Thorns Of The Past.

Regrets, Apologies, Chances.

If you don't let the past die and don't regret about what you did, then it won't let you live and you won't get the chance you desperately need!

~next morning, too early, Blue River Pack, house~

Gabriel’s pov

“What do you mean Becky is alive and you have two kids together?” Kaitlyn asks gasping ready to break into sobbing and I stiffen awkwardly.

It is too early in the morning and I am in my room! I came back to my pack yesterday too late in the afternoon and I have told nobody about Becky and our kids.

I haven’t told my parents, because I want Kaitlyn with me and I want to take things slowly, not to mention that I feel ashamed and I don’t want them to go to Evan’s pack and pressure the whole thing even more. And also, I haven’t told my best friends here, Declan that is my Beta and Joel, my Gamma, because I am not ready, I can’t talk about it so easily, it is a lot to take and I wanted to tell Kaitlyn first.

You see, she may be younger than me, but she is wise and she loves Becky like she is her real sister. Becky had been dying for her as well and only Kaitlyn can understand how I feel. I need her here, she is distant from the day Becky run away and I have been respecting her wish all these years but now I am desperate for her support! I know she loves me, but I have also hurt her with what I did and I must make it up to her and everybody else!

“I am not joking, I told you! I found her to Evan’s pack, she has been there with Claire and Ryker for the last 12 years!” I whisper and wipe my tears with shaking hands.

I still can’t believe I found her and we have two kids together! It feels like a dream and it hurts like hell that I have caused them so much pain! I know I can’t complain for them not wanting me, it is my fault and I have to try as much as I can to make them give me a chance, but I can’t stop feeling desperate and devastated!

What broke my heart the most was what Claire told me yesterday when we were alone in the meeting room… She believes I can’t love her, because she is like Becky and she thinks I never loved her and I just used her and I know this is what it looked like, but I never used Becky!

I don’t know how I marked Michelle, I am getting crazy the more I am thinking about it! Something is too weird, my memory is playing games with me!

Anyway, what matters is that I can’t feel Claire is so much pain, I need a chance with her, Becky and Ryker and I am ready to make everything right, but not only with them…

I have Kaitlyn, my parents and Hayley that I have to talk to as well! I need to change, ask for their forgiveness and become the Gabriel I used to be before I lose Becky!

I listen to her crying and I run my free hand through my messy hair. I was sure she would react this way, when I thought Becky had died, she was close to have depression, she had melancholy for months, we were worried for her and I am glad she had her mate to support her! Dillan loved her from the first moment they met and she is a fantastic Luna next to him! He is her rock and she is happy with him and their two kids, their pack is strong and everything is peaceful in their life.

I can’t feel her suffering, it’s a torture for me! I have only one sibling, her and she means the world to me although he hates me after what I did and I don’t blame her, I hate myself as well and maybe more than all of them do together.

“I…” I begin and pause to take a sharp breath as I feel I am running out of oxygen.

“I need you here to tell our parents about it… I can’t do it alone, I am sorry I am asking from you to come here so suddenly, but… I need… You!” I say with some pauses and she stops crying after less than five seconds.

None of us talks for a while, we stay in silence and my heart is ready to explode in my chest with my wolf moving in agony, he is really frustrated yet nervous from the moment we came back and I am glad he supports me again after so many years! He knows I am honest and he found his lost hope again, we are one, again, like when I was 17.

“I am sorry… If you can’t come…”

“No!” she cuts me off immediately and I sigh holding back a sob.

“I am going to be there tomorrow morning, I promise you, brother!” she says next and I smile emotional as more tears blur my vision.

“Thank you, thank you very much!” I whisper and my voice breaks before I finish.

I have no idea how I am standing it, I feel so guilty and my heart is aching, but I have to make it on my own, I deserve it!

“Gabriel, are you alright?” she asks me worried for the first time all these years and I press my lips together.

I take another breath, a deep one this time and clear my throat nervously. Kaitlyn exhales heavily in frustration and I shake my head to gain my thoughts back.

“I will be fine… Don’t worry about me. It’s just that…” I say and stop again when I feel my voice unstable.

“Yes?” Kaitlyn asks in agony and I smile melancholically.

