Thorns Of The Past.

Pain, Feelings, Regrets.

Keep the ones that heard you when you weren't saying a word, because they listened to your soul!

~present, Bloody Snow Pack, forest~

Becky’s pov

I keep on staring at him breathless with my heart beating like crazy inside my chest.

I am mistaken, he can’t have said what I think I heard, no!

I can’t believe it, I am losing my mind, that’s all!

My son the next Alpha?

I mean… I know it sound logical, he is his first child, his son and this makes things even more serious but he has his Luna, I am sure they have kids so…

He doesn’t need mine! And also, he rejected me, it is like he has rejected Ryker and Claire and Ryker has no right to demand his title! I know all these are just theoretical because Ryker is the rightful Alpha no matter what have happened but I don’t want to believe it!

Why does he want us that much?

Why can’t he go back to his pack and forget about us?

He was living all these years without us, he thought I was dead, I am sure he can continue like this!

“What did you say?” I ask again gasping and he takes one more step to me trembling.

He hasn’t stopped looking at me and my skin is shuddering, I don’t know how to feel anymore and everything around me is blurred, even Evan that is not leaving us has fainted but I feel his nervousness.

“Ryker is the next Alpha of the Blue River Pack, our pack’s Alpha!” he repeats in a stronger tone than before and I growl frustrated with Bria nodding in agreement with him.

I can’t believe she is taking his side now!

She hated him till death, she is the one that wanted revenge, she changed completely from that day, she is not as kind as she was and I was always the one that was keeping her under control because… She sometimes becomes dangerous!

“No, he is not!” I scream raising my tone ready to shift again and he opens his mouth to say something but I raise my hand warningly and he stops.

I had enough of this s**t!

“You have your Luna, you have your kids or if you don’t, you will, it’s up to you! You won’t take my kids because now it suites you! I didn’t raise them alone to give them to you and take advantage of them!” I continue shaking.

He won’t take them, no!

He has already broken me and them, he won’t do it again, he won’t continue because I say so!

“I don’t have kids with M….” he begins and I scream instinctually.

“Don’t you dare say your slut’s name in front of me!” I roar making him step backwards defeated with a panicked expression.

I feel my eyes getting darker and this time Bria howls taking my side! She has promised me she is going to take revenge from that b***h no matter what! She can’t forgive or forget and I somehow agree with her in this!

Her betrayal hurt me more than his because she was always like a sister for me although we were quite different and Kaitlyn was closer to me because we had more in common and we weren’t as egocentric as she was!

“And if you have kids with her or not, it’s not my problem!” I continue without leaving him time to speak up again and Evan clears his throat discreetly.

I snap my head to him immediately and narrow my eyes in acknowledge. He is extremely nervous and I guess he is already scared of what is going to happen once he opens his mouth to talk!

I can read my chosen brother like an open book!

“Becky, you have to calm down, both of you! This is taking us nowhere and… Maybe Gabriel is right because…”

“What the hell Evan? Are you taking his side? Why are you helping him?” I scream cutting him off and he shakes his head in confusion.

“I am not helping him, Becky! I am not thinking about him but about his pack! The pack needs Ryker, you know this is the right thing! I don’t want him to go, I can’t imagine living here without him but maybe he needs to go! It’s in his blood, the pack needs its Alpha no matter what happened, only he can keep them safe and he has already a bond with all of them! Think about it!” he replies calmer and with his temper back and I stiffen awkwardly.

I exhale heavily and my mind gets on fire. Bria is murmuring he is right and I do my best to take everything slowly.

Okay, I know Evan is right here! Gabriel’s ancestors created this pack and nobody except from them has taken the pack under his lead for any reason! The bloodline has never changed and this is why the pack has a very strong bond with the rightful Alpha and the opposite!

Gabriel’s blood runs in Ryker and Claire’s veins and Ryker is the first in line! Claire is the second although she is a woman but she is a Luna here and she won’t leave for any reason!

The pack is going to get weaker if the next Alpha is not related to Gabriel and there is nobody better than Ryker! I am not saying this because he is my son and I love him, he is better than Blaze sometimes, he wins in every fight they have (for fun or during training) and he has great skills! He runs this pack with Blaze, they are one and I know he can make it great on his own as well!

