Why I Love Him

Chapter Twelve

I can remember a random evening when I went to dinner with Wayne and he mentioned wanting to buy a dress for his daughter when a lady and her child — who looked about five to six — walked passed our table. His eyes had gone wide, and he had stopped midsentence as if he had just realized what he said. He backtracked, saying that he meant to say he wanted to buy a dress for his niece, not his daughter. For some reason, I found it hard to believe him. His body language was tense, and his eyes darted around, worried.

What was he afraid of? What was he worried about?

"You're spacing out again, you'll walk out of the pavement," Edward said, making me blink before turning to look at him. I apologized, attempting to shake the thoughts out of my head before we continued on our jogging path.

The past few weeks have been weird. Edward and I bumped into each other on the stairway often. Most time I would avoid him, but after having a few more sessions with my therapist I made a conscious effort to face him head-on. He was surprised at first, but somehow, we managed to patch up the rough start we had and became friends — sort of. I knew Edward was still attracted to me, and I respected him for taking my 'let's be friends' and making the most out of it.

We went jogging together, and there were times we met up for drinks. Sometimes, I would even visit his apartment and talked to him while he cleaned around. We never talked about anything too important, though. We weren't that close, at least not yet. I needed time to ease up to friendships.

Aside from that I went to work and talked to my co-workers. They seemed to notice something had changed, and I assume that was a good thing because my medication was working, and I could manage my anxiety attacks better. I was also not tired and moody all the time like before. Sometimes Wayne came over to my workplace to invite me for lunch or a movie, and sometimes he would call using the work phone instead. I thought that would make our boss mad, but apparently, someone who owned the biggest chain of tech stores in the state had the privilege to do that. It made my manager kiss up to me, asking if I could get him a meeting with Wayne. I guess I had forgotten how rich Wayne was.

"Is something on your mind?" Edward asked, making me look over at him again. He was giving me a look of concern, and I could see the hope that I would talk to him about things glitter in his eyes. He wanted me to open up to him, but it didn't seem to dumb my worries on him. Plus, I had a therapist for that.

I looked away from him, staring down at my feet as we kept walking. It wouldn't hurt to tell him a little bit, would it? I pushed some hair out of my face, letting out a sigh as we kept walking.

"Wayne said something that weirded me out," I started, sucking my bottom lip as I contemplated telling him the full story. "He said he wanted to buy a dress for his daughter, then he backtracked and said he meant his niece," I explained, looking at Edward from the side of my eye to try and gauge his reaction. He didn't look shocked at all. In fact, he looked a little confused — like he was waiting for me to tell him the rest.

"It could have slipped. I have nieces, and sometimes I call them my kids or something weird," Edward said. My lips formed a thin line. I had thought about the possibility, but I didn't remember Wayne having a niece, but then again, we didn't see each other for five years. He could have had a niece within that time period. A sigh left my lips as I slipped my hands into the pockets of my jogging pants. Edward's words had made me a lot calmer, but a little part of me was still not convinced. The way Wayne had reacted to what he had said had been suspicious. Though, I might be reading too much into things since I still couldn't fully trust Wayne. As shitty as saying I didn't trust him sounded, it was the reality of the situation.

"You know, you could always ask him about this if it's bothering you too much," Edward said as we came to a turn. "It's not good to hide worries like this. It'll hinder the fixing you two have been doing for the past few weeks."

I snorted, feeling my chest vibrate with a laugh. "What are you, my relationship counselor?" I asked, making Edward grin before shrugging his shoulders. It as a cool evening, with the sun hidden behind the clouds. There were a lot of birds making noise on tree branches, and on electric poles and wires. Edward and I made sure to stay clear of the known bird s**t zones.

"I just want you to be happy," Edward explained, answering the question I had asked a while ago.

I frowned a little, still wondering how he could stick around me and root for me after what I did to him. I opened my mouth to say something but closed my mouth when I decided against it.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he hummed in response to me calling him. He looked at me from the side of his eye as we kept walking. I looked away from him, turning my gaze to the pavement as I licked my lips.

"You're a good person," I said, and he grinned like a child that just got praised.

"I'm glad you think so," he said, shrugging before looking away from me.

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I knew I said I was going to ask Wayne about the girl he was talking about — daughter, niece — whatever. I tried to bring it up while we exchanged text when I got back from jogging with Edward, but I never did because I didn't know how to insert it into our conversation without seeming confrontational. So, we ended up telling each other our goodbyes without me saying anything about it. I scrolled through his social media instead, trying to find hints. I felt bad for doing a mini-investigation behind his back, but I felt restless, and having some sort of idea regarding what was going on would help me relax.

A small frown of confusion took form on my face when I realized his f*******: and i********: photos were void of family members. I was either he didn't post much in general, or he took a lot of things down. The grip I had on my phone tightened as I closed my eyes. It's just like me to start making up scenarios when I didn't find anything to fuel my fear.

Don't feed your fears. I told myself, opening my eyes to find Ciel sitting on the kitchen counter in front of me. The cat gave me a curious look, making me laugh as I reached out to stroke his dark fur before turning on my heels and leaving the kitchen for the living room.

I took a seat on the sofa, biting my thumb's nail as I wondered what else to do. I could ask Wayne, but I was just stressed out just thinking about how to bring it up, and the conversation that would follow.

"Calm down," I mumbled to myself. It was late in the day now — nine at night to be exact. I had taken my medication, but it didn't seem to be doing much for my current anxiety. I dropped my phone beside me on the sofa, pulling up my long sleeves before scratching my arms as my eyes darted around the room. This was something I usually did to clam myself, but it wasn't working.

I seemed to have triggered an anxiety attack, and I wasn't sure how to calm myself down. I closed my eyes trying one last thing — taking deep breaths. After a while, I was able to relax.

I picked up my phone again. I got up from the sofa, retreating to my bedroom. A cold shower and lying in bed would help me feel better. I tried not to let my thoughts overwhelm me by fighting them with reassuring words.

He's hiding something from you.

I don't know that.

He lied about changing.

I can't make that conclusion.

He's cheating on you.

But we're not even dating yet.

I kept going back and forth with myself as I took a shower and changed into night clothes. I was mentally exhausted. My head and eyes felt heavy. I let out a relieved sigh when my body touched the mattress of my bed, before crawling under the covers. I closed my eyes, but my mind refused to stop buzzing, so I couldn't sleep.

The sound of my phone buzzing made my eyes dart up towards my pillows. I reached under them, taking out my phone. Tapping the screen, I got it to light up. I small scowl formed on my face when I noticed I had a notification telling me I had a message from Wayne.

Message from: Wayne.

Remember I'm picking you up from work. We're making dinner at my place, can't wait!

THURS, 9:52 P.M.

I frowned at the text, too tired to remember what Wayne was talking about. It took a while, but my eyes went wide, and I muttered an 'oh' under my breath when I figured it out. Wayne had asked me to come over tomorrow. We were going to grab groceries and make dinner. I unlocked my phone before replying to the message.

Message to: Wayne.

I won't forget.

THURS, 9:59 PM.

I sent back before tucking my phone under my pillow again.

I'll ask him about his niece tomorrow. I promised myself, pulling my covers over my head. I was probably worrying over nothing, but having Wayne explain things in detail would really ease my mind. With that assurance, I was finally able to sleep.