Your Voice (G x G)

6

My phone rang loudly as I lay in bed, thinking about nothing in particular. “Hello?” I said, not even bothering to look who the caller was.

“Allie!” Jill squealed on the other side, “Since you didn’t ask me all day about my v-card being lost, I took it upon myself to call you.”

Quickly feeling guilty, I groaned. “Oh Jill, I’m so sorry.”

“Seriously Allie, you’ve been so out of it lately. And the worst part is you’re not even telling me anything!” I went silent for a while, my lips frowning. “I know you have something in your mind—something you can’t tell me.” All I could think about was Ms. Blake and the stupid butterflies in my stomach. “And it’s perfectly fine if you don’t tell me. Just be sure to tell me when you’re ready.”

What? I expected her to juice me for the something that was boggling my mind but to my surprise, she’s laying it aside. “What?” I repeated verbally.

“Allie, you’re my best friend. I know best friends tell each other everything but… I want to be the kind of best friend that would wait, not force you to tell me anything you can’t. Okay?”

“Jill.. I...” I cracked up a bit. It was devastating for me to keep secrets from her.

“I know.” Jill said, as if telling me to not worry. “But the terms of condition is as follows…” She paused and we both chuckled, “you are to have fun and smile like you used to. And—that’s it.”

“Jill, thank you so much. I love you, you damn person.”

“I love you too!” She said cheerfully.

The night went by fast and we finally talked about her s****l experience with Toby. We scrolled through topics and laughed just as we would before. I never really had addressed the change Ms. Blake had made in my life until now. Jill seemed to see it perfectly. Not that Ms. Blake made me miserable or anything. It’s just that I’m more inside my head than I am in reality. Jill and I finally said our good nights, not long after I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep.

Just like every morning, my mom would whip up breakfast and sit with me to eat. Believe me, I was still getting used to my mom being all lovey-dovey towards me. She would ask me about school and I tried to expand my story as much as possible, after a few weeks I’ve brought myself to tell her about personal things—baby steps. Jill and Toby’s ‘encounter’ was one I’ve told her about.

My mom and I were growing strong. Something I would have never imagined in the past. She would kiss me in the cheek and tell me ‘I love you’ every morning, and I’ve made efforts to express it back. She also stopped drinking, that’s why I think she looked a bit thinner. Maybe not having alcohol had an effect towards her, that’s what I think.

Like every other school day, I would shower and get dressed so that’s what I did. As I fix my backpack in my room, I felt the need to pee. Mom was still downstairs fixing the table and soon she’d wash the dishes. 

We were two females using one bathroom in one house so I expected a few strands of hair would be on the bathtub’s clog, but in ours, it’s like someone cut a full length of hair and placed it in our tub. The sight was enough to make you cringe. I emptied the clog and I told my mom about it.

“Oh yeah, uhm,” She was stuttering to find words, “Those were mine. I have a serious scalp condition. And I was actually thinking about shaving my head.”

Her sweetness towards me was enough to shock me but my mom shaving her head? Well, she’d look fine and all, but still. “Is that completely necessary?” She nodded her head then looked at her wrist watch.

“You better go. You don’t want to be late for school.” Before I could even argue, she kissed me in the cheek, “I love you.” She said, going back to the sink to wash the remaining dishes.

“I love you too.” I said, flushed in confusion.

-

I told Jill all about the hair incident with my mom and she was as confused as I was. “Scalp condition? That’s tough but I think shaving her head would be a little too extreme.”

“Tell me about it.” I said, agreeing to her statement.

“On the side note, Halloween’s only three days away. My big brother’s throwing a party at our house. It will be filled with college boys and drinks. What do you say?”

Jill seemed enthusiastic about it but a college party was definitely not my scene, “I don’t know, Jill…” I said, hesitating.

Out of the blue, Jill shouts “Ms. Blake!” Ms. Blake nears us, I could tell she was a bit confused.

