Thorns Of The Past.

Wild Instincts.

Always trust your instincts, they know what your mind hasn't figured out yet.

~about an hour later, Blue River Pack, pack house~

Hayley’s pov

I look at the closed cut on my knee one last time and pull down the one leg of trousers.

I don’t know how it’s getting healed so quickly when the cut seemed to be so deep, but I mustn’t complain. It stopped bleeding too fast and it doesn’t hurt that much. I am not used to these, I usually have a hard time trying to stop my bleedings and the pain is a lot for me to take, but not this time.

I stand up appropriately and look at myself in the mirror one last time before I get out from the bathroom. I was too pale before I take a warm bath, but due to the warm water I am not that much anymore, I have blushed a lot.

Also, I can feel no pain although I had been running and I am still bruised everywhere and especially on my stomach and I have no clue how this is happening, it is just that my body feels sore. Moreover, I am still shaking, I feel extremely tired and weak, I am standing on my feet with difficulty and my heart doesn’t feel the same anymore, something has changed and I can’t explain what this is exactly.

Haven is moving restlessly in my mind from the moment we came back and she is getting on my nerves, she is making me dizzy and that fact that she is not even talking is more frustrating than when she actually talks. I mean, I prefer her to say her bitterness and then leave me the hell alone as usual, because I really need some peace, but it looks like she has decided to make things worse for me and I am running out of patience.

This stupid, b***h wolf is unbelievable and crazy, she does hate me, I am more than sure now. She knows that her words and offences can’t affect me anymore, so she found another way to make my life a living hell.

I place my hands on the bench and close my eyes exhaling.

I can’t think, I mean I am trying to understand what happened to me, but my brain shuts down every single time I try and I am still confused. Everything happened too fast and all I know is that I thought I was getting crazy, I couldn’t stop myself from going to the end of the lake on the other side of the forest. It was like something was forcing me and I had no other option, I couldn’t resist, I was controlled and this is kind of scary.

I won’t even mention the ‘vision’ (I guess) I had with Michelle. It was a real nightmare and my grandpa’s words broke my heart, now I get it, but back then I thought I had no problem, I am used to hear things like these about her and I agree, I am never going to excuse her.

I just want to understand why that happened, it came out of nowhere and it was not a panic attack like those I have these last months. When I have them, I can do nothing, I can’t even breathe, I just cry, fall on my knees and I try to focus, calm down by thinking something I like and then breathe. This time it definitely wasn’t a panic attack. I would describe it better as manic episode, because I was happy for the very first time in my life since yesterday and when we got gathered to discuss, things got out of control, I felt my father’s pain, my grandpa’s anger and this change of feelings overwhelmed me way too much.

But…

What about the deer?

I still can’t believe I saw one from so close, it was like it was waiting for me, it didn’t leave, it didn’t run away, it almost touched me, I felt his breath on my forehead.

I am sure I didn’t imagine it, although my father thinks otherwise… You see, the deer left when we listened to him calling me and when he appeared, the deer was gone for good and it left no scent behind it, which is something that freaks me out.

I told my dad that I saw one, I managed to explain to him what had happened, but he said I was too overwhelmed and maybe my imagination took over and the fact that I was ready to pass out made him believe it was just an illusion of mine and there was no deer. So, I won’t mention it again, at least to him, I don’t want to worry him more than I already have.

I feel guilty I scared him, my aunt and my grandparents.

The first that came to me, was my dad. He was ready to go for a run, after he had left from the pack house because of his ‘fight’ with my grandpa, as he was hurt and he needed some space, but my aunt mind linked him to tell him I had left and he rushed to me. He could smell me like the others that did run after me and he was faster than them.

I have never seen him so pale and panicked to be completely honest, his face features had been altered, he was gasping and shaking uncontrollably and it took him about five minutes to ‘calm down’ and make sure I wasn’t heavily injured. He had smelled my blood and he thought something too serious had happened to me, but I assured him I was alright and I fortunately convinced him, because he insisted on taking me to the pack hospital. I was afraid of the possibility of a doctor checking on me because of my bruises, wounds, scratches and cuts, but I am glad he believed me easily and later my aunt told him there is no reason for me to go to one of our doctors.

He carried me back to the house although I protested, he didn’t want me to walk, because I was hobbling from the pain and on our way back we met my aunt, grandparents and the others. We were all soaked till the bone and once we arrived, my dad brought me immediately in his, yes, his room and told me to take a warm bath, my aunt brought me some clothes and now that I am ready, they want me to lie down and relax, take a nap and forget what happened.

