Playing With Fire

Liam- age 18/19

Liam- age 18/19

I really don’t know why Cindy has been up my ass all of a sudden. We broke up over two years ago because she couldn’t keep her fuckin legs shut and slept with Ryan. God, I hate him for what he tried doing. It still bothered me today, how he can sleep with my girlfriend, causing us to break up and then hit on Andy and try to sleep with her? Fuckin asshole.

I was going to break up with Cindy anyways, at least this gave me an extra excuse. I like the way it worked out in the end though. I ended up with the girl I grew up with, the girl that I love.

She wasn’t a lot of my firsts, but I was her first at almost everything and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was her first kiss when we were 13. I was her first date when we were 16. I was the first person she had s*x with when she was 17. But I do need to tell her about Cindy. She has been stalking me lately and I am afraid I am going to do something I regret, like hurt her. Not that I would intentionally hurt a girl, I want to, don’t get me wrong, but I won’t. I’m better than that. I’ll let my girl handle her, she doesn’t like her anyways. But I can tell you this, I might not have been a lot of Andy’s first, but she was the first and only girl I ever loved.

I wanted to talk to Andy anyways. She has been acting weird, but I needed to do something and get it off my chest. Not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I’m beyond nervous. Since Andy and I have been official, and officially on and off since we were babies, I have come to realize, that not only that I love her, but I also want to be with her the rest of my life. I know, we are only 18, but when you’re in love, age doesn’t matter.

I already broke the news to her about a month and a half ago about going in the Army. As expected, everyone cried. Mom cried. Aunt Laura cried. Dad and Uncle John were proud of me for deciding to serve our country. When I told Andy…what she did and said, I will never forget.

I took her to the dock outside by the pond behind our houses. The moon was shining down creating a wavy reflection off the waves of the water. The breeze was just right and the firebugs lit the sky flashing their lights to the beat of any song you could imagine.

“Andy, I need to talk to you about something important.” I said as I took her hand in mine and we sat with our feet dangling in the water.

“Is everything okay? You seem scared.” She kicked a little bit of water, pushing some of the firebugs away from us. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looked over at me.

“I am scared…” she gripped my hand even tighter and leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“You know you can tell me anything. If you are scared, I will protect you, like you would with me. That’s what we do Liam. We are here for each other no matter what.”

“This is why I love you so much Andy. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I swung my leg around her back so her body was between my legs. She leaned into my chest, resting the back of head on my shoulder.

“I love you too Liam. Always.” I kissed the side of head and trailed kisses down to her shoulder, and I could feel the little hairs of the back of her neck stand up. My hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to me and she let out a moan and to be honest, it caused my d**k to stir. Her moans, the scent of her hair, the thought of her lips, all drove me crazy. But now wasn’t the time to get excited. I needed to tell her.

“I enlisted in the Army Andy.” I whispered in her ear. She paused for a moment and turned her head to face me. “I know we talked about it and nothing was set in stone, but I decided I want to do this.”

“Okay” she said with a smile on her face.

The look of shock overcame my face. “You’re not mad? You’re not going to cry?” I asked her confused. I only expected her to cry because Mom and Aunt Tori bawled their eyes out.

She turned and sat on her knees, facing me. She grabbed both my hands into hers and took a deep breath.

“Liam. This is your life. You do what you believe is best for you and your future. I will always be here to support you in whatever decision you make. You supported me when I decided to go to school to be a doctor with Jayme, knowing that the school I wanted to go to was on the other side of Texas. I want to support you with this as well. Plus, it’s going to be hot seeing you in that uniform.” She smirked.

“God I love you. But this is our life Andy. We were meant to be with each other, always and I intend to be with you forever.”

We made love that night under the stars, thankful for having someone as wonderful and understanding in my life. That will be forever ingrained as a special moment for us.

Now, we are set to graduate in a couple of weeks, I had to leave for boot camp at the end of July, not giving us the whole summer together like we originally planned before she goes to college, and now with Cindy being up my ass, she could possibly make everything worse.

