LIGHT for DARKNESS

EPISODE 9 - AVA

It is morning and my birthday. I could not sleep at night and I spent most of it wondering, what could have led to us been in this situation?

I know life has not been fair to me and my brother but, we have fought so hard not to be in messed up situations like this. As little as I can remember, my parent's lifestyle broke our family and we were never happy.

Getting entangled with drugs, alcohol and loan sharks can never be a good thing. That is why I kept my lifestyle simple. Things that made it complicated like many friends, partying, drugs, gambling and boyfriends. I just didn't want the stress of being in trouble but, look at me, I still got into it anyway.

With everything going on, I have not thought about the cute guy I bumped into. All of a sudden, I wished I knew him. Maybe he would have had a solution to my problems? Or, even comforted me.

I just didn't know what to think or how to feel.

I laid on my bed, numb and exhausted.

After two hours of staring at the ceiling with my sad thoughts, the alarm went off reminding me that I had reality to face.

Other people's birthday comes with cheer and happiness, cakes and drinks, fun and excitement but mine came with bitterness and sorrow.

I just knelt beside my bed to thank God for everything. If there is one thing I've learnt, is to be grateful in all circumstances. No matter what life throws at me, I'll always find a way to bounce back.

After my prayer, I freshened up. Went down for a cup of coffee and something for my headache.

I just didn't care about anything again. I wanted this situation to be over with.

"Hey, teddy bear," my brother's voice was distant while he was just in front of me.

I turned to see him sitting on the sofa in front of me. My thoughts must have been miles away because I did not notice his presence. My smile was weak, sad and that was all I could offer him. My body and soul was just too afraid to have the conversation I've been running away from.

"You know I love you very much and would never deliberately hurt you." His voice was filled with so much regret and pain.

I was shaking and tearing up. My voice was lost.

"You were still young to understand whatever that was happening. Mum and dad were not always the irresponsible, selfish, gambling, alcoholic and drug addicts you met them to be. There was a time when they love both of us very much, provided and cared for us."

"So, what happened?"

"I've shield you from the truth because I did not want it messing you up. I wanted you to be happy. Leave your own life filled with love, warmth and take whatever direction you want." He paused, as if he remembered something happy, he smiles at himself and the sadness appears again. "Mum was a surgeon and dad was a mechanic. They were both in love, happy and smart. We had our own nice house, everything we as kids could ever ask for and more. We were not rich but, we were a happy family."

My emotions could no longer control themselves, I start crying profusely. These beautiful memories of my family was not a part of mine. Instead, I've despised and loathed both of them for as long as I can remember.

"Teddy, you need to know all these because I don't know what will happen but I promise to fix this mess."

"You have fixed more than enough, let me help this time."

"Listen," he brought out a small box in a heart shape, wrapped with pink and green neatly weaved rose-like thorn. "Open it."

I opened it. Inside are a beautiful pearl necklace and a handwritten note that reads " My golden and adorable daughter, seeing you grow into this beautiful lady makes me so happy. Whether I am here with you or not, just know that I am watching over you, forever. Happy Twenty Queen, with love and care, mum."

"She has this obsession with throwing you a huge twentieth birthday. She started planning it immediately you turned two"

"All these beautiful memories started fading immediately after you turned two when she discovered she had ovarian cancer."

What I heard struck me like a blow. "Ovarian Cancer?"

"Yes."

"I am so confused. Why did you not tell me about mum's illness?"

"I didn't know how to. When mum discovered her illness she went for multiple surgeries, chemotherapies, exercises and diets. All these were so expensive. It led to them selling the house, using both our trust funds and getting loans still, she was not getting any better. When she saw that she will never get better she started drinking and doing drugs. She just wanted an easy way out."

"What about dad? What excuse did he have?"

"He loved mum so much that all these affected him most terribly. He didn't want her alone in her journey so, he joined her in drugs and alcohol abuse. The night they died, mum's death was as a result of ovarian cancer but was ruled as overdose due to the cocaine that was found in her system while dad took an overdose because he was scared of being alone."

"He didn't think of us? That we are still a part of his family?"

Evans readjusted in his seat to get close to me. "When you love someone you give your all."

"Not including family, he should have lived for us, for me." I didn't have the strength to cry again. I drop my coffee cup on the table and lay down on the sofa.

"Teddy, those men that came the other day are not joking."

"Who are they, Evans?"

He looks away like he is about to say something terrifying. " When mum and dad died, we were in a lot of debt. We didn't have a place to stay, you were sick, there was mum and dad's funeral to take care of and you needed to be in school."

Everything I heard was too much to process, it was almost as if my brain had shut down. This is too much to take in at once. Yet, I could not find my voice, it was lost once more.

"You and I have been through a lot, I just didn't want to expose you to all these."

"I still got exposed to it anyway," my voice could be barely heard.

Evans took my hands and placed them on his. "Our parents were in $4,000,000 debt and I got the extra one million to cater for us." His voice was laced with so much regret.

"You did what you had to do and, I don't hate you for it."

"I've been able to pay $2,000,000 but........," he broke down in tears.

That is the first time I am seeing my brother's weakness. He has never allowed me to see his down moments. Maybe I allowed him to take care of me for far too long and I didn't take care of him in return. He focused on making me happy. The attention has been on me for too long that he has forgotten to live. " I need to fix this for me," I thought to myself. All the strength I've left in me will be for a way out of this mess.

"I..we...they...." He stammered. There was no right word to say what he wanted to say to me at that moment.

A bright idea came to my mind. I still have the diamond earrings he got me for my birthday and this pearled necklace that my mum left for me, if I sell them maybe it will give us money to pay off.

Evans opened his mouth to say something else but I didn't allow him to even start. I kiss him on the cheek, hug him and head upstairs to get dressed.

“Ava, we need to finish this conversation. I've important things to tell you.”

I just gave him a broad smile and went upstairs, leaving him speechless.