THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

38 | A Rainbow in A Greyscale World

The pain felt so real. As if I really have my heart being ripped apart. I wanted to scream but the pain was too intense that I could hardly breathe. I remember the brown tiled floor as I curled on it as I gripped my shirt tightly. As if it could lessen the pain. But it didn’t help. The pain continued and my forehead is now on the floor. I felt two strong grips on both my shoulders trying to pick me up but I couldn’t. 

“Sheira!” I heard Mikhael calling my name but he seemed so far away. I don’t even know where he is but I hear his voice. Though it was faint. He continued to try and straighten me but I couldn’t straighten my back. The pain in my chest was too much for me to even breathe. So I continued to coil and felt the pain getting more and more intense. And when it felt like it ripped my heart out of my body, I dove into oblivion.

But even in oblivion, I was conscious. I had both my eyes open as I float around the vast darkness. There was nothing but me. I looked at my hands and I realized I was glowing. I looked around but there was nothing but darkness. I was scared for some reason. I never found myself afraid of darkness. But for some reason, this kind of darkness was something that has its own story. I don’t know what it was but it seems to be telling me something. I looked down below only to see my reflection. Water. 

There’s water underneath me. It was black and calm and quiet. I just recently found out I was scared of the water when it feels to be pulling me whenever I fly over it. But the water underneath me now was something so quiet. 

And it was even scarier. It felt like it could pull me down any moment. And just when I was thinking about it, I suddenly fell down and felt the water all over me. The next thing I knew, I was underwater. 

I struggled and panic went over me as I realized where I am. I flapped my arms and my feet wildly but then I willed myself to calm down and thought about things to help me calm down. And then I opened my eyes and looked around, trying to hold my breath as much as possible. I don’t know where I am and I don’t know where Mikhael is. But all I know at the moment is that I have to get out of here as soon as possible. 

So I swam. With precise and steady strokes, I swam my way up the surface. And when I finally reached the surface, I was panting. The water was sticky against my skin. I looked around and the place looked familiar. I swam until I reached the edge of what looked like a lake. The surrounding was all grey. The grasses were grey. I couldn’t see any other color other than the color gray. I was panting as I stood up and looked around. 

“Mikhael?” I called but my own voice was the one who answered me. I looked at the sky and there was nothing but darkness. I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered as I felt the coldness of the wind. 

“You look messy.” 

I turned to see who was talking ad I saw a girl. She was about my age and despite the darkness of the surrounding, I could see she was grimacing. And she was wearing a bright red top and bright yellow pants. In a world as dark as this, she surely stood out. 

She cleared her throat and said, “I’m Mira. Nice to meet you, Sheira Hart.” 

I gave her a questioning look. “How do you know my name?” I asked and she just shrugged. 

“Because I knew you’d come.” 

Everything was confusing enough so I didn’t bother to ask her again what she meant by that but I looked around the surroundings and asked, “Where am I? Where are we?” 

She looked around and pouted. “I think we’re inside a memory.” 

“A memory? Whose?” 

She smiled. It was a gentle smile. “Yours,” she said and I furrowed my brows even further. 

“Wait a damn moment,” I said, holding up my hand. “What are you saying this is my memory? I was watching another memory earlier. And I might not remember most of my memories while I was still alive but I certainly don’t remember having been to a very gloomy place such as this!” 

She merely chuckled. “Look around,” she said. And I did. I looked around and I saw a lake and just a few meters away from us was a boat that was floating and was tied to a tree nearby. A swing made of a massive wheel was dangling in the tree branch. And when I looked behind the girl, I saw a wooden house. Despite the gloomy surrounding, I could see, somebody’s inside. 

“Do you have any recollection of this place?” Mira asked and I ransacked my brain for any memories related to this place. But no. I couldn’t find any. But something about it feels awfully familiar. 

“But it’s oddly familiar, isn’t it?” she said and I nodded. It is indeed familiar. But I can’t point it out. 

Where have I seen this place? 

“Well, we have a lot of time and I am sure you’re going to figure it out eventually,” she said and shrugged. It was then that I realized what she just said. 

“Wait, what? What do you mean by a lot of time? I don’t have time to spend here. I have to go back.” 

“I am afraid you can’t go back unless you find the way.” 

“Where is the way?” 

“I don’t know where it is. You have to find it yourself,” she said and I’ve never been so pissed at someone other than my siblings and Mikhael before. 

“Where.is.the.way.” 

Mira just turned her back on me before she started walking. “To find the way, you have to find the key to the door first.” 

“A key to the door—“ I sighed frustratedly. “What door are you talking about? I see no door!” 

