Next Time I Fall

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

It was after ten when the taxi dropped Eric and Kathleen off at his condo. As Eric pushed open the front door, Drake excitedly greeted him, jumping up on his hind legs, wagging his tail furiously.

“Alright, alright, we’re home now.”

Kathleen pushed past them, in a hurry. “Sorry, I really have to pee!”

“And I bet you do too, don’t you boy?” He petted his pooch, then leaned down to kiss him on the head. “Hold on and I’ll get your leash.”

“Please tell me you made another cheesecake!” Kathleen hollered from the bathroom.

Eric stepped into the utility room to grab the leash from its hook. “No, but I wish we’d just stayed here and ate the whole thing ourselves.”

“It wasn’t that bad. They were all pretty nice except for…you-know-who.”

He could hear her peeing. He took a deep breath and leaned against the wall of the hallway, right outside the bathroom door. “Did you see the way Gary looked at me? If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s being pitied. They all think I’m pathetic.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she said over the sound of toilet paper being unrolled. “And even if it is, so what? Who cares what they think?”

He sighed. “I guess I do…kinda. I mean, at least most of them have boyfriends. They’re all paired off.”

“Not Paul.”

“Paul’s an ass.”

The toilet flushed.

“And you were right—what you said earlier. Max never loved me. He never felt anything for me really, not like I wanted. Not like how I felt about him.”

She was washing her hands. “Oh honey, he’s so young. He didn’t have his head on straight. Maybe someday he’ll see, maybe he’ll realize…” She stepped into the threshold of the door, still drying her hands with a towel. “Maybe he’ll realize he gave up a life with a wonderful man.”

“He’s not even ten years younger than me. I mean…well, sure, there’s an age difference, but…”

“But at twenty-three, ten years can seem like a lot.”

“Kathleen, I’m thirty-two years old, and I’ve never had a real relationship. No wonder the guys think I’m pathetic.”

“Oh please.” She placed her hand on his shoulder. “How many thirty-two year olds are senior partners of their accounting firms? How many own their own condos and rub elbows with the rich-and-famous gay elite of the community?”

Eric laughed. “I wouldn’t call any of them famous. I think they just include me for entertainment, like Gary said.”

Kathleen shrugged. “Well, then maybe it’s time to change things up. Maybe you need to get out and meet some new people. Get a f*****g Grindr account.”

Eric made a face. “Please…”

“Go to a bar. Join a gym. Volunteer at the community center or something. Honey, you have to put yourself out there and meet people.”

“I did those things…with Max.”

“Max did those things. Max had a gym membership that you paid for. Max went to the bar and you sometimes tagged along. He’s only been gone a couple of days. You need to get back out there and mix it up as a freewheeling bachelor. Eric, you’re cute and sexy, and it’s about time you took this town by storm.”

He turned sideways, his head still leaning against the wall, and smiled at her. “That’s not me. I’m really not a social person like that. I don’t do the bar scene, and I’d rather use my own exercise equipment in the basement. I’m very self-conscious about working out in front of people.”

“What about MCC?”

“MCC?”

“Metropolitan Community Church. It’s a gay denomination, and there’s one in Grand Rapids.”

He shook his head, laughing. “Yeah right. I’m about the furthest thing from religious…”

“You don’t have to be. Go there to socialize, to mingle.”

Drake, who’d been patient about as long as he could stand, was now prancing by the front door. Eric could hear his nails clicking against the tile. “I have to take him out.”

“I’ll change into my jammies.”

He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “And then we can curl up in front of a movie and talk about your miserable love life.”

“Deal.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sunday morning, Steve rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn. He was used to getting up early. While in Bible college, he always got up by six o’clock to work out or jog before breakfast, and he always took morning classes that started at eight. Sundays in particular were especially eventful, more so now more than ever. He had a Sunday school class to teach then had to participate in the morning worship service, and a sermon to deliver in the evening.

After letting Felix out into the fenced back yard, he shuffled to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. He threw a bagel in the toaster, yawned and stretched, then rubbed his eyes. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he headed for the toilet. He stopped momentarily, staring for a few seconds at his naked torso.

