had actually been waiting for this moment, but now that it was here, I didn't know what to do, what to say, or what to expect. Alice seemed as chipper as they usually did, the smallest of smiles on their round albino face, their eyes like warm ice and their papery-white hair cut boyishly short and ending at the middle of their ears. They weren't wearing their gray, hooded sweater, as they were usually keen to do; they were wearing the same white-and-black striped t-shirt I'd seen on them in the dream.

I briefly remembered what I'd seen and the anxiety burst tenfold.

Thank God, Alice got the first gesture of communication, gently signaling me to sit down, as I just sort of walked over with no real desire to do so and plopped myself down. There we were again; me on one side of the table, Alice on the other, our eyes locking together for the first time since I'd chewed them out for manipulating Jenny. I briefly thought about that again as I gazed at them – Jenny, after all, hadn't changed her mind and I wasn't going to try to change it for her – but that memory seemed irrelevant in lieu of the current circumstance. There was a three second silence vacant of any words spoken, in which I frantically tried to piece together any first thing to say, before Alice mercifully stole first word from me and spoke.

"Hi," they said. "It's been a bit. You alright?"

I took a deep breath. Conversation came naturally; I silently told myself to stop thinking about what to say and just say it. "Fine, I guess," I finally managed. "Just... waiting for this all to get over with."

"I think we all are, actually," Alice replied, taking their fork and knife and finally getting to work at spreading the butter over the pancake. "Don't know how I'm feeling. Kind of excited, I guess. They've made such a big deal about this."

I nodded, suddenly craving something to eat as the gut-wrenching feeling within me subsided a bit. It seemed to be the effect of Alice cutting their pancake; with each stroke the butter knife made into the pancake's soft, fluffy form – well-made for a low-budget cafeteria built for the purpose of this one program – light flashed off the knife's silver surface and the pancake parted before it as easily as one might gently rip a piece of paper. The pancake glistered with the swiftly-melting coating of butter Alice had evenly spread over it, the stench of the butter arising in my nostril and dancing within it, tantalizing me, tempting me, almost talking to me, telling me to snatch the pancake from under Alice's breath and dart away from the cafeteria, savoring each and every bite of the puffy, golden-brown pancake within my hungry jaw. The thought of it made me salivate and stop for a bit as the knife suddenly stopped and I realized Alice was resisting laughter as I gazed slack-jawed at their pancake.

I was hungry as s**t, I realized.

The swirling void in my stomach quickly filling up with hunger – almost as empty a feeling – I gave Alice a troubled glance as they stifled a childish giggle. "Uh... Th-This is sudden, Alice. Like... why are-"

"I wanted to apologize," Alice said, cutting me off. Their responses were always so fluid and immediate I thought they could read my mind and formulate a response well-ahead of time. "I was acting like a selfish jerk. I'm still standing by my stance Jenny can do as she wants – and it seems she's still intent on escaping – but I don't think that means our friendship should suffer because of it."

I sighed, conflicted. My stomach was grumbling like the engine of a car and I wasn't in the right mood to think as straightly as I could. "I mean... Yeah, I'd like that, Alice. If you're sorry."

Alice nodded, resuming cutting their pancake – an action I desperately tried to ignore. "I am, Jackson. I can see it in your eyes, anyways. You've missed my company."

There they went again. Looking at my face and describing every single thing I wanted or felt at the current moment like they were so keen to do. I was just about to tell them off on that; it wasn't that I disagreed with what they said, of course – they were almost always impeccably accurate – but it was that same jackass behavior which had catapulted Jenny into the potentially self-destructive course she was on now. There was just something so smug about it, something I couldn't place my finger on that just made me hate it now. Before I could tell them to stop that, though, Alice surprised me again.

"But, enough with that," they said. "I've missed you too, Jackson. You've been on my mind and I don't think it's really good for us to suddenly stop being friends over something like that. You're the best friend I've had in a while."

I looked down, considering Alice's words. "The feeling's mutual, Alice. You and Jenny, actually. And if you really do mean you are sorry about all that stuff..."

