Your Voice (G x G)

9

Winter. I've always hated the cold weather. I hated how it would make your lips dry, the chill would seep into your bones and make you numb, and how it would make a person miserable for no reason at all. My thoughts on such matter were cold, just like the weather.

Though I would admit that last night was the greatest night I've ever had. Never have I imagined Ms. Blake to hold me that way, nor tell me that she'd do things for me. It had such a great impact on me that I was still up at two in the morning.

I'd think that what Ms. Blake said should give me rest and leave me at ease but instead here I was—tossing and turning. There was a sudden bolt of excitement churning up inside me and it was so strong I couldn't sleep.

My mind was thinking of what could be. Does this mean she likes me back? Why wasn't she just straight up honest and said 'I like you'? I told her I was falling for her and I was... compare that to what she said, it wasn't at all a confession.

Now I really couldn't sleep. Was I only floating on my made up cloud? She couldn't have liked me. She was a great person with a great sense of humor, she was the kindest and the meanest person at the same time. She was a catch—a too big of a catch if you ask me. It's impossible for her to like me. I sighed to myself, feeling my heavy eyes falling. All I could do now is give myself rest and accept that Ms. Blake is waaaaay out of my league.

Just as I close my eyes, I fall asleep with no effort at all. Soon after, morning came to greet me. I grunted in my half-sleep state as I felt something weigh my bed down. "Oh dear god." I say, startled by Jill's wide grin.

"Hey dearest." She says in a weak smile. It took a moment for me to remember that Jill had already find out and have been planning on ditching me just like Ms. Blake said.

I sheepishly sit up, wiping the sign of morning glory in both my eyes. "So, you know, huh?" She nodded and I felt a flush of embarrassment take over. "When did you figure it out?"

She offers a reassuring smile. I knew she cared for me a whole lot but I just couldn't shake the thought of judgment in her. "I can't remember, but I've known for a while."

My eyes couldn't face hers, my head bobble low. "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you sooner. You must think I'm stupid for liking Ms. Blake, or weird for liking a girl, or both..." Just as I have worded the thought out loud, I knew how strange I sounded. Stupid Allie, of course she's thinks that way, just look how weirded out you are with yourself! I thought.

As negative thoughts came flushing in my mind, Jill shakes her head, "Girl you are my best friend, best friends don't think that way! I'm happy you've find someone who makes you smile and laugh. I know you'd be happy for me, so." The girl smiled, teeth showing, vibing honesty.

My mind was put at ease, "Thank you, Jill. You don't know how much your opinion means to me."

"I know," she chuckles, "besides, you and Ms. Blake have Chemistry. I mean like, seriously—you guys burst hearts when you're together." I feel my face get hot from blushing, "and don't let me get started on those brief eyesex moments."

I nearly died laughing, "Yeah, I wish." My tone sounded a little down and Jill caught this.

"Okay? What's the spill?"

"I kind of confessed last night." Another turn for embarrassment, only this time I was a lot more at ease. Jill nodded and I continued, "I think Ms. Blake did too."

In a snap her expression changed from relaxed to shocked, "Oh my god, Allie!" She started fanning herself just as she turned red, "I can't even—this—ugh."

"Calm down! Jeez, I said I think, I'm not so sure."

"Well, what did she say exactly?" I started to recall the moment leading to that, the hug, my heavy breathing, Ms. Blake pressed on me with her scent covering every bit of my consciousness... "she told me she could avoid talking and flirting for me." Jill's brows furrowed for a bit, thinking it over. "It's not a confession, right?"

She took her time to answer like I was a minefield and everything she'd say would lead to a disaster reaction from me—which it probably would. "Well, uhh, it depends on how she said it."

My eyes fell, giving it a thought. "I guess so." Jill sighed a breath of relief.

"Is it so hard to say 'I like you' back?" She ranted.

"I know right? That's exactly what I thought!" Now that Jill agrees with me, I couldn't be any more sure that what happened last night was merely Ms. Blake comforting a student who likes her. Damn me.

Jill and I readied up for breakfast. I knew it was inevitable for Ms. Blake and I to cross paths so I made myself ready for such moment. As Jill, Toby and I sit down for our breakfast Ms. Blake joins us. "Mind if I sit with you?" She asked us. Jill nodded while Toby had a bashful look.

We ate in silence the whole time. In the corner of my eye I could see Ms. Blake glancing at me for a brief moment. "I'm done." I announce while getting up.

As I slowly leave the room I could hear Ms. Blake's chair rag with the floor followed by steps fast near me. "Collins," I turned to see the shorter girl, sporting a crooked smile with her hands pushed down on her pockets, "hi."

Ms. Blake didn't seem to be herself—or maybe I was just thinking out of the box again. "Hi."  I say, putting up a strong wall after remembering the conclusion I had last night.

"It's good to see you."

I furrow my eyebrows, "right back at ya." Clearly I was trying hard to appear like I didn't care.