I feel awkward I am in my father’s room to say the truth, I wanted to go to mine, but he said he wants to take care of me the most and my room is not comfortable enough, the mattress is hard, the bed not so big and no matter how much I tried to change his mind, I accomplished nothing. So, I just accepted it, I stopped protesting, I took my bath, I got dressed and now I am ready for bed.

Everything feels like a dream, seriously! All these latest incidents and changes are too much for me, but at least I have my father now and I hope I won’t lose him, because I won’t bear it.

I take one deep breath and open my eyes slowly. I give myself one last look and I turn and walk to the door with Haven groaning nervously in impatience.

I promise that one day I am going to kill her! She can leave me right after we shift for the very first time, I have read many cases that the wolf abandons its human and I am sure she has it in her mind already. She has told me many times that she is ashamed of me, she would prefer to have no human at all, she hates me and I am pathetic, weak, stupid, useless, ugly and fat.

She never supported me when I needed her, when they were abusing me at school or here, she had been telling me that I deserve to die and she had no problem that she would die as well, so I think I have many reasons to hate her.

I am not scared of staying alone, I am already alone and she only makes my life worse. I don’t mind that I won’t be able to get healed so fast but as a human without her. I am used to pain anyway.

“Hayley… I… I don’t know what had gotten into me before… I am sorr…” she begins to say nervously and I groan cutting her off.

Of course she was reading my mind all this time, typical Haven! She is such a hypocrite that she has problem when I’m rude to her, but she is perfectly fine when she curses me.

And then they say that our wolf completes us, bullshit!

“Do you think I care to know why you were doing like a crazy b***h when I was so close to lose my mind? Did I even talk to you?” I ask her hoarsely and she stiffens hurt.

Yes, kiss my ass f*****g liar! This is just one of her games, she wants me to suffer more, she never has enough no matter what I am passing through.

“Could we talk? I know you are right for reacting like this, but…” she whispers timidly in a totally fake, apologetic tone and I roll my eyes touching my hand on the door’s handle.

She is fooling herself, if she thinks she can make me fall for her cheap act.

“No, we can’t talk! Go back to your hole and leave me the hell alone!” I shout and she gets ready to talk again, but I block her and open the door with a forced smile.

I don’t want my dad to understand that things are way too wrong with my stupid wolf. He is going to find out everything once she leaves me in about one and half year, so telling him something is a waste of time, I don’t need his pity…

My eyes land on him that is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me, but he is not alone, my aunt is with him and he has surprisingly taken a bath as well… He used another bathroom I guess and he is casually dressed with my aunt wearing sport clothes and her hair quite wet. It seems that I spent too much time in the bathroom, there is no other explanation.

Both of them smile when our gazes meet and my dad stands up to hug me after he gives me a slow, inquisitive look to make sure I am fine. I smile shyly and relieved and once I reach him, he pulls me in his arms and kisses my forehead. I feel my body relaxing under his touch and I wrap my hands around his waist.

“You scared me till death, do you know it, young lady?” he asks me playfully and hurt at the same time and I nod nervously.

“All of us… It was dangerous out there with this storm. Many things could have happened…” my aunt adds worried and stands up to caress my hair.

“I know, I am sorry, I don’t know what happened. I just needed some air and when I got out, something got inside me and I lost it. I couldn’t stop, I promise!” I murmur with guilt and she smiles in understanding.

She is always very sweet, patient and gentle. She is a woman, a Luna after all and it is natural for her to be more willing to accept and respect some things.

“It is okay, we just want you to be careful. We were too lucky this time, but this doesn’t mean that the next one we are going to be again.” my dad says softly and I nod in agreement.

I think I am going to avoid the forest for the rest of my life from now on. How stupid and reckless I was!?

“Yes, I promise it won’t happen again.” I assure them not really believing it.

I am not so sure about it and this is very stressful. There is something wilder inside me since we came back, I told you before I couldn’t describe it, but the more time passes, the more my feelings get clear.

My heart is getting untamed, I feel instincts I had never felt before, this is terrifying.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor? I can ask from one to come and have a look on your knee.” My dad says with concern bringing me back to reality and I shake my head negatively.

I just want to sleep and forget about everything, I will try and I hope it works.

