She Keeps Me Warm

Chapter Ten

My dreams were getting worse and draining me.. today was Thursday and I was tired as f**k like the past three days.

I slowly got up and went to the bathroom. I hated how my head worked, how I would dream about this over and over again once I start putting it back in my head.

I tried to talk on Monday and Wednesday after school but I just couldn't. I ended up crying.. she asked if he hits me and I nodded... she just hugged me and told me it will be okay and she'll always be here.. I was glad she didn't ask further than that. I don't think I was ready to tell her what my "father" did to me.

I bathed and fixed myself. I was very tired of waking up and then trying to go back to sleep. I hardly slept.

"You look like a zombie..." my sister said when I joined them downstairs and I rolled my eyes, "you look like an expired Barbie..."

She frowned, "mommmm..."

"Olwethu honey, why don't you be nice to your sister..."

I sighed and took the apple, "I'm out.."

"And breakfast?"

"School..bye.."

I stood like three minutes and texted Stacy

ME: where the f**k is the transport...

She quickly responded.

LEWIS: She woke up on the wrong side of the bed... it's a few minutes away..

She was right... in a few minutes my transport arrived. I got in and my president wasn't really impressed with how I looked.

"What the.. you look like a Zombie..." she said the moment I sat next to her and I sighed, "you made me a Zombie..."

"How?"

I shrugged and laid my head on her shoulder, "please don't wake me up.. I need to sleep.."

So she didn't wake me up for a while but ss soon as I started to be comfortable she poked my head, "we are at school.. so get your ass up.."

I walked out and she followed me with my bag..

"Lin.. I'm not your b-i-t-c-h.. hold your back for yourself."

I laughed at how she spelt b***h, "if you say b***h I'll take it.. or if you say fuck.. or shit... like I've never heard you swear.."

She rolled her eyes and ordered "take your bag or I'm leaving it here!"

I knew she could do that, but I wanted to test if she was still a b***h to me, so I smiled and turned around starting to walk towards the school, "do it... it will be on you."

"Lin!" She called for me but I ignored her.

"Olwethu I swear to God..." she warned again and I kept walking.

"You are going to pay for this..."

The day went pretty awful with me sleepy almost the whole day....

I sighed and walked straight to english class since it was my last class on Thursday. I went to sit in the corner so I can actually sleep well the girl who sits there came and stood next to me. I rolled my eyes, "take my seat... you'll come back here tomorrow."

"Right..." she said and then left.

Ms Louw walked in and her eyes ran around the classroom, when they finally met mine she ached her brow as if she was asking me why the f**k I was there.

I shook my head and she smiled a bit...

She started teaching and slowly I felt a bit dizzy...

The day started amazing just like the past three we've spent here already.. three weeks ago my mom told me thee biggest surprise she and my new dad planned for my 11th birthday... I never actually celebrated my birthday since my dad's passing because his funeral was in my birthmonth.... so I wasn't a bit fan of celebrating it but now I had no choice but to celebrate it, worse when mom promised me that me, her, my little sister and my new dad were going to Cape town for my birthday. It was a great surprise and I honestly was happy because all 11 years of my life I've been in Eastern Cape.. so going to cape town was a big thing.

Luckily the 14th of June was amongst the school holidays so it was indeed amazing knowing I'd be there with no school to worry about.

Our hotel had a fucken view straight to table mountain which was just amazing. I shared a room with my sister and mom was with dad. The place was magnificent and it had a swimming pool. The experience for me was just insanely great.

So my birthday started pretty amazing. We took the tour city bus and had my sister scream that she wants to go to the beach... I know right.. it was my birthday and she was screaming where we should go.. but I understood since she was just a baby at 4 years old.. so I let her get away with pretty much everything.

After the beach we went out to eat and then headed back to the hotel. My father has been drinking a bit and he was raising his voice at mom now and then... but she stood calm as she does all the time when he blows off.

I was given my gifts that I happily took to my room and came back to chill with the fam.. mom took Lizzie for a bath and then decided she'll tug her in their bedroom. Sipho and I stayed up and watched tv.

We were watchinh Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, to be specific and as much as I loved Jack Sparrow I wasn't a fan of skeletons or zombies... so I'd hide or scream when I see them until my dad changed the channel..

"Too scary for you sweetheart?" He slurred, he was a bit drunk.

I nodded, "yes.. I think I'll go sleep now..."

