Pleasure & Confusion

CHAPTER 11

"It's a very unconventional solution though and can end up with the mates fighting for attention."

I swallow back bile at the idea of Dean and Holden fighting each other for my attention. I couldn't handle losing either of them. I couldn't imagine it!

"Right... so, how would it work? One of my mates is an Alpha? How could I be a Luna if I'm another wolf's mate as well?" I ask with a shaky voice.

My heart is pounding out of my chest, I feel beads of sweat trickle down my back, and my heart aches painfully.

I am so confused!

"It just would. His pack would accept you as Luna because that's your right as his mate."

"The only problem I can see presenting itself, is your mates not accepting the situation you're in and making you choose."

I shake my head, not wanting to picture the scenario in my fragile mind.

"I'm still confused. How can Holden AND Dean both be my mates if my wolf hasn't stated Dean is? She feels pleasure and excitement by him being close, but with Dean, she knew instantly that he was hers." I ask.

Mr Paulson smiles. "It's quite simple. Due to Holden's position, his ranking shall I say, it was stronger for you. Dean and you obviously share a strong connection as well, but he isn't an Alpha or a Beta, nor a high ranked wolf in the community. The bond isn't as connected to his wolf as it is with Holden. Get it?" He asks patiently.

I nod silently and sigh, placing my head in my hands, being held up by my elbows which are propped on the table.

How could this be happening to me?

How was I going to explain it to both of my mates??

~*~

I am laid in bed, wide awake with no hope of sleeping.

My mind is running over the extensive, long talk I had with the elder.

I still couldn't believe it could happen!

To me?

I had some choices to make.

Dean?

Holden?

Or both?

Could I have a secure, stable and happy relationship with both of them at the same time?

I had to tell them. They had the right to know what was going on, but I still worried that they would walk away if they knew I had another mate.

Mr Paulson had informed me that both of them could mark me and have an equal place in my heart and body.

What worried me was I had never wanted a relationship, or a mate for that matter.

Now I have two?

How was that going to work?

What if one of them proposed? Could I do that? Could I marry two wolves?

That's bigamy right?

Illegal!

What if we had children?

Who's would it be?

Who would play father and how would the child grow up with three parents?

That would be one very f****d up childhood!

I don't think I could let that happen!

How would it work?

All of it?

Sleeping arrangements?

Sex?

Decision making?

Holidays?

Couples outings and dates?

Living arrangements?

Oh f**k, I can't handle all this!

I'm getting a serious migraine!

Note to self. Thinking hurts!

I roll my eyes and pull myself out of bed. It's dark, 2.45am and I'm unable to sleep.

So, what do I do when I'm stressed? I clean and cook!

After four long hours, I have a clean flat, a chocolate cake, a loaf of bread and a banoffee pie.

My flat smells wonderful. The intoxicating scents soaking into every room.

After putting a load of clothes in the tumble dryer, I sit on the sofa and yawn, falling into exhausted slumber.

Time to sleep I guess!

"Hiya. It's me, err... Lizzie." I murmur down the phone.

"Lizzie! Hi! God I miss you beautiful." Dean sighs.

God it hurts hearing him so low. Is it the mating bond?

"Right, err... I need you to come round this evening. Holden will be here too. I need to speak to you." I rush out.

I am greeted with a huff and then silence.

I bite my lip nervously, take a deep breath and force myself to speak.

"Dean, it's important. I need you both here. You both deserve to know what is going on. Please?" My voice turns to a whisper by the end.

I hear Dean sigh and give in. "Ok sweetie. What time?"

Smiling, I tell him when and hang up the phone.

I am so nervous, I'm shaking.

I keep myself busy and clean the flat again, spending as long as I can scrubbing the cooker and hobs to the point that my arms ache. I know I'm going to pay for it later.

The day passes so slowly, every minute feels like an hour.

By the time it's 5pm, I am exhausted and my eyelids are drooping.

After a strong coffee and four caffeine tablets, I take a cool shower and get ready. I put on a pair of combat shorts, a tight fitting Bullet for my Valentine t-shirt and a pair of trainer socks.

