Taken by the Rogue Alpha

7 | Kiss and Ride

I pack up all my things before leaving my mom's place, writing a note and expressing my gratitude for her. She had to leave for work early this morning so I didn't get the chance to thank her for letting me stay—I was so distressed when I arrived last night that I forgot. We watched a movie and chatted lightheartedly but my mind was elsewhere. I chewed craters in my cheek, pausing when she'd turn to look at me and resuming as soon as she looked away. My mouth is sore but I still can't stop chewing. It's an awful self-soothing mechanism when my anxiety is higher than usual.

I actually stayed in my old room last night but slept very little. Nonetheless my back is paying the price. I took some aspirin before I left.

I did arrive to my bookstore early, unpacking everything just before it was time to open. No music this time just so I could get a headstart if Seth decided to try and surprise me again. He did not, luckily, but my eyes dart to the front door after I open every minute or so just in case. The day feels like it will be long. Reading makes the days go by quick but I can hardly focus on Dillard at the moment, regardless of how much I want to engage with her prose.

The day ends up being swifter than I expected; it is so busy I cannot find the time to take a break so I don't even bother. Zhang comes to visit, chatting with me at my counter for a few minutes, but the volume of customers is so high she ends up leaving shortly after appearing (not before getting me to recommend her a book to buy—then she recommends I order some parenting and baby books, which I agree to do).

Even though I spend barely five minutes alone in the bookstore throughout the day there is still a feeling of paranoia. Every time the bell rings and someone walks in my head snaps to see who it is, relieved every time it turns out not to be Seth. He lurks like a shadow in the attic of my mind.

It is closing time. I serve my final customers and lock up for the night, leaving through the rear door and sprinting to my car. Before I get in I check the backseat, not putting it past Seth to be waiting there for me, but all I see is my suitcase. Shaking my head, sighing, I get in and drive home. I drive in silence. For the first in my life all the music I like seems lackluster. All it does is make me think of Seth and I dancing...it is a grey, ambivalent feeling.

Jeremy will be landing in an hour, give or take an extra fifteen or twenty minutes added to find his luggage and meet me. I will just make it if I unpack quickly. It will be no problem. I have no desire to linger in our house longer than I need to.

I get home, turning on more lights than necessary, doing my walkthrough with the knife, then finally feel safe enough to unpack. I do so in record time, shaking and chewing my cheek, and evacuate immediately once I slide my suitcase under the bed. My car is a welcome friend and my anxiety begins to dissipate when I am halfway to the airport. The drive is, again, spent in silence. I'll turn on the radio as soon as I see Jeremy so he doesn't suspect anything.

I pull into the "kiss and ride" area of the parking lot, purchasing a ticket for ten minutes. Jeremy has just text me and told me he should be out in five. My heart is racing with anticipation. I am eager to see him and suddenly shy. What will I say to him? How will I kiss him? How will he kiss me? When do I tell him everything?

I spot him leaving the revolving doors, luggage in tow. Turning on the radio, I grab my keys and exit my car. He notices me, smiling as I walk slowly, grinning as I quicken to a jog. I open my arms and embrace him, trembling, and he drops his suitcases and embraces me back. I could cry. I am so relieved he is here—this is love. This is real love. This is chosen love.

"I missed you," I say.

"I missed you more."

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me—people are moving around us like a river but we don't even notice them. Jeremy smells like comfort and brings me comfort. We are in our own little realm, untouchable and unattainable. We touch our foreheads together, laughing air through our noses.

"Let's go home," he says.

He reclaims his suitcases and we make our way back to my car. I help him load his suitcases into my trunk, stealing another kiss from him. The drive starts off quiet, his hand on my thigh, both of us just listening to the radio. The highway starts off busy but thins out as we get a few minutes from the airport. Jeremy breaks the silence between us.

"Anything exciting happen while I was away?"

I hum thoughtfully though my mind rages—do I tell him now? Get it out of the way? Selfishly I want to keep it all to myself so I don't spoil the mood...but he deserves to know. If I wait he will be angry with me. Do I tell him about Seth breaking into our home? Do I tell him about the kiss? The threat? The dancing? How much do I have to reveal? I jostle my head from side to side, trying to seem playful and not panicked. I have to tell him. I do. I know I do. I will. I'm going to—

"Nothing out of the ordinary," I smile weakly. His hand squeezes my thigh. "Tell me about your time away—all the details you spared me over the phone."

So he does. I listen as I drive. The highway gets thinner and thinner with other vehicles. When we turn onto the ramp that takes us to our town it is just us—bright headlights piercing the dark night. We are alone but we are not lonely.

We have each other, again, finally.

✿✿✿

We get home. It feels good to be home with him. I missed home. I missed him. It feels safe, now.

I unlock the door and we head in, taking our shoes off. Jeremy locks the door behind him promptly which I am grateful for because I'd hate if I had to ask because he would then ask me questions which, I have come to realize, I am not prepared to answer. I am not prepared to tell him anything. The secret weighs heavy but it's a burden I can carry. For now.

