Abandoned

Chapter 7

Mayra's p.o v

We sing happy Birthday to Makayla and mom and Miranda take a bunch of pictures of us. Marcus, Michael, Makayla and me. Marcus even makes one the screen saver on his phone. I don't have a phone anymore, otherwise I would do the same. This right here is what I want back.They cut the cake and Marcus asks to speak in the front yard. We step out to the porch and sit on the little bench that my parents have there. I look around. It's been a while since I have been here. It looks the same, but it feels so different being home. "how's everything going for you?" I ask him. "Business wise good" he says. I nod. I look around uncomfortably. I wonder if he found someone else. I wonder if he found love. Someone who gives him everything I couldn't. He clears it up for me though. "Love wise, not so good, but after today I am hoping it gets better" he says. I stare at him and wonder if he means what I think he means, but the last thing I need to do is be with him or in a relationship period, but if he isn't with anyone maybe when I get better, we can slowly work on things. That is if he wants to. I doubt anyone will want to be with a junkie though. I mean that is what Julia told me the one time I ran into her in the streets a couple of years ago. She yelled at me and called me a crack head and said no man in their right mind would want to be with me and that's why Marcus was seen hanging out with a blonde. I am sure it's the same one he was kissing. For a while her words got to me. I would take pills so I wouldn't feel anything. I was popping all the pills to forget it all, then realization hit me that she is a bìtch and if Marcus was with the blonde and that's who he wants to be with, then fine. He loves Makayla and that's all that matters. We tried counceling and I am going to rehab and I am sure I will have to talk about it there so there's that. I just nod and give him a weak smile. "Mayra, how do you feel starting rehab tomorrow? There's a year long program that I think would be the best for you. I am not sure if 30 days is enough is all. I believe they keep you there for 90 days working on yourself alone and then after the 90 days, they allow visitors and some other things that they can explain better." he tells me. I think about it. A whole year. That's alot to commit to, but then again what if I come out in 30 days and fall back into my ways. I already know I will not be going to bars or drinking or anything ever again. "I love that idea actually. I have alot to work on, so I can start tomorrow." I tell him and he smiles. "Before we drop you off, I want to take you out for dinner, just us and our kids. I know they are little, but they are smart and I think we should talk to them and explain everything to them." he tells me. I start getting nervous. "You want to go out in public and be seen with me?" I ask him and he nods. "Yes Mayra, I do not care what people think or say. Everyone can fùck off" he tells me and I relax. This is good. Being seen out, doing better will give me the motivation to stay clean. To prove to everyone that I can stay clean and be a great mother I tell myself. "Okay" I tell him. "I will pick you all up, maybe we can make a day of it. We will ask the kids where they want to go and we can take them." he says. "If being out in public is too much for you though, we can always go home. We will only do whatever you are comfortable with" he adds, reminding me what an amazing man he is.

The kids wanted to go to the zoo and they wanted their grandparents and Adam and Christina to come with us. Marcus made sure it was okay with me and of course it is. These are our people. Our village. I am now walking around the zoo holding my kids hands one on each side and Makayla is holding Lucas's hand and Marcus is grumbling back there, pissed off that his princess didn't want to hold his hand. Adam thinks it is hilarious. I think it is a little funny too, but I won't ever tell Marcus that. I think it is her first little crush. We spend the day looking at animals, we have lunch and take pictures of the kids near the giraffes. We end the zoo trip with some icecream and again Makayla shares hers with Lucas and Marcus hates it. "She's too little to have a crush" He tells the adults as we watch them from the other table. "I know Marcus, but it's just a crush. She will get over it" I tell her. "I don't know man, if my son is like me, all he had to do was see her to know that's his girl and the rest will be history." Adam says and his wife elbows him like she does every single time he says something about the kids. I sit here and look around, at my family and friends and I am the happiest I can be. Why do I feel like I have to take pills? I mean right now I don't feel like I need them. I feel free and noone sitting here is judging me or looking at me funny. They are kind. "Nana, can you take a picture of me giving Lucas a kiss" Makayla says and Marcus's head whips to the side so fast as he glares at his mother following through with his daughter's request. "Oh it's a done deal, lets start saving and planning for their wedding" Adam says laughing his aśś off. I can't help but laugh at them. "It is not funny" Marcus tells us as his frown deepens.

After the zoo, everyone else went home and Marcus and I brought the kids to pick a toy each and then now we are here at a very popular restaurant having dinner. The kids tell us what they loved most about today and both kids say having both mom and dad with them and of course our girl says having Lucas there too. I smile and wipe the tears that have now started to fall. I guess when you are high, you don't realize the damage you are doing to your kids. Not being there for them daily and being in and out of their lives has hurt my kids. They are little, but they know. I have had them suffering and I need to fix it. I let Marcus take the lead and explain everything, because I don't think I can talk. I am already crying, so I know I won't even be able to get 2 words ou.

"Michael, Makayla, you both know how much mommy loves you right? You are the most important people to her" he tells them while they both nod. "Well mommy is sick, remember we talked about it?" He asks them. Again, they nod, but Makayla's eyes travel over to me like if she is making sure I am okay. "Are you okay mommy? Do you sill feel sick?" she asks and I wipe the tears away faster now. "Mommy has to go away. She is going to go to a clinic to see a dr" Marcus tells them and both of their faces drop and it kills me. "You aren't coming back are you?" Michael says. I shake my head. "I'm coming back Michael." I tell him. He slowly looks up at me and I see the tears in his eyes. "When?" he asks. "Mom will be gone for 3 months and then we can go visit her whenever we want." Marcus tells them. "Oh that is good" Makayla says. She looks happy, Michael on the other hand doesn't. "What do you guys think?" Marcus asks them. "I think mom should just stay at home with us. She can see Dr. Palmer. He will make her feel better like he does to Makayla and I when we are sick." Michael says. "Yeah we need her to take care of us" Makayla adds. "She will once she comes out of the dr's office guys. This is to help make mommy feel better. She will be back. She won't be gone forever. Dr. Palmer can't help her, he is a kid dr, mommy needs an adult dr." he tells them. Makayla nods her head and Michael just looks down at his swinging legs. "Mama Miranda told us that if you pinky promise something you have to go through with it, you can't break the promise" he finally speaks up and says. Marcus and I nod. Michael holds up his pinky "Do you pinky promise that you will come back and be all better?" he asks me. Fùck!!!