THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

36 | How Many Times Do I Have To Visit my Own Funeral?

I was expecting we would be in some kind of another setting or another place. You know, something new. But then, unexpectedly (or maybe not) I am back at my own funeral.

Perhaps I have cried all the tears I needed to let out. Perhaps I was done being sad. Perhaps I have gotten over the fact that I have already died and there were people who mourned and cried for my demise. Perhaps what I heard, about the life of Emelia and Nigel or now known us Sarah and Thorien, it must have been too sad for me to even feel sad about my own funeral.

I glanced at Mikhael. I still couldn’t forget what he said before we got off the train.

“Being a Grim Reaper isn’t too bad, don’t you think?”

He then looked at me. “How many times have we visited your funeral?” he asked.

“Twice?” I answered. Not really sure of how many times we’ve been to my own funeral. I’ve been here the first time when I cried my eyes out. The second time and other times were probably when I went to the flashbacks in my life. I must have been in it several times.

“Or probably several times?” I said.

Mikhael scoffed. “And now we’re back here again.”

I didn’t say anything and just looked at what’s happening in front of us. I couldn’t cry anymore. So I just watched. Even as the people started to go home. Even as it was only Jacob who was left and was crying, kneeling in front of the lake where they spread my ashes. I just watched and waited until there was no one left.

“Do you have any clue as to what this stop might have?”

“I wish I have. Then we don’t have to go through the trouble of going to these stops,” I said sarcastically and he didn’t respond. I was about to say something else when I felt the familiar feeling of being pulled somewhere.

I heard Mikhael groaned as he said, “Not this again.”

The surroundings warped and my gut felt like it’s being tied into a knot. I covered my mouth with one hand and the other was on my stomach.

“Aren’t there any other ways aside from this?” complained Mikhael. I looked at the surroundings and everything was blurry and I couldn’t make out where we were. Just when I was about to grab Mikhael’s hand, the surrounding became clearer. I fought nausea and scanned the surroundings. 

A bed with floral sheets. A window just beside it. There were some small potted plants on the window’s pane and some are withering. A small spray bottle was on the side too. The small study table was filled with all sorts of things I never imagined to have in my room. There were small wrappers of and I could have sworn I saw a happy birthday wrapper on the trash bin. The closet was big enough to accommodate all my clothes. The vanity mirror’s lights were on and in front of it was me.

I was seated in front of it, angling my head to have a better view of my cheeks where I softly dabbed the small brush on my cheekbones. I was wearing a simple flowy blue dress. I looked outside and I could see it’s noon. Where am I even going all dressed up at this hour?

Then Mikhael whistled causing me to look at her. “Someone’s got a date,” he commented and I looked back at myself. She was staring at the mirror, appreciating herself. I have never put on make-up before. Never tried doing so. And seeing myself doing it was kind of new. Perhaps Mikhael was right. Perhaps I might be going on a date. And knowing I only had one boyfriend (as far as I know), I might be seeing Jacob this day.

I stared at her as she continued to stare at herself in the mirror. She was lovely. Her lips were pinkish and smooth. Her cheeks were blushing. Her hair was put into place by a cute hairpin on both sides. She’s ready. But somehow, something tells me something’s bothering her. Maybe because I know myself enough to read it in her eyes. Maybe because it was too obvious that Mikhael probably noticed too.

She looked at her phone and read the time. When it was time for her to go, she picked her small bag and head off. Saying goodbye to her family and went to the garage to get her bike.

The weather was fine. Very fine. And I watched myself head off, riding her bike. I looked at Mikhael when I felt him hold my hand. He wasn’t looking at me.

“Flying is better than warping. So unless you want to feel nauseous again, you can do what you want—“

“I haven’t even said anything and you start blabbing things,” I said and held his hand in return. The next thing I knew, we were already up in the sky, slowly floating as we follow the bike. Her dress flew with the wind. It wasn’t long enough to reach the wheels and it wasn’t short enough to make her uncomfortable. It was the right length and I could tell it must have been my favorite dress. Her black hair swayed with the wind too and I could tell she was having fun riding her bike and going to the place where she’s supposed to meet Jacob.

The sea was glittering as it caught sunshine and I couldn’t help but feel something towards it. I can’t explain it but I can feel I am being pulled in the water. Perhaps it’s something one will feel if they’re above it. I mean, I am not used to flying. I still have my doubts about it. Perhaps my fear of the water and the feeling that I am being pulled is because I was overthinking about it. Maybe I was scared of the water when I was still alive.

I looked at Mikhael who was looking down below. I wonder if he felt the same way about the water but I decided not to ask because I am certain he will just make fun of me if it so happens that he doesn’t feel the same way.

His long hair was pushed back by the wind revealing his forehead. I told you before Mikhael is attractive and he could have been famous in my school if he studied there. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder how he died. I looked through him and saw the signage of a café. We’re part of the wind so we don’t look a hundred percent solid. We’re semi-transparent and before, I would have freaked out but now, I got used to it. I never thought I could get used to it. He looked at me questioningly and I pointed to the signage on his left. He looked at it briefly and then he looked at me again.

“What about it?” he asked.

