Cravings

Saddening loss

Be careful what you wish for , for you just might get it.

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A knot tugged at my throbbing heart as I swallowed ghe lump that had accumulated in my throat, trying my hardest to keep my stream of tears at bay.

She was gone. The reality was a hard one to accept, my only true companion was gone. Forever. My grandmother had passed away and I felt dejected, like my entire world had been torn apart.

There is not one person I loved more in this world than my grandmother, she was the only one who understood me, the only person who effortlessly made me feel better about myself on my worst days. She raised me, moulded me to the integral young woman I am today.

She was there for me when my own parents abandoned and neglected me, in pursuit of their journalism carrer. She's the only parent I've ever known, therefore without her, I feel worse than a lost lamb in a forest of ferocious wolves.

Her death wasn't sudden, she was very ill. I had watched her get weaker and weaker. I witnessed her gruesome deterioration first hand and a part of mr knew that the end was near, but still I had clutched onto some hope of her recovering, even after the doctor had told us it would only be a matter of time before her body gave in.

Her death was inevitable, the disease had consumed her beyond recognition, but still, I had hope. It was inevitable.

The memory is still fresh, I can still alnost hear those fateful words leave my mother's mouth. " I'm very sorry sweetie, your grandmother has passed "

I can still almost feel my limbs going numb, feel the hot trail of tears that grazed my cold cheeks. I was in disbelief, I kept telling myself that it couldn't be, that she hasn't left me. Even seeing her pale, frigit, frail body being overlaid with a sheet hadn't been enough to break me out of my denial.

But I couldn't hide from the truth forever, I had to make peace with the fact that she was gone. I felt broken, a part of me died along with her.

The day if her funeral I cried so much that I felt a pang of pain at the slightest flex of my facial muscles . I felt so empty, like my soul had been ripped from my body, I thought I'd never recover, but I did.

Over the week that has passed since her funeral, I had managed to heal, to find peace. Knowing that whe wasn't in excruciating pain anymore or helplessly watching her body fade away gave me the consolation I needed.

It no longer hurt as much, but sitting on her favourite recliner, packing away her most valued belongings in a box, brought all the pain and despondency I had learnt to forget.