HUDSON'S CHOICE

8.

Clutching his wrists firmly, Nadia wedged Max’s arms over his head as she kissed him passionately. She knew she didn’t have to embrace him in this way, according to the rules and guidelines laid out by Claudia when she was hired, but she wanted to. It seemed to be the right thing to do, and he surrendered completely.

His savage and fervent response to her kiss dissipated the slightest doubt she had had to initiate this incursion. She had managed to understand that there were times when he wanted her to take control and dominate without having to ask her or push her in that direction. Every time she took the lead and surprised him, she had been rewarded by his raw and primal desire.

Even though she knew she had to keep a little professional distance with the role she was playing for him, part of her was attracted by the pure pleasure she was able to lavish. It made her feel good, even desirable if she was to be quite honest. 

It’s really bad. It’s a job. I’m sure any of the other girls get so involved!

“You’re a bad girl, aren’t you?” Max said when she finally broke their kiss.

“It’s my job, isn’t it? To find what pleases you and to give it to you.”

“Is that all it was?” he asked, looking directly into her eyes.

“Of course. That’s why I am here. Make you feel special; as if you were the only man on earth that mattered to me right now.” And you’ll never know how true that is.

“I sometimes see agencies offering girls for a girlfriend experience, and I often wondered what exactly that was. To be honest, I thought it was an overvalued service and probably just bogus. Now that I get what seems like a foretaste, I can see that I was mistaken about all that girlfriend experience stuff. At least I learned something tonight.”

“How long have you been through agencies?” Nadia asked innocently, knowing full well that she was breaking another of Claudia’s capital rules by asking him questions about his past.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly, I would say about five years.”

“I was just curious, that’s all.”

“What you mean,” he added, “is that you’re curious about why I’m doing this, and not how long. Am I right?”

“I’m sorry. Forget my question.” Nadia avoided meeting his gaze, embarrassed to have been so unsubtle.

“No problem. Don’t be embarrassed, please? There’s no reason. I’m also curious to know why you do it. Maybe we could talk a little more, someday, if you ever want to see me again of course. You think you would say yes if I asked you?”

“Of course, why would I refuse?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re such a good actress that I think you appreciate that moment but you could hate it deep down and will ask them to send someone else the next time I make a reservation.”

“Very unlikely, this is the best job I’ve had in a long time,” she said convincingly. Oh, my God! He doesn’t know I’ve never done this before. He didn’t realize it.

“Thank you. Anyway, back to what I said before, it’s not that I didn’t want to answer your question; it’s more that I can not answer. I don’t know myself,” he continued.

“I have asked myself several times and I’m no closer to finding the answer. I like this. Actually, I love it. It suits me and my lifestyle. This means that I don’t have to make emotional attachments to women to have s*x or have to undergo the roller coaster that seems to define most long relationships. Somewhere in all this, the answer is there. Well, maybe. Or maybe not. I have no idea. It makes no sense, does it?”

“Of course it does,” replied Nadia, distant, thinking of her motivations. “More than you imagine.”

“I still have to admit that you surprise me in many ways,” she continued.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I guess I’m a little surprised that you need the services of an agency. You are a handsome man, you have a superb body, you’re super company, very friendly and you look, well... respectable, if that’s the right word. You couldn’t just go out with a girl, or two, and have fun? No need to have a real relationship, right?”

“It sounds pretty simple,” he said, shaking his head. “but it’s never that simple. They all begin by being content with something informal. No ties. No complications. But as soon as I start to want to see someone else, or share other experiences with someone else, all the dynamics change and it becomes complicated, and it ends in confrontation. It never ends well that’s for sure.” He paused before continuing. “I tried and found it too exhausting with too much negative energy and wasted time. Does it make me look insensitive or egocentric? I shock you?”

“Not at all. I see what you mean. I suppose in my mind I had imagined you with countless women, for different reasons. One for chic dinners, one as a sports partner, another to take on business trips, that kind of thing. In my head, there were no complications, but human emotions are never as simple or predictable, are they?”

“Absolutely,” Max interrupted her before she could elaborate further. “I had the same idealistic vision as you. Clear relationships, at least defined, that weren’t even really real relationships. No complications and we would all be happy. It sounds good in theory, right?”