Pleasure & Confusion

CHAPTER 4

I give in to my wolf, who is begging me to accept the offer, to give Holden--our mate--what he wants.

I stroke my hands up his arms, his shoulders and up his neck. Being rewarded with a slight shiver from Holden, I tangle my hands in his hair, gripping tightly and pulling his face down to my level, crushing my lips against his.

Sparks devour my body, empowering tingles taking over, making me moan.

Our lips connect. My soft submissive lips shaping around the strong controlling lips of my mate.

Holden slips his hands further around my body, splaying them out across my bare ass, groping hard.

"I want you." He whispers into my mouth. "Do you want me?"

I nod. "Yes I do, but please don't mark me." Holden's eyes shoot with pain. "Not yet. I want to wait. I'm not ready for that just yet."

Holden pulls back and looks at me. "You don't want me? Are you rejecting me?"

I sigh and pull out of his grip. "Come sit, Holden. I need to explain some stuff to you."

I walk over to the bed, and pull the cover over me, sitting cross legged.

Holden reluctantly follows, and sits at the end of the bed, watching me with confusion.

"I... err..." I stutter. Holden's eyes light up in realisation. "You have a boyfriend? That guy! That hot shot dude?"

I sigh and bow my head. "It's more complicated than that. Can you listen while I talk? Don't say anything yet. Just let me get this out."

Holden nods and takes my hands in his. "I will stay quiet and listen." He promises.

Taking a deep breath, I start.

"Holden, I guess I should start at the beginning. I never had a great relationship with my parents. We weren't close, and when they died in a road accident a few years ago, I wasn't exactly upset about it."

"I spent my teen years pushing myself on guys for a little bit of attention. I hoped somebody would love me as much as the way my parents didn't. I ended up getting heartbroken again and again. This was after letting myself fall for guys too quickly, and too hard."

"So when I met Dean, he introduced me to a whole new world. An easy world of no emotions, no love, no pain other than physical. It was wonderful."

"What I'm trying to say is... Dean... Mr Law. He is my master. My Dom. I am a submissive."

"I gladly take pain and pretty much all kinds of abuse to please him. I be what he wants me to be."

"It's easy, and I never got emotionally attached."

"Dean taught me how to have s*x without emotion."

"Only, recently... well... since I met you, Dean has confessed he loves me and wants more than a dom/ sub relationship with me. He is scared of losing me."

"What I have decided to do--and I'm sorry for putting you in this situation--is see how things go with both of you. I am not going to lie or intentionally cheat on either of you. I just can't let either of you go right now."

"Dean is my best friend, my support, my confidant and my lover. You're my mate. The one person destined for me, and I can't bring myself to reject either of you."

"I don't love either of you right now. I hardly know you, and I only know Dean as my Dom, my master."

"Now all of this new information has been shoved in my head, I'm going insane!"

"I am not intentionally trying to hurt you Holden. I do want you. I promise I do, but Dean... God, there's so much history with him and I think I have feelings for him."

"He is NOT trying to take me away from you, he wants me to be happy and if I am happiest with my mate, he will step back and let me be happy. Please, please, please can you give me some time? Time to wrap my head around this. Time to get to know you and Dean. Time to find out what I want and how I feel." I come to the end of my speech and sigh out a deep much needed breath.

Holden just looks at me, his jaw dropped, his eyes wide and full of pain.

It would be a comical moment if it wasn't such an important situation.

"Holden? Please, say something." I whisper, squeezing his hands.

"Oh Lizzie!! I can't believe you've... you went through so much and I wasn't there for you. If I had found you sooner, you wouldn't have resorted to b**m or that man!"

"I love you unconditionally, and will be patient and wait for you."

"I will help you get to know me the best I can. It hurts that you can't accept me fully straight away, but I can understand why you need time."

"We can still spend time together right? I can still be around you?" Holden rants and raves, his hands swiping through the air.

I smile, knowing both of these incredible men are able to wait and let me see this through. Thank God!!

"Yes Holden! Of course. I will have to split my time between you, Dean and work though, but I will do it as fairly as I can, I promise!"

Holden bounds across the bed and wraps his arms around me, kissing my face, my hair and my nose.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I giggle at his persistent kisses, surrounding me with love and care.

"That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard." Holden murmurs, holding my face carefully in his big hands. "I promise I will hear it again!"

I smile at his promises, his vows and his need for me.

I feel cherished.

"Lizzie? Baby, can I kiss you? Please?" Holden begs gently.

My heart heats and swells, and I nod, finally getting my first kiss with my mate.

As he leans in, I start quivering in anticipation. Come on Holden!

As his lips touch mine, I lose all sense of time, purpose and control.

It's like all my senses come alive. A bolt of electricity hums through my body, sending sparks and tingles down to the pit of my stomach and to my private place!

Oh wow!

Holden licks my bottom lip gently, as though begging for entrance,which I happily give, parting my lip. I am taken aback when he plunges his tongue into my mouth, curling it around my own, as though tasting it.

I hear a low groan rise from his throat, which pushes me further.

I push myself onto his warm muscular frame, straddling him roughly.

Oh hell! I've already slept with one guy and I'm on the verge of sleeping with another all in the same night!

'w***e!' My wolf laughs at me, voicing what I'm already thinking.

I chose to ignore her and let my body lead me.

Grabbing at Holden's grey wife beater, I pull it off over his head, much to his surprise.

I marvel at his well defined torso, his tanned pecks covered in a light sprinkling of hair. His stomach is shaped in a well defined eight pack, toned to the point where it's sexy, but not over the top.

A body made by the gods!

I run my hand through the hair placed there on his chest, my mouth watering at the sight.

"See something you like?" Holden asks with a cocky tone.

I blush at him noticing my perving, and nod with honesty.

"Don't be ashamed. I'm your mate, you can perve. I want to do the same, so lets get that top off you! It's my turn!" He states.

I raise my arms just as I do in Dean's playroom, and Holden slips off my oversized t-shirt.

I watch as his eyes widen, taking in my form.

"What is... did he... Lizzie?" He whispers, appalled.

I look down at my naked body to see bite marks and cane marks over my body from the weekend's activities.

I cover myself up with my hands, feeling ashamed of the marks. Not because I didn't like it, but because my mate didn't deserve to see me like this. Dean loved seeing the marks he made on my body, and in turn I loved making him happy.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "You shouldn't have seen those."

Holden clears his throat and sighs, shaking his head. "Was this punishment or pleasure?"