Under His Protection

Eight

I stay in the guest house in Landon's room waiting impatiently for someone, anyone, preferably Landon to come tell me everything is okay. An hour goes by, then two hours. Sitting in his bed, my mask is on the floor and my hair is loose with 18 hair pins sitting in a small pile in his night stand.

My nerves are all over the place wishing I knew what happened and what is going on. The worry makes me nauseous, because Landon could be in there hurt or worse. I cringe at the thought as my eyes begin to dry from being sleepy. Fighting against it, I stare at the wall and tap my fingers on my knee. The slow rhythmic ticking and tocking of the clock is playing in my head. Maybe I'm becoming a bit delusional, but I can swear it's getting louder as each long minute passes. Soon, my eyes are locked on to the wall clock as if I'm in a daze. Watching the seconds hand flick from number to number causing me to become more tired. My eyes drop only to fly back open. I can't go to sleep until I know he's okay.

No more than twenty seconds later, my body calls a truce and slips into a slumber.

I don't know how much time passes, but in my sleep, I hear the guy's voices in the house. I hear footsteps past the door and I hear what I've wanted to hear this whole time. His voice. Landon. I try to wake up, but the sleep is like a heavy cloud over me, holding me in a fog.

I hear the door open more and seconds later, the bed dips. Landon runs his fingers in my hair, giving my scalp a light scratch "Cammie" He whispers in a soft deep tone.

"Hmm" is all I can muster up at the moment.

"Come on, everything is okay. You have to go back to the house." His tone takes a slight dip towards disappointment. He doesn't want me to leave? My eyes open a little and I see him with a serious expression. No smile. No nothing. He looks as tired as I feel.

"You're okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Everything is fine. We handled it" Opening my eyes more, he rubs his thumb along the side of my cheek. Although his gestures are pretty sweet, it doesn't transfer to his expression at all. It's like two different people.

"What happened?" I says as I come back to reality. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"No. Everyone is fine. I can't talk about the details. Just know that Crow isn't keen on having a bullet with his name on it"

I gasp softly, sitting up. "Who was it?"

"Just someone he had managed to burn bridges with. Please, stop asking questions" He forces a laugh, but I can tell he really isn't supposed to me telling me anything.

Biting my lip, one more question looms over me "I heard another shot after you went in."

Landon looks at me as if he wishes I didn't hear it or remember hearing it. "Yeah"

"Did you....?"

Landon sighs "I was doing my job. Please don't think about it too much, Cam. Come on, let's get you inside."

Still sitting there, I sigh in disappointment. Deep down I was wishing it was Crow who had been gunned down in the middle of the room. In my head, everyone would stare at him as he gasped and called for help only no one would lift a finger. They would let him lay there and die, but I guess I can't be that lucky. Sadness consumes me and Landon sees it as clear as day. Sighing, he leans in and kisses my forehead. "You and I both" Is all he says before standing up. My eyes widen a bit as Landon scoops me up and carries me out of his room, the house, and back to my dungeon. It feels like a grim fairy tale. I'm the princess being held captive by the evil and a treacherous bird, a black crow is keeping me hostage to become his wife. The evil Crow summons his trusty guard to keep watch of the princess, never to let him out of his sight. As they spend time together the guard developed feelings for the princess, vowing to protect her at all cost. The guard bears his sword and cuts the nasty crow's head right off. And forever, the guard and Princess live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, this isn't a fairy tale, and crow is still alive. It sucks to be me right now.

Inside the house, it's quiet and the maids are collecting knocked over champagne glasses. Landon looks around to make sure there isn't any broken glass before putting me on my bare feet. He hands me my shoes and I smile softly "Thanks"

Walking further into the house, I begin to hear yelling from Crow. When he comes storming out on his phone, he looks at me displeased. "Why the f**k are you just standing there? Go to bed" He shouts, pushing me towards the stairs. I gasp as I lose my footing and fall on my knees. Behind me, Crow groans. I go to get up when suddenly he fists my hair and pulls me up. I hiss and reach for his hand as he curses loudly "I said go to bed!"