“I have to correct my mistakes, all of them!” I state and she groans awkwardly.

She doesn’t know what to say, I guess she wasn’t expecting such a thing from me and I look at my watch to realize I have to hang up with Kaitlyn and go to Hayley. I must see her before she leaves for school, especially after the small start I did last night!

“Um… I have to go now, thank you again for coming! I will be waiting for you, if you want, I can come to pick you up from the airport! Just let me know the time and I will be there!” I say in hurry and walk to the door.

“Alright, I will text you to tell you the exact time. Stay calm until I come, yes?” she replies and I place my hand on the door’s handle.

“Yes, see you…” I mutter and she ends our call.

I bite my lower lip relieved and put the phone in my trouser’s pocket again and then open the door and get out of my room to close and lock behind me.

I exhale panicked and my wolf, Greg moves impatiently in my mind as I start walking to Hayley’s room which is in the other side of the corridor. The closer I get, the more helpless I feel and soon I am sweating and my footsteps are heavy and unstable.

I feel like dying inside, because with Hayley everything is different and I admit I have full responsibility of what has been happening all these years! She always loved me and I was never there for her, I never hugged her, kissed her, told her a sweet word or even looked at her, I never asked how she is doing and I am a monster for hurting her! She is the most innocent and pure creature there is, she is an angel and I have to talk to her, ask from her to forgive me, if she can of course, I have no demand.

I want to take her to her school today and break the ice, because I need to make her feel comfortable with me in order to discuss about everything.

I understand that it sounds crazy the fact that I ‘remembered’ of Hayley all of a sudden, but for me it’s not sudden or difficult to accept. From the moment I saw Claire, I am thinking about both of them all the time and I can’t show any preference. My wolf had been always taking Hayley’s side, now more than ever and I agree with him! Hayley is not to be blamed for anything and she is the only one that loved me unconditionally. Last night my heart broke when I found her covering me and she got so scared of me getting mad!

What have I done?

How did I do this to her?

I stop outside her door and raise my hand nervously. I don’t realize how I find the courage to knock her door and I perk my ears waiting for her response that…

Never comes!

I knock the door again after some more seconds and lean closer, but I listen to nothing and I try to take her scent that is way too weak.

I rub the back of my neck with my right hand in frustration as I raise my left to open the door although I know it’s not right, but rude from me and hold my breath as I get in timidly to freeze.

My heart tightens instinctually as I stand at the beginning of the simple, depressing room that has only the basics and I place both of my hands on my mouth when my eyes land on the photo on the small desk.

Tears blur my vision immediately and I take some steps to the desk gasping.

It’s our photo, the only one we have together and I had never seen it again, but I could have never forgotten when it got taken!

It was the day she was born and I held her for the first of the two times all these years! I can still remember all those feelings! I already knew she was not mine, Michelle had just left and I was devastated, but I wanted to see Hayley and the second they handed her to me, she eased the pain and desperation. Her eyes were breathtaking even back then and she was looking at me with complaint like she knew what was going to happen next!

I reach the desk after I take some more steps and take the photo in my shaking hands. I walk to the bed and sit because I feel my legs too weak to stand me and caress her figure while Greg is howling in pain.

I must talk to her the sooner, I need to explain, I need her! I have to become the father she deserves, the father the three of them deserve, because they are amazing and I hurt them all, it’s my own fault what has happened!

I bring the photo closer with my eyes locked on it and keep on staring at it, but I jump up after I don’t know how much time when my mother gets in and gets paralyzed.

My eyes meet hers and I feel my cheeks getting red from embarrassment and not because she just found me in here crying, but cause I have hurt her as well with my decisions! She and my father are ashamed of me and I feel horrible I disappointed them! I have no idea how I am facing them, they are staying here for Hayley and the pack, otherwise they would have left to stay with Kaitlyn.

They are treating me like I am unknown to them, they are cold and distant and this is killing me! I was always close to them and not having them by my side feels like hell, I owe them everything and I wish I will make them even a little bit happier and not so ashamed of me.

I observe her walking to me steadily with a blank expression and I turn to look at the photo again avoiding eye contact with her as she sits on the bed next to me. I have missed her scent, her hug, her touch, but I can’t ask from her anything, I have no right to!