And yes… The pack needs him more than anybody else and I wish I could forget I was born in that pack and I loved it with all my heart but I can’t! Despite what Gabriel did, this was my home, my family is there and I have missed them all, I want only the best for them but how is Ryker going to react?

I think I am sure… He is going to kill us all, even me!

He won’t want to go and I can’t blame him but it’s his duty and when you are born Alpha, you can’t step back and deny your fate, everything that is happening from yesterday is the proof…

Maybe Gabriel found us because the pack needs Ryker and he has to become the next Alpha...

“Becky…” Gabriel whispers and I blink my eyes coming back to reality again.

I look at him and sigh exhausted, I don’t know what to say…

“What about your family? You have to talk to them, they think you are dead and…” he says and before I realize what is happening, I walk to him and slap him with so much power that even my palm burns and he turns his head on his right.

FUCK!

I wish I could kill him, this is…

GOD!

“And now you care for my family!? My parents? My brother? What a hypocrite you are!? I guess you had forgotten them when you were marking your w***e! Right Jones?” I scream and push him back without protest from him and Evan pulling me back gently.

This man is the most shameless asshole I know!

After everything he has done to me and them, he remembered them and he wants me to believe he cares and he wants the best for me and them?!

Yeah, sure I was waiting for him to tell me to come in contact with them, like I didn’t want to!

I have already taken the decision to call them! Last night I wanted to but I decided to wait until today because I didn’t want to frustrate them and also, I am going to need courage to call them and…

Damn it!

I want to sob now!

I have missed them like crazy! I always wanted to come in contact with them but I couldn’t because I didn’t want Gabriel to find me and the kids! I never thought he wanted me but I had to protect the kids and I knew my family wouldn’t have been able to stay away from me and act casually!

I am going to call them once we go back and I stay alone! I will go to my house immediately and when I am calm enough, I am going to call and tell them everything!

I needed them all these years, I was dying away from them! I know they didn’t deserve it but what else could I do?

The way I run away was too sudden and quite humiliating for me! I had no idea how to face them! Not that I have now but there are no secrets anymore, the kinds know and Gabriel…

Now that I mentioned him…

I need to get rid of him and I need some peace! I will try to talk to Ryker about it but I won’t pressure him, the decision is his, I won’t interfere and I am going to respect and support his will!

I clear my throat and Evan sets me free with Gabriel looking at me like a helpless puppy! It’s like he is hanging from my lips and this is getting on my nerves but f**k it!

“Look, to end it here… Go back to your pack and come here again in a week from now and not even a day earlier!” I state coldly and he blinks his eyes surprised yet confused.

He is an i***t! Oh my God, what am I doing for this pack?!

“What does this mean?” he asks me in agony and I narrow my eyes furious.

I can’t believe myself and what I am about to say and this stupid wolf of mine is smirking pleased. She is so proud of our pups and now she is losing it for sure, she is dreaming of Ryker becoming officially the Alpha of the Blue River Pack!

“Just say it!” she orders me in impatience and I show her my middle finger and block her.

This is it Becky, say it!

“I am going to talk to Ryker but I promise you nothing!”

~some time later, pack house~

Blaze’s pov

I get out of the bathroom and smile when my eyes land on Claire.

I just took my bath after her and now she is brushing her hair in front of the mirror and we are ready to lie down for a while! These two last days were difficult for all of us and especially for her.

I observe her for a while, I don’t talk or move!

She is way too lost, it’s like she hasn’t realized I am in the room and this has never happened again! Her mind is somewhere else or to say it better, on someone else, her father…

I know Claire better than anybody else, even our mother doesn’t know her as much as I do! I am her mate, she is my weakness from the first moment I saw her like I knew she was going to be my mate and now I am the one that can see deep inside her heart because I am in her heart and she is in mine!

Claire is fragile when it comes to the people she loves but she is not fragile like a flower, she is fragile like a bomb! Today she proved to all of them how powerful she is, I already knew it, I was just keeping it for myself and her because I have already told her she is stronger than she believes!

Maybe she is the strongest of all of us and the reason is one, she has a great heart!

She feels no hatred, she doesn’t know what this word means and before you tell me she hates her father, let me tell you she is hurt, angry and scared but she doesn’t hate him, she can’t!

I feel how hurt she is and I decided not to talk about it till now but I can’t stay silent anymore! When she is suffering, I am dying! She is my life, I love her more than anything and anybody else, Claire is my entire world and she doesn’t deserve to be in pain!

