Tattooed in my Heart

I couldn't believe Marvin and I lasted for a year already. Time flies so fast indeed that I didn't notice twelve months already passed. I always knew Marvin was so gay for me and so was I to him and I could say that we were so perfect together. God made us so perfect together. We were randomly walking in the park and he just bought ice creams from an ice cream van for the both of us. He bought me mango and his was vanilla. I was licking it and I couldn't help but occasionally glance at Marvin if he was checking me while licking the ice cream. I snickered when I did caught him glancing at me and I wondered what he was thinking that time. Was he thinking about me licking something other than the ice cream? "You're so sweet." I said and he chuckled as I licked the melted ice cream that was streaming down the cone. He frowned as he watched me. "I got to tell you something." He said and he sounds so serious. He only get in his serious mode very often so it kind of caught my attention to him while still licking the ice cream like a kid. I hummed. "I think we need to sit down." He said and I shook my head. I was sitting the whole day in school so I wouldn't mind standing for an hour but Marvin walked ahead near the fountain and sat down on the concrete. I sat beside him. "What is it?" I asked because he was taking a little bit too long to say it. He wasn't like that at all. "Lately, I don't feel like it." He said making me frown. "Feel like what?" I frowned and paid my attention to the melting ice cream. "Walking with me after class?" He looked at me. "That, too." I switched my attention to him and let the ice cream slowly melt on my hand. Hearing him sounding like that made my heartbeat went a little bit faster in a nervous way. "What do you mean that, too? What are you trying to say to me Marvin?" I wanted a straight answer from him because I didn't want to feel uneasy and nervous of waiting for the answer or the reason why he was acting weird like that. "Lately, we're not that active together." He tried to explain but he sounds terrible at it. "We've been together for so long to the point that we got to know each other and we treat each other like a very close someone and not the same as before." "You mean to say it was getting boring?" Marvin looked at me then looked away immediately. "Sort of." I frowned and I was starting to hate him and his nonsense talking because just thinking about me and him breaking up was the worst thing I could think of. I never thought of that thing before because all I could think about us was our future together. "Are you trying to break up with me?" I took a deep breath and tried to stop the water works. What if he was just joking and he will going to propose to me instead. "I'm not breaking up with you. It's just a cool off. Let's give ourselves a break from each other and let's get back together after." He said and I couldn't believe what I was hearing from his mouth that I stayed quiet and let myself calmed down first. "I've been meaning to say this to you but I couldn't get the right time—" "Get back together after what? And when did you start thinking about this?" I asked and he looked at me. "When did you start thinking about this cool off thing with me?" I repeated when he stayed quiet. I know he could hear the anger from my voice. "A week ago." "A f*****g week ago!?" Was all I could say. A week ago was our anniversary! Are you kidding me? "I'm still waiting for you say April fools." Even though it wasn't April. "I'm sorry. I need some time for myself, that's all." He tapped my shoulder and I wanted to brush it off but I stopped myself. All I could say was that he was an asshole. I thought he wasn't the same with the other guys that I met and I couldn't help but think of a lot of different reasons why he wanted to cool off aside from finding himself. Maybe he found someone else that is much better than me? Am I not good enough? I felt like s**t right that time. "Then, I won't hold you any longer. God, you were waiting for this for a week. Here." I said out of anger and gave him the mango flavored ice cream that he bought for me. It was already melting on my hand but I didn't care. Marvin was hesitating to take it. "Take it. I don't feel like eating ice cream already so take it or I'm going to slap this at your face." I said with a calm tone and I know Marvin knew what kind tone I use every time I am angry. He took the ice cream from my hand and he was now holding ice creams both with his hands. I wiped my ice cream filled hand on his white shirt making him yelped. "What the hell?" He exclaimed while looking down at his soiled shirt. "I'm so sorry, I forgot to bring a hanky." I said and I wiped every sticky cream on his shirt, everywhere. Marvin chuckled lowly. "You always forgets to bring a hanky with you and always make my shirt as one." He said and him reminding me about it made me want to bawl on the ground and kick and shout why did he want to cool off. Like his reason wasn't valid at all! It was bullshit! Why!? We were so perfect for each other! Did he got tired of taking care of me? I felt like I was a huge burden to him. I think he already had enough of me. "I'll see you at school." I said as I stood up and walked away from him. I couldn't help but think that Marvin might realize something while seeing my back walking away from him and ran back to me saying he was wrong, so I walked slowly. But it never came. He never realized or maybe he did but he couldn't take back his words anymore. I turned around to look at him and I saw his back walking away from me instead of him standing still on the same place and looking at me. He was my everything. He was my world and it was crumbling down just seeing his back walking away from me. It felt like it wasn't just a cool off. He was intending to break up with me but he took it easy for me because he knew I couldn't take it. "Bastard." I muttered and took my phone from the pocket of my jeans with my trembling hand and called my best friend. *****