When I get to the stairs, he shoves me hard before turning and giving an order for Landon. Stumbling up the stairs, I move quickly to my room, closing the door softly behind me when all I really wanted was to slam it. Leaning against the door, I take a few deep breaths. This is the only occasion I can truly understand his anger. Crow is afraid. For once, the gun was turned on him. A taste of his own medicine possibly.

Undressing, the dress pools at my feet. Stepping out of it, I walk over to the dresser and pull out my long shirt. The shirt I was kidnapped in. When I pull it on, I stare down at myself. Maybe if I close my eyes I can feel like I'm back at him. Eyes closed, standing in the middle of the large room, I picture hard cold floors, piles of clothes, my cat wandering around looking for dropped scraps of Chinese food on the kitchen floor. Ray was a messy eater.

Although a sense of comfort washes over me, the images of that night creeps back to me. I was truly afraid and clearly for good reasons.

Through the reminiscing, a light tap at the door causes my neck to snap towards the sound. No, please don't let it be him. Standing there, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, I wonder if I should open it. Maybe if I don't he will just go away. Who am I kidding? He'd probably just kick down the door.

I walk to it and twist the door knob. Opening it a little, I peek out and sigh with so much relief. "Landon"

Opening the door more, he walks in slowly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Landon stares at me for a moment, his deep gaze making me feel conscious at the fact that I'm only wearing a shirt. Tugging on the end of it, his eyes flicker down for a split second. As much as he wishes to be respectful, he's a guy.

"What are you doing here?" I say as I walk to the bed to sit on the edge. My still curly hair falls into my face a bit and I tuck it being my ear as I watch him pace a bit. The thoughts running through his mind surely are a mystery, possibly just as much as a mystery to himself. Somehow I know this has something, if not everything to do with him kissing me. It has cloudy his mind. His conflicting expression says it all. Deep down I hope he doesn't think it was a mistake. His lips were like an oasis to me. It drenched my pessimism with thoughts of hope. Hope that maybe I'll be free....with him.

"It can't happen again, Camilla" The dreaded words tear through me worse than the back of Crow's hand against my cheek. I want to object. I want to tell him that it wasn't wrong. It was perfect, but I know that would be more of a reason for him to keep his distance. Everything I felt is everything he wants to avoid.

"Okay" It's what I force myself to say for his sake, not mine.

Landon looks at me, clearly surprised that I didn't fight him on it. I just sit there, hiding my disappointment. It's hard to keep a straight face when on the inside you want nothing more to change his mind. However, begging would only make it worse.

Muteness falls over the room and I don't know why he hasn't left yet. We've come to a mutual decision not to kiss again so what else is there? "Is there something else?"

Shaking his head, Landon scratches the top of his head. "Yes, I mean, no. There's nothing else. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll go" As he walks through the door, my heart strings pull and tug for me to say something. Damn it, Camilla, fight for him!

"Wait" I jump to my feet and Landon stops before opening the door. I walk up to him, but he doesn't turn to face me. Lifting my hand, I place it in the middle of his back. Giving his back a small scratch over his shirt, I feel him take a deep breath "Please, stop" He pleads on a soft whisper. I stop, but my hand remains in between his shoulder blades.

"Are you still going to be my friend?" I ask and suddenly, his shoulders slump and he slowly lets out a breath. When he turns around, his blue eyes capture and pull in mines. "Of course, I will. I'm sorry"

It isn't till he has apologized that I realized how disappointed I must look right now. The fear of him distancing himself from me showed on my face. He is all I have in this place. The only amity in the mist of misfortune. Landon looks down at me like a child before cupping my face "I'll always be here for you. But...I just can't let it go that far again. It's dangerous and can cost both of our lives if he finds out."

Reaching up, I pull his hand down from my face "I hate this so much." I inhale deeply, wrapping my arms around myself. I walk over to the window and stare out the storm clouds rolling in. Small drops of rain cling to the window before slowly streaming down. When I feel Landon behind me, a shiver runs down my spine. "You should go before he finds you up here" A tinge of animosity snakes between the words.