She nodded, still wearing the crooked smile. "Last night..." a scoff exited her mouth as she started the long explanation how last night wasn't actually what I thought—or so I assumed.

I was going to let her finish her statement but she simply took too long, "You don't have to explain, I understand."

"Y-you understand what, exactly?" Ms. Blake fished out a strip of gum from her pocket, unwrapped it and tossed it in her mouth.

'"Last night was..." a mistake I'd like to say, "unexpected."

The older woman bobbled her head in agreement, "I know." Her chewing suddenly began to louden, she seemed a bit antsy.

I was tipped off and annoyed because of her mouth, "Seriously, what is with you and gum chewing?"

The vibrant action of her jaws suddenly stopped, her hands deepened in her pockets. "I chew gum when I'm stressed out."

My eyebrows shot up, "So, I stress you out?" She started waving her hand and shaking her head. Last night's event had her stressed out, damn her. "I get it, Ms. Blake, you don't have to explain."

"Why are you being so cold?" The old Ms. Blake suddenly returned, "You're making this a lot harder than I've imagined. I'm stressed out and nervous— that's why I'm chewing gum."

Nervous?  Whatever reason does she have to be nervous? "It's okay Ms. Blake, I'll save you the trouble of explaining what you want to explain. I get it. You don't like me that way. I know you only did what you did and say what you said last night for the sake of comforting me. Please, spare me the rejection."

Ms. Blake looked lost, she fished out another strip of gum and began chewing. "Wahr a you shayin?" She blurts out as she chews the chunk. "You are one paranoid over thinker! Do I have to explain every bit of detail to you? Okay, then, let me start."

She drags me to the hallway, out of people's sight, "wha-"

"Hands in pockets—feeling awkward," she demonstrates as she speaks, "stuttering and gum chewing—nervous. And if you still haven't figured it out, no, last night was not contained in an attempt to comfort you, it broadens up to the fact that I like you. Okay? There, I said it, jeez."

It was my turn to look lost, and shocked, and flattered and feel a lot of feelings at once. "Y-you do?"

She smiles ever so beautifully, "Yes, I do."

My hands covered my mouth in an attempt to hide my awe, I didn't want to look like some fangirl finding out her favorite boyband was realizing a new album. I was a thousand times relieved and happy, "I didn't know you were capable of being nervous." I honestly didn't.

"Well, yeah, I have you to blame for that." My smile couldn't be any wider, it was amusing for me to see her in such a state, and the tables have now turned.

With Ms. Blake's confession finally confirmed, I was definitely excited for the trip back. Now that our feelings were clear to each other I knew that we would be happier in each other's presence compared to before. We didn't need to agree to sit with each other on the way back, that fact was a sealed deal.

I catch Jill fixing her bags and I try to compose myself before I tell her the amazing news, "Ms. Blake likes me back she just confessed to me right there in the hallway oh my god Jill I still can't believe it!" I blurted out fast, so much for my composure.

She suddenly had a bolt of excitement and just screeched, "Aghhhh!" Then we joined hands and started to jump in rhythm to our screeches. We looked like fools, I guess. "You are totally ready to hit that hot-wagon!" From this statement I can conclude that Jill was gayer than I was.

I told Jill every detail of the confession as we rode up the bus. She was surprised to learn that Ms. Blake was nervous, though admitting she kind of read through her at breakfast. Toby was there waiting for her and that was my cue to sit with Ms. Blake, who was nowhere in sight.

"Allie!" A high pitched voice called out to me. I looked behind me and realize that the voice belonged to Shelly, "come sit with me!" I flashed her a weak smile, I didn't want to sit with her, I wanted to sit with Ms. Blake.

"Uhhh," as I start to speak, she drags me to the row of her seat and sits me down. "—okay?" I say, surprised of the force she gave me.

Without any sign of remorse, she sits down beside me. I catch a glance of Ms. Blake, for a moment she scans the bus, then stops as our eyes meet. For a moment she looks at Shelly then goes back to me, I frown to let her know I didn't want this to happen.

I quickly look back at Jill, she seemed to be as confused and let out as I am. "I had a great time last night." Her voice snaps me back to her attention, "I mean, the pictures, right?" She hysterically laughs like there wasn't anything in the world as funny as that.

That's when I realized that she was only funny when I was drunk. "Yeah..." I tried to cough up a real laugh, but failed to do so. It's going to be a long ride home, I though, and sure enough it was.

It was hard to zone Shelly out. I was between being pissed at her annoying loud mouth and not wanting to be rude. When a brief silence came, I took the opportunity to plug my earphones on, something I wouldn't do if I was with Jill, Toby, or Ms. Blake. Just as the bus pushed to a halt in front of our school, I didn't wait another moment, I went straight out and straight home.

It was an attempt to get Shelly out of my skin as effective as possible, I'd have to catch up with Jill later, and Ms. Blake... well, I'd have to worry about her later too.

Home was something I missed undeniably. The car was parked out of the garage and was now piled up in snow. I guess I should have put it in before I left. "Mom?" I called out, feeling the chill die down a little.