She doesn’t want me, I am not her ‘son’ anymore!

“Hayley has already left to school with the bus!” she states emotionless and I shake my head in understanding doing my best not to break into sobbing in front of her.

“What happened?” she asks when she gets sure I won’t reply and I close my eyes with my head bended.

“I am sorry for everything!” I whisper breathless feeling my heart breaking and Greg smiles for the first time in encouragement.

I just said it, okay! At least I did it, I thought I couldn’t!

I am sure she is looking at me because my skin shudders, the feeling is overwhelming me and the tears fall from my eyes against my will. I can’t hide myself anymore!

“What?” she exclaims shocked and I rub my face nervously not allowing her to see it.

Of course she can’t believe it, it is too sudden!

“You heard me, I am sorry!” I mutter not lifting my head up and bring the photo even closer to me.

“Why are you here?” she asks next and I sigh.

“I want to… Make everything right, especially with Hayley!” I reply truthfully and feel her moving closer to me, but she doesn’t touch me.

“I see… Why? What happened?” she asks me quickly unable to believe me and I wipe my eyes putting great amends to stay calm and be convincing.

I am going to tell her after Kaitlyn comes, I can’t do it alone.

“I am going to tell you, but not now. I just know I have made mistakes, only I!” I whisper emotional and she rubs her knees nervously.

She still can’t believe it!

“I am happy if you really mean it! Hayley needs you.” She says and I nod in understanding.

“I know and I need her, very much!” I admit.

“She is a fantastic kid…”

“I am sure about it, but I know nothing about her.” I state ashamed and she sighs angrily.

“Because you never cared to know!” she hisses through her teeth and I can’t deny it, she is not lying, but now I do care and I won’t stop.

“I am regretting, I was an asshole!” I say and turn my head a little bit with my face still hidden.

I need to ask for her help, at least to know some basic things for Hayley to make her feel better with me, last night it was obvious she was panicked although I tried to be gentle.

“Mother, could you tell me about Hayley?”

~some hours later, noon, school~

Hayley’s pov

I get outside the school delayed. The bell rang about ten minutes ago, but I went to check if any of my wounds or cuts bled. I do this every day to make sure I’m cleaning them up so I won’t have blood’s scent on me, but today I am quite lost in my thoughts and I didn’t understand how the time passed.

Fortunately, everything was perfect and I had to clean nothing and surprisingly nobody hit me today, because yesterday they did it more than the usual and they didn’t want to risk it today!

Alright, this is something, I didn’t suffer today, but now I have to walk back to the pack by foot as I lost the bus! It is going to take me about three hours, if I take the same road with the bus and about two, if I go through the forest and to be honest I prefer the second option. I have been doing it very often and when I am not in so much pain I love it, because nature always makes me feel better! Today is one of the days I am not so bad and the weather is good, so I should be happy. Also, I don’t have to study for school as tomorrow it’s Saturday and I won’t lose time from studying!

I get outside the main entrance and look around me to get sure there is nobody waiting for me and I mean any of my abusers. You see, sometimes some of them are waiting for me and the outcome is not pleasing at all.

Anyway, I am relieved I see none of them, but I freeze when I take a familiar scent and I turn my head to my left when I listen to him calling my name.

“Hayley!”

Huh?

The Alpha is here!

I see him standing next to his car which is to the left of the school with a mixed smile of worry and excitement. He is elegant like always and if I may say, he looks more beautiful than the usual! He is a charming man anyway, but today he looks ever better and his smile is capturing my gaze.

I had never imagined he would be here and what happened last night is chasing me all the time since that moment! I can’t believe he hugged me and I am constantly thinking of what he told me. I am still not ready to believe that I didn’t imagine it and it was true, but I see him here now and I don’t know what to suppose.

I am confused and frustrated, I love him and I was waiting for that moment for my whole life, but I am scared and I don’t know what to expect anymore.

I wish he said the truth, but how can I be so sure?

I force a weak, awkward smile and start walking down the stairs as he walks to me and my heartbeat gets stronger and faster. I can’t breathe properly and Haven is present for once more. I have no clue as to what is happening to her the last three days, but I don’t care to know.

She never encouraged or supported me, why should I care for her now?