Alice's smile perked up. "I truly am, Jackson. That was stupid and inconsiderate of me to do. I won't do any more of that stuff to Jenny, anymore – I promise."

Silence for another few seconds. Alice ate the first slice of their pancake as they awaited my response. Finally, I forced myself to smile and looked back up to meet Alice eye-to-eye again.

"Let's put all that behind us, then," I said. "Sorry for snapping out at you like that, back there. I mean, I talked to Jenny afterwards, and she really does seem comfortable with all this..."

"I know she does," Alice said. "She's a free spirit. Like me. Like you."

I considered her words. Free spirit. How much control did the individual – me, Alice, Jenny, whoever – have over themself?

"I... can't agree there, Alice," I said, finally. "Not in terms of me being a free spirit, at least. I mean, you're not entirely wrong. The urge to just... do what I want is still there. But you and Jenny have the ambition to do whatever you guys want. Things I'd never be courageous enough to do. The urge is there, but I'll never be able to act upon it."

Alice frowned, putting down their cutlery for a second. "What about all of our talks, Jackson? You can't just let your parents control you forever."

I sighed. "...They won't, Alice. We're all kids right now, Alice. Teenagers. Of course we're going to want to rebel. Of course we'll want to go against the flow. And yeah, our situations are unfair, and I think we have a right to act out and do what we want, but... in the grand scheme of things, there's no point to it. Eventually, things will go our way, and then, they'll stop going our way. Sometimes it'll work out for us all, and sometimes, no matter what we do, it won't. Being able to assure your own self-identity as an individual is great, Alice, but... one day, we'll lapse out of this phase of our lives. One day, we'll grow up, we'll become adults, and then we'll be able to do what we want. Let me ask you something, Alice... What do you want to pursue as a career?"

Alice seemed to stop there, for a moment. The question genuinely seemed to baffle them for a second. "I... haven't considered it that much," they said, finally. "I think a technician or something. That seems like a good path."

I leaned forwards a bit. "And how are you going to become a technician, Alice? You've abandoned your primary education, you've run away from home, and you've spent two years on the streets."

Alice didn't respond. I subconsciously realized I'd literally just put them in the place they'd put me and Jenny a hundred times. I decided I liked it and started to narrate Alice's feelings to me as they'd done so to myself to offer a bit of clarity to their life.

"You're not going to want to go to something like a foster home, or an orphanage," I said. "You've severed ties with everyone, and that's the way you like it. You control your own life. Am I correct?"

Silence. Alice seemed to be in genuine consideration.

"Let me tell you something, though, Alice..." I said. "Life doesn't work that way. Life doesn't bend to your whim, purely because you want to be your own person. Someday, you're going to end up in a situation we're you're out of options. We all get three-hundred million after this; so what? Where are you going to put it? A bank account? A credit card? Stash it in some little treasure chest in the middle of Central Park? There's always going to be some things you can't control, Alice. Of course we're all going to want to rebel; that's human nature. And I'm not saying that's all going to stop once we stop being teenagers... I think even adults are going to know that sort of feeling, too. A bad boss, a crappy job, a desperate financial situation... Obviously, it's all stuff you want to change on a whim to your advantage. Sometimes, though... it just can't, Alice."

I took a deep breath in. I was realizing a hundred things about myself at the moment; I was a realist. I didn't pursue flights of idealistic fantasy like Alice or Mint. Nor did I simply grovel in my current situation like some stick-in-the-mud cynic. I'd won the little crisis I'd have in terms of whether or not to escape with a measure of practicality; what I could and couldn't realistically do. All of that was coming out of my mouth at the moment.

"I'm still envious of what you're able to motivate yourself into doing, Alice," I said. "You and Jenny. But I don't think this is the right course to take. Not in the long run, anyways. And I'm not saying we're all helpless slaves; of course we'll be able to control some things as we grow older. Of course I'm not going to just placidly sit by while my parents continue to neglect me. I'm not going to let them take away the money the Association's giving us all for participating in this experiment. But of course there's going to be some things I can't control, Alice... I can't make the media stop shitting all over me just because I feel like it. I'm not going to be able to make my parents stop neglecting me just because I want to. But someday, I'll grow up, and things will change, Alice. We're all our own person. But the world doesn't just bend to us because we want to; it changes, constantly, and it's our duty to adapt."

