Playing With Fire

Andrea- Age 18/19

Andrea- Age 18/19

Seeing him and Cindy broke me. When he came over to try to explain things, I just couldn’t listen to it. I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the lies he wanted to tell me. If he wanted to be with her, all he had to do was be honest with me. I thought we were at that point in our lives where we could at least be honest with each other. Yeah, it would have crushed me, but I would rather have the truth be told to me and be crushed than be lied to. I literally gave him everything, every single part of me, my heart, mind, body, and soul. I wanted to spend forever with him. I dreamt of the day that we would get married and now they will continue to be dreams instead of the reality that I wished for, all because he wanted Cindy. f**k Cindy.

After the fight, Jayme came over and we told me mom we were spending some time away. My mom understood and I promised to call her every day and I did just that. Jayme and I went to her family’s cabin. It wasn’t far away, but it was a place I knew Liam didn’t know about because we never went there. It was our safe haven. We have gone here for years getting away from the hustle and bustle of this stupid small town, our nosy families and getting away from the needless bullshit drama. My heart hurt to a point that I cannot describe, not just because he cheated on me, but the secret that I held. The secret I knew that I needed to talk about.

We were sitting in the chairs outside by the lake when I knew I had to tell her what was going on. If anyone was going to be there for me 100%, it would be Jayme. This was something that I was going to tell Liam, I know I should tell him, but now, I didn’t know what to do.

“What’s going through your head?” She asked me, handing me a wine cooler she brought. I took the bottle and put it down and reached for my water instead. “Why don’t you want to drink Andy? You love those things.”

“I can’t drink them right now.” I whispered.

“Just because you’re sad over Liam doesn’t mean you can’t drink. It’s just us Andy. Let loose.”

“You don’t understand Jay. I can’t.” I can’t look at her. A part of me is ashamed now that Liam and I broke up. I was excited. I knew he would have been. We were in love after all.

Jayme grabbed me hand and turned to me and looked me right in the eye. “You’re pregnant aren’t you.” She whispered. The tears fell from my eyes. She got up and hugged me and held me until I stopped crying.

“We broke up. I’m pregnant and he is leaving for the Army. What am I going to do?”

“You need to talk to him. As much as I hate him right now, he deserves to know.”

I nodded. “I need time Jayme. Please, give me some time.”

“How far along are you?” she asked.

“I went to planned parenthood because I didn’t want mom and dad to find out. They said I was about 8 weeks along. 2 months. I am 2 months pregnant. It must have been the night we had s*x on the dock, the night he told me about him going into the Army.” I cried again, holding my stomach. I was going to be a single, teen mom. “What am I going to do about school?”

“We will need to call your mom and let her know.” I nodded. I needed my mom. We got up and went into the cabin and I called my mom.

“Mom…” I cried into the phone. I let the water works out. I needed her more than ever.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” she was scared. “Is everything okay?”

“Mom, I need you.” I was shaking.

“I’m coming baby.” She hung the phone up. Jayme and I sat on the couch waiting for my mom to come. When she came, I spilled everything. I told her about the fight between Liam and I in more detail than I did before and then I told her about the pregnancy.

“Andy…how can you two be so irresponsible?” she hugged me while I was crying. “Does he know?”

“I was going to tell him this weekend but then I found out he cheated. Mommy, what am I going to do?” I cried looked up at her. I needed help. I needed advice. I needed answers.

“Baby girl, you need to tell him before he leaves for bootcamp. He leaves the 20th of July. He needs to know he is going to be a father. I am going to talk to Tori and see what we can do.”

“No! Please. Don’t tell anyone until I tell Liam. Please.” I begged. I needed to let him know first. Even if we aren’t together he needs to know. If he doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, then so be it, but he still needs to know.

After some time, my mom went home to my dad, promising to check up on me every day. Jayme and I stayed at the cabin for a few more weeks, until one night, I woke up in a massive amount of pain. I cried for Jayme and she came rushing into the room and when we moved the blanket, there was blood and we were rushed to the hospital where my mom met us. That had to be one of the worst days of my life/

I came home July 18th, three days after our birthday, 2 days before he left. I felt numb. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to go away. Everything here reminded me of what I lost. When I came home, mom and dad hugged me fiercely and told me there were presents in my room.