“She can walk normally, Gab, so it is much better and her knee has no problem at all.” aunt Kaitlyn says strictly as he had already asked me before and it was more than ten times.

“Alright then, it’s time to rest. Come, princess. And by the way, your grandma brought you levanter tea. It is going to help you relax and fall asleep easier.” It’s my father’s turn to say and turns, lifts up the covers and points the bed smiling.

God, he is a completely different man and I am scared of the possibility of this being only a dream! I could have never imagined he could be so sweet and caring with me, he makes me want to cry.

I wish nothing changes, my heart is going to break, if I ever lose him.

I take two steps and lay on the bed careful not to pressure my stomach as I am worried of the pain coming back and my dad covers me. I am not exactly laying, I have two pillows behind my back and my aunt hands me the big cup of tea and kisses my cheek touched.

I fight not to cry as I observe her tapping my father’s shoulder next and he sits on the bed by my side smiling to her gratefully. I am very happy they seem to be closer than before, she supported him against my grandpa a while ago and she is expressive, she has softened a lot towards him and my father really needs her, I know how much he adores her.

“I am leaving you alone. When you wake up, we will go for shopping for Hayley’s new room and anything else she needs, okay?” she says warmly and my dad nods immediately with me stiffening.

I still believe it’s not a good idea to spend so much money for me. I am more than fine and pleased with what I have, I am connected with everything, I don’t want to part from my room and everything in it.

“Exactly! Thank you, Lyn… I will come to find you in a while, I will wait for Hayley to fall asleep.” He replies tapping my knee and I take a small sip from my tea that tastes unbelievable great.

I had years to drink this flavor of tea, I am going to start drinking it again.

My aunt turns and walks out of the room after this, leaving my dad and me completely alone. I exhale shortly and he leans closer with his eyes locked on mine. They are filled with worry, fear, relief and pain and I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle, timid squeeze.

“Don’t do this to me again, I meant what I said before. I know that these days were very stressful for you, many things are taking place and they are new to you, but your safety comes above everything. I want you to inform someone to come with you wherever you go when you want to go out and especially in the forest. Okay?” he says without taking his eyes from me and I nod apologetic.

It was very stupid of me, I admit it, I know he freaked out, I felt it and I had to control myself in any way there was. He is ready to cry, his eyes are wet, they are shining and his hand is trembling inside mine.

“And also, I would like to ask you to forgive me for what happened before, it was my mistake you got so overwhelmed and run away. I had to talk to your grandpa in private, but I wanted the family all together and things didn’t go so well…” he adds and I leave the cup on the bedside table to caress his cheek.

It wasn’t his fault I got crazy and I’m more than certain that my grandpa feels awful as well. When he and the others met us in the forest, he told me he was sorry for everything he had said about Michelle in front of me and he is definitely blaming himself for the way I left.

None of them is to be blamed, I agree with them, their outbursts (although my dad’s wasn’t an outburst, he was calm but hurt) had serious reasons behind them and I have already accepted the truth, that the woman that brought me in this world means only problems to everyone around her.

“I don’t need to forgive you, because you did nothing wrong. I wanted to be there anyway and I don’t regret it, I would do that again, if I could. You did the right thing!” I say touched and he hugs me again sniffling.

I love being in his arms, it feels like home, the one I had been always dreaming of and I finally have it. I have no doubt he is honest with me, I was scared of believing it until some hours ago, but now I feel brave enough to accept it and start dreaming again.

“I love you very much and you are the sweetest and kindest soul there is, sweetheart. This is your power, don’t you forget it.” He whispers and I smile burying my face in his neck.

I repeat his words inside me and we stay hugged without talking for a while. I think what he just told me and get confused. I mean…

Being kind and sweet is not supposed to make you powerful.

If he says I am strong, why do I feel weak instead?

A new spark gets born inside me from this ‘question’ and I find myself troubled. I can’t understand him, I don’t think I believe this.

I am weak and being kind is going to cause me only problems, I mean I am getting hurt all the time, I forgive, I never get mad (leave Haven out of it) at anyone, not even at my abusers, because they hate me for what Michelle did, they want to punish me for being her ‘daughter’ and I accept it, but…

“BURN THEM ALL, I WANT NOBODY ALIVE! TONIGHT THEY PAY!” I listen to a woman screaming inside my head with many people crying, sobbing and running and I open my eyes widely.