"Camilla, please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I just don't know what to do." Confusion is all I feel right now. My body belongs to Crow, but my feelings don't. I can't control how I feel about someone. Landon's hand sweeps my hair over my shoulder, before rubbing his thumb over the back of my neck, causing me to flinch. "Don't push me away" He mumbles and I turn my head, just barely seeing him behind me. "Isn't that what you're doing?"

"No. I'm trying to keep you safe."

Fed up with him trying to protect me when we both know none of the protection in this house is for me, I turn around and look up at him. "You can't protect me, Landon. I've told you that before. Crow is free to hurt me whenever he pleases. You're in this house to protect him, not me."

Landon doesn't say anything and the only sound that is heard is the rain on the window growing louder. I reach up and give his chest a little shove "Please, go Landon. I don't want to get you into trouble. I'll see you in the morning"

Sighing, Landon tucks a string of hair behind my ear. If only he knew that those sort of gestures only make it harder for me not to want more of him. He turns to leave as I stand there, watching. At the door, he turns to look at me "Good night, Camilla"

"Good night, Landon."

Three days pass and I've never been more miserable. Besides Crow's constant s****l harassment, Landon has completely done a 360 on me. When he meets me at my bedroom door in the mornings, he barely smiles. When we walk, he doesn't place his hand in the small of my back. At the guest house, he doesn't let me in his room to listen to records anymore. He doesn't lean into me when he talks. Landon is as cold as he was the first few days I was with him. His reversion angers me even though I think the anger is just a cover up for the hurt I feel. Landon said he would still be my friend. He lied to me.

Even Anderson and the guys have noticed the change. Landon sits a little further from me and Anderson caught it first when he saw Landon slide his chair away from me as we were sitting to eat lunch. Anderson looked at me, but I turned away as if I didn't notice. Today isn't any different. After breakfast with Crow, who talked mostly about his agenda today and only groped me twice, I met Landon in the kitchen where he was leaning against the counter, flicking open his pocket knife. When he saw me enter, he straightened. No warm greetings or sly jokes about Crow. When we got to the house, he pulled out my chair at the table, but that's the only charming gesture he has given since.

Now, two hours later, I'm just sitting at the table playing solitaire alone while Landon is in his room. Staring down at the cards, my forehead scrunches as I pick up and lay cards. When the front door opens, I turn my head slightly to see Viktor walk in. "Hello, Cam" He says warmly and I smile "Hi, Viktor, how are you?"

"I'm doing well. Why are sitting alone? Where is Landon?"

I shrug "In his room. I'm fine though, the cards are keeping me occupied."

"No good" He says with his thick accent. "A man is supposed to keep a woman company out of respect. I'd never let a pretty woman like you sit alone"

"Well, I guess that is the difference between American and Russian men. American's are selfish greedy bastards" I smile to myself knowing that will only work Viktor up. He loves a chance to talk trash about Americans whenever he can.

"Hell yeah!" He shouts, making me laugh as he shakes me shoulders "You are a keeper!"

Landon comes out of the room "What's with all the noise?" He frowns, looking at Viktor. Viktor smacks Landon in the chest "I was making fun with Cam since she was sitting out here alone. You're a rude son of a b***h, Landon."

"Ahh, Viktor cut him some slack. You know American men don't know how to treat women. They forget the romance and buy their woman with money and beer"

Viktor laugh roars throughout the kitchen and I can't help but laugh myself, cover my mouth with my hand. Viktor continue to chuckle as he wraps his arm around me, kissing my cheek. "Many Russian men would love a funny woman like you!"

I don't look at Landon, but Viktor does and he chuckles "Ah, don't take it personal, young Landon." Viktor laughs a few more moments before heading to his room, leaving Landon standing behind me. Clearing my throat, I go back to playing cards and Landon sits next to me, not closely though. He doesn't say anything, he just watches me. I want to ask him why he is being so distance, but I already know the answer. I'm not dumb. He doesn't know how to be my friend and be professional at the same time. I'm sure he wishes that I still hated him. It would make it easier for him to carry on his job, but no. We bonded, became friends, and kissed.

I try to ignore his gazing, but it heightens my senses. It's like I can feel his eyes on me, hitting every inch of my body. I fight the urge to look at him, but I lose. Turning my face, my eyes meet his. "Why are you staring at me?"

