I have to fight tears all the way to my car. Then the second I climb into the driver's seat and shut the door, it is like a f*****g flood gate has opened. Tears are coming and they will not go away.
I want her so badly. Why in all of holy hell did I let myself come to see her today? Why did I not ring Manuel or Knox for her number so they could convince me this was a bad idea?!
Why did I not turn and go home when I began to have doubts?! Why, why, why, why, why and f*****g why again?! So many whys and what if's. I messed up.
I should never have hugged her. I had stopped her touching me because the contact was throwing me, was confusing me. The sensation from the mate bond felt good, yet it hurt, because, right now in my mind, it is associated with rejection too. But I crave the sensa