I wanted to give her time to think and calm down but she is getting worse and I can’t take it, I need to talk to her, make her feel better again!

I take a deep breath and then start walking to her. She keeps on brushing her hair that is already perfectly brushed and once I am behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist and she leaves the brush on the small table in front of her.

I look at her through the mirror and she smiles melancholically, her eyes are shining but not because she is happy, she is ready to cry and I kiss her cheek gently with my hands caressing her waist slowly.

Her body is in tension, her expression is a nervous one and my wolf, Brad, murmurs something hurt.

Claire and Ciera are what matters him the most and I agree, we are in this together! He is the most protective one between us and the same goes for Ciera when it comes to him and me! They’re more dominant and possessive, they deny to leave their mate alone even in the slightest thing!

“Why is my baby so tensed?” I whisper softly and kiss her cheek again with my eyes never leaving hers.

She presses her lips together and some tears fall from her light brown eyes but I raise my right hand, make her turn her head to me and kiss her tears. She purrs immediately and places her hands on mine, I feel her body relaxing under my touch and when I pull back it’s her turn to give me a quick kiss on the lips.

She knows I am melting when she does things like this!

Well, Claire has nothing to do to make me melt! Even looking at her is enough for me!

“I am sorry for before…” she whispers with guilt and I pull back narrowing my eyes with a teasing smirk on my face.

She is adorable when she is apologizing but this hurts me as well because this time she has nothing to feel sorry about! She was right, I agree with her and I support her! In fact, I never like it when Claire apologizes because she never does something wrong!

She is an angel with all the word’s meaning!

“I have nothing to forgive you about, love!” I say smiling and she blushes shyly.

Yes, kill me more Claire, I am lost already!

“Aren’t you mad?” she asks me timidly and I peck her lips.

“I am not so well… I am sorry…” she continues and I pull her closer to me.

Her body touches mine, she is wearing a pair of dark blue, satin, short pajamas and the top is sleeveless, her long hair is free and I am wearing only my bowers and a pair of black, sport trousers. Only some parts of our bare skins touch each other’s but it is still enough for us to feel the sparks and when I give a short look at my mark on her neck, my heart skips a beat.

I love to admire my mark on her and her mark on mine, I’m proud she is my mate, the proudest yet luckiest man there is!

“I am not mad, I am hurt!” I whisper and with this I take some steps backwards with her following me still in my arms.

I lead her to our bed and place her on it in silence. She looks much better and I lay on top of her without leaving my full weight on her (okay, I am too muscular and I don’t want to make it difficult for her to breathe). I trap her under me and cap her sweet face in my hands. She is ready to cry again, her eyes are puffy and I lean to kiss her forehead.

I can’t feel her like this, I wish I could take her pain away but I can’t do it without her help, she has to take some decisions for her and Gabriel!

“Do you want us to talk about it? What are you thinking of, baby?” I ask while caressing her cheeks and she exhales heavily.

“It hurts like hell… I don’t want him, I always wished I could meet him but now I know the truth and… I don’t know anymore…” she mutters in despair and I shake my head in understanding.

I was expecting it but she is not completely honest, she doesn’t want to admit it, she is not really lying!

“Maybe you should calm down for now and then think about it again!” I say thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?” she asks immediately ready to ‘bite’ me and I stiffen nervously.

Here we go Blaze! Don’t feel bad, you are doing this for her, she is your priority, you want her to be happy!

“Can I be honest? Completely?” I ask.

“Yes!”

Good! Now is the worst part!

“What if you give him one chance?” I whisper from almost inside me but it’s enough for her to listen to me and…

Boom!

“What? Blaze, my mom and Ryker are…”

“I am not talking about them Claire!” I cut her off before she continues and she raises her eyebrows troubled.

See? My woman is not a difficult, crazy one and she is very sweet when she is looking at me like this!

“I am talking about you, I know your heart better than anybody else because I am in your heart, I know how you feel, Claire…” I continue and she raises her hands and buries them in my hair without breaking our eye contact.

She is positive till now, she wants to listen to me and this is a very good sign and this also means she is desperate, she wants to stop being in pain and she does need him although she is not admitting it!

“Everyone decides for himself, you are suffering and you still want him but you are scared because you look like mom and you think he never loved her and he won’t love you!” I say next and she nods defeated.

