Come and gone (#3 of the Grey pack)

been a long time

Sami’s P.O.V.

I cleaned up the kitchen as everyone left to continue on with their night and lives. I hummed in contentment, as I placed everything in the dishwasher and wiped the counters with a wet sponge. I felt content about being able to connect with not just one, but two women tonight whom I had never met before. I felt content about knowing that just maybe, I might be able to finally fit in somewhere. To finally get some real friends, other than the ones that I shared blood with. And I couldn’t wait to tell Adam all about it, who left a couple of minutes ago to hang out with some of his new friends after I had almost kicked him out myself when he had claimed that he had wanted to stay behind and help me clean up. I was happy to see how well he was adjusting to his new life here already. And apart from wanting to be a good big brother to me, I was still very able to clean without needing anyone’s help. Especially when I was feeling so happy over this past night. Hell, I might even reward myself with a glass of wine when I would get back home, later tonight. Or a nice, hot bath. Maybe even both.

hah...

definitely both!

I was leaning down, as I was placing away a bowl that I had been using to make the batter for the cupcakes, when I heard the door to the kitchen opening and closing. And I could not point out why, but something about the air in the room changed. It made me stop dead in my tracks, and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight, once I had figured out that apart from hearing the door opening and closing, I had not heard anything other than that. Nobody talked, nobody moved. Which was odd, since wolves were mostly loud and wild creatures. And when I leaned back up to look at what the hell was happening in the kitchen that was so silent now, while it had been so loud only a couple of minutes ago, the words that I had wanted to say, as well as the beating of my heart, stopped abruptly, when I was able to finally see who had walked into the kitchen.

I felt as if every part of me wanted to step back, or better yet, run for the hills and never look back. But my feet didn’t run or step back, they didn’t even find the function to move one single inch, as a pair of beautiful hazel eyes connected with mine, and a cocky, yet nervously looking boyish grin curled up to the corner of his lips when those beautiful hazel eyes spotted me in return and seemed to recognize me. Those lips… the ones that had once kissed me so tenderly, the ones that had made promises to me, the promises that had turned out to be empty lies that had caused me nothing but pain in the end. The ones who had told me that we were forever, and yet had stepped away from me without any other explanation on his part. It felt as if the air was being sucked out of the room, I was struggling to find my breath again. And all around me, it seemed as if the world was still turning, except for this space, this room inside the pack house of the Grey pack, where it felt as if time had stood still, and all we did was just look at each other. Because it was him…

'Jaw dropping Jason'…

Jase... as I used to call him

a very, very long time ago…

An older and more mature version of the boy who had once kicked me to the curb all those years ago, was standing right there. The one who didn’t even make the effort to come and say goodbye to me, when Adam and I had been forced to move our of the pack, out of our home. The one who had held my heart and broken it beyond repair, just stood there and stared at me as if he was seeing a ghost. Seconds passed, as my body remembered the way I had felt after I had moved out of this pack and away from him. That time in my life, when I had still felt hope. That just maybe he would come back for me. To tell me that a mistake had been made and that he actually had really loved me all this time. And I also remembered that time in my life, when that hope had vanished completely, and I had understood that he was not coming back for me, not ever. That he never did care for me, not really anyway. And I also remembered the despair I had felt, I remembered the tears that I had cried over him, how alone I had felt without him. How utterly devastated I had been, to understand that he wasn’t mine anymore. But all hell could freeze over, before I would let him understand any of that. He would never know how he broke me. I wouldn't let him.

“Sami.”

That voice…

It was raw and hoarse and sexy as f**k to the ear. How was it even possible that after all this time, hearing that voice still made goosebumps appear all over my body? How could it be that hearing him say my name, made me feel so weak in the knees? And because of him speaking out to me, I was forced to say that one name that I had vowed myself to never speak out loud, ever again.

“Jason.” I nodded, being pleased that at least my own voice had sounded calm and stern. I just hoped to God that his damn wolf wouldn’t be able to pick up on my racing heartbeat, or that I was standing far enough away from him, so he wouldn’t be able to read all of the emotions that were soaring through my mind at an immense speed right now. There had been a time in my life when I hadn't been able to lie to this man. I just hoped that right now, after all those years, I could.

“It’s been a long time.” He spoke, as now the smile from his lips had vanished. His eyes were still pasted on me and I could see the way his hand formed into a fist as if he was somehow trying to control his rising temper.