"Let me take you.." I heard him say before he stumbled behind me.

I walked to the bedroom and went to our bathroom to wee and change into my new black and red PJs. I loved them and I was thankful they weren't PINK..

When I walked back into our bedroom my dad was sitting in bed..

"Come.. daddy will sing for you.." he said and I smiled and went to bed.

"It's your birthday today, just lay on top of daddy and Let him sing for you..."

At 11, this man has been a part of my life for five years and he has been nothing but amazing since he walked it. I was just a kid and I trusted him with my life. So I laid on top of him and he started singing a bit. He wasn't perfect but he wasn't bad either, at least he could hold a tune.

I closed my eyes trying not to pay attention to his body smelling like alcohol and actually listened to him as he sang and hummed in between the song. He slowly moved his body in a rhythm as he continued to sing.

After a few minutes I felt something hard pushing against my knee and immediately started to panic. His hold on my shoulder tightened up as his waist started moving up against my knee harder. His breathing was changing... I was fucken wide awake.

"Daddy I wanna sleep on my own.." I said in a raspy voice and he shook his head, "It's okay.. just close your eyes and sleep.."

"No.. I want to sleep alone." I said almost in tears now.

His grip on my hands tightened and he moved his waist faster...

"Stop please..." I begged audibly while I was internally praying.. for God to stop him.. God to wake my mother up or send anyone in here.. I prayed that he does something before things escalated.

All the things I was taught at school were now kicking in, how one should act when a stranger was touching them inappropriately.. but they never not even once thought us how to behave when it was actually someone thos close to you, someone you trusted with all your life, someone who has acted as your protector, your guardian, your comforter, your strength. They never taught us how to behave when it was your father doing this.

I shut my eyes harder trying not to cry, "please stop..."

He lifted my tiny body up and laid me down on my back and then hovered over me. I was now crying. I've heard about such stories but I have never and I mean never thought it would happen to me.

"Daddy...please stop.." I begged but instead he put his index finger on his lips, "shhh.. I promise not to hurt you.."

"No please.. stop...please I didn't do anything.." I begged but I felt him juggle a bit.. I opened my eyes and saw him pull down his pants. He laid in top of me, putting his manhood in between my tiny tighs.. My heart was beating about thousand times higher than it normally did..

I tried to move, "no.. no..."

He put his hand around my neck, pressing harder on it and gave me one look I'll never forget, "if you ever make a sound... I will kill you and then kill your mother.."

"Noooooo...." I cried trying to fight against him... 'noooo!'

"nooooo..." I quickly sat up and opened my eyes, I was crying.. I wiped my eyes and when I actually realized where the f**k I was, I had over 30 eyes staring at me...

Fuck! f**k! In class? Really?

I hated this.. How my dreams haunted me almost everywhere now...

But what I hated more was how I just froze instead of telling Val about my f****d up life on... I literally froze and ended up crying.. because just then, in my head I was releaving my 11th birthday..

How many times does one turn 11? Once.. and I guess a person should honestly embrace their birthday always right? As it symbolizes something big and beautiful... the birth of oneself.

It sucked to me, I used to love birthdays so much and loved them less when my father passed away because he was burried the same month I died on, but the break dealer was what happened when I was 11 What was supposed to be the best holiday of my life turned to one horrific event that I'd never wipe away from my memory no matter how much I try not to.

When I felt a hand on my shoulder I snapped out of my thoughts. Stacy was looking at me and her facial expression made my heart sink..

I quickly took my back and made my way to the door..

"Lin! Lin!...." My English teacher said but I didn't listen. I wanted myself out of this school right now!

I felt a hand pull me when I was approaching the main door of the school.

"Don't leave... please..."

I was now crying and she was seeing that for the first time..

"Please.. just go to my office and we will talk... just don't leave in this state you might get hurt.."

"I can't..." I whispered shaking my head.

"If anything happens to you I swear I'd never forgive myself.. I only have 15 minutes left... just go up to my office and wait for me please."

I nodded my head when I saw two learners approaching. She gave me her office key and I made my way there.

I got there, closed the door, went to the couch and laid there. I was hardly getting any sleep and coach was still being a fucken bitch... I closed my eyes and slowly felt sleep close in.

'is your office a bedroom now Vee?' I was woken up by a voice sounding from afar.

'Mariah don't be like this.. and what is this beef with her have? She told me you hate her...'