“Do you know what I saw today some time ago?” I ask immediately and she stiffens.

“What?”

“A father that really loves his daughter! He wanted to protect you, he didn’t leave you alone, he was scared!”

“Um… I…” she mutters and stops with tears blurring her vision and I smile emotionally leaning even closer to her.

She is so scared for the first time, she was never so nervous and sensitive! She always knew how to face any difficulty but now she is lost, she needs encouragement.

“I had told him to leave before I get informed about the attack… And…”

“And he didn’t! He stayed!” I end her phrase and she nods quickly.

“Yes, he did!”

“Baby… Just think about it, give time! You are hurting yourself like this, I am trying to help you because you are the only thing that matters me!” I say next and she caresses my hair with a bright smile on her face.

There my Claire is!

The beautiful smile is back and she is not so sad!

“I know baby!” she whispers and kisses my cheek again but I am not done yet…

I need to tell her something else, she has to understand she is somehow lucky she found him... I know it sounds crazy after what he did but believe me, she is lucky!

“I lost my mom, she is not coming back…” I begin and do my best not to cry.

It always hurts, I can’t talk or remember of her without crying! I miss her like crazy but I know she is happy for me, my dad, us and Claire and our family, she would adore Claire, they have lots of things in common, this is what my dad tells me!

“My love, I…” Claire whispers aware of how I feel but I place one finger on the lips and stop her.

“I have our mom now and I am grateful but I would love to have mine here with us as well! You have a chance, do you realize what this means, Claire? Would you want him to be dead?”

“Of course not!” she replies immediately hurt.

“I am just… Scared! I know he doesn’t look so bad in fact and he somehow cares and shows emotions but… I don’t want him to reject me officially now he knows about me!” she says breathless and I nod in understanding.

At least she is not trying to fool herself, she is honest, she is facing her fears like the brave, wise Claire I know!

Do you know what?

She is going to make it and I think I am doing the right thing although Gabriel has to bleed to make her truth him and I am going to have problems with Ryker that hates him till death! I am sure mom won’t say anything, she is going to agree as long as Claire is happy!

“I understand but I am here! I am never going to leave you, you won’t be alone, we are together in this just like in anything else!” I say and touch my forehead on hers with our gazes locked.

She is smiling happier than before and I can’t hide my relief and my enthusiasm. This is all I want, Claire smiling for her entire life! This is the greatest purpose for me and I will be the happiest man there is, if I make it!

And…

If Gabriel dares to hurt her, I will kill him on my own! I won’t listen to anybody, I am not playing when it comes to Claire, I do not forgive!

“Blaze, thank you for everything! I don’t know what I would do without you! I love you more than anything else!” she whispers emotional and moves her hands lower, on my back to hug me.

I smile feeling her heart beating against my chest and close my eyes. I love every moment with Claire but some like this…

Fell like heaven because she is my heaven!

“I love you too, you are my life! And… I am very proud of you, Claire!”

~lots of hours later, too late at night, Blue River Pack~

Hayley’s pov

I walk down the stairs slowly and try to be as silent as possible!

They are all sleeping in their rooms but I can’t! My body hurts everywhere and no matter how much I tried to relax, I couldn’t! I took one more warm shower but the pain is not decreasing, I am breathing with difficulty when I am laying on the bed and my body is shaking uncontrollably. 

It is worse than any other time and I don’t know what else to do! I will probably take some painkillers from the kitchen, I am already going to take some water and I don’t care I haven’t eaten and my stomach is empty. I have to go to school tomorrow, I need to sleep for even some hours and I won’t make it, if I keep on being in so much pain!

I had been waiting for hours for everyone to fall asleep, I can’t walk properly, I am pale, I have bags under my eyes and I know I am invisible for almost everyone in here but I want to be as discreet as possible!

I am walking down the last stairs with the main living room not completely dark as some secret lights are always turned on but stop when I take his scent.

He is here, he came back!

I take a deep breath with my skin shuddering and I look around me in the room. It doesn’t take me too long to see him and I exhale relieved.

He is sleeping on the big couch and I can smell alcohol, well I can see it too, a half bottle of whiskey is on the small table in front of the couch and a half filled glass is right next to it.

So… The Alpha is back and I guess he hasn’t been here for too long!

I take some more steps and when I am done from the stairs, I look around me nervously for one more time.