Growing up, he’d often gotten teased for being so scrawny and skinny. Even in the summer, at the beach, he’d felt self-conscious about taking off his shirt. Since then he’d filled out, developed some muscle. By no means an Adonis, he at least no longer felt shame when he saw his reflection. His gaze traveled downward to his smooth, tight abdominals and then the waistband of his boxer-briefs. His morning erection strained against the stretchy fabric of the tight-fitting briefs. His hand, as if autonomous, moved toward the bulge, but abruptly he willed himself to stop.

He stepped away from the mirror and stood in front of the commode, closing his eyes as he waited for his arousal to abate. Since early adolescence he’d struggled with m**********n. The very first time, back when he was thirteen, it happened by accident. He didn’t even know what he was doing, only that it felt good. Then all of a sudden, he had ejaculated, and instantly he realized he’d sinned. He’d dropped to his knees and begged forgiveness. Afterward, he went for several weeks before again succumbing to temptation. He’d been having dreams, very vivid dreams that made little sense. They were images of body parts—p*****s mostly, but not exclusively. He also saw torsos, abdominals, legs…all male.

These images became his first masturbatory fantasies, which is how he knew for certain they were wrong and unnatural. And when he got into college and met Barry, the fantasies took on a much more precise manifestation. He began envisioning his roommate. He imagined touching him, kissing him, caressing parts of his body…even his p***s.

Steve refused to let his temptations derail his life. He willed himself to ignore the dark, evil thoughts. On the occasion when he became weak and pleasured himself, he immediately prayed for forgiveness. He even spoke with a Christian counselor at Bible college, careful not to share everything, but at least to get some guidance on how to suppress his urge to masturbate. The counselor hadn’t seemed in the least bit surprised and said his s****l desires were normal. Of course, Steve hadn’t mentioned the desires focused on other men. His counselor said to continue with what he was doing, praying and striving to keep his thoughts pure. Eventually God would lead him to the right woman, his chosen mate, and at that point, the m**********n would no longer be an issue.

Standing by the toilet with his eyes closed, he tried to think of his sermon. He tried to remember the biblical passages he’d be highlighting in his soliloquy. His diversion tactics worked for a second or two, but quickly vanished and were replaced by images of the man he’d met the day before. Those broad shoulders and narrow waist. That smile. The way his pants had hugged his thighs. Steve’s erection throbbed even more powerfully than before. He moaned and slid his hand over to the bulge, feeling its heat through the thin fabric. With just his fingertips, he gently rubbed, back and forth, and when he could take it no longer, quickly grasped the waistband of his underwear and pulled it down. Fisting his hardon, he pumped fast and furiously, all the while envisioning the gorgeous stranger standing on his porch.

He cried out at the exact moment the bagel popped up from the toaster, and a stream of semen shot out across the toilet seat. His body trembled as a shiver traveled from his shoulders down his spine. He shook his head, holding out one sticky hand. Staring at it with disgust, he leaned over to the sink and rapidly washed it off. He then cleaned up the mess, wiping his genitals and the toilet lid with tissue before at last relieving himself.

After letting Felix in, he sat down at the kitchen table and shared his bagel. In between sips of coffee, he prayed. “Please Father, deliver me from these temptations. Forgive me for my weakness.” A few minutes later, he gave up on the bagel, handing the remainder to his pooch who eagerly gobbled it.

“What do you say we go for a walk before church, huh? We still have time. Let me get my sweats on. I can shower and change when we get home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Even in the month of August, one would think it too early at 7:30am for the Michigan air to be uncomfortably hot and humid. Temperatures didn’t become unbearable, even on the most intense days, until midday. But Steven had been walking briskly, perhaps too fast for his short-legged, stocky dog. He’d worked up a sweat, and the sun, though rising in the east, happened to be beating down on him.

He stopped to give Felix a break and to catch his breath. “Sorry, buddy.” He looked down, wondering if maybe he should pick up his pup and carry him. He removed his water bottle from its holster on his belt and squatted beside his dog. He squeezed the specially designed bottle to release water into a reservoir from which Felix could drink. Steve had marveled at the new-fangled invention and snatched it up when he came across the display at the pet store. Felix lapped up the water, obviously thirsty.

When Felix was done, Steve rose to a standing position and recapped the bottle then returned it to its holster. He proceeded to peel off his sweatshirt.

“Too warm,” he said, looking down to smile at his four-legged friend. Now in just a ribbed tank top, he tied the sweatshirt around his waist. “I guess we should head back home. I need to get ready for Sunday school.”