Alice had stopped eating their pancake. It was half-eaten by now, the butter completely soaked into it. From the look on their face – thoughtful, deep, even a little bewildered – I don't ever think Alice had heard this sort of stuff said to them. They'd just abandoned their parents to live on the streets as their own person, but with no regard to how they'd plan their future or what it all would look like. All fantasy. The words had just come out of my mouth, and as I reconsidered what I just said, I was a little surprised I'd ranted so much myself. Finally, Alice reacted.

"...I'll keep that in mind," they said. Their voice did sound honest, but I think there was a sour note in it. A light implication it might not have been as sincere as it sounded, for once, like a tiny crack in a mask. They weren't just going to brush off what I said, were they?

I nodded, as Alice continued eating. "Regardless, I'm... glad we can be friends again, Alice. Thank you for coming back to apologize. Hopefully we can see each other even after the program is done... I don't know if my parents would allow that, though. I will confront them, though."

"I'm happy to hear that," Alice said. They suddenly reached down to the side of their seat. I peered over in curiosity and realized Alice had a small shoulder bag, made of leather as pale as their skin, slouched against the wall. I hadn't noticed it until now, and as Alice unzipped and rooted through it, they pulled out two orange cans of what I quickly recognized was soda. They placed them on the table and slid one other to me. They were both warm.

"Orange Crush," they said, beaming. "My favorite drink. Just found them in one of the vending machines upstairs and I'm elated. Thought you might appreciate this."

I eyed the can of Orange Crush and took it in hand, sliding it over to me. I'd never really been one for orange-flavored things, but like a lot of people my age, I still had a soft spot for carbonated drinks. I looked up at Alice and gave an appreciative smile.

"Thanks," I said, not cracking it open just yet. "Cheers?"

"Cheers," Alice replied, holding up their unopened can. I raised mine and tapped it against their can with a little metallic clink. My stomach gave another harsh rumble and I decided enough was enough. I stood up and rested my can of soda to the side as I gave a hungry glance to the counter.

"Excuse me for a second," I said. "I'm starving. Can't have a drink without a good-ass meal to complete it."

Alice giggled and nodded with another playfully devious look on their face. "Indulge yourself, then. I won't stop you, greedy-guts."

Greedy-guts I was that day. I ordered a pancake, like Alice, and ended up downing the thing with a thick drench of syrup in a matter of half-a-minute. Alice watched my ravenous little outburst and I finished the pancake with a little belch. They were done their own by the time I came to the table, and they observed me with amusement as I rapaciously devoured my own. By the time I was done, the overwhelming curb of hunger had been slain, but I wasn't quite full, and the sticky, sugary taste of the syrup in my mouth now left me craving that soda Alice had graciously given me. I went to crack open the lid and found it had already been opened a tad. I gave a sly look at Alice.

"You open this?" I said, my hand hovering over the can.

Alice smiled and cracked open their own in response. The sound of a can of soda opening was always so satisfying; that loud crack and then that sound of the soda fizzing up as it was exposed to the outside world. I was happy I at least got to hear it from Alice's.

"That I did," Alice replied, taking the first sip of their can. "Consider it another motion of our friendship."

I shrugged. "Well, to friendship it is, then."

I took the can and quaffed it. The soda bubbled in my throat and the sticky feel of the orange was quickly replaced by a tangy dance of a vague orange in my throat. It was alright – again, I was never one for the orange stuff – but it was exactly what I needed to wash down my quick meal there. The soda was gone in a matter of fifteen seconds and I once again allowed myself to loudly belch, prompting another laugh from Alice and a weird glance from Daria behind me.

"Excuse me," I said, wiping the soda off my lip and chuckling. "I think that'll do me. Any plans for today?"

"Yeah," Alice said. "We'll all be spending this day outside before we spend another two months in Paradise."