I am happy to see him to be honest! I had somehow missed him although I rarely meet him! I mean I missed his presence in the house and I was worried, I am always worried about him, this is never going to stop!

I make sure there is nobody else here and I spot a small blanket on an armchair next to the couch he is sleeping on and I walk as carefully as I can on my toes.

I don’t want to wake him up, he must be tired and in bad mood again, this is why he had been drinking…

I take the blanket in my hands some seconds later and unfold it while taking some steps closer to him.

I cover him gently making sure the biggest part of his body is covered appropriately but when my eyes land on his face, I freeze and step back panicked.

I woke him up!

Damn you Hayley, you are really useless!

I lower my head ashamed yet terrified and I try to breathe but I can’t. I am shaking like a leaf, my heart is killing me and my stupid wolf stiffens making me dizzy.

What happened to her today?

She hates me more than anybody else, she rarely comes in my mind and this happens only to make me feel worse and hurt me!

Anyway…

Who cares about Haven?!

What matters is that I woke up the Alpha and he is going to be mad at me, I don’t like this silence, he is not moving or talking!

Well, he could kill me I guess, it would be my redemption but I am not so sure…

“I… I am sorry! I didn’t mean to, Alpha…” I mutter under my breath and listen to some movement.

He is standing up if I am right and I turn around ready to run away but he grabs my hand surprisingly gently and stops me. I almost jump up from the shock but I keep on having my head bended, I can’t look at him in the eyes.

He is going to kill me, right?

He is mad at me and I can’t blame him, I woke him up, I…

“Are you alright, Hayley?” he asks worried and I blink my eyes gasping.

I think I am going to have a panic attack, I had some in the past and I understand when it’s coming! No, this is not a good timing and I can’t believe he asked me if I am alright!

He has never asked me anything about me, he never cared and I don’t blame him! He is spending his money for me and I can’t complain he doesn’t want me, he is right!

Um… Fine!

Talk Hayley, don’t waste his time, don’t get him angry!

I nod my head holding back a sob feeling my body paralyzing and my heartbeat getting stronger with a sharp pain building up in my chest and force myself to say even the shortest sentence.

“I am, Alpha… I am sorry, I didn’t want to…” I mutter but before I finish, I hit on his chest and feel his arms wrapped around me.

I got crazy!I lost my mind or I am dreaming and I have no idea if this is going to be a nightmare in the end! I mean, it’s too good to be true!

Did he just hug me?

I did nothing, I didn’t move an inch!

I stay in his arms like a statue and I feel nothing. I don’t know how much time passes but he is not leaving me, he continues holding me and I think I stop shaking gradually, I don’t feel so much pain and he is holding me tightly yet gently, he is not hurting me.

“Hayley…” he whispers after a while but I can’t open my mouth and speak.

I don’t want to look at him either although his tone is not cold or harsh like all the other times.

“You have nothing to feel sorry about but I… I am sorry… For everything!” he continues and I gasp shocked as the next second I feel him kissing my forehead.

What is happening?

I want to cry and hug him, I want to tell him I love him because I really do but I am scared!

What if he is playing or this is all a dream?

Is he drunk? I don’t think so! He is not like the previous times, he looks well!

“And… I would also like to…” he adds with a trembling voice that makes my heart melt and kisses me again.

“Thank you for being here and for loving me!” he continues and some tears fall from my eyes with me putting amends not to sob.

He knows!? How?

“I could always feel your love, always Hayley and I never really deserved it!”

************************

Hello everyone!

This is the 8th chapter and are some softening or it is in my imagination?!

And also, we have Blaze's pov in this chapter (I guess I am in love, lucky Claire)!

So what do you think of chapter? How do you feel about the discussion Gabriel had with Becky? What do you think about her reaction? What about Blaze and Claire? How do you feel about everything he said? How do you feel about what happened with Hayley and Gabriel, maybe someone is realizing his mistakes, could it be because of Claire and Ryker? What is going to happen next?

I am very curious to know your opinions and thoughts and I need to thank you for everything. I hope you liked this chapter and you have begun loving the story. Everything is explained now and from this moment things get in a new level!

Plese if you want to help me from now that is still the beginning and you are looking forward for more commend and let me know your opinion and thoughts, or share the story.

I will see you again in the next chapter (unless you are reading my other books). Until then stay safe, smile and have fun!

Love you all very much,

                                    Marie!