And to be honest, she was always insulting me like everybody else, at least I am ignoring her and I am not trying to make her feel bad!

I stop when the Alpha approaches me and he opens his arms to hug me. I don’t resist, I don’t know how to behave, I guess I have to wait to see what he wants and why he is behaving this way so suddenly and I close my eyes when I feel him kissing my forehead.

I think I am going to pass out for once more and I try desperately to breathe when he pulls back and smiles brightly, but the next second I lower my head and he caresses my arms.

Am I acting like an i***t or it is just my imagination?

Am I wrong for acting like this? I don’t know him, I am not used to it!

“Why did you get late? I was worried!” he says and leans closer so he can look at me in the eyes.

By the way, his brown eyes look even brighter today, his face is refreshed like he’s younger.

“I was talking with one of my teachers…” I lie muttering and he nods pleased.

“Alright, but you had to inform someone to come and pick you up! If you were planning to come back to the pack by foot, it would be a very big distance and it’s not safe!” he states with concern and I bite my lower lip nervous.

Fuck! I am just f****d! This wasn’t supposed to happen!

Why is he here and what am I going to say now?

I don’t have a phone and I don’t regret it, I don’t want him to pay more than he already does for me, it’s his money and I am not his daughter, I am a shame and…

God!

“I am sorry…” I whisper and try to take a step backwards, but he is not freeing me and smiles with guilt.

I am getting crazy, this is not happening.

“But I am not mad at you, I am just worried for you, this is why I am saying it!” he says and I reply nothing.

I lower my eyes as I can’t look at him for more and wait for something that I honestly have no idea what it is! This is killing me, I don’t feel comfortable, I wish I could walk back to the pack although I love this behavior of his.

“Um… I came to take you out for lunch… I would like to talk, just the two of us! What do you say?” he asks with his hands trembling against my arms and his voice coming out of his lips weak and low.

“Say yes!” Haven screams excited (she is ecstatic after last night’s incidents) and I block her before she gives me a real headache.

She decided to play like this, so I do the same thing now and the last that matters me right now is Haven.

The Alpha is waiting for an answer and I don’t want to frustrate him. I am not ready for any discussion, but I can do nothing else. Maybe he wants to tell me to leave and he is trying to bring it smoothly…

I have to help him if he wants to get rid of me, I can’t be the reason he suffers.

“Of course, Alpha! Whatever you want.” I say and before I understand what is happening I am looking at him because he has capped my face and has leaned too much.

He is not mad, he is…

Hurt?!

Did I say anything wrong? I am sure I did nothing, I agreed!

“Hayley…” he begins and comes closer to me almost touching his forehead on mine with his eyes shining.

“I am not the Alpha, I am… Your father!”

~about half an hour later, city, restaurant~

We are at the restaurant, we have sat about ten minutes now, we ordered although I didn’t want to eat at all and I think I am going to throw up if I eat more than five bites and our table is more private, he had made a reservation and I don’t know what is happening.

He’s sitting right next to me, he is talking to me all the time about many things and he is calm after he told me to call him father.

Father…

I can’t even imagine this word leaving my lips!

I am dying to call him father, but I don’t know how, I am not strong or brave enough and calling him Alpha is going to get him mad or hurt (I guess), so for a while I think I won’t call him somehow. I am planning to wait for a while to see what is going to happen next, if he keeps on having this behavior towards me.

He takes both of my hands in his after he stops telling me about this restaurant that belongs to one of his friends and my skin shivers. His hands are warm and the way he is looking at me is making my heart melt, it’s an amazing dream, this is not real!

“So, I wanted us to be alone because I have too many things I would like to talk to you about…” he begins not so calm anymore and I nod.

“I… Hayley, I would like to tell you I am sorry for all these years. I wasn’t next to you. I… With your mother…” he continues and I groan instinctually not only watching his nervous, broken expression, but also listening to him calling her ‘my mother’.

He is in pain, he just told me he is sorry and he can’t be lying, he is trying to apologizes and I feel honored, but she is not my mother, I don’t accept this!

“It’s Michelle, she is not my mother, she just gave birth to me and left, she abandoned me!” I correct him with a determination I had never before and he raises his eyebrows surprised, but soon he nods in agreement.