I was just finishing up practice with the soccer team. Yeah, the season was over, but we kept practicing with the Juniors to make sure they were ready to take over the team next season. I saw Cindy waiting for me by the sidelines by my stuff. The guys went to the locker room and I walked over to get my things so I can go and see my girl and talk to her.

“Liam, can we talk please?” She asked.

“No, just please, leave me alone.” I snapped at her, grabbing my things.

“Please, I love you. I have always loved you. I want to be with you again.” She grabbed my arms, keeping me in place.

“Don’t. You cheated on me remember? I’m with Andy and I love her.”

“You don’t love her. You love me.”

“I don’t. Just, please go. I need to go see my girl.”

“I’m right here.” She leaned in and kissed me. It took me by surprise and I gripped her arms and pushed her away from me after I realize what was going on.

“What the f**k Cindy! I’m with Andrea! What don’t you get!”

“Why would you be with her, when you could be with me?”

“I love her that’s why. I have always loved her. I love her so damn much; I am going to ask her to marry me before I go to boot camp.”

“She’s not going to say yes!” she yelled as I stormed away. Now, I really needed to see Andy. Screw waiting to ask her before basic training, I'll ask her now, or, ya know, when the time is right, but regardless, I needed to see my girl.

She usually waited for me after practice but I couldn’t find her. I looked at my phone and saw that she did text me saying she was going home because she didn’t feel good. I rushed home, thinking of how I was going to pop the question. Uncle John and Aunt Tori already gave me their blessing and my mom helped me pick out the perfect diamond and ruby ring, ruby for our birthstone., which just so happened to be my grandmother’s engagement ring.

I got to her house, slamming my jeep into park and ran up the stairs to her room. She was sitting on her bed, looking out her window and I heard sniffling. She was crying. Why was she crying?

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I said as I rushed over to her. She shook her head at me and looked away, gripping a pillow to her stomach. “Baby. Andy. Please talk to me, what’s wrong?” I asked again.

She still refused to look at me even when I tried to pull her chin up. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts but what she said will forever break me.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with someone who is going to put me second to his past.” She said softly. I shook my head in shock. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The girl that I love, that I planned on marrying, is breaking up with me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I questioned, slightly raising my voice only because I was surprised.

“Don’t act dumb Liam! I know what you did! I saw you two!” she yelled at me, throwing the pillow she was using for comfort onto her bed

“What are you talking about?” At this point I was standing up, looking down at her where she sat.

She stood up and pushed me. “I saw you kiss Cindy! You are such a fuckin bastard. How could you? How could you do that to me?” she yelled, pushing me again.

I grabbed her wrists to stop her. “Can you stop pushing me and let me explain! I did not kiss her!”

“Why are you lying!” she cried. “I loved you! I supported you! I was there for you through everything and you cheat on me? If you didn’t want to do this anymore why not just break up with me instead of running to your ex?” she pulled herself from me and walked to the other side of the room to give us distance.

I followed her. “You know I love you. I fuckin love you with everything I have Andy! I would never cheat on you!”

She whipped out her cell phone and threw it at me. “Then explain this s**t Liam. Explain why I got this picture of the two of you kissing and you holding her.” I grabbed her phone and it looked bad, but that is not what happened.

“She surprised me and wanted to get back together. I told her no. I told her I love you and when she kissed me, I pushed her away!” I yelled tossing her phone on her bed.

“Pfft, yeah right. I don’t believe you.” She rolled her eyes up, trying to stop the tears. She took a deep breath and paused for a moment. “I can’t Liam. I can’t. As much as this hurts and kills me, I don’t want to hear the lies and excuses.”

“Andy, please, don’t do this. I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I want to spend forever with you, like we talked about. I need you here for me when I get back. f**k, Andy, without you there is no me.” I fell to my knees and I hugged her legs. No shame. I needed this girl in my life. She was my rock. She was my heart.

She walked away from me. “I need you to go. I’m going on vacation with Jayme for a bit, I’ll be back before you leave. I just…I need time. Liam I can’t. This thing between us, it was bound to be over anyways. With you going into the Army and me going to school, we never would have worked.”

