thirteen
1460 Words
Appie was at the bus stop when her three best friends got off the bus. Long after the bus left, the four were still standing there, facing each other. Three on one side, the fourth on the other.
“Let’s grab something to eat,” Appie said.
And without waiting for a reply, she started walking. She knew her friends would follow. And she wasn’t wrong.
On the first day of college, the girls took the same bus home. It was late in the afternoon, or early in the evening. They preferred to think of it as early in the evening. And they weren’t eager to rush back home. The conversation, that never ceased, continued. Now, the topic was their favourite place for an evening snack. None of the four was particularly surprised that they liked the same bakery. It was the best bakery in the neighbourhood. Probably the city. They had the best sandwiches. The best bread. The burgers weren’t the best, but very satisfying and very filling. It was the puffs that were the best, and the defining item on the menu.
The four girls cemented their friendship over puffs at their favourite bakery.
It was those same puffs they were having today, to accompany the not so beautiful conversation.
They sat differently around the table. Milly made up her mind and sat by Appie’s side. Sophie and Nina were across the table.
“Alright then, talk,” Nina said.
“I told her,” Appie said. “Mom. I told her about Bee. Even introduced him. So, that’s that.”
“What’s going on with you?” Nina asked.
“I like him,” Appie answered.
“I know,” Nina said. “I’m not blind. I’ve known a long time. Since you started liking him. You didn’t see it, or maybe you did. I don’t know. You are different, when it is him. Your voice is different. Your smile is different. You smile more. You laugh more. And easier. Even at stupid jokes laugh comes easy. I can feel it. You’re happier when he’s sitting with us, when he’s laughing with us and talking with us. You even invite him on plans we make without him. Do you remember?”
“Yeah,” Appie said. And she did remember. She invited Bee to movies a few times, when he was never a part of the plan. When did it start?
“Maybe that’s why you’re blind,” Nina continued. “He likes you. But he likes you the same as the rest of us. He likes someone else a little more than the rest. And that’s not you.”
“I know,” Appie said.
Nina fell silent.
“What do you mean?” Sophie asked, picking up the torch.
“I know,” Appie repeated. “But it’s not like that.”
“He told you that?” Nina asked.
“Yes,” Appie said. “He did.”
“And you believe him?” Nina asked.
“Yeah, I do,” Appie said.
“Are you out of your mind?” Sophie asked.
Appie stared long and hard at Nina and Sophie. She saw the anger and the worry and the concern in their eyes. She knew they cared for her. And it was because of that that they were so vocally against Bee. Appie sighed and decided to explain.
“You need to understand something,” Appie said. “I know you’re talking about El. But it’s not like that between them. Even more importantly, I confessed. I told Bee I liked him. He turned me down. I refuse to give up. He doesn’t like El either. Not romantically. He’s not together with her. Or with anyone. And that is why I refuse to give up. I have an advantage over others. He likes me just that little bit more. And I am banking on that. I’m trying to win him over. And I can’t stop. I can’t give up.”
“Your mother knows this?” Nina asked.
“Yes,” Appie said. “Mom knows. It was in her presence that I made it clear to Bee. That I’m not giving up.”
And then, there was nothing left to say.
They ate in silence. And went back home in silence.
They didn’t know now how they had changed. How their friendship was affected. They would have to wait for tomorrow to reveal it.
-
El and Emma were once again at the cafe. They were having cold drinks. El’s was peach iced tea. Emma’s was cold coffee. And the mood was sombre.
“What is it?” Emma asked. “El. What’s going on?”
El shook her head. I don’t know. What was going on?
“I really don’t know,” El said. “I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it. I’ve seen him like that. Bee. With that look in his eyes. And it was only the one time.”
“When was that?”
“When he said we were over. I kept pressing for an explanation. This was after a year, I think. After college. I was working in a different city. He was studying. His MBA. I flew over for the holidays. A whole week, we were together. It was on the last day. My flight back was early the next morning. I asked him, once again, for maybe the billionth time, why. And he just looked at me. With an expressionless face. He had no answer. He just stared. And after what was like forever, he just said, blame it on me. That’s all. He was so annoying. He had that same look today, when he was speaking with Appie’s mother. When he was telling her to not be worried and explaining how much he cared about Appie.”
“What happened? Between you two? With him? Did you ever find out?”
El stared at her tea. The tall glass, the condensation on the outside, the cold on her fingers as she rested them on the glass, they were her anchor. Her connection to the present. As her mind wandered through hazy memories, things she had forgotten, things that were slipping away. And why wouldn’t they? They were from a different lifetime. They were memories of a different her. She was not that person now. This wasn’t that life. She wasn’t together with Bee. She wouldn’t experience any of those things. She wouldn’t witness any of those forgotten memories. She wouldn’t fall in love with Bee.
At that point, El froze. She returned to the present. And she was cold all over. Like she had stepped into a freezer. And the tea wasn’t to blame.
“I was in love,” El said. Her voice soft. And hoarser than she realised. “I loved him with all of my heart, with every part of me. I gave him everything. My heart. My body. My soul. My everything. When I had nothing more, he left. No, he never explained. No, I never understood. I don’t think I ever will. I don’t think I want to. Do you think there can be an explanation that would make sense? That would make it okay?”
“No. I don’t think any explanation can do that. But, none of it happened now.”
“I know. I guess I can’t bring myself to truly leave, however much I want that, and however hard I try. I guess I’m a sucker.”
Emma froze, as she finally started to understand. “No,” she said. “Come on. No. You can’t be falling for him, again.”
“I don’t want to,” El admitted. “But I think I am. Seeing Appie so close to him, I can’t help it. I can’t stay away. I want to think it’s because I want to save Appie. But I can’t even convince myself.”
El laughed as tears slipped out of her eyes.
And Emma didn’t know what to do.
“I’l just have to try harder,” El said, after a couple of minutes.
“And I’ll be right next to you,” Emma said. “I’ll be with you. All the way.”
“Yeah. Let’s make ourselves happy.”
“Ourselves?”
“You don’t really think you’ll be all happy, do you? Your love is not all sunshine either. And this time, I’ll be sure to protect you.”
Emma stared slack jawed. “You’re not serious, are you?” She asked.
El only smiled in reply.
“Of course you are,” Emma said, sighing in defeat. “Of course, you are.”
“Yeah, of course, I am,” El agreed.
- Writer