They were right, dozens of presents from family and friends were left on my bed, but the mix of white and red roses and a small box on my desk stood out. Liam. I smelled the roses and opened the box and inside the box was a necklace with a heart pendant and inside the heart, it was filled with Army camouflage. I put the necklace on, bringing myself to tears.

I was so tired of crying all the time.

I wanted to reach out to Liam and tell him everything and talk to him, but I couldn’t. He was leaving in two days and then I was going to go to school, so who knows the next time I would see him.

I sat in Jayme’s car on the 20th, watching Liam say bye to his parents and my parents. He was talking to my mom and dad and they shook their head and he looked down defeated. I knew he was asking about me. But I was there, just not in front of him. He would never know, but at least I got to see him one last time before he left. I held the pendant he gave me and took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

‘Goodbye Liam. Be safe. Until next time, I love you’ I said to myself, watching him drive away.

I left for college soon after with Jayme. We both decided to work on getting a medical degree because we wanted to be doctors. We wanted to make a different in the world. It was during the second week of school when I was leaving class when I got a phone call from my mom.

“Hey sweetie. How’s school? How are you feeling?” Mom called me at least three times a week. She loved making sure I was okay and I truly appreciated it.

“I’m okay. Just busy with class. How is everything and everyone at home?”

“Things are going well! Your uncle and father are busy at the hotel. They just got their 4th star, working on become a 5-star hotel so they are not around as much as we would like, but that’s business I guess.” She chuckled. “I wanted to call you about Liam sweetie.”

My heart stopped; my breath hitched. “Is he okay?” I paused my step, not caring who I was blocking. He has always been on my mind, I still loved him. I tried to go on dates, but I just couldn’t continue with them, I always found a reason to leave early and at that point, I decided to just focus on school and get this degree as quick as possible.

“He’s fine. He is graduating next week. You should come with us.”

“I have class mom. I don’t know and I don’t think that would be such a good idea. We haven’t exactly talked.”

“He asks about you in his letters all the time.”

“He does?” I was surprised. I would think that after the time apart, he would move on or forget about me.

“Of course, he does sweetie. He still loves you.” My heart started pumping harder. He still loves me. I let out the biggest smile I could, but then the images of Cindy and him came rushing back into my mind. I closed my eyes forcefully. I counted to ten to calm myself down.

“I will try, no promises. But don’t say anything just in case.”

The week passed so I decided last minute to fly down to North Carolina to go to Fort Bragg to see Liam graduate bootcamp. I got there and decided I was going to surprise everyone at the same time, so I stood away from the family. I looked out into the field of Army green camo and soon spotted Liam. He gained some weight, all muscle. Seeing him in his uniform made my breath hitch and my panties wet. No shame.

I ran down into the field, with plans to just leap right into his arms, but I froze in place. I couldn’t believe what was going on right before me. How could I be so stupid? What the hell is she doing here? How did she know? Were they talking this entire summer?

I knew it was too good to be true.

I called the airport and booked a ticket back to Texas so I can go back to school, without a word to him, or to our families. Today, was the day that I officially give up on Liam Belmont.

I turned and whispered to myself ‘goodbye Liam’ when I ran into someone.

“Sorry about that, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I said to whoever I ran into.

“Hey, it’s okay it happens.” Said a deep male voice. I looked up and smiled at the person I saw. “My name is Chris. Why are you crying? This should be a happy day! All of us just graduated.”

“I am happy for you guys, I just… I need to go.” I said softly as I turned around and looked at Liam one more time, talking to Cindy. I shook my head and started to walk away when his voice made my feet cement in place for a moment.

“If it’s any consolidation, whoever you’re crying about, isn’t worth it.”

I paused and turned my head to smile at him.  “Thank you and good luck.” And I quickly ran off, back into my rental and off to the airport.

Goodbye Liam.