Thorns Of The Past.

Dirt VS Purity!

She is pure and kind but her past is covering her with someone else's dirt...

~next day, noon, Blue River Pack~

Hayley's pov

I keep on walking the fastest I can with my head bended and do my best to ignore or even forget the pain! In a while I will be at the pack house and the torture will be over, I won't have to move, I will just lie down but first I need to walk up the stairs and I am already scared of the pain I am about to feel...

This time it was worse than any other in the past and I don't know when I am going to get healed enough in order to stop being in pain. I think it's burning me, I was sitting with difficulty before, I can't even breathe normally because it hurts like hell and the more time passes the more I think it is increasing!

I was walking with less effort before, now I am forcing myself because I need to make it till my room the sooner, the last thing I want is to find myself in front of...

"Oh, look! The slut, Hayley!" I listen to a man yelling from behind me and I try to speed up even more.

My heart tightens from pain and fear as more men start laughing and I take the scent of three males. I will probably have to stand more abuse today, it wasn't enough the boys that hit me at school and I will have to face the fighters from the pack...

I hold back a painful cry as I start almost running and my heartbeat gets faster and stronger. I don't even know how this happens when I am so weak and I am standing on my feet with great amends.

Haven, my wolf makes her appearance after days of being silent and nowhere to be found and howls for me to go faster but I just can't, my feet was shaking! She doesn't like me either I guess and she is right but I don't know what happened and she came now... Maybe she won't take more and she is worried about it although she can just block me and leave me suffering like every other time...

"Where do you think you are going b***h?" another man screams from too close behind me this time and before I realize it I am being grabbed from my arm and scream in pain.

This is the bruised one and now I feel like I'm being pierced with needles, like electricity is hitting me.

"When we talk, you listen w***e!" the third one growls and they circle me with the one still holding me and even tighten than before.

I stiffen panicked with my head still bended and don't reply or move. I know they are just trying to find a good excuse to hit me, they had done it again in the past. Well, they are going to hit me no matter what but if I talk, they will get even angrier! Six months ago when I had just turned 16 I had tried to talk and ask from some other men to leave me alone but the second I said the first word I was beaten and I was spitting blood for days. So I am staying silent and pray this torture to end the sooner in either way... Or with me dead or not so heavily injured, I mean more than I already am!

"Aren't you going to talk you cow?" the one in front of me asks outraged through his teeth and I close my eyes preparing myself for his hit.

We got straight to the point, usually they are telling me worse, they are reviling me for a while before they decide to release their anger on me but now I don't know why they are rushing to just hit me.

Alright Hayley, the sooner, the better!

"Okay slut! Let's give you a lesson for not obeying us!" the same man states and I think I feel him raising his hand to slap me with the others laughing.

I stiffen even more gasping terrified although I shouldn't because I am used to the pain and all these and get ready to stand the abuse for one more time but nothing happens.

I listen to the man leaving out a painful cry, I feel him getting away from me and the man that is holding me sets my arm free but I don't move or lift my head up. A loud, warning growl follows and I open my eyes timidly to see two feet right in front of me.

The familiar scent hits my nose and Haven sighs heavily relieved but I ignore her, I am too surprised to show her even the slightest sign of interest, I mean...

Nia just saved me!

"Gamma..." one of the men speaks up but she growls louder and he stops.

"Shut up all of you and get lost before I lose my patience and kill you all! And get something in your empty heads, next time you touch her, I am telling the Alpha! Am I clear?" she shouts and they break into laughing.

Of course they are laughing, this is ridiculous, I mean... He doesn't care about me and I understand him completely. Okay, Nia wanted to help but she also knows he is never going to punish them for treating me this way!

"Do you really believe that? He doesn't give a s**t for the w***e and maybe he thanks us for putting her in her place!" the one that was about to slap me before and she probably punched says in a harsh tone and I bite my lower lip trying not to cry.

He is right, see? This is what I was telling you about, he doesn't care, he hates me and they all know it!

"Even worse for you then because next time you will have to deal with me and I am going to kill you! I won't show mercy and if you want... TRY ME!" Nia roars taking a step forward and I lift my head a bit to see them stepping backwards.