“A lifetime ago, really.” I answered him as I looked back down to close the cabinet door. I needed to break eye contact with this man and right now, I was more than happy that the kitchen island was standing in between us. I needed some sort of barrier between us. I needed space from him. Anything to be able to make sure that he wouldn’t be able to see that I was grabbing myself against the kitchen counter, because his hazel eyes made me feel weak in the f*****g knees, and I needed something to hold on to. In order to not focus on my own feelings, I forced myself to speak again, and I forced myself not to talk about the big fat elephant that was standing in the room smack between the two of us.

“Congratulations on making Gamma.” I told him, seeing how his eyes flickered, and I wondered if his wolf was listening in on the conversation as well. Last time I had seen him, he didn't have his wolf yet. And I wondered what he would be like. What his name would be.

“Thank you.” He told me in a soft voice, almost making it sound like an apology on his part. And it made me look at him through new eyes. It made me look at this new version that he had grown into over the years that I had not seen him. Like how he opened his mouth twice, just to close it again, as if he wanted to tell me something, but didn’t know how to start. He looked down at the kitchen counter where a couple of cupcakes were still standing, before he looked back up at me.

“You cut your hair. It looks great on you.”

I froze when his unexpected words hit me square in the chest. And while a small part of my teenage girl cheered and jumped for joy when he had told me that I looked good, I also knew that he had lied to me time and time again and I shouldn't believe a word he was saying. I still remember the kind of smooth talker that Jason really is. And the sting of the pain, because he had once left me behind, was still too fresh and too strong to look away from, to just stand here and talk about the f*****g weather. This man had hurt me, crushed me even. He had no right to be standing here and calling me pretty. That’s not why he came into the damn room and, even so, he had lost the right to call me pretty ten plus years ago. And he had done it all on his own.

“Thanks. You look good yourself.” I cleared my throat as I felt my eyes taking him in once again. Hoping I would be able to live through the next couple of minutes without shouting out every single question I had been having for years since I had moved away from this place. And I told myself once again, as I had done a million times over the past years, to just let it go. I had loved him, but he hadn’t loved me in return. It happened a lot during high school romances. The girl was in love, the guy wasn’t because, clearly, he wasn't into having a serious relationship. End of story, on to the next one.

But as the silence grew between us, I could finally notice everything about him. How f*****g great time had been for him, how he had aged like a damn fine wine. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, it was hanging open as he was wearing a black tshirt underneath. Dark blue jeans hugged every inch of his muscled and long legs, and I could already tell that his ass was probably even more sexy than it had been when he was in high school, because he looked all masculine and fit now. He was just as ruggedly handsome as he had been all those years ago. He still had that mystery about him, that I had never been able to spot in any other man that I had met in my life, it had drawn me to him while growing up and I hated to feel how it was pulling me towards him still. He was all man now, his jaw was more squared and holding a light stubble that he didn't have in high school. Small lines in the corners of his eyes, that made me wonder what he had seen in his life as ruling Gamma of this pack, while I had been far away from this place. His body was bigger, his shoulders were wider, he was much more in shape and gorgeous than when he was just a teenager, and yet it were his eyes that kept me captivated. The ones that were still the exact same color as I remembered them to be from my memories. Those hazel irises, those dark lashes that brushed over his skin when he blinked, so familiar, and yet, it felt as if, right now, those familiar eyes were looking at me in a new way. As if he was seeing me in another light or something.

“I talked to Adam. He told me you had moved back here.” He spoke, while I just stared at him in awe.

Had he talked to my brother?

Adam and I had had fights in the past about this very subject. Because I had learned that on occasion, Jason and Adam still talked to each other, while he had not once made the effort to speak to me? I had felt so livid and betrayed by my brother for doing this as well. Jason could not talk to me, not even text me after all the s**t he had put me through, but he could easily do so with my brother Adam? And Adam, after knowing what Jason had done to me, clearly was OK with being friends with Jason behind my back? And now, after all these years, here we were again. Because once again, Jason had been able to talk to my brother, and not me, while he must have known as the Gamma, when I had arrived back inside the Grey pack. And that made me wonder if my brother was behind all of this that was happening right now. Did he force Jason to walk in here and talk to me? Because clearly, Jason didn’t feel the need to do so himself, he had had the time to do so before tonight, and he hadn’t come to see me, not even for one second.