I blinked. That was news. That must have been what Harlow meant by announcement – and giving a brief glance to the clock, that was eight minutes away. "So we're finally going to be let out of this trash heap for a day to get some fresh air, finally? It's about bloody time."

"Don't think it's healthy for us to be inside this long," Alice said. They awkwardly chuckled. "Not that I'm complaining much. I can't stand the light much, myself... photophobia, you know. Red Clover was kind enough to have the contacts they gave to me be specialized to avoid that issue."

I scoffed. "Summer days must be hell for you."

"Kinda are," Alice said. "I got used to a nocturnal life. Not going to lie... adjusting my sleep schedule so I'm awake during the day has been exhausting for me."

"I can imagine," I said, recalling the first time I'd met Alice. "You looked a little tired the first time I saw you. Baggy eyes and what not."

"I'm still tired right now," Alice said, snickering. "I've been tired since I got here. I can't wait to start my nocturnal life again. Hopefully Red Clover will at least let me keep the contacts. I'm not struggling with those stupid specs for any longer."

I laughed aloud, drawing another glance from Daria. "Well, go with what you got, I suppose."

Me and Alice's conversation ambled on for another few minutes until the clock stuck ten and Chayne's voice spoke through the intercom. The announcement that everyone would be spending the day outside was put up on the schedule weeks ahead of time, but I'd been mostly ignorant of that and just let things come as they did. The announcements made served to educate people like me of things before they happened. I suppose that was sort of a relief. After Chayne prattled on for a bit and gave us all instructions, I found myself walking to the first floor – among a sea of the other applicants, who were headed the same way (although, thank God, there was more than one stairway up to the upper floors). Eventually, out the doors we went.

The aurulent sun, already hanging luminously over the horizon in the space of the gentle blue sky, stung my eyes at first. I quickly sheltered them with my hand as the applicants gathered into a large group a bit outside the Nest. The supervisors and a section of security was out – I pitied the employees who'd been left to keep after Paradise while the rest of us basked outside – and Chayne was ranting to us all, likely talking about what was expected and what we were and weren't allowed to do. I tuned out fast and looked around. The Nest, from the outside, was a large building, weathered and sun-beaten, with a faded gray coloration about it and only one rectangular window at the main entrance. The double-doors from which we'd all come through were far from the only entrance into the Nest; all across the main islands were little structures poking out of the sand that allowed access to other areas of the Nest and Paradise itself. There was a sand-covered sign pasted above the double-doors from which we'd all come through:

P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E.

I snickered to myself quietly. I fantasized stupid little scenarios in my mind about some drifter on the ocean, some lone survivor of a shipwreck, perhaps, washing up on the beach after days of bobbing on the endless ocean. Their skin was swollen and soggy from the exposure to water, toenails having long paled if not fallen off, and their entire body on the verge of hypothermia. Then, they crawled with a bit of effort onto shore and looked at the first thing they saw: "Paradise." They'd reached Nirvana. They'd been blessed.

And yet, the first thing they would have seen upon entering the building was some shitty office building. Maybe Paradise for some sycophantic office worker who spent all his days in a cubicle, but to everyone else, not quite Paradise.

The island the Nest was located one was among the Solomon islands, a few-dozen miles from any of the six large islands, out on the Pacific Ocean. The Nest had been an old WWII bunker a long time back; after the Phantom epidemic, the Association bought out the island and the bunker and Red Clover was quick to both remodel the interior of the building to suit their needs and convert the underground into the sprawling fifty-floor Paradise complex the simulation would be hosted in over a period of two years and millions of dollars. We were thousands of miles away from America, and the atmosphere was refreshing. I could see the island end a good distance away at the border of a beach, the glimmering Pacific Ocean twinkling brightly in the vivid gaze of the all-encompassing sun rising above it. The gentle breeze blowing across the island was sweet and saline, something that made me stick out my tongue to really taste the feel of nature again after being cooped up in a grimy underground facility for almost eight weeks. I did appreciate one thing about being flown out here; it was beautiful. I'd seen the island and the ocean below from the view of the plane as me and my parents had flown in (there was a large landing area and an aircraft dock on the south side of the island, as well as two harbors around the island where the boats were kept) and I'd been genuinely amazed. I hadn't gotten much time to savor it after I'd been walked into the Nest, but now was an excellent opportunity. The sandy grass under my feet, the salty breeze against my skin, and the glare of the sun against me for the first time in almost eight weeks was a sensation too perfect for words.