'i hate her.. wow, I should have known that she'll fucken run to you..' coach said sounding pissed.

I wondered if I should get up and make them realize that I was awake.. but a part of me wanted to know what I did to coach. So I stayed still.

'what is your problem...? Lin is amazing why are you making her life a living hell there?' My teacher asked.

I heard coach scoff, 'of course you'll think she's amazing... it's just, girls like her think everything is about them or it revolves around them. They are a me me me and don't give a f**k who gets hurt in the mix..'

Really? Am I selfish?

'what? Come on Mariah...'

'I'm gone, I have practice in 15 minutes...'

'Mariah... babe come on.. just take it easy on Lin please...'

I heard the door close.

I cleared my throat...an got up.. I acted a bit confused.

"Hey there sleepy head..." Ms Louw said and I smiled, "hey.. how long have I been out... ohh fuck.. soccer.. I can't have Coach on my back about me being late..."

"Hey.. calm down, you're okay...it's not time yet.."

I wiped my eyes, "no I.. I have to go.."

"I'm worried about you... I.."

I hugged her, "I'm okay...really, I'll..."

"You're having dreams.. since Monday you've been this...off.. and we didn't even talk.." she said and I sighed, "I know.. thing is I was ready to talk about it and even though my lips couldn't talk, my mind was already there.. the first incident.. so I have been having a hard time sleeping.."

She just held on tight to me, "Come see me after practice.."

"It will..."

"Please... I just want to see you before you leave..."

I sighed, "fine.. but can I go.. coach..."

She kissed my forehead, "yeah yeah... go.. I'll see you..."

I quickly went to my locker to change and ran off to the ground.. almost everyone was here...

"Hey.... you okay?" Oscarine asked and I nodded, "and please don't say anything to anyone about what happened in class..."

She smiled, "I won't as long as you promise you're okay..."

I shrugged, "I'm really okay I swear.. "

"Good.. now come.."

It was like every time I saw coach I had done something big.. she'd just throw everything on me...

"Lin.... I'm watching you.. move move..." she shouted and I ran to get the ball from Sandra and scored the fifth goal...

I feel on the ground..

"Really Lin? What? Are you tired?"

I was fucken tired and my body felt like it wasn't mine.

"What did I do to you coach?" I breathed out sitting on my ass and she bit her inner lip, "Lin..."

"No..." I shook my head, "you been treating my like trash... telling me, I'm sorry for the language I'm about to use.. telling me SHIT.. you've been breathing down my neck as if I killed your baby or something.. I'm not making this team about me for f***s sake.. I'm not selfish.. that day I told you I can't play due to an injury and you said you want me in.. then I suggested moving the match.. I never held a gun on you and told you to change the dates.. you're the coach.... then now all of a sudden you're treating me like I'm f*****g up or just a sore looser... what do you want me to do?"

I was so mad and I was pretty surprised that I managed to say that without yelling on her face.

She smirked, "what I want from you is pretty simple... I want you to close your legs or when you decide to open them, make sure you sleep with people your age..."

That hit me so hard I had no idea what to say.. the f**k did she mean by that?

I felt a tear on my left eye.. I quickly wiped it off, got up and ran to the lockers..

I was so fucken done with this place... people here were really f****d up. I never told anyone anything.. so why would she say something like that.

I think I needed to put my wall back up just to protect me. If I didn't.. I'd be crying everyday.

I changed into my gray and left my t-shirt on then went out. The soccer ground was clean... so no one was here..

I debated whether or not to go see Val.. or Vee as coach called her... I wanted to just go home straight but I knew I couldn't leave her like that. She was worried and she stayed here for me, so the least I could do was just tell her to go home.

I slowly made my way to her office and when I came in view with her window she wasn't alone and the voices were loud.

"I'm sorry okay..."

"f**k You Vee... like with a learner? Out of all people you fucken pick your learner.."

"It was a mistake Mariah.." Valentia said and my heart sank. I had already put two and two together. Coach knew about us that's why she's been acting out.

"How many times haas it happened?"

"Babe that's not important.. just I'm sorry please... please, I'm sorry.. it was a stupid thing to give in to. It was a mistake..." my teacher said holding coach's face....

Wait.....

"I'm sorry...."

Coach nodded and they hugged...

Great... I wasn't only falling inlove with my teacher.. I was falling for coach's girlfriend..

This is fucken great!