My hair is dried and straightened, hanging long and low, just below my breasts.

Taking a deep breath, I wander into the kitchen and grab a bottle of wine and a large glass, pouring it to the brim.

As I sink almost half, I start to relax.

I am beyond nervous, imagining the worst will happen.

They're both going to leave me.

I'm going to be left mateless.

Or they'll make me choose.

How the hell can I choose between my two mates?

I can't!

I just can't!

It's an impossible scenario.

I can't reject one of my mates!

That's condemning them to death!

It's the most painful experience on this planet!

I gulp down the rest of my wine trying to rid my freak out.

"I can do this. I can do this." I repeat under my breath over and over again.

I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of confusion and despair!

My head is just above water but I'm slowly sinking!

I watch as the clock ticks closer to 6pm, the time my mates are due.

I just sit there in silence, my eyes darting from the clock to the darkening sky out of the window.

"Please, please let this go ok! Please! I beg you to give my mates patience and understanding. Give me strength and support to help them through this! I will do anything! I will donate to charity, I will quit drinking! I will do anything! I will give up my life to make these men happy, so please, please give me this! This chance..." I whisper up at the stars, hoping somebody, maybe my parents are looking down and listening.

I feel my eyes sting as my tears force their way out.

I rest my head in my hands and sob silently, aching pain through my chest at the prospect of this talk going badly.

I jump when there is a knock at my door, and dart out of the living room, down the hallway and swing the door open sharply.

I look into the eyes of the two men stood at my door, who are giving each other dirty sideways glances.

I sigh and step to the side. "Come in you two." I whisper.

Watching them glide in, making their way into my living room, I decide I need to get this over and done with.

I shut the door and walk, following them into the living room and sit on the oak wood coffee table while Holden and Dean sit at either side of the large leather sofa.

"Why did you ask us both here?" Holden asks.

"Yeah? What's going on, Lizzie?" Dean questions.

I take a deep calming breath, and look up at the painted canvas above them on the wall. A beautiful woodland scene, the greens and browns complimenting each other perfectly.

It's calming and helps me deal with the issue at hand.

My wolf is bounding around in my head at the prospect of both of our mates being so close.

"You're both my mates." I state blandly.

"What?"

"It can't be!"

"It's impossible!"

"That just doesn't happen!"

"I can't believe this s**t!"

"Holy f**k!"

I stay quiet as they wrap their heads around the news.

"Lizzie! Seriously? Is this true?" Dean asks, a scared tone to his voice.

I nod, still staying silent.

"Can you just explain this! You can't just say that and then keep quiet!" Holden snaps.

I swallow hard, still staring at canvas. "I went to the county Elder, Mr Paulson. I asked for his advice. We discussed the matter in depth because of how much I feel for the pair of you, and the feelings my wolf and I get around you. I couldn't understand what was going on."

We discussed literally everything. "Supposedly it has happened. Twice had Mr Paulson witnessed this same situation, and there is a lot of research into the matter."

"I have two mates, and it happens to be both of you." I say, pointing to them.

"What are we supposed to do about it?" Dean asks. "You need to choose between us?"

I shrug. "I could, but I can also mate both of you and we can share a life as a... a kind of threesome? I know it's weird, and unconve-"

"A threesome?! Are you f*****g kidding me?!" Holden snaps, standing up. Anger evident in his shaking features, his eyes pitch black.

I sigh and bow my head, looking at the cream carpet. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault. You can reject me if you want." I whisper, once again tearing up.

"I- I- I don't know what to do!" Holden sighs, running his fingers through his messy brown hair.

"I'm so f*****g confused." Dean groans.

"I'll understand if you reject me. I haven't put you guys in an easy position. You can go if you want. I am so sorry." The tears are now streaming freely as my wolf and I whimper in pain.

Both of them leave, and I fall to the floor on my knees sobbing; pain lancing through my chest.

I slip on my side and curl into a ball, and scream loudly.

That's where I lose consciousness.

I can't handle it anymore.

I want to die.

I think I actually might with the excruciating pain radiating from my heart.