"Jem, what would you like to—"

His hands are on my waist, kissing me as he backs me into the closet door. It rattles. I'm caught off guard, arms in the air before they wrap around his neck. He inhales sharply, further coiling around me, pressing himself into me. Chills fire up my spine, pools between my legs. I can't remember the last time Jeremy has come at me like this—I don't think he ever has before. I can feel his nails elongating through my shirt. He is being taken over.

"You're so beautiful," he grits through his teeth. "I've missed you so f*****g much."

He kisses me again, lifting me. I wrap my legs around him, shuddering when he grabs the nape of my neck through my hair. He takes me into the bedroom, dropping me onto the bed, pouncing on me, settling between my legs. I go to take his face in my hands but he grabs my wrists and pins them down, kissing me hard, taking full control. I moan, legs squirming, fingers curling and blooming, eyes closing.

He rolls his hips against me. I crane my head back. He kisses my cheeks, creeping down my jaw, finding his favorite spot on my neck. It's sensitive and I cry out as he nips it, indifferent to the idea of him marking me—it seems in the moment he wants to. Go ahead. Do it. I won't stop you. I'm yours. You won't.

He doesn't.

I'm breathing heavy when he pulls away, staring down at me, eyes flashing gold—this is all primal and animalistic. His other half hasn't made its appearance during these impassioned moments for a while. It's intense, ardent, feverish. It feels like the first time all over again. I am nervous but enthralled, hyper-focused and present. His jaw clenches.

Jeremy releases my wrists, ripping my shirt away. I try to unbutton his in return but he is impatient, tearing it off and discarding it somewhere. It's a blur as he strips me bare, leaving his pants on. He lowers himself onto the floor, sitting on his knees, sliding his arms under me and dragging me to him by my hips. His kisses the inside of my thighs, stubble rough, tickling me. I almost giggle but his mouth centers between my legs, his hands on my wrists again. His nails leave indented crescents in my skin. I am moaning, writhing, completely overwhelmed.

I taste color and see stars, eyes rolling into the back of my head as it lolls around on its axis. I throw my legs over his shoulders, heels digging into his back, hands clenching into fists as I bite my lip. Complete sensory overload. My heart is going to explode. His grip tightens on my wrists, nails digging further into my skin. There will be evidence this fantasy happened tomorrow. I wouldn't believe it otherwise.

I sit up, crying out again, feeling everything. There are galaxies behind my eyelids that remain even when my eyes are open. My chest can't keep up with my breaths. I plummet back onto the bed, eyes watering from the ferocity of the moment. Jeremy releases my wrists, kissing the dips of my thighs before standing. I watch him as he undresses and stands naked before me—his perfect body. His perfect, perfect body. I'm so elated I feel like I'm hallucinating.

He crawls on top of me, arms wrapped around me, urging himself into me slowly. I wince, gripping onto his forearm. He starts off gentle, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I give him my neck again and he latches onto it, kissing it all over. His canines have elongated and scrape against the flesh—enough to graze but not enough to pierce. He wants to...it's taking him all he can to hold himself back.

"I love you," he growls. "You are mine, Amelia."

"Yes," I breathe. "I am yours."

Gradually he picks up the pace, arms tightening, face buried in my neck. His breath his hot. I move to grip his ribs, fingers wet from his sheen of sweat, squeezing him. I can't stop moaning, feeling myself climbing again. My legs wrap around him, pulling him closer. His breathing is getting faster, harder. He bites my earlobe, a pleasant sting following. Jeremy...Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy.

He sits us up so I'm straddling him, hand on the small of my back, navigating my rhythm. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, eyes clenched shut. I latch onto his back with my nails, dragging them up and down. He coils against my touch, rolling like a field in the wind. He's whispering sweet nothings in my ears again. You feel so f*****g good. I love you. You're so beautiful. Only you can make me feel this way.

I throw my head back, climaxing again, all air caught in my throat. My hair sticks to my body, all sweat and heat. Jeremy is next, bellowing then stilling. We collapse into one another, limp but tight as chains. His hand is in my hair as he drags me in for a kiss, tongue in my mouth, desperate and fervent. We are vibrating. We are spent. We are alive. We are unified.

"You are mine," he repeats.

"Yes. And you are mine."

"We belong to each other."

I crawl off of him, pulling the blankets out from under the pillows. We both sneak under them, exhausted, and find our way back to one another. He rests his head on my chest, kissing my breasts, locked onto me. Rheum leaks down my temples and my lips tremble. Emotions are high, the moon is low. It shines in through the window, swathing us in its white glow. I blink lazily, far from relaxed but tired enough to give myself the illusion that I am.

"I love you, Amelia."

"I love you, Jem."

I rub my lips together. More rheum slips from my eyes. I play with his golden hair, smoothing it from his forehead, tangling my fingers in it. The smile I feel against my skin makes me smile sadly to myself. He falls asleep before I do, breaths shallow and predictable. I stare at the ceiling and Seth suddenly crosses my mind. My fingers stop twirling, arms falling away from Jeremy.

Intrusive thought: is Seth good in bed?