“You are delusional! We would have worked. I would have made us work so you know what this is. You are too goddamn scared to take that leap and be in this 100%. Admit it Andrea. You never wanted me. You never wanted this, us. If you wanted what I wanted, you would listen to me.”

She slapped me. I deserved that slap.

“Don’t you ever question my feelings towards you, ever. You literally just proved my insecurities. Get the hell out and never talk to me again.” I pushed past her and stormed out of her room. Aunt Laura tried to stop me, hearing our fight. My mom came running through their front door with tears in her eyes and I shook my head, letting mine fall as well. Aunt Laura must have called mom and told her about the fight. My heart is shattered. The girl I was going to ask to marry me broke my heart.

I tried to reach out to her but she blocked my number. I went to try to go over, but I found out she and Jayme skipped graduation and left town for a bit.

Aunt Laura wouldn’t tell mom or I what was going on. All I know something was wrong and she needed time away and that Jayme would be with her at her family’s cabin. Unfortunately, it was the cabin I have never been to since we always went to ours. I told Uncle John the date that I had to leave for boot camp was July 20th, 5 days after our 19th birthday. He said he would tell Andy and hopefully she will be there.

When it came to our birthday, I came over with a present, like I did every year. Even when we weren’t talking, I brought her a present. I knocked on the door and Aunt Laura said she wasn’t going to be home.

For the first time in 19 years, she missed our birthday. I hung my head low in defeat and handed Aunt Laura the flowers I got for her and the small jewelry box with the necklace inside it and left to go be with my parents, since I only had 5 days left before I left for boot camp for 8 weeks.

The car pulled up to my house to take me away from those that I love for 2 months. I would not be able to have my phone until I graduated, but they can write me letters. I left them my address so I can have some sort of communication to the outside world, hoping, just hoping, Andy would talk to me.

I grabbed my bag in hand and hugged my mom and dad and said my goodbyes to them. I looked behind them and seen Aunt Laura and Uncle John. I walked up to them and hugged them.

“We are so proud of you.” John said hugging me.

“Where’s Andy? I was hoping she would be here.” I asked. I needed to see her.

“She’s…not coming Liam.” Laura looked down. “She is…well…in time you will know, but right now, she needs time. But have this.” She handed me a picture of Andy and I hugging each other down by the dock during a sunset. I don’t remember this picture. “If you love my daughter like you said you do, come back home and show her.” I nodded. I said my final goodbyes and went into the car and shut the door, leaving my family and the love of my life behind.

The 8 weeks of boot camp were beyond brutal. The early mornings, the late nights, the physical and mental endurance that was required was something I was not prepared for, but I did it. I had a picture of me on my phone before I started and I took another picture of me when it was over, the day before graduation and to say that I gained some muscle, damn. I put on about 40 pounds of muscle and I have never been so toned and fit in my entire life. I feel like a new person. I feel like I could be someone with a purpose.

I wrote to my mom, dad, Aunt and Uncle during my time there and they sent letters back. I tried to write Andy, but she never wrote back. Aunt Laura said she came back home shortly after I left and she went right to school with Jayme to start their adventure in the medical world. I asked them to tell her that I want her there when I graduate and all they said is that they will try.

We marched out onto the field that day, keeping my head forward, I looked at the crowd through my peripheral to see if I can see my family. I saw my mom, dad, aunt, and uncle but I didn’t see Andy. My heart stung a little bit. It was time for the families to come see us on the field. I have about 48 hours to spend with them before I go off to school for 6 months to complete my MOS training. Instead of Andy running into my arms, it was Cindy.

“Cindy? What the hell are you doing here?” I pushed her away from me. “You need to go before my family comes. They don’t exactly like you.”

“What do you mean?” she questioned. “Your mom always loved me.”

“Not after what I told them happened. Go. I don’t want you here.” I walked away from her and went to find my family, the ones that mattered the most. But the one person I needed to be here; the one person that promised would be here, never showed up. Maybe it was time to let go. Maybe, this is what was meant to happen. But a part of me knows I will never be able to let her go, I just can’t.