“Yes, Higgins?” She was so formal when she talked to my classmates. I felt really special to know that Ms. Blake was one crazy lady with exceptional humor.

“Are you free on Halloween?” What the what? I mentally asked, my face surely showed the confusion Jill was creating from her words. She’s not thinking of inviting Ms. Blake, is she? “There would be a big house party at my house, but my brother’s hosting the party with his college mates. I just thought, would you like to come?” Oh boy.

“Jill, what are you doing?” I hissed at her.

“What? I thought you guys were close so I didn’t hesitate to invite her.” She didn’t even try to lower her voice to a whisper so that Ms. Blake wouldn’t hear, “Besides, the school wouldn’t know. It’s invite only and all the people would be from my brother’s university. So, what do you say?” Her question was directed to Ms. Blake which was kind of lost in the situation.

“Uhh, sure.” What?! I shot her a look but as Jill turned to smile, Ms. Blake shrugged nervously towards me.

-

The three of us met up in my house. I gave Ms. Blake the directions a day earlier and when we spoke at that time, I knew she was nervous. Jill was the first one to my house and a few minutes later, Ms. Blake arrived too. The redhead was on the phone, talking to Toby about how we were ready and to come pick us up.

“I’m sorry about this.” I told Ms. Blake when we were alone. She smiled at me and I felt relieved that she did.

“Don’t be, I think this would be fun. I haven’t attended a college party for some time.” We conversed calmly and I felt a thousand times better than I have for the past three days.

“Well, try not to shag someone.” Ms. Blake caught my humor and we laughed.

“How about we both promise not to shag someone?” It was obvious that I wouldn’t, I was more concerned about Ms. Blake’s attention than my own. She held out her hand with her pinky open. Smiling, I sheepishly locked our pinkies together.

“Alright, Toby would be here in five minutes.” Jill said, making us both jump, ruining the moment.

Five minutes later, a blue Camry pulled up front and honked the horn. We made our way to it and settled in. Jill rode shotgun while Ms. Blake and I were stuck in the back. We suffered a few seconds as the two lovers made out.

When they finished, Toby looked at me, “Hey Allie,” he said with a big grin. As he turned to Ms. Blake, his grin faded. “Ms. Blake? Is that Ms. Blake?” He turned to Jill to ask, then to me, “Is that Ms. Blake?”

“Yes, it is Ms. Blake.” She said it herself with a hint of annoyance.

Toby laughed nervously and said hi. He proceeded to face front and turn the car in drive.

The sun was already down and the moon shone light all throughout. Music boomed from inside Jill’s house, I shot Ms. Blake a nervous look. Toby put his arm around Jill and they went inside without bothering to think about Ms. Blake and I. “You’ll be fine.” The older lady whispered to my ear, making me jump at her hushed breath.

I sighed, slumping my shoulders. “Let’s just get this over with.” The music grew louder as we neared the house. Sure enough, the placed was trashed and everyone was half drunk. I caught sight of Jill and hurriedly made my way to her, “Hey, don’t leave us out like that again! We don’t know any of these people.” I scanned the area and sure enough we didn’t.

“Erm,” Jill groaned, “I can’t really promise that. Oh hey, Vivian how are you?” Before I could even rant she was out with Vivian.

“Ugh, this is not happening!” I was pissed, Jill was being so passive and blind and everything she wasn’t.

“Relax,” Ms. Blake whispered again, we lay our backs on a wall. “Here, this should start the party.” She grabbed two shot glasses, the last time I had drank alcohol it didn’t end too well. My face must have painted hesitation because she says, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” The butterflies started swarming again inside my stomach.

After downing a shot, we wandered through the crowded people, trying to find a spot to spend time in and trying not to lose each other in the crowd. My head was bowed as I walked and not too long I bumped into somebody. “Hey!” The voice was too familiar that it sent a shiver down my spine. “Allie?”