They can't go against her, she is the soon to be Gamma (she is 20 years old already), she has more power and her word is an order! They can't do otherwise although they would love to, they won't try her, not now!

"Run the hell away from me before I stop being patient!" she orders after some seconds in silence and the three of them seem to bow (I am still looking at their feet) and then walk away in hurry.

I am safe this time... Thanks to Nia!

"Are you alright Hayley?" she asks once she turns to me.

No but yes, I know I am not very accurate but anyway! I won't tell her something unusual, every time I am saying the same thing!

"I am fine, thank you very much Gamma!" I say and take a step back getting ready to leave.

"Um... Are you sure? I think I can smell blood and why don't you look at me? You know I won't harm you, you mustn't be scared of me!" she says again and I blink my eyes distinguishing wary in her tone.

Well, this is actually the first time I think someone else except from my 'grandparents' and 'aunt' seems to be worried about me! Nia was never rude at me, she never threatened or touched me but she was always cold and distant, the only words we have exchanged are hello and goodnight. She doesn't like me as well as everyone else and I have never tried to approach someone, I know my place after so many years!

Anyway, she is kind generally, I know about it but I don't know how to behave and I have my head bended all the time because I am used to it and maybe I feel safe in this way. You see, when you see only feet and not faces and expressions it is easier to handle all the hatred they feel for you, maybe this is my defense!

"I know, thank you again for everything Gamma! I am fine, have a nice rest of the day!" I mutter in hurry and start walking away nervously heading to the pack house.

Thanks God she doesn't stop me and I sigh weakly careful enough not to increase the pain I feel on my lower stomach.

Okay Hayley, the tortures are over for today... All you have to do now is deal with hurting everywhere on your body and stay locked in your room like always! No eating for today, no sitting, no talking!

At least someone else showed me some interest today, this is something that should cheer me up a little bit but under all these circumstances I can't feel a thing, not positive I mean!

All my life is a living hell, every day I wake up getting ready to suffer again and every day nothing changes except from the bruises, cuts, wounds and scratches on my body as more of them are added and the marks' number grows bigger!

You see, I made the mistake of coming in this world from Michelle, my biological 'mother' that is not even my mother and because she never cared for me or even tried to come in contact with me. She was always selfish, thirsty for power and money, she never felt any sign of love and when she f****d it up for good and had nothing else to take, just run away leaving me behind!

She didn't care at all and she also had a special present for everyone because she left a letter saying that I wasn't the Alpha's daughter and from that moment... I was doomed to live in a secluded hell!

Who knows from whom she got pregnant?!

She said nothing about it, I am sure she didn't even know his name and I am okay with it because he wouldn't want me as well!

Anyway...

What matters is that Michelle has done nothing good in her life and I am paying the cost of being her 'daughter'. She managed to make the Alpha broke up with his mate when they were teenagers, she slept with him, he marked her, he fell in love with her and some years after she had become the pack's Luna, got pregnant from someone else, gave birth to me and run away leaving me behind!

I am sure you understand what this means for the pack, the Alpha and me!

They hate me and they are right! My whole life is a nightmare and I can't complain because I have no place here!

The Alpha was kind enough to adopt me, he has recognized me and I am grateful to him but if you ask me it was a big mistake, I didn't deserve it! I am just a weight for everyone and most importantly for him!

As you understand I don't have friends, no one wants me and the only people that have showed me love are my grandparents and aunt that is away as she became Luna to another pack when I was two years old and left!

I get in the pack house now and look around me inquisitively, I take some short breaths to smell if everyone is here and when I get sure I am alone I start walking to the stairs.

I press my lips together as I start almost running up the stairs because I don't want to leave out any noise or scream as the pain is getting more intense. I don't know how I am going to make it for some more days, I mean it won't go away and I haven't seen it yet, I don't know how bruised it is but I have no doubt it is way worse than the past!

In a while I reach at the top floor and for once more I see nobody! I walk quickly to the end of the corridor where my room is and I get in without losing time. The second I close the door behind me I leave my bag fall on the floor and close my eyes while resting my back at the door.