“I think that’s where I am going,” I answered and looked down below and saw myself on a bike turning to the corner.

“I guess you’re right,” Mikhael said. “Do you remember what happened here?”

I shook my head. “I just feel like it. The signage seems to pull me and catch my attention while I was looking at you—“

I didn’t finish my sentence but it was too late as he already heard what I was trying to say.

“You were looking at me,” he said and grinned. See? That’s why I don’t like hyping or doing or saying things that make him act all so cocky. It just makes me want to rip all his teeth out of his mouth.

“Whatever,” I managed to say. I don’t want to say another thing that might make things worse. Knowing Mikhael and his high regard for himself, he will go on about it for several days and that is the last thing I would ever want to happen.

I just heard him chuckle and we maneuvered to where the past me is going. The road was kind of steep so she had to pedal harder on her bike. Good thing the path wasn’t so crowded for her. And when she finally arrived, she parked her bike carefully and using the glass window of a clothing shop, she fixed her hair.

I and Mikhael landed beside her and we could see her taking deep breaths as she stared at herself. Her face was so innocent. Her eyes were bright and full of expectations. Whatever she’s going to do today or whoever she’s going to meet, she is excited but nervous about it at the same time. She remained standing in front of the glass for a few minutes taking deep breaths before she combed her hair using her fingers one last time and then proceeded to straighten her dress.

“I swear any man who sees her like that wouldn’t care if she looked sweaty or what,” I heard Mikhael mumble and I turned to look at him.

“And what was that supposed to mean?” I asked and he smirked.

“I just complimented you, darling,” he said and walked past me to follow my past self get inside the café. Mikhael did not bother dodging the door that slammed onto him and I wonder how will I ever get used to the fact that we can just go through walls or doors. I sighed and followed. And I wonder how on earth was that a compliment?

I got inside the café and I realized it wasn’t that big. It was small and judging from the new interior, the furniture, and the wall decorations, I figured it was a newly opened café. Probably opened a month ago or two. There weren’t a lot of customers and I wouldn’t wonder why because this part of town is filled with cafés and restaurants.

I scanned the surroundings and saw myself sitting on the corner table. A waitress went to get her order but she just shook her head and the waitress politely smiled and walk away. A few moments later, the waiter came back with a glass of water.

I smiled and looked outside the glass wall.

“You look excited,” Mikhael commented and I couldn’t agree more. Both my hands were holding the glass of water tapping on it gently as I continued to look outside the window.

“Your date is late,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“I might have been early,” I defended but he just scoffed.

“Why does your past self keep looking at her watch then?”

I couldn’t say anything. Not because what he said was right but because I suddenly have a bad feeling about this.

The sound of a chair grazing the floor caught my attention and I could see a guy standing up and walking in my direction. The past me wasn’t aware of it and wasn’t even looking. Am I going to be hit upon? By a random stranger?

But before the guy could even get as close as two meters towards me he suddenly staggered back and hit his back on the table, breaking the glasses on top it. I raised my brow and then I saw Mikhael holding his wrist and twisting it.

My jaw dropped.

“Did you just flick your hand and caused that man to stumble?”

He gave me a sideways look while still twisting his wrist. “I merely concentrated the wind in front of him so he basically hit an invisible wall.”

I gave him an incredulous look to which he just shrugged. “What can I say? I didn’t see him walking there.”

“Why did you make that wall of wind then? And since when were you able to make that? This is a flashback!”

I’ve seen him flip a newspaper using the wind and roll a pencil on the desk using it but I never saw him make an invisible wall before. Or was there even an invisible wall?

“Darling, I am always capable of anything,” he said and I just closed my eyes firmly and looked back at the commotion. The café manager was already talking to the man and my past self merely glanced at them and went back to staring outside the glass wall.

“Oh wow, I wasn’t even bothered,” I commented and looked around. I couldn’t see any familiar faces. In fact, there were only less than ten customers in the shop. I couldn’t see Jacob’s face and my past self kept looking at her watch or take a sip on her water. When it was almost finished, she called the waitress and requested another glass of water. I could see the excitement in her eyes slowly dying.

But we watched there, standing by the counter, watching her as she kept looking outside the glass wall. And when she couldn’t take it, she called the waitress and ordered something. I felt furious when I looked at her. I never I had this side before. And I couldn’t help but feel worried too as to why isn’t Jacob showing up. Even as it was only a flashback, it was like watching a movie and anticipating what will happen next. The only difference is that I was the main character of that movie and I am supposed to remember what’s going to happen but I don’t. I don’t remember it. And it’s frustrating.

Just when I was about to say something, we saw myself standing up from her seat. I could see the sun almost setting. So basically I waited for almost five hours. The excitement was back in her eyes and we followed what she was looking at.

And just by the door, wearing a simple shirt and jeans that clearly suggested he forgot about this meeting and just picked whatever clothes he could find on the floor. His eyes roamed around the café and when he saw me standing in the corner, he heaved a sigh of relief and held his knee while panting. But I saw myself smile.

She smiled. As if she did not wait for five hours.

Jacob walked closer to her and she smiled wider.

“Bastard,” I heard Mikhael said before Jacob sat down and all we could do was watch. 

* * *