It's Okay

I was still not even born when my father left us while my mother was busy by the time she got work after giving birth to me so  when growing up, I was the only one left in our house most of the time.   I am doing the housework. I am the one who takes care of me because my mother always comes home late and that's the possible reason why I became independent until I grew up.   And because of my independence, I never thought of having a friend. My schoolmates are also ignoring me most of the time so I never had a chance to have one.   Yeah, I am a loner and I didn’t expect that everything would happen so fast when my mother decided to get married with her current boyfriend.   My whole life suddenly changes and I can’t do anything but to accept it since they are already decided.   Three weeks ago, I met my step-brother. He didn’t attend their wedding because of his work so I only met him when we transferred to their house and my mother entrusted me to this man before they left for their honeymoon.   Well, he is actually nice so I don’t really mind that but I am not used to having someone beside me all the time so I don’t know how to approach him.  Even though we’ve been living together for the whole three weeks, I am still not used to it so I guess things will not be as easy as I think.   “Are you having fun there?” Mom asked me when she called. “Are you already close to your brother?”   “You know that it is not easy even if he is nice to me.” I sighed. I wanted to get close to my step-brother so this awkward atmosphere inside the house will completely disappear but every time I tried to approach him, I suddenly got nervous so I’ll just back out. “I am still not comfortable with him.”   “I’m sorry,” she said. “It is my fault why you become loner. I was too busy with my work and I forgot to take care of you.”   “Mom! How many times do I have to tell you that it is not your fault?”   When she learned that I don’t have friends ever since I go to school, she started to blame herself.   She said that if she just took care of me that time, I might have time to socialize with others and have some friends   But I never blamed her for that because I choose this for myself.   I was forced to realize in my young age about the fact that no matter how much you value someone; they can still leave you with or without a valid reason. That you cannot trust all the people around you and they will not all stay in your life.   Aside from my father who left my mom in a critical stage of her life because of some reason that I didn’t bother to know, I always witness that kind of scene in people around me in my daily life   So I swear to myself that I will never let myself experience the same thing that happened to them so I never made an effort to be with anyone.   I am fine alone and I can live alone.   But everything changed because my mother wanted me to have a friend because she kept blaming herself on me being alone until I became an adult.   And I can’t stand her suffering because of me so even though it is hard for me, I will still try.   “It is not your fault,” I said. “I chose to become like this. I chose not to socialize with others. I chose to grow up without friends because I am fine with that.”   “But you are not happy, dear.”   I didn’t say anything.   “I know that I lost the chance to witness how you grew up because I was too busy with my jobs but I know in your heart that you really wanted to have a friend.” I heard her sighed. “Am I right, baby?”   I sighed and brushed my forehead. “Yeah.” Yeah, I admit it. I still really wanted to have a friend. One true friend will be enough for me.   But I was too consumed by my fear so I keep avoiding people who are trying to get close to me   “Shia--”   “Don’t worry about me, Mom.” I cut what she was about to say. “I am fine. Just give me some time to adjust and I will promise you, I will find some friends.”   “But--”   “Just enjoy your honeymoon, okay?” I said as she was still trying to say something. “I need to go. Bye. I love you.” I dropped the call and sighed.   My mom is the most important person in my life so I don’t want her to worry about me that much.   So even if it is hard, I will try my best to find someone whom I can call my friend.   __________   "She is your new classmate," Justin said as he introduced me to this class. He is my mathematics professor. "She moved here with her mother all the way from Cena City. She's new here and still not familiar in this place so I hope you will help her. Okay?"   "I am Shia Cristela Michirian. Nice to meet you." I bow slightly and turn to Justin. "Where should I sit?"   He didn't answer me then he put his arms on my shoulder. "And to tell you this, she is also my step-sister so I will ask you to take care of her for me. Can I rely on you on that?"   "Yes, sir."   "You can sit at the back, if you don't mind," he said and let go of me. "Be good girl, okay?"   I just nodded and walked to the empty seat behind the room. I sat there and listened to Justin when he starts his class.