I hold my breath and stay paralyzed in the arms of my father, who feels my body getting tensed and caresses my back gently. My heart stops for some seconds, my blood freezes in my veins, cold sweat bathes me and my skin shudders from shock and…

Fear!

The voice sounded like it came from distance, it wasn’t clear and the sobs, footsteps and cries were so loud that it makes it more difficult for me to understand if I know the woman or not.

I’m sure I didn’t imagine it, I heard it, the voice was in my heart and I feel like burning out of nowhere.

This can’t be happening, I am getting crazy and I open my mouth, pull back and look at my father that narrows his eyes worried.

I don’t control my thoughts, I am not ordering my body, a bad, warning feeling builds up and I don’t think of the words that leave from my lips next.

“Father, I want you to train me!”

~some hours later, night, Moon Stone Pack~

Edgar’s pov

I keep on walking deeper inside the dense, silent forest and I can’t stop feeling nervous.

Something happened today, something weird and no matter how much I have tried to calm myself and my wolf down, I can’t. It’s the first time I feel like this, I do my best to hide it, but I am not so sure I do it with success, at least when it comes to Lucille.

She is my mate, my Luna, my other half, the mother of my kids and we know each other for more than 50 years. Trying to hide something from her is pointless and the fact that I have been avoiding her today is not helping me as well, firstly because I can’t feel better without her and the same goes for my wolf, and secondly because she surely finds it suspicious.

I have talked almost to nobody today, I ignore my sons, my grandsons, my daughters in law, the pack members and my wolf is groaning all the time, but he doesn’t even know the reason about this, he just repeats that it gets out of him naturally.

It’s like he is calling for someone, but this is not normal.

He didn’t react this way not even when I banished Arthur that is our own son. He never mentioned him all these years and I know for sure he is alive, still. He is my own blood and even though I banished him, our bond is not gone, so I would have felt, if anything had happened to him.

If it doesn’t have to do with Arthur, I don’t know what else to suppose!

Even the weather is abnormal, a wild storm began in the morning and it lasted for about 8 hours, something that can’t happen under normal circumstances. The wind was so strong that trees fell, windows broke and nobody could get out not even in his wolf form. The ground is still wet and it is going to stay like this for about three days, the forest’s animals are still hidden, I can smell nothing than the wet soil’s scent and this silent wakes up something new in my heart.

I speed up even more and the cool breeze hits on my hot skin to make me sigh heavily. I continue walking for some minutes and I stop only when I react to my favorite spot in my territory, the old oak in the heart of the forest.

I rest my back against the trunk although it is still wet and my shirt gets soaked immediately and lift my head up to look at the black from clouds sky.

I can see no stars tonight and the clouds are so dense that they are not allowing to the moon’s light to be seen.

I run my hands through my hair in despair and close my eyes. I feel like something is boiling inside me, my heart is burning, it hurts and this goes against many that say I have no heart at all and generally I feel nothing.

Everything inside me was dead for years, but today this changed, the transformation is not completed yet and it’s the first thing that scares me in my life till now.

I don’t have full control over me and I hate it!

My wolf suddenly howls and I listen to a soft, low noise I have heard too many times, a well known one.

I open my eyes breathless and my eyes meet his, my deer’s!

He is standing tall about two meters from me, his dark green eyes, that are the same with mine, are shining in the dark and his gaze is colder than any other time.

I feel his… Anger!

He had years to come to me, after I banished Arthur, he left with him and his deer, or this is what I thought and now he is standing again in front of me and I can’t believe it, I was almost sure he had abandoned me.

I fight in despair to take a breath, even a short one. I have forgotten I have a heart inside my chest, the forest around us faints and I take one step to him wondering if he leaves me again.

I had accepted his decision even if it got me mad. He took Arthur and his deer’s side, he was against me and he didn’t look back when he left and disappeared. After one year I’d convinced myself he wouldn’t come back again, but he is here now and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Maybe this is why I feel this way today, he was warning me for his return and Mother Nature with our Goddess gave me the sign with the storm.

I observe him with my breath cut even though it is so dark that I can’t distinguish many things and I realize that almost nothing has changed on him. He is still the same strong male I knew, but at the same time I feel something is different on him.

“I… Is… Arth…” I whisper trying to stop myself from asking about him and curse with him staring at me coldly.

I mustn’t ask, I mustn’t care!

I know he has been with him all these years, he was taking care of him, because Arthur’s deer is his son, but I don’t want to know how he is doing.