Adam

It had to be Adam.

He's the one behind this!

“I’m going to f*****g kill him.” I muttered under my breath as I grabbed the sponge that I was using to clean the counters and threw it in the sink. And once I heard Jason’s chuckle, it ripped open old wounds that had taken me years to heal from.

“Good thing you said him, and I know you are probably talking about your brother instead of me.”

“trust me, you’re not far behind him.” I spit back at him, seeing how he stood there, all smiles, while I was fuming inside.

“Good to see you still have that temper of yours, blue.” He answered me with the flash of a grin and a shake of his head. I hated how he seemed to be so amused by my anger, it made my blood boil even harder.

“You lost the right to call me that name a long time ago.” I snapped at him, my words being used as a weapon. And seeing by the look in his eyes, they hit their target as well.

“OK.” He answered me, his lips pressed together as if, somehow, he understood that he had crossed a line he wasn’t allowed to cross anymore. He shoved his hands into his pants pockets as if he wanted to do something, but was forcing himself to stop in his movements. Instead, he just stood there, giving me f*****g puppy eyes.

Is this man for real?

Doesn't he have a clue what he put me through?

“Whatever Adam told you about me, or what he told you to do tonight, I don’t need it. I’m a big girl, an independent woman, who can take care of herself and her own life. So thank you, for whatever it is you were trying to do here just now, but no thanks really. I would like to say that it was good to see you after all this time, but honestly, it’s not. You don’t have to come here to have a pity party for the girl that you dumped all those years ago.” I stopped speaking, just because I needed to take in some much needed air into my lungs. His eyes narrowed and a frown formed on his forehead as he kept looking at me. While I wasn’t ready talking just yet, far from it.

“Look. It’s been forever, and yet, nothing’s changed. You are still the popular guy, while I am still little Miss nobody. And the last thing I need is for you, is to barge in here and think you will make everything better again when, in the end, it won’t change a damn thing, or it will only make it worse. So thanks for the effort on your part, but it has been a long and crazy day and I am f*****g tired. So, I am going to get the hell out of here, and I am going home without getting more humiliated by a ghost from my past.” I blew out my breath and just stared at him as I had spit out some of my venom that I had been building up for years, and looked at how he digested my message with my arms wrapped around my chest in order to protect my own heart.

I had been thinking about this a lot. What I would say when I would finally see him again. And s**t… I had a lot to say, I still did. I just knew that right now, it was wise for me to stop talking, because I would say things I would regret in the morning. And I needed to be honest with myself, Jason was still the Gamma of this pack I now called my home. If I would piss him off hard enough, he could easily kick me out of this pack if he really wanted to.

“I guess I underestimated your ability to hold a grudge.” Jason spoke as he swallowed deeply.

“I understand why you are angry with me, Sami. Believe me, I do. But I had my reasons back then, for doing what I did. But the boy that I was way back then, is not the man that I am today. I know what I did to you was f****d up. It still haunts me till this day.” And I hated the emotions that I saw in those hazel eyes as he spoke to me, as if he meant everything that he had just said. But there had been too much time apart, and honestly, I felt as if I didn’t know anything about this man anymore. As if, in fact, he was a complete stranger to me now.

“Jason.” I spoke out his name as I shook my head, a plea for him to just stop talking. A plea for him to just turn around and leave me be because I would not accept his apology tonight. I needed him to leave, in order to keep the old me buried, the old teenager me, who had held on to her first love, with every fight she had had in her. I couldn't become that girl again, because if that girl would get hurt again, I honestly wondered if she would be able to survive another heartbreak like that? He might have just apologized to me, but still… he had lied to me in the past as well. I knew how easy it was for him to say one thing, and then do the exact opposite of those spoken words.

“It’s OK. It’s fine.” He spoke, nodding once again as he sighed out deeply, his eyes still burning on me, while I felt as if I was staring back at him like a deer in headlights. There were still so many things I wanted to say to him and yet, it felt as if, right now, I had already said enough.

“You always were a fire cracker, Sami. I guess I will see you around.” He told me with one final nod, as he turned around and walked back out the door and out of the pack house altogether. Leaving me all by myself, while I just stood there and watched him walk away from me yet again. Only difference was that this time, I actually understood that he was leaving me, and it didn't take me by surprise.