Finding Love

17

Chin up beautiful

You are not struggling,

You are in the mids of

Conquering.

Today is Sunday. I've been avoiding the boys for the past few days and spending my time with my girlfriends and Finn. Yesterday, we all went to the movies. Finn and Kim sat next to each other and clicked right away when they started talking about their favorite movies and actors. After the movie, they exchanged their numbers, as Finn drove us home.

Of course, it's not because I avoided the rest that they did the same to me. Owen and Jax came to my class a couple of times to talk to me, just like Alex, at home, stood at my door a couple of times. But my ninja skills have saved me from any conversation by disappearing without anyone noticing. I know I might be imagining myself, but I can't turn off the thoughts in my head. What if they only deal with me because they feel sorry for the exchange student?

I'm also paying more attention to my food, which got me worried looks at the table. During dinner, I have always been busy with Lizz in order to avoid any conversation with Alex. I'm very insecure, especially since I never really had any friends before and was bullied. Only my brothers were there for me during playtime and always played with me in the sandbox, even though their friends played soccer.

So, I ended up in a depression and started to shut myself off completely. I stopped eating because I believed the children who called me fat and ugly.

Today I promised Lizz to play with her all day long. I am woken up by a little four-year-old girl jumping on me in the bed. With her legs on one side of my belly, she looks down at me excitedly. "Comme" she shouts happily when she gives me a hug. I smile at her when I press a kiss on her cheek. ‘Let's play' I call back excitedly.

Couple of hours later, we have already baked cupcakes, looked at Frozen, swam, built a hut out of pillows and blankets. Now, we sit together in our tent, in my room, dressed as princesses. Lizz is wearing a real princess dress with a tiara on her head, which makes her the cutest girl ever. I have a tiara on my head myself, but no princess dress. Lizz wasn't happy with this so she started crying because I didn't fit in the clothes she gave me. So I made it clear that a princess doesn't always wear dresses, she had to laugh again and she said I could keep my jeans on.

We played different scenarios for the next hour in which one of us was in danger and this time another princess came to rescue her, instead of a prince. By nightfall, we're watching Snow White together, Lizz's favourite princess. In the middle of the film, I see that she has fallen asleep and is crawling more under the blanket with her thumb in her mouth. I decide to watch the movie, but after a few minutes, I also feel my eyes slowly close.

"Alex!" I hear a girl's voice screaming when I wake up. Opening my eyes, I see that Alex is in my room and that Lizz is sprinting in his arms. Alex plants a kiss on her cheek as his eyes wander towards me. Lizz also turns around and looks at me happy. ‘Look, Lily is also a princess' she shouts happily when she looks at Alex, but Alex keeps staring at me intensely without moving his gaze to his sister, even when he tells the following. "One of the most beautiful princesses I've ever seen.’

I sit at the table eating my breakfast when Lizz asks me something, "Lily, do you want to go to the park with me and Alex?" she asks with puppy eyes. I look at Alex and see that he is already looking at me, when I turn back to Lizz, who is still looking at me hopefully. Not being able to say no to Lizz, I nod yes which makes her scream happy.

Me and Alex are sitting on a tray in front of the playground where Lizz just goes down the slide. He says 'I'm sorry' out of nowhere, breaking the silence that has reigned between us for a few days now. I look at him questioningly, "For what?’

"I should have come after you after you walked away or at least told Chelsey to leave," he clarifies. I look at Lizz walking to the seesaw with a boy as I think back to a few days ago. "What she said was all a lie" he continues, when he sees that I don't intend to say anything. "We don't hang out with you because we feel sorry for you or something. Ryan and Aiden see you as one of us and Jax and Owen see you as their little sister. They all love you’. He tells me, what makes a little smile on my face, but not quite yet.

"What about you?" I ask him. This time, it's him raising his eyebrow asking. "You've explained why they deal with me, but not why you do. Do you treat me because you feel sorry for me, because I'm the fat, ugly and lonely duckling?' I ask when I hear my voice c***k at the end of my sentence.

"Of course not," Alex says directly as he looks at me with big eyes. ‘I don't think you're ugly at all. You're beautiful, the way your hair falls and your eyes sparkle when you read a book or laugh. And I love hanging out with you. You're the high point of my day, which I look forward to every morning when I get out of bed' he rattles as his cheeks slowly turn red. I look at him with wide eyes when I let his words sink in, he likes me, and apparently I am important too.

He scrapes his throat when he stands up, 'We have to leave, we have class in an hour' he tells me without looking at me, avoiding my gaze. The next thing I do, not only amazes him but also myself. I step forward and put my arms around his waist as I put my head against his chest. After a few seconds, Alex relaxes and puts his arms around me when he presses a kiss on my crown and lets his chin rest on my head. "Thank you" I say.

At school I am immediately stopped by the other boys. I look at them guilt-consciously, 'hey' I mumble when I wave awkwardly. Immediately, Jax comes at me as he takes me in his arms. "Sorry" he mumbles in my hair when I hear his voice breaking a little, "I really don't hang out with you because I feel sorry for you, I..." he wants to explain when I interrupt him, "I know. I'm sorry," I tell him. I retreat a little when I look into his eyes. I press a kiss on his jaw, when I look at the other guys now. "I'm sorry" I say to them.

Owen walks up to me too when he gives me a hug and a kiss on my hair, 'Don't think you're getting rid of us so fast sister, you're stuck with me' he says sincerely, 'Well, I didn't expect anything else'. Aiden and Rayen give me a smile and a nod, as if to say that they understand me and that everything Chelsey said is a lie.

Exhausted, I come home and walk into my room, open my books on my desk to study, when Alex walks in. "Want to study together?" he asks me. I nod from yes. Last week he helped me study well. I've already looked at the lessons for the next month with him. Alex sits down on the bed, when I take my things and sit next to him. After a few minutes of studying, I have already lost my concentration. Alex has put his pen between his teeth when his hair falls over his forehead. I feel my fingers tingling to slide the hair to the side, and that is exactly what I am doing. I lean forward and move his hair, slightly touching his skin with the tips of my fingers.

I can see Alex tightening under my act. Quickly, I withdraw my hand as I scrape my throat. "Can you help me with this chapter?" I ask as a distraction. Alex looks at me intensely as he browses through his book until it reaches the right chapter.

After half an hour of studying, and secretly looking at each other a few times, this time it's Alex who doesn't understand something. "Princess, do you understand the part about enzymes?" he asks. When I'm nervous, I start rattling, and I can tell you with certainty that the new nickname makes me very nervous.

"An enzyme is a kind of biocatalyst that accelerates a process in your body without participating in the reaction and..." I stop talking when I see Alex staring at me with a cute smile. I feel a blush on my cheeks and just want to look away when I see Alex getting closer, with his look on my lips.