You did it for today Hayley... Let's see you tomorrow!

I open my eyes tired and look at the small, very simple and monotonous room of mine, my shelter, my favorite small 'home'!

Nobody likes it but nobody comes in here (except from grandma or grandpa). I am making the cleaning and the tidying, the omegas are not coming here following the Alpha's orders but I am glad about it! I want the most privacy I can have and there are not so many things and furniture in here anyway...

The walls are white, I never wanted to change their color because it would be just another cost for my stepfather, the Alpha and I don't feel comfortable with it. There is also a small wardrobe in black color for the few clothes I have, a single bed in black color as well with dark grey covers and a pillow and next to it there is a small bedside table with a lamb. Opposite the wardrobe I have my office which is again black and a simple chair. As for a carpet I have an old light grey one that my grandma had before in her room and the walls have no pictures. I also have no balcony, just a small window next my bed and some curtains in black and grey colors and yes, I hate all the other colors as you understand!

The only things that give this room some 'life' are my plants... I found some flowers in the forest some months ago, I liked them and my grandma gave me some flower pots to plant them and allowed me to take them in my room! And last but not least I have a photo of my stepfather and me when I was born and he held me for the first and probably last time. I have it on my desk and I like staring at her because I do love him although he is not my father and he hates me!

He saved me, he kept me here when he could kill me or abandon me!

Um... Okay, he had told me once that he wanted to kill me, I was about 7 years old and he was drunk. I wasn't sleeping and I listened to some noise from the corridor so I got out and found him kneeled on the floor in front of his door. He was trying to unlock it and I went to help him but he reacted in a way I had never imagined, he pushed me back and he said I was a shame for him and he wished he could kill me.

From that moment I stopped calling him father and I do not approach him because I am unwanted and I feel horribly! I am not afraid, I mean I wish he could kill me, I hate my life and myself but I know he is suffering when he sees me and I don't want him to be in pain!

He shouldn't keep me, it's a torture for both of us and he doesn't deserve it!

I wipe some tears that fall from my eyes and head to the small, dark bathroom. I need to take a bath and get rid of the blood's scent! I did my best at school and I washed the cuts they did to me today but it is not enough to make the scent disappear.

I start getting undressed by taking off my shoes, socks and old, dark blue jeans and I lose my breath when I kneel and pressure my lower stomach. I still haven't seen the bruise and I am not sure if I want to... Next, I take off my underwear and then stand up and do the same with my blouse and bra. I try not to look at my lower stomach until I am completely naked, I don't feel ready to be honest and I don't like looking at me.

Every time I am staring at my body in the mirror I am crying. I just can't stand it, I am fat (I have about ten kilos more than the normal) and my skin is full of marks, wounds, cuts and these bruises are never going away!

I hate it, I hate me!

I take a deep breath and walk close to the big mirror with my head bended. I do my best to find the courage to see how bad it is this time and my heart already hurts me, my skin is shuddering and I can't stop shaking overwhelmed.

I sigh too heavily and bite my lip to hold back a sob and then lift my head up slowly.

I gasp once my eyes land on my lower stomach and I see the too dark blue almost black bruise. I was right, it is bigger and darker than any other time, all of my stomach is bruises and those kicks and hits were stronger than I had imagined!

Why am I so weak and I haven't try to die yet?

How am I doing this?

Why aren't I running away?

Why am I going to school when I know what is going to happen?

And all these happened today because we took our grades and the slut's daughter (I) took 'A' in everything!

And how could I not have 'A' when all I do is studying locked in here?

This is the only way I have from escaping my reality and I also have some... Dreams!

You see, it's not only the fact that reading and studying is helping me forget everything about my life but I want to become a doctor one day, I want to do something useful and help people in need! But... I also want to make it on my own, I want to win a scholarship so the Alpha won't have to pay for me. I will try to find a job as well, if I make it and then he won't need to pay for me anymore and one day I am going to give him back everything he has given for me and I won't bother him again.

He will be happy, he won't see me after this and maybe one day I find my own peace and be fine with who I am!