"No reason. Just fell into a deep thought" He clears his throat "What do you want for lunch?" Landon stands up and I swear I see him adjust his pants before he disappears from my sight. Why I caught that weird action? I don't know. It just stood out to me.

"Um, anything is fine. I'm not really hungry. I had a big breakfast"

"You'll be hungry by the time I finish. Is a grilled chicken sandwich good with you?"

I nod even though he can't see it "Yeah, that's fine" I say dryly. Finishing the game, I look down at the cards, sighing. Pushing them away, I sit back in the chair. Boredom is setting is fast and with Landon giving me frigid shoulder, I don't have any other way to keep myself occupied. Standing up, I go to the bathroom just to pass a little time. Once I'm in there, I stare at myself in the mirror.

Ahh, Camilla how the mighty have fallen. How would Ray feel if he knew you were pining over another man? The same man who yanked you out of bed? The same man who shot someone the other night. Ha! He would be furious.

My conscious laughs at me, but Ray and Landon aren't so different. Ray was willing to kill a man and Landon has killed a man....men. Landon has killed men. I really know how to pick em. I turn on the water and splash my face a few times before patting it dry with a paper towel. Looking around, I realize it's pretty clean for a guy's bathroom. Deciding to snoop a bit, I open the mirror cabinet and see typical guy stuff. A razor, tooth brushes, toothpaste, and so on. My eyes suddenly fall on a pill bottle. Picking it up against my better judgment, I turn it around and see Landon's name on it. It's a bottle of Ativan. It's usually for anxiety. The only reason I know is because my grandmother had panic attacks after my grandfather passed away. I know a few different types though.

When I shake the bottle, I realize it's full. I look at the refill date and it has passed by a few months. Why wasn't he taking his medication? Maybe it wasn't helping. Done prying in Landon's personal business, I put it back in the cabinet and close it. I walk back to the table and Landon is sitting there with the cards I was just playing with. He shuffles them a few times before sitting them down. He doesn't say anything, and I begin to grow intolerable with the way he is acting.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask and his eyes shoot up to mine. "What?"

"Why are you acting like this? Like it's a burden to talk me now. Like I'm going to jump in your arms if you have a decent conversation with me. God, I can take a hint, Landon. I know you don't want me to like you. You don't want our friendship to go too far and with the way you're acting, that's the last thing you need to worry about. I would never like this person."

"You think you're a burden to me?" He asks as if it's a something should be obvious to me.

"Aren't I?" I frown, looking away from him.

"No, Camilla, you're not a burden to me." He sighs and I can tell without looking that he is scratching his head trying to find the right words. "You're a distraction"

Turning to look at him, my eyebrow raises, question him "What?"

"You heard me. You're a distraction and you know it. What you don't know is that I can't stop thinking about you. God, it hasn't even been a month yet and I've grown to want you around me all the time. I hated taking you back to your room the other night. When I saw you sleeping in my bed-" He pauses and shakes his head with a small smirk "I stood there and watched you for a while, just wanting to lay with you and hold you. Then it dawned on me that you can never be mine. So I had to pull back. I shouldn't feel the way I do, I can't help it and I hate it. So we can't be that close. Do you understand?"

Blank. That's what my mind is right now after hearing him tell me all of that. I try to form words, but they are all jumbled up. My lips remain parted like a mute fool and Landon reaches forward, taking my chin between his fingers to close my mouth. When proper sentence finally comes to mine, I blurt it out "So you're my friend again?"

Landon chuckles softly and shakes his head "Yes, Cammie, I'm your friend again, but we're not in elementary school. We can't keep breaking our friendship every few days"

Dumbfounded. That's exactly what I am right now. I don't even know what's going on. How does one blurt out their feelings then go on like they just spoke about the weather? If Viktor were in here right now, he would blame the American school system for my bewilderment. For some reason, I feel like something is missing. Like Landon left out an important bit of what he really wanted to say. Thinking about it for a few seconds, the image of him adjusting his pants flashes in my head. My conscious shakes her head at me.

Oh dear lord, Camilla. Have you forgotten that you're a woman? The boy was clearly more turned on than a prostitute on the first of the month.