"In here," I followed the trail of her voice to the kitchen, "this is the hottest room in the house." She justifies as she's sprawled in a wide comfort chair, her shaved head wrapped in a scarf like an Arabic girl. Her baggy eyes stay fix on me as I come in sight, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I neared her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, she was beginning to thin up and I couldn't point out why. "You should start fattening up, mom. I wouldn't feel too good in leaving you here alone for college in the nearing months."

She smiled, "I'll be fine. Don't you guys have an after party or something? Back when I had my senior trip I was out for a week even though the trip was only 3 days, like yours."

It suddenly gave me an idea, "Well, we actually do. I'll be crashing at Jill's after the party."

My mom seemed pleased knowing that I was getting in touch of my wild side, although I actually wasn’t. "Okay, have fun, baby."

"Are you sure you'd be okay alone for another night?"

"I'm sure." She said with a weak smile.

-

I was excited; having a plan for the night with no assurance of the outcome was one hell of a thrill giver. My bag was ready at my back and I was sure to kiss my mother good night before I left. The car was deep in snow and after I finished raking it out, I was heavily breathing, trying to get hold of the keys to insert in the ignition.

First stop: Jill's.

The red house looked abandoned, only a few lights were turned on and the garage seemed to be empty. Despite the lack of existence, I ranged the doorbell. There was a loud giggle coming from the other side, the door opened and I was met by Jill and Toby.

"Hi," I say with a wide smile, knowing where the giggle came from, "parents are out, I assume?" The two blushed and nodded in chorus, I raise my hands up, "I'm not judging. Jill, I kind of told my mom I'm sleeping over your house tonight."

They looked defeated as if their plans have been suddenly broken, "well, are you?" Jill asked with a hint of desperation.

"No, calm down." We chuckled.

They made out in front of me, I suddenly thought that I just interrupted their sexy time when I rang in. "Wait," they stopped and Jill looked at me like murder, "if you're not sleeping at home nor here, then where are you sleeping?"

"Erm, you know where." I hope Jill could catch that, wouldn't want Toby knowing anything he doesn't want or need to know.

"Oh my god, Ms. Blake's?!" Jill, you shall be punched one day.

"Jill!!!"

She looked at Toby then at me, "Oh, don't worry, he knows." My mouth gaps out, "he's as smart as I am and you can bet with his life that he won't tell."

The boy nods, "You can. I would take that secret with me in my grave, the writings in my gravestone would say 'the boy who kept his friend's secret' in memory for you."

I shook my head, it was hard to wrap my mind around it at this time. "Okay, okay. Just make sure you vouch for me if ever my mom calls." Jill salutes me as if to say aye ‘eye captain. "Good. And Toby, I trust you." He didn't hide the fact that he found confidence in my words and with that, they close the door.

Next stop: candy shop. I was in and out for a brief moment, only grabbing one particular item.

Last stop: Ms. Blake's house.

I had to jog my memory in order for me to remember the directions leading to Ms. Blake's house. For a moment I was thinking over what I have planned, was I sure to spend the night over her house? Was this a little too fast? I shook the feeling off, it's not like I was planning anything rash.

I tugged my jacket inwards, as if that would do the cold any good. I knocked, then nothing, I repeated the same action until Ms. Blake, who was sporting a bathrobe and wet hair, opened the door. "Collins, goodness, why are you here?" I was beginning to stutter, stupid me, "oh never mind that, come in before I start freezing."

My eyes scanned her house, I was greeted with the familiar brown colored walls. I faced Ms. Blake, her arms were folded and for a brief moment I was in a trance, realizing that the only layer she had was her bathrobe.

"Erm, uhh, I'm here to apologize earlier. It's not a big of a deal I know, it wasn't a good start, is all." She seemed to catch my sudden embarrassment towards her clothing; I fished out the pack of gum I bought in the candy shop, "here, to calm your nerves when you're around me." I tried hard to look smug as possible but I probably failed.

Ms. Blake chuckles, "Looks like you need that more than I do." My head drops down from embarrassment, my hand starts to lower too until she grabs hold of it and takes the gum from me.

"Well, that's all I came for." I said defensively, trying to save me from the awkwardness.

"Really?" She says, not believing me, all the while looks at the stuffed bag behind my back.

"I was kind of hoping to crash for the night."

She couldn't help but smile, "That would be great. And about earlier, it's fine, you wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for that snobby girl. I was also thinking..." she neared me until we were only inches apart, "I want to kiss you." The urge suddenly flushed in me too, I stared at her lips, trying not to move or breathe or even blink.

"But," she continues, "I want to take it slow with you. You make me feel all weird inside, something I'm not quite familiar with. And I was thinking... would you like to give it a shot? You and I, I mean?"

I didn't know how to respond. Maybe kissing her would be an appropriate 'yes', but like she said, we should take this slow. Besides, I didn't want to show her how much I wanted her.