Anyway...

I wipe some more tears and walk to the tub. I need to take a bath and then I will try to sleep for a while, I won't eat because I will have to go downstairs, sit and then walk up here again and I won't be able to act in front of my grandma. I won't even mention that eating when I am bruised down there I am throwing up and I can't breathe from the pain that passes every limit there is.

And I guess you understood that nobody knows what is happening, I mean me being abused and bullied! The Alpha doesn't care and my grandparents would be hurt but they wouldn't have been able to do something. I don't want them to suffer more because of me, I love them very much and also...

I think it's hard for you to believe and it is for me as well but I have some dignity and maybe pride. This is my problem and I deserve it, Michelle's blood runs in my veins and she is the reason the entire pack is suffering so I have to pay the price!

I turn on the warm water and I make sure it's not too hot because then I will feel even worse and when the first drops far on my skin I stiffen and close my eyes. Even the water's feeling against my skin is a torture but what else can I do?

"Hayley..." Haven whispers nervously and I shake my head in frustration.

I don't know what she wants now and I can't think of a reason for her to talk to me! She is always rude and abrupt, she never says something to encourage or help me, she is just offending me, she hates me as well as everyone else!

"Go back to where you came from Haven..." I say through my teeth forcing myself not to cry and she stiffens making me dizzy.

Not that I needed more to have nausea, I am losing blood all the time because if you think they are done with me with just some cuts and usual hits then you are wrong...

"I... I want to tell you... I..." she says showing persistence and I groan touching my stomach my accident.

"I know what you want to tell me so you don't have to! You are right, I agree with you!" I state and get ready to block her although she is trying to resist me.

"No, Hayley, I..."

"I hate me as well!"

~some time later, Hayley's room~

I cover myself better and open my eyes to look at the ceiling. I am lying on my bed about an hour now and I haven't moved at all, I can't!

The bruise got almost black now, its color has darkened but it's fine, I can make it like every other time!

I turn my head slowly on my left and look at the plants, they are on the floor and it's spring so they are full of flowers and colors. They are beautiful and their scent is somehow giving me hope. I sniffle ready to start crying again and smile melancholically, this is one of the few times I smile and mostly when I am alone but I feel good only with my flowers so I guess it's normal.

"Maybe one day everything gets better, even a bit..." I tell them in a soft tone and close my eyes again emotional.

"Maybe one day I won't feel so much pain anymore!" I add and sigh exhausted but...

A knock at the door follows and I groan nervously as her sweet scents starts filling my room, it's my grandma, Ruth!

I stand up the fastest I can because I don't want her to see my full of pain expression when she gets in and I make it in time. I am already on my feet when she opens the door timidly and gets in with a warm yet worried smile on her face.

I blush when her big, dark blue eyes meet mine and she closes the door without making noise. I can't stop myself from observing her, she is a very charming yet beautiful woman!

She is 53 years old but looks much younger. Her eyes as I mentioned are big and dark blue, her hair is light blonde and reaches her shoulder and her skin has a very sweet tone! She has a normal weight and height for a woman and she is always elegant dressed!

I from the other side, have very long light chocolate brown hair, pale skin, full lips and my eyes are a mystery because their color is confusing and as my grandpa says its rare and unique! It's a mix of dark green and grey and probably this is the only 'pretty' thing I have on me and it's not from Michelle for sure! As for my height now, it's normal but as I told you before I am fat, I have about ten kilos more than I should and this is another good reason for everyone to laugh at me!

"Sweetheart, your lunch is ready! Why haven't you come downstairs, I was waiting for you!" she says as she approaches me and caps my face in her soft hands.

I give her a small smile and stiffen not really knowing what to answer. I can' tell her I am in pain and I can't eat and this is a problem because I am bad at lying, I can't do that...

And now that she said about lunch, let me tell you that I am eating alone, don't ask why, I am sure you know... Alpha's orders and even the omegas don't want me!

"You ate at school, right?" she asks me after a while with no response from me and I quickly nod.

I can do nothing else now...