Arthur…

He took his decision, he went against me, he wanted to give a chance to that slut, his ‘mate’ and he slept with her ignoring my orders to stay away from her and reject her. I had warned him that I wouldn’t accept from him to embarrass me and he disobeyed. I had dreams for him, he was my first son, the next Alpha after me, he was ready and the best of all and he ruined everything for that b***h!

And then, when I gave him the opportunity to take the Alpha’s title by fighting me till death and winning me, he stepped back. He seemed weak, he made me feel like I had been a bad, useless father, a weak Alpha.

I can’t forgive him for that, he deserved everything, he chose ‘love’ over duty!

This is not how I raised him, no.

I jump up and snap my head to some very tall bushes behind him when I listen to some footsteps after a while and what I see makes me step back from surprise.

I must be imagining things, this is not true and it can’t be happening.

My wolf freezes like a statue in my mind and I observe a young female deer walking and taking its place next to my deer. It stops on his right and this means only one thing…

My deer turns to the young female, leans and rubs his nose on the top of her head. He purrs with her closing her eyes and I take some more steps back until I hit against the oak’s trunk again.

Both of them stop, my deer turns to me again, the young female opens her eyes, those eyes I try to forget since the day he left chased by me and my deer starts walking to me without taking his stormy eyes from mine.

I start trembling unable to stop and I run out of oxygen as he stops right in front of me and leans his head forward. I shake mine negatively denying to do what he wants me to and he lets out a low, angry noise that makes my wolf growl frustrated with me.

I don’t want to know, I mustn’t, I just need to forget, I can’t…

“DO. IT!” he wolf screams furiously in agony and pushes me to lift my right hand slowly on the air and towards my deer’s forehead.

I don’t understand when my cold, sweaty palm touches his soft, short, dense fur, but once I do, a wave of energy consumes me and I exhale as my skin shivers.

I close my eyes surrendered under my deer and wolf’s angry gazes and everything turns black only for a second. The next one, a young girl with long brown hair appears kneeled in front of me and my heart aches.

The girl is soaked, her hair is wet, her clothes black and full of mud and her head is bended, I can’t see her face. I listen to her short, fast breaths, I can even listen to her echoing heartbeat and find myself ready to pass out.

I instinctually scream when she starts lifting her head up after some seconds and the ground under my feet disappears when my eyes land on hers.

These eyes, their shape and rare mixed grey and green color, these lips, the expression, the skin tone, the jaw, her imposing, mesmerizing gaze…

She…

Everything is like…

His!

I see the shock in her eyes and observe her drown as she moves backwards and away from me. She doesn’t look so scared and her half open mouth reminds me of his even more.

She is just like him and a scream of surprise escapes my lips when I listen to a strong, panicked man’s roar.

“HAYLEY!”

Everything turns black again and I leave my hand fall down, but I don’t open my eyes.

I have no energy left, no strength and I feel the new first raindrops falling on me and soaking the rest of my shirt on my shoulders, arms and chest. I press my lips together to hold back a sob with my wolf howling in pain and I lose the battle against my tears that fall from my eyes for the very first time after almost 17 years.

I had no idea…

It’s her… She must be…

I open my eyes gasping devastated and I am alone again.

My deer and hers are gone, they left… Me.

It’s hers, this is why it was with mine and now I know her name, there is no doubt.

Hayley… That’s her name and she is… Arthur's daughter.

My granddaughter!

************************

Hello everyone!

This is the chapter number 13 and I am late one day, but some already know the reason, sorry guys!

Anyway, I am back now and we met a new person, a strong one from many sides.

 I am sure most of you understand that has began happening, right?

How do you feel about what Hayley said? What do you think is happening to her? What about her relatioship with her wolf? How do you feel about Gabriel's behavior and the voicei in her head, what was that? Also, how do you feel about the new character we just met, do you like him or not? What do you think the deers mean (we already know some things from Michelle and now we saw more), why did they appear to Edgar? What is going to happen next?

I am very curious to know your opinions and thoughts and I need to thank you for everything. I hope you liked this chapter and you really love the story, it's more different than the usual for me and my books till now for many reasons. Everything is getting more intense chapter by chapter as you can see.

Plese if you want to help me from now that is still the beginning and you are looking forward for more commend and let me know your opinion and thoughts.

I will see you again in the next chapter (unless you are reading my other books). Until then stay safe, smile and have fun!

Love you all very much,

                               Marie!