Eventually, the applicants dispersed. I figure I'd probably just lounge by the beach all day. Maybe go a little deeper into the forested areas around the island and pretend I was Indiana Jones or some s**t like that. Maybe dig out my swimming trunks and go for a swim out in the beach. A few applicants were already heading off to do that already, walking in conversation and clamor among themselves towards the beach directly ahead. The beach curved both ways in either direction and I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom overcome me. Before I could decide on what to do – and I figured I probably just would have aimlessly hiked for a few hours while deciding that – I suddenly felt a hand tug on mine and yank me back towards the sea of trees behind the Nest. I yelped out a bit and looked behind me.

It was Jenny. She seemed nervous and pale, her hand tightly tugging mine and clammy to the touch. I stopped resisting and let Jenny pull me to wherever she wanted to go, and she quickly stopped once we were behind the Nest, within the shade of the forest. Jenny hunched down, let go, and took a few really deep breaths in and out before looking at me. I brushed a hand through my hair awkwardly.

"You alright, there?" I asked, concerned.

Jenny nodded, a bit of sweat coming down his forehead. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just need to be around someone I trust. God, I f*****g hate mass gatherings like that..."

She seemed to be calming down quickly, at least. I'd seen her come close to legitimate panic attacks during the assemblies, when the supervisors forced her to come closer to the other applicants – people she'd repeatedly told me she hated and couldn't stand being around. It was understandable. A lot of them were jerks and more were just plain weird, and Jenny seemed to just freeze up and lose her s**t whenever she wasn't around me or Alice. The incident with Maxine at the pool was one of several; she'd related to me an embarrassing incident where she'd bumped into Billy in the third week. Billy's disproportionately vicious response had simply caused her to run back to her room in tears.

I nodded. "Well, I'm here. Looks like we're spending the day among the fragrance of nature, huh?"

"Good s**t," Jenny said, a bit hastily and looking around. I leaned a bit closer, but someone suddenly shot up out of the nearby brush. Without seeing who it was, I jumped and fell back with a scream, landing flat on my back. Jenny's laugh sounded in my ears and it was coupled with another playful laugh that eased my nerves a bit. It was Alice.

"Hi!" Alice exclaimed, their head now poking out of the bush and the rest of their body obscured from my point-of-view. "You're jumpy, Jackson. That's not healthy."

I leaned up a bit as Jenny continued to snort in hysterical laughter. She seemed to be at ease now and I gave Alice's grinning face a narrow-eyed stare.

"Maybe I wouldn't be if you weren't acting like a goddamned jack-in-the-box," I said, sardonically. "I didn't even see you."

Jenny laughed harder. As I stared at her in confusion, Alice gave a bright grin. "I was following you the entire time. Were you using that thing you have called peripheral vision or were you too busy staring at the girls changing into their swimsuits out over at the beach?"

I gave Alice a playful punch as Jenny fell over in a laughing fit, a wide grin on my face. "Knock it off, stupid! I'm not a pervert!"

"Sure you aren't," Alice said with a glint of mischievousness in their voice. "Just try and deny being a fourteen-year-old hit by puberty. We all know you make goo-goo eyes at whoever strikes your fancy."

I loudly scoffed. "And who's to say you're not doing the same, then? We're the same age."

Alice laughed. "Oh, I'm not really interested in that sort of thing."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then I'll have to take your word for it."

"Guess you will," Alice said, cheerfully.

I noticed, with displeasure, I was getting hungry again. Maybe the pancake really hadn't filled me as much as I'd wanted to, because that grumbling starvation in my stomach was starting to rear its ugly head up. I wondered if there was any delicious tropical fruit growing on the island. More than likely. Was it safe to eat, I wondered?

