The Lady In The Tree

1 TROUBLE AT T’ MILL“It’s just got to be some kind of mafia… I can’t see who else it could be…” “Who’s got to be the Mafia, Lek? I don’t follow you,” asked Craig eventually having to give up on his writing because Lek was driving him mad with her incessant mumbling, hunched over her laptop at the other end of the desk. “Someone is trying to ruin our businesses, aren’t they? Little, niggly things like petty theft started about two weeks ago… yes, about two weeks after Ayr went to Australia to get married, but I didn’t think too much about them, because that sort of stuff happens, doesn’t it, right? But when we started having real problems the other day… It’s as if they were testing us with the thefts, and now that they know that we are a ma.., er woman down, they are hitting us hard. They know that I’m rushed off my feet and can’t be everywhere at once. “They also know that I don’t have a man who can help me.” “Thank you very much.” “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? A Thai man would be able to help. He would know people, he would understand, he would do something to help… but what can you do? Write a story about it? Put it on your blog? You don’t know how things work in Thailand, you don’t know anybody and you don’t even speak Thai. “Therefore, I am left on my own to take on the mafia without a husband to help me.” “If you put it like that, I suppose you’ve got a point, but you don’t paint me in a very good light, do you? I’m just some useless storyteller who can’t help his wife take care of business.” “It is truth…” “All right, so it’s the truth, but I wish you wouldn’t keep rubbing it in. I have my pride as well, you know.” “I am just calling a spade a spade… There is nothing wrong with that, is there?” “I don’t suppose, so, but you could call me a nice, useless old spade to soften the blow. What has happened, and who are these Mafioso, anyway?” “What is ‘Mafioso’?’ “Italian Mafia personnel, why what are you talking about?” “Not Italians, that’s for sure! The mafia, you know, crooks, thieves, bandits, bullies, the Thai mafia. When Thai people say mafia, it is not Italian Mafia, it is just local criminals, bullies, mafia… Anyway, I told you before, but you always too busy to listen me: they pour paint on Ayr’s car, go in her flat and sho.. the shop, make problems in the na… I told you.” “Yes, sorry, you did. A bit more than coincidence, eh? Have you been to the police?” “See, you don’t understand! Go to the police, what good is that? I go already, but without evidence and proof, they can do nothing.” “No, I suppose not, but isn’t it their job to get evidence?” “See, you just don’t understand, do you? If it was a murder, they would have to investigate, because they can see a crime… but not in cases like ours. The mafia can say that I started it and they are coming back at me and who knows… maybe they pay police to look somewhere else…” “The other way?” “I must give them some proof… something that they cannot ignore… then I can get some help.’ “Yes, tricky, isn’t it? Can’t your brothers help?” “I give up with you sometimes, I really do… look, my brothers’ wives don’t want them getting involved with the mafia for me, and as their big sister, neither do I, and secondly, I don’t want them to think that we can’t handle the problem on our own, or we will both lose face… and you will look like a p***y. I am trying to save you from that, not that you can help anyway. “That is why I have no-one to turn to but Ayr. She would know what to do.” “I see, that hopeless, is it?” “I am afraid so. All those years ago, I thought that having a falang husband was the best thing in the world, who would have thought that I would regret it one day?” “Charmed, I’m sure! Are you saying that you regret marrying me now?” “No, darling, but at this precise moment, a Thai husband would be more use to me.” “Funny, isn’t it? You don’t want your Thai brothers to get involved with the mafia, but you wouldn’t mind if your Thai husband had to have a go.” “Not funny, no, but that is part of his job, not part of a brother’s job. A brother has his own wife he must fight for… and I have you. It is a shame, but that is my Karma.” “I wish you would stop saying things like that, you’ll be giving me a complex soon! “Hey, I’ve got an idea! You could take a Thai lover and he could do all your fighting for you!” “I have already thought of that, but I am too old now. Only old men like me now and they cannot fight well.” “Oh, I was only joking… Did you really consider taking a lover to fight your battles for you?” “I have to consider every option, telak, but I didn’t want to have to do it, not really. Anyway, that idea is no good, so we can forget about it. Water under the bridge, as you say.” “I don’t think we do, but I know what you mean. So, I am lucky that I am married to an old woman, who can’t get a young lover then?” “Haven’t I always said that you are lucky to have me, Craig? Nothing has changed and I still love you too. We are lucky that they haven’t shot us yet, but maybe that will come later, if we ignore their warnings. What do you think?” “I don’t know, I have never been in this predicament before, and, like you have said many times, I don’t understand, so I’m afraid that you are quite right, you are on your own for the time being, my dear… Look, if you want to ask your brothers for advice, I don’t mind if they think that I am a p***y… just ask them not to say it too often, eh?” “No, I’m afraid that that option is out too.” “OK, let’s try something else then. When is your other, not so useless, partner coming back from Australia?” “Next week, I think. Why?” “I was thinking that we could order a few things off eBay from China, security devices and things like that, but it might be better if Ross and Ayr brought, or even sent, them back from Australia. I’ll phone or email him later. By the way, have you told Ayr about any of this nonsense?” “No, I didn’t want to spoil her wedding, but maybe is all right to tell her now.” “’It is all right’…” “What?” “Not ‘is all right’, ‘it is all right’.” “What is?” “Never mind, look, why don’t you put her in the picture and I’ll have a chat with Ross? We oldie falangs may not be able to grapple with the Thai mafia, but maybe we can get some evidence so that our wives can go to the police and get them to do something about it. “Does that put your mind at rest a little, telak?” “Yes, telak, you may not be a brave Thai warrior, but you are not a stupid falang either, are you?’ “Er, thank you, I think. OK, well, let’s get on with that, then I can get back to typing this novel up. What are you doing tonight, Lek?” “I will go in the other room and phone Ayr and then go and sit in Nong’s so I can keep an eye on the shop for a while. Do you want to come and keep me company?” “Yes, I’d love to, give me some time to get to a sensible place to stop and I’ll come and join you, but look, don’t go fighting with any mafia until I get there, you know, so I can take photos for evidence.” Lek poked her tongue out at him and left the office. Craig flicked over to Skype and selected Ross’ account. “Hi Ross, how’s married life? Good, good, when are you coming back here?…. Ten days? Was that Ayr I just heard? Say hello from me. OK, look, we’ve been having a spot of bother over here. Lek thinks it’s the local mafia hired by the competition, but there’s nothing she can do about it without evidence… Oh, the shop’s been broken into, wilful damage, that sort of thing, but no personal violence. “You may know more about security devices than I do, but I was thinking about a security system for our house and one for the shop that you could extend into Ayr’s flat, or you could have a separate one for that, that’s up to you. I want ours to have battery back up with a solar panel charger…. Yes, that’s the idea… Can you manage that? Everything wireless, OK? PIR’s too and a CCTV unit, no make that two for us and at least two for the shop and, er, two for Lek’s orchard, but there’s no electricity there, so they will have to be solar. I don’t know if this is possible, but I would like low-light cameras for the orchard… no, there’s no lighting there, and I don’t really want to put any either. No, if a light comes on, they will cover their faces and scarper. I want to catch them red-handed. “Can you do all that? Do you have time? You might want to check with customs as well. Maybe send some of it back to us, and the shop and Lek’s mother’s address, Ayr will know what that is. “OK, mate, sorry to be the bearer of ill tidings, but these things happen, apparently, not that they ever have to me before. Perhaps someone is jealous of falangs’ wives making a few bob… Lek didn’t say so, but it could be the case nevertheless. You know what they’re like, they never tell you everything anyway, do they? “OK, Ross, give my love to Ayr, we’ll be looking forward to seeing you in ten days. Yes, OK, will do, I’m going to see her now, and don’t worry about the situation here, we’re doing what we can and are holding the fort. The security cameras will be a great deterrent, I hope, unless some bugger shoots them out, but it’s worth a go. “Lek? Tell Ayr she’s fine. She’s coping really well, you know her. In fact, she’s sitting sentry duty outside the shop right now, but she has to sleep too and can’t be everywhere. I’ll suggest we get some of the boys to help tomorrow, but it’s too late to do that this evening. Lek only just told me what’s been going… this saving face thing can be a real pain, eh? “Oh, well, you’ve got all that to come then, my friend and good luck to you with it. Bye for now, see you.” Craig flicked Skype off and went back to Word, then he looked down at the rough book of his current novel for the next sentence to copy up. He couldn’t be bothered, the call of a beer was more inviting than the desire to add another thousand words to his computer copy. It was rare for him to feel like that, typing up work that he had already written out in longhand seemed like the worst job he had ever had. He knew what was coming next in the story, hated doing things twice and still couldn’t type after thirty years. He seemed to have a mental and a physical block on typing. He stood up, left everything running as he always did, locked the doors and walked around the corner to Nong’s shop. It was only a couple of hundred yards away and she would want to close at nine or nine thirty, so he could catch up on his typing then. “Hello, Nong, sabai dee mai, kap?” he asked, as he walked down off the road. She was dealing with a customer, but she held up a thumb to say she was well, and then a finger to ask if he wanted a beer. He nodded back. He laid a hand on Lek’s shoulder and then sat down opposite her at the new picnic-style, double-bench table that she had just had made. A piece of oilcloth had been nailed to the top of it to protect the hardwood, presumably from spillages and any rain that might blow in under the roof since there were no walls on the little shelter. He noticed right away that condensation from Lek’s bottle had created a puddle on the cloth, whereas it would have dripped through and dried up without the cloth. He wouldn’t have the heart to tell her that the oilcloth was a bad idea. “No mafia yet then, Lek?” “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! They will come at three or four o’clock in the morning, not when everybody can see them!” “Yes, I think that you are right. Would you like another beer, my dear?” “I’m not sure, let me think… I could just sit here, stare at this empty bottle and waste my life, or I could have another one.”