James looked good, he actually looked way too good and this made me furious. "Hey there.” I said, full of annoyance. Ms. Blake must have noticed that I wasn’t trailing along behind her because she pops up from the crowd. “Hey, hey!” I greeted Ms. Blake, “This is the infamous douche, James. James, this is Sara.”

Ms. Blake looked at James with a concerned look then her eyes turned towards me. Out of the blue, a girl jumps at James and snogs him. The sight was all too familiar. My face turned red from the fury I was feeling. A hand held tight to mine and lead me to where the crowd didn’t reach. 

We took a stop just as we found solitude; Ms. Blake was still gripping my hand. “I wanted to punch him, too.” She said, trying to break the ice. Sure enough, I chuckled a bit. This was Jill’s room and we started sitting beside Jill’s bed. “This is far better than out there.”

“Tell me about it.” I closed my eyes and let out a breath. The moon peeked through the window making it our source of light. Silence filled the air but it didn’t mind me too much. “Why did you come?” I abruptly ask. 

Ms. Blake furrowed her eyebrows, “Because Jill asked me to.”

It was somehow disappointing to know that she was only here because of Jill. There was a pit in my stomach I couldn’t get rid of, what do I have to do to get what I want? I thought.

“Why haven’t you moved on from James?” Her voice wakes me up and her concern startles me.

“I have. What I felt was more of anger than remorse, it’s just unfair to see someone like him happy.” My words came out bitter and I didn’t even try to hide it.

“Aren’t you happy? I’m sure you’ve got something going on. Not particular to romantic relationships.” I suddenly thought about my mom and how she’s been kind to me, I thought about how I had the best friend in the world, and then I thought about Ms. Blake. I was torn between happiness and sadness—it’s like she could instantly make me smile or make me crazy with just one thing.

“I am happy.” I said, thinking to myself. “Happy and thankful.”

“That’s good to hear.”

For a moment I hesitated to ask her the question in my mind, but then I impulsively did, “Ms. Blake, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s your type?” She faced me, her features were intricate yet still beautiful in the dark. “I mean I know you like girls and all, but what type of girls?”

“Hmm,” She was giving it a thought, “My type? I haven’t really thought about it. But I do like girls who laugh at my jokes, that is very, very crucial for me.”

“That is so like you,” we laughed at my note, “this just shows how much you take pride on your jokes.” She nodded her head with a smile.

“What about you? What’s your type? You don’t need to say you like jerks—that one’s already outspoken.” I playfully punch her in the arm and she laughs.

I couldn’t tell her I was having second thoughts on which type I liked, that would be too obvious. “I don’t know.” I said flatly. She pushed me on telling until I could finally say, “I seriously don’t know, I’m confused.”

Her lips parted slightly and for a few seconds we were silent. I was starting to feel hot because of the awkward silence. Ms. Blake laughed and finally broke it, “Oh my goodness, did I do that to you?” She looked kind of amused and I didn’t like it.

“What? No, of course not—uhm,” I started stuttering, my face heated up fast, “I did that to myself.” Like before, she started laughing at my embarrassment. “Stop laughing, god you can be so insensitive sometimes.”

“Ooh,” Ms. Blake stopped, “sorry, you look cute when you start to get all red and awkward, then you start stuttering which is even cuter.” Her words were enough to make the butterflies in my stomach go wilder than usual. “Hey, look.” She stood up and walked towards the window.

Snow started to fall down from the sky. It was enough to cheer us both up. We briefly looked at each other, the moon lit up her face and the sight of her before me was undeniably beautiful. I’ve denied myself the truth for too long and now it was the only thing I could think about. It’s easy to deny and brush off my thoughts, but it wasn’t easy to get it completely out of my mind. I like Ms. Blake. I like, like her and it came to me just now as I look at her.

“Do you want to know if you like girls?” She asked, her eyes still locked from mine. Without a word she knew I have agreed, that’s when she slowly leans in.