Jenny finally caught her breath and looked at us both with a stupid grin on her face, wiping a sparkling tear from her eye. "God, you guys."

I scrunched up my face and pointed at Alice. "They started it. Don't blame me if you die of a goddamned laughing fit."

"Not after you die of a f*****g heart attack, you jumpy little s**t," Jenny said. "They were right behind us, shithead."

"Well, I didn't see them," I said, almost pouting a bit, a giant smile on my face regardless.

"Then you've got worse vision than I do," Alice said, clasping their hands together. "Or you're just an oblivious clod."

"Again, not my fault you went all Solid Snake on my ass," I said dryly, leaning back onto the grassy ground under me. "So? We're all together. Bunch of edgy teenage rebels. What are we going to do on this pleasant-ass morning? Jenny, are you-"

Jenny shook her head. "Not yet. Red Clover's got guards at the docking area and there's no way I'd be able to sneak out during broad daylight. But today serves a f*****g purpose, dudes..."

Jenny suddenly plucked up something from the pocket of her shorts – which she, as was typical of her, she was wearing with a white tank-top – and jingled it in front of us. It was too sparkly to make out at first, but as Jenny stopped waving it around and the light danced off of it, I saw it was a black boat key with the initials "C.M." on it. It had the general look of a key meant for a machine, and as I recalled what Jenny had once told me, I immediately picked up what it was.

"A boat key?" I said, a bit daunted. "Where the hell did you find that?"

Jenny held the boat key between her fingers with a gloating expression on her face. Clearly, she was proud of herself. "Swiped this right under Ms. Morse's nose," she explained. "It was right in her f*****g desk. Took it late yesterday. I'm gonna be sneaking out the morning of tomorrow... around three or four in the morning, when all the supervisors should be asleep and all the security could probably give less of a damn."

My stomach gave another growl as I looked at the key. "Damn. Fleet fingers."

"Ms. Morse was too f*****g easy," Jenny said. "I 'talked' to her about my anxiety. Just got her to blab for a good bit about what I should do to ease it – s**t I've heard a million times – and took it when she was distracted. By the time she notices it's gone, I should be long gone."

I leaned back. "And where are you gonna be going from there?"

"Honiara," she said, without an ounce of hesitation. "It's around forty miles east of the harbor. I should be able to get there by sunrise and I'm trusting there's going to be someone there who understands English. From there? I'm going to announce I'm immune to the f*****g world."

I nodded. Surprisingly enough, that didn't exactly sound like a bad plan. I was expecting her to try and sail thousands of miles to America. The Solomon islands were much more convenient to her situation.

"I'm gonna f*****g confront the Association – and Mom and Dad – about all this bullshit," Jenny said. "Then I'm gonna try and f*****g arrange something with the Association. Let them study my f*****g blood or some s**t. Let them get a cure without spending millions of dollars and resources on this shitty amoral project and let me have my own say in what I want. Everyone wins that way."

"You sure they'll be able to find a cure from your blood?" I said, a tad skeptical.

Jenny shrugged. "I hope. You know, modern medicine's really f*****g advanced these past twenty years. We've got cures to s**t we never could have thought f*****g possible. With my f*****g blood, whatever the f**k it is, I'm sure they can get something."

"And after that..." I begun, "...they'd start measures to eradicate the Phantom."

Jenny grinned jubilantly. "Right you f*****g are, Jackson."

I grinned. All this time, I'd partially just thought Jenny was motivated to break out of the Nest just to get back at her father and Red Clover for using her in the program. I didn't know they'd had a solid plan mapped out for what she'd do after. I didn't even know she was so dedicated to doing all this after. But there was a truly selfless motive in play here. Jenny didn't just want freedom for herself. She wanted freedom for the entire world. She wanted to stop the Phantom from claiming anyone else – like her father before her.

I could only believe she was doing this for Charles, as well.

I lunged forward and took Jenny in a sudden embrace. She paused for a second and I think Alice giggled a bit behind us. I gave Jenny a solid pat on the back, pulled back a bit, and looked her in the face. She looked quite surprised.