"Good sweetie and where are your grades? Don't think I forgot about them!" she says next and I smile nodding.

"Of course you can't forget about them!" I say as I walk to my desk and take some papers in my hands.

I turn and give them to her immediately, I don't want to keep her in agony, I know how much she cares for me and she smiles the very next second with her eyes widely open from enthusiasm.

I love making her proud, I need to know I am not so useless...

"Hayley! You are a genius! Congratulations!" she exclaims and before I react I am pulled for a big hug and she kisses the top of my head.

"And I hope you have decided to finally ask for a gift for this entire try! What about the phone your grandpa and I wanted to buy for you? You are a teenager, you need one, everybody has one and..."

"No, thank you! I don't need it anyway!" I cut her off before she gets more excited with the idea and her smile drops.

I know that both of them want to buy things for me and I seem to be ungrateful when I say no to them but... I am grateful and this is exactly why I don't need more! I am already a weight for them and I feel guilty!

"Why are you doing this honey? Every time you deny asking something from us and we feel bad! You deny coming for shopping with me, you have only some pairs of jeans and some black blouses with long sleeves, old shoes... And..."

"I don't need more and there is no reason for you to feel bad! I am fine with what I have, really!" I say interrupting her for once more and she sighs heavily defeated.

She knows it is pointless to pressure me, I will never agree...

"Um... Isn't the Alpha back yet?" I ask nervously to change the discussion and her expression darkens dangerously.

Every time the same thing, the same behavior from her and I know her reasons... She has only typical relationships with him and the same goes for my grandpa and my aunt! They are not really talking to him because they are accusing him for everything, they say it's his fault but I am in pain he is alone. He really loves them, he needs them and I can see how torturing it is for him not having them!

"Hayley, he is your father, not the Alpha and you mustn't feel sympathy for him!" she 'scolds' me and I bite my lower lip not wanting to reply.

"He called last night, he said that he doesn't know when he is going to come back. He is at a friend's of his!" she says through her teeth after some seconds and I nod in understanding.

I have about three days to see him and I missed him, I was worried but at least he is fine, he needed a break!

"Sweetheart..." she whispers again and I look at her shyly waiting for her to say whatever she wants.

She has gotten emotional suddenly and this is very touching for me as well!

"I want you to know that I am very proud of you and I love you very, very much! You are an amazing kid, I hope there were more girls like you! You are an angel and... Please... Stop punishing yourself because I know you are doing this! I have never talked to you about it because I didn't know how to speak to you but this doesn't mean I don't feel what is happening! You are not like her, you are pure, you have only kindness in your heart and I can't be happy when I know that MY GRANDDAUTGHER is suffering for something it was not her fault!" she says trembling overwhelmed and I freeze unable of believing my ears.

I... I had never thought she knew, she had never tried to talk to me about it and I was sure she had no idea how I feel and right now my heart is breaking. I can feel she is in pain because of me and this is killing me, she has no reason to feel like this, nothing was her fault and she has been always trying only for the best! She mustn't worry about me, I...

I am who I am!

"I love you Hayley and don't you ever forget..." she whispers with the first tears falling from her eyes and hugs me tightly without protest from me as I am paralyzed from surprise.

"You have a pure heart, you are pure baby!" she says and I close my eyes not wanting to reply because I know that it's not so simple...

I am covered with Michelle's dirt and I won't get rid of it no matter what!

I will always be...

Dirty!

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Hello everyone!

This is the 5th chapter and it was full of Hayley so you know her now!

So what do you think about this quite heartbreaking for me chapter? How do you feel about Hayley? What do you think about Gabriel's behavior to her? What about his parents'? How do you feel about everything she is passing through? What is going to happen next?

I am very curious to know your opinions and thoughts and I need to thank you for everything. I hope you liked this chapter and you have begun loving the story. Everything is explained now and from this moment things get in a new level!

Plese if you want to help me from now that is still the beginning and you are looking forward for more then, commend and let me know your opinion and thoughts, or share the story.

I will see you again in the next chapter (unless you are reading my other books). Until then stay safe, smile and have fun!

Love you all very much,

                                       Marie!