Stay with me

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Carolines POV

Life is funny sometimes. You could have the whole world in your hands and in the blink of your eyes you could loose it all. Thats how I felt being in ryans arms for the last time. Now I feel no pain. In fact I can't feel anything. Am I dead? Am i in heaven or hell? I feel like im just floating in darkness. Like I'm in a dream but its nothing but black. I feel tingles in my finger tips and a jolt in my chest. Thats weird. Am I crossing over to the after life? Did I not do something right? Another jolt, this time painful. I rub at my chest, funny theres no bullet hole, no blood, its almost like nothing happened. I blink rapidly and my vision starts coming to. Everything is blurry. Finally my eyes adjust but I'm clearly imagining everything. Because I see myself on a stretcher in the back of the ambulance. I am hooked up to IVs and have all of these cords and stickers on my chest.

"I got a faint rhythm back but if she doesn't get to the hospital soon were going to loose her again" God dammit I didn't do something right. Go figure i can't even kill myself correctly.. My body is on the table clearly covered in blood stained skin that was wiped somewhat clean. So I did shoot myself. Well why the f**k am I not dead yet. Well he said he got me back so I guess I did die at one point. I shout at the EMT to let him know im okay that I'm here. He ignores me. I grab his hand but he doesnt look up and at that point I realize no one can see me, no one can hear me but I can see them. Its like my subconscious has been expelled from my body. This is some doctor strange s**t right here. I must be in the in between.

'Thats right caroline" that voice. "Gramps?" I say hesitantly. He just nods and appears slowly. "You are not dead but not quite alive. I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. No one should have to go through that. But needless to say you have a choice to make. I wont tell you what to do and I will give you time to make it. I will he here but will make myself scarce to you. I cannot influence this decision. You can stay or you can come with me. My job here is to be here for you to help to cross over if you choose to come with me or to help you get back to those who love you. My dear sweet girl I love you so much. Whatever you choose I will always love you and so will everyone else but you need to think very carefully. The decisionyou make will be final" he slowly fades from my vision. "Gramps wait. I dont understand. How am i supposed  to choose. What do I do? Gramps! Please..stay with me" He keeps fading and I keep screaming his name. I know this decision is mine but I cant make it yet. I need to think. I guess I should have done that before shooting myself in the God damned chest.

The ambulance jerks to a stop and the doors fly open and a team of what I can assume is doctors, nurses, and hospital staff jump into action. I guess i have no choice but to follow them.