"Goddamn, man," I said. "You're an amazing human being. You're... If this goes well, you're going to save the world, Jenny."

Jenny's smile returned, bigger than ever. "f**k, man. It's... It's f*****g amazing, isn't it? God, thank you, Jackson. You too, Alice. Both of you. You've given me enough f*****g motivation to pursue all this. I honestly don't f*****g know what I'd do without you."

"Don't mention it," Alice said, humbly. "That's what I'm here for, Jenny. To help you do what you want."

"Same for me," I said. "I'm happy I got to be a part of this, Jenny."

Jenny took the hands of me and Alice and gave them each an energetic shake. It carried an appreciation and a gratitude I couldn't properly explain. Jenny really was a sincerely nice person; behind the understandable bitterness, Jenny was probably the most selfless person I'd ever met with this now in mind.

"I'll come back for you two," Jenny said. "I'll make sure everyone f*****g knows you two helped me down this path. We're gonna have our names carved in solid gold, you guys. This wouldn't be f*****g possible without you."

As Jenny continued to talk – about how great this situation were, about everything she wanted to do after she publicly announced she was immune – I felt my stomach growl again. I tuned out a bit and focused on the sensation. I thought it was hunger, at first.

No. The emptiness had returned.

The emptiness suddenly twisted and snarled into some swiftly-growing pain in my abdomen, suddenly. I let out a sudden cry of pain as the pain shot up and I knelt down, clutching my stomach. It felt like someone had just stabbed me. What the hell was happening to me?

As I toppled over, Alice's attention was drawn to me in curiosity and Jenny stopped talking, a frown replacing her smile in concern. "You alright, Jackson?"

I winced, tearing up slightly, as I tried to choke out a reply. "I-I'm... f-f-f... ow, G-God, ow-"

The pain suddenly increased tenfold and something suddenly jettisoned from my system. The next thing I knew, I was vomiting on the grass, an acerbic, nauseous taste of puke in my throat and my tongue aflame with a fiery pain as I hurled. My stomach clenched up and my ribs started to hurt as I stopped vomiting after a few seconds and gasped out, my throat burning and a trickle of vomit oozing down my lip. The grass below me was sprayed with the glistering, wet puke, turning the verdant blades of grass underneath a sick brownish-yellow. The vomit, alarmingly, was laced with blood. No food. Just traces of crimson.

Jenny screamed out and put her hands to her face. "Oh, God! H-Holy f**k, Jackson!"

I couldn't talk anymore. I felt like an anchor had been plunged into my stomach. A bilious sensation arose in my stomach and intermixed with the ungodly feeling of pain, twisting and blossoming into some hellish combination of the two feelings that forced me down to my hands and knees. I sputtered out in pain and started to violently cough in between my frantic, spasmodic gasps for air. It was like I was drowning and being strangled at the same time, each cough sending a new wave of throbbing pain through me. I wanted to vomit again and felt the nausea pressure me to start hurling again, but nothing was coming out. I was left on all fours, coughing up blood and bits of vomit as I eventually toppled onto my side in pure agony. Jenny was having a panic attack above me and frantically waving her arms and covering me. I barely noticed her or Alice – whom I couldn't see or hear – in the pool of my pain. The only thing I could focus on through the increasing blur of my vision was the glimmering pool of vomit now a few inches from my face.

"Oh, f**k, f**k, f**k, f**k," Jenny repeated faintly over me. "A-Alice, get help! Now! f*****g go!" As I heard someone – Alice, presumably – scamper away without a word, Jenny leaned over me. Her face was blurry and she was seized by fear. "Stay with me, Jackson. What the f**k is wrong? Can you talk? G-God, talk to me, Jackson!"

My consciousness started to wobble. The pain took hold of me and started to drag me down into the black sea.

"Stay with me, Jackson!"

Deeper. Still. The pain was starting to mute, but the feeling of sheer unpleasantness remained.

"Jackson!"

My eyelids fluttered closed and I coughed again.

Faint words. Indistinct. Couldn't hear them. Darkness. I was dying. Dying. Didn't know why. Didn't care anymore. Death induced apathy. Seeping into abyss.