“You are right, I couldn’t agree more with you! So… I was mad at her and me, not at you Hayley. You know what happened… And now I feel horrible, because it was never your fault!”

“I understand, you were right!” I mutter quickly after he finishes and he shakes his head negatively.

He looks really hurt and it’s breaking my heart.

“No, I wasn’t! And I can admit it now because… Something happened and I want to make everything right from now on!” he says next and I sign impatiently.

I don’t know where this is all going and I think I am not so ready, but I want to make him feel better, he needs to talk and I need him to get rid of this weight no matter what it is.

“Hayley… My mate was not dead and I found her by accident…” he states emotional and starts trembling with me leaving a sob escape my lips.

I don’t understand when or how my eyes get filled from tears and I press my lips together as tightly as I can to prevent myself from screaming. I am excited yet grateful she is alive, I know he loves her and he has been regretting what he did to her for Michelle. From the moment he felt that pain and thought she died, he had lost himself, he was a ghost, he was drinking and now…

It’s like a miracle! He can be happy again, he can try, he must!

“Yes?!” I mutter and he nods as he starts crying as well.

“Yes, she is alive and we have two kids together, Claire and Ryker! I had no idea until two days ago!” he says breathless and another sob escapes me.

“I am so happy for you!” I whisper running out of oxygen one step away from sobbing and he hugs me again.

“I know, my child! Thank you, I have no doubt you mean it!” he whispers back and kisses my forehead again.

I have never been happier in my life, I want to scream, cheer, I don’t know what is happening to me, but I am more excited than ever!

I always wanted the best for him, I was feeling guilty he was miserable, because I am a piece of Michelle and I feel awful for what happened to him due to her! I was praying for him and now…

Thanks Goddess she is alive and they have kids?! Two kids!?

“I… I realized I was unfair to you when I saw Claire’s eyes, my one daughter’s… I realized I have one more, the one that loved me although I didn’t deserve it and I loved her as well, from the first second I held her, but I hadn’t realized it!” he says trembling without setting me free and I open my eyes widely shocked.

What did he just say?

He… Loves me?

Me?

I think I have died and I am in heaven!

I was dreaming of this, but…

“You, Hayley! You are my child and I love you just like I love Claire and Ryker! I have three kids, not two and I feel awful I treated you the way I did! I want to change everything!” he continues and I raise my hands to caress his cheeks.

I lose myself in his eyes, we are crying, we are barely breathing, my heart hurts me, but I finally feel complete although… Now that I am thinking about it, he has two kids, his own blood and I don’t deserve his love and his time. I am nobody for him and them and maybe I should leave, they need each other and I will be just a weight. His kids won’t want me and I can’t blame them, I agree!

What if I cause him problems?

I have done already enough, Michelle did worse and he needs to find his happy ending, but he won’t with me here.

“I want us to talk about everything, to explain what happened and… Ask for a second chance, prove you how much I love you and how sorry I am! What do you say?” he says in agony after a while and I nod unconsciously.

I think I can try although I am not sure I am going to stay…

I want to know from him what happened with details and feel wanted for a while. He was always the most important person for me and not having him was breaking me.

I nod quickly feeling too close to pass out and he laughs relieved in a low tone. He kisses the top of my head and tightens his hold around me purring.

This hug feels like home, I am glad I have it even now, he leaves me no doubt he is happy, he can’t be pretending and I burry myself more in his embrace as he says his last words.

“Thank you, my daughter!”

************************

Hello everyone!

This is the 10th chapter and this time I didn't get late!

And what is happening to Gabriel? Wow!

So what do you think of chapter? How do you feel about the discussion he had with his sister? What do you think about everything he said about Hayley? What about what he told with his mother? How do you feel about everything Hayley said? How do you feel about what happened between her and Gabriel, I think it was about time, right? What do you think she is going to try to run away? What is going to happen next?

I am very curious to know your opinions and thoughts and I need to thank you for everything. I hope you liked this chapter and you love the story. Everything is getting explained gradually !

Plese if you want to help me from now that is still the beginning and you are looking forward for more commend and let me know your opinion and thoughts.

I will see you again in the next chapter (unless you are reading my other books). Until then stay safe, smile and have fun!

Love you all very much,

              Marie!