“Follow me, Sheira,” she said and started walking, maneuvering over the thick roots of the gigantic trees nearby. I scanned the area again to see something that would help me remember about the place but I see nothing. It was just trees and the lake, the swing, and the boat. I couldn’t even see anyone aside from Mira who was oddly too bright for this world. Literally. But I didn’t question her sense of fashion. I would never dare. Not when I look like an ancient ghost in a lake with several unfinished businesses. 

So I remained quiet and followed her. And I don’t understand why it’s so damn hard to walk over these roots when I could literally fly but for some reason, I can’t. My body feels too heavy. Perhaps it’s the wet clothes. 

I saw Mira stopped in front of the wooden house. The inside looked cozy and the fireplace gave warmth to the inside. It looked nice. My dream place. I would like to stay in this place for a couple of weeks except that it is quite creepy as random people (ghosts) might swim in the lake and watch the people inside from the window. Just like what we were doing. 

The people inside had their backs facing the window as they watched a show on a huge TV plastered on the brick wall. I don’t know who they are and why on earth why I am here in the first place. But Mira kept staring and never said anything ever since she announced to follow her. I still have a lot of questions to ask but I figured I could ask them later. She looked at me and gave me a small nod as if beckoning me to watch with her. 

“Okay, first of all, what we’re doing, this is creepy.” 

“But isn’t that what you were doing the whole time since you started your journey?” she asked innocently. And though she looked like my age, I had to say she looks a lot younger than I am. And I don’t know if I should be happy with that or not. 

“How old are you?” I asked and she just tilted her head. 

“What does that mean?” 

I gave her a look, expecting her to say she was kidding but figured she was seriously asking what I mean by how old she is.

“Er…how long have you been living?” 

She tilted her head again. “Who said I’m alive?”

I literally muttered ten different curses inside my head the moment she said it. “You…are you like me?” I asked and she tilted her head again. 

“What are you?” 

“Are you being serious right now? You know my name and you don’t know who I am? I am a ghost. I f*****g died and I am on a journey to find out why.” 

She stared at me with her round eyes. “Do you wish you didn’t die?” 

I furrowed my brows at her. “What?” 

She turned to look at the people inside the house who was watching a certain show. 

“Do you sometimes regret that you died?” 

I stared at her for a long while and figured she was really serious about asking that question. So I turned to look at the people inside the house and said, “Who wouldn’t?” 

I felt her glance at me but I went on, “I was young. I don’t remember much but I probably had a lot of things to do. I probably had a dream or two. And I regret that of all people why does it have to me? It sounds selfish but that’s what I really think sometimes. I was taken from my family and my friends. I had a life. Quite a nice one. And then all of a sudden, it’s just…gone.”

My eyes became watery but I blinked them away and cleared my throat. “Why are you asking me that, anyway? Of course, I would have regrets. I was young. I am not someone who has done a lot in their life.” 

Mira was silent as she kept looking at the house. “What do you think if it happened differently?” she asked and I looked at her. 

“What do you mean?” 

She glanced at me. “If your death didn’t happen, what do you think would you be doing now?” she asked and then looked at the house. I did the same and I gasped as I saw my mother, father, and two siblings seated on the couch, watching the show. It was them. It was my family. 

And then I came out from somewhere wearing my blue pajamas, bringing a tray of snacks and drinks. I saw my brother raise both his arms the moment he saw me coming. It was me and my family. But I don’t remember being in this place before. If this place existed somewhere in my memory, I should be able to remember it. But no. 

So I looked at Mira and asked, “What is the meaning of this?” 

And she smiled at me. “This is your subconscious,” she said and pointed at the house where I and my family were having fun. “And that is your imagination. Your fantasy. The one you most desire.” 

And I couldn’t help when my lips quivered as I watched them. They were happy. They were laughing. They were watching my favorite show which I know in real life, is not going to happen. And before I knew it, tears were streaming down my eyes. 

“That is what you wish to happen, right?” Mira asked but I continued to watch. Wishing that somehow, this kind of thing happened when I was still alive. A getaway far from the city life. In this nice wooden house. No school, no homework. Just having fun. And I so badly wish it happened when I was still alive. 

“This is something I really wanted. Tell me,” I looked at her, “This this happen when I was still alive?” 

Mira took a moment to respond but she smiled. “I don’t know. But you can experience it now.” 

I furrowed my brows and looked at her. “What do you mean?” 

She jerked her head towards the house. “You can enter the house and see for yourself,” she said and smiled. 

“But—“ 

“I know, I know. But give it a try,” she said and walked closer towards me. “It’s something that you wish to do, right? Now’s the chance for you to have a taste of it!” 

“But I can’t stay here—“ 

“Shh. It’s only for a short while. If you want to leave, you can leave.” 

I swallowed hard and looked at the happy family inside the house. My family. I want to be with them too. I want to be with them. I want to see them. I want to touch them. I badly miss them. 

So I walked closer to the house and to the door. And before I could even rethink my decision, I was already inside the house. 

* * *