"Female, 17, self inflicted gsw to the chest. Flat lined twice en route. Lost alot of blood." The emt shouted "Let's get her up to OR 2" a bunch of people in scrubs and white coats run out and crowd around mt lifeless body. They all look at me with a sad look when one of them speaks up. "Shes so young" tears roll down her face and with that they take off. I feel this compelling urge to wait right here though. "What is happening?!" I run my fingers through my hair. I smell him before I see him. His cologne has always been intoxicating to me. "Ryan!" I run up to him and attempt to jump into his arms only to practically walk right through him. Jesus christ I didn't realize not hugging him would hurt this bad. He is freaking out and rightfully so. I didnt account for his feelings into the matter. I start crying and see him arguing with the doctors. They wint let him see me. I can feel my heart breaking from his heartache. He goes to sit in the waiting room and I just stand beside him. I guess it doesn't matter not like he can see me anyways. He's scrolling through pictures on his phone of me and him, me him and koda. Finding that adorable husky turned out to make a great date night. He gets to a picture of me jess and him I can see tears rolling down his face. He keeps scrolling and stops on a picture of me. I didn't know he had taken it. I wasn't paying attention, obviously being my crazy self. I noticed we were at our favorite spot on belle isle. It was sunset and the rapids on the James River were flowing pretty fast. I was standing on one of the rocks with my arms stretched towards the sky. He takes his finger and places it on me as if touching the picture would allow him to feel my skin one more time. We have only been together for a little while but almost all of that time was spent with ryan. I love him so much and its clear as day that he loves me too. Before I can even sob anymore my mom bursts through the doors. I cant take anymore heartbreak. I feel like I've made a terrible mistake. I walk away from my family just to clear my head and think of a way out of this. I can feel someone rubbing my head almost as if they're running their fingers through my hair. I decide to walk and find my body. I get to the OR and there are 2 uniformed officers standing guard. I wonder why. I walk in and see that infact there was someone rubbing my head. It was a nurse and she was crying. "Shes so young. What could have caused her to take her own life" she mumbled the surgeon and the team walked in. "Shes not dead yet so were going to do all we can. But I read her chart. This girl has gone through hell and back. She was r***d and abused recently and from the looks of things its happened again. Theyre going to do a thorough exam once were done saving her. And we will save her but I dont need high emotions in here it won't help. So if you can't pull yourself together for her then you need to leave." He said. That sobered her up real quick and they got to work. Its weird i could feel her touch but I couldn't feel anything they were doing to me now. "This girl is lucky the bullet just missed her heart, didn't hit any major arteries. It just barely nicked her lung and shattered a rib. Lucy while I'm working take some blood samples and run a tox screen, cbc, cmp, I want every lab you can draw done and I want it done yesterday" the surgeon said. He extracts the bullet and works on fixing everything he can. If only he knew the biggest wound wasn't fixable. I was damaged goods.i wasn't worth saving. As im sending myself into a downward spiral I hear all the monitors go off. My blood pressure is dropping my heart is racing. Im dying. I cant help but wonder are my thoughts whats killing me?

RYANS POV

After watching the footage with everyone jess sat on the sofa and hugged me and sobbed. Carolines mom had gone off to make some calls to cole and her husband. I cant believe he would f*****g do this in her own home at that. And the first time im meeting Caroline's dad and brother are after shes attempted to kill herself. I cant blame her. I knew she was hurting. We thought she was getting better but I guess this last stunt of jakes is what sent her over the edge. I just hope and pray she fights. She fights to see how loved she is and how many people she has that care about her. Jess is scrolling through f*******: and sees a bunch of posts about caroline all saying rest in peace "she's not even dead yet. How did they even find out?! People are so messed up" jess sobs. Im sure at this point my sleeve is soaking wet with tears. "Atleast everyone is being nice and remorseful. I'm shocked madison hasn't posted her normal bullshit. Let's post something to let everyone know she's still alive and fighting!" I mention and she agrees. After posting the status on carolines page its flooded with comments and well wishes and of course the people who want to be nosy and find out what happened. It makes me so happy to see that people care but makes me so mad to think where they all were when she was getting abused. My phone starts vibrating and i see my moms number on the screen. We talked for about an hour. She loved caroline like a daughter. I had to bed profusely to get her to not come up to the hospital. Carolines mom walks in and I say goodbye to my mom and disconnect the call. She looks like she's aged 10 years overnight. I cant imagine what she's going through. She sits with me and jessica and pulls envelops out of her bag. She has one for me one for jess one for her and her dad, one for cole, and what surprises me is she has an envelope for jake. "The emts said that they found them. My guess is she wrote them for us. I cant bare to read my letter. Not until her dad gets here. They are sending him home along with h

Cole" jess perks up at this. Cole is her rock, her other half. She needs him to be her strength right now. I pocket mine. Im going to read it when I am more secluded. The doctor comes into the waiting room still in surgical scrubs and cap. "She's stable for now. We are keeping her in the ice. She is in a coma for now. We aren't entirely sure when she is going to wake up or if but we are hopeful" carolines mom thanks the doctor and he leads us to her room. She looks so peaceful. Pale but peaceful. We all go in, I grab her hand and sit next to her. She feels so cold. Jessica and carolines mom sit on the other side and hug each other. Caroline I dont know if you can hear me but you need to come back to us. You need to wake up. You need to stay with me.