He looked straight ahead, across the intersection, to the upscale subdivision he and Pastor Mathers had canvassed the day before.

“Unless you want to walk down one more street,” he said to Felix. “I mean, we haven’t been over there yet, and it’s only a little ways from home. Want to?”

Felix looked up him, mouth open, tongue hanging out. Steve took it as an affirmative response.

“Okay then, let’s go.”

It was silly, really, for Steve to go out of his way just to walk past the condo of the man he’d met the day before. The chances of seeing him again, especially at this hour of the morning, were slim to none. And even if he did catch a glimpse of the man, what was he going to do? Go up and start talking to him? Wave?

It just was ridiculous, and Steve knew it, but he couldn’t quite help himself. As he and Felix made it across the street onto the next block, Steve spotted the man’s building. It sat on the corner at the end of the block, and he couldn’t help but notice a car in the drive. It hadn’t been there the day before. The man must have company, and it looked like they must’ve spent the night.

He sighed and was about to turn around and head back toward home when the door to the man’s condo opened. Steve quickened his pace just a bit and continued walking. When the tall, handsome stranger he’d seen the day before emerged with his dog, Steve smiled.

“Look Felix, it’s Drake. He’s the one I told you about.”

Steve felt a smile spread across his face as he headed straight toward the man who wasn’t dressed quite as sharply as he was the previous day. In fact, he wasn’t really dressed at all. He wore only a pair of sleep pants and slippers. Steve took in the sight of the handsome stranger’s naked torso, and his heartbeat quickened. The smooth, sculpted chest could have belonged to one of the models in the fashion magazines Steve used to peruse back in Bible college—just for the purpose of checking which clothing was fashionable, of course.

Felix and Drake spotted each other at the exact same moment. Drake barked, just once, and bolted, taking his owner by surprise. The leash, which he’d apparently been holding loosely, flew from his hand as the Labrador took off, heading hurriedly toward Felix and Steve.

Felix froze and crouched just a bit. Truthfully, it was kind of hard to tell. He was so close to the ground to begin with. He let out a single yelp, and Drake stopped a couple feet from him. They stared at each other for a moment as Steve spoke in his most calming, reassuring voice. “Hey Drake, good to see you again. This is Felix.”

Both dogs sniffed, and Felix tugged against the leash as Drake stepped closer. Drake’s owner rushed up from behind and grabbed the leash, but not before the two dogs were sniffing all of each other…literally.

“Oh man, I’m sorry.” The shirtless man offered an apologetic smile. “He just took off.”

“He’s fine, he’s fine,” Steven said. “I knew they’d be friends.” He nodded toward the dogs. “This is my pooch, Felix.”

“Hey Felix.” The man reached down to pet him. He looked up at Steven. “You’re up and at ‘em bright and early on a Sunday morning, Reverend.”

“Oh, I actually have to go back and get ready for church. I teach a Sunday school class. And please, call me Steve.”

“I’m Eric.” He extended his hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Eric.” The man was even more remarkable up close than he’d been from a distance. Steve’s mouth was beginning to feel like it was stuffed with cotton.

“Really cute,” Eric smiled.

Steve gulped.

“I love bull dogs.”

Of course, he was referring to Felix.

“I…uh…yeah, I love them too…and Labs.”

Eric kept smiling, but with a puzzled expression on his face. He surely must think Steve was off his rocker. “Well, we’ll have to get together like you said. You know, go to the dog park or something.”

“Yes! Yes, we definitely will have to do that.” Steve nodded furiously.

“Eric, honey!”

Steve looked up, glancing over to Eric’s condo where a young woman stood in the threshold of the front door. She was wearing sleepwear, silk pajamas, perhaps.

“Hon, do you have any non-dairy creamer? Soy milk or anything vegan-friendly…for my coffee?”

“Oh…yeah. There’s a box of soy milk in the pantry cupboard,” Eric shouted back to her. “Sorry, I forgot to put it in the fridge for you.”

“Thank God!” She raised her hand in the air and then turned to head inside, but suddenly froze. She turned back around and stared at Steve. Smiling broadly, she waved. “Hi there!”

“Hi,” Steve said weakly, waving back. “Uh…well, I guess we better get going. Got to get ready for church.”

“It was good to see you again,” Eric said. “Really good.”