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I have a secret.
A dirty, dirty, terrible secret.
Would you like to know what it is?
Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not really as bad as you think it is. Maybe it will sound strange at first, but I promise you there’s a reason for this. Do I hate myself for this? Maybe. Do I wish I could change it? Of course. But I can’t help myself, no matter what.
For context, I was always the nerdy girl in middle school. Back then, I was the epitome of ordinary. You know that quiet girl that nobody ever noticed? The one you always saw in the hallway but never truly knew? That was me. I’d lived in Crestfall my entire life, and yet I still felt like a stranger here. I had only one friend, and sometimes I thought that the only reason she was friends with me was because she felt bad. After all, willingly hanging out with me was social suicide. But Lily did not seem to care, nor did she listen to the whispers behind her back, that she was friends with Enaya Warren, the charity case.
My dad told me it was because I slouched too much. If I wanted people to notice me, then I needed to stand with my head held high. Years of burying your nose in a book would curve even the straightest of spines. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As for my mother, well, if she was still alive, maybe she would have something else to say.
I know what you’re thinking. That I’m just a sad little girl who is angry at the world for treating me unfairly. And maybe you’re right. But that’s just the way I lived my life, and there was no immediate prospect of changing it.
Still, with each passing day, I yearned for something more—a connection, a place where I belonged. I dreamed of stepping out from the shadows, of being seen and recognized for the person I truly was.
And that’s where he comes into the story—Asher Coleman. Some say he’s the long lost descendant of a Greek God, while others thought he was a model in his past life. One look at his unbelievably handsome face, those high cheekbones and dark eyes you could just drown in, and even you would fall for him.
Asher and I had known each other since middle school. He was one of the few people who actually acknowledged my existence, sometimes with a warm smile or even a slight nod of recognition as we walked past each other in the hallway. Those little moments of sunshine always made my day, though I would never tell him.
I think the day I fell for him was the day he was asked who he thought was the coolest person in Crestfall, and he said, “Enaya Warren. She’s confident. I like confident people.”
Mind you, this was said in front of at least a dozen people.
Words alone do not do justice to him. I cannot explain just how perfect he was (still is). Asher is the most amazing and most genuine person I’ve ever met in my entire life. Most people who look like him are assholes. And yet, through the gloom of our little town, Asher was like a single ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
And then, the first day of High School started, and it seemed the hand of the gods had touched this beautiful soul, guiding him through that deep, dark valley that we never speak about: puberty.
Suddenly Asher became way taller than everyone else in class. His shoulders became broad, his hair grew longer, and he became much more muscular than before. His voice became even sexier, like Morgan Freeman reading you a bedtime story on a cold summer night.
Believe me when I tell you that the first time I saw him in the hallways of Crestfall High, I tripped and fell flat on my face. He was that good looking.
Gone was the innocent, cute boy who I spent my nights dreaming about. In his place stood a guy with a jawline chiseled by the hands of angels, with dark tousled hair that seemed to defy gravity, and eyes that you would just melt at the sight of. And it didn’t even take long before he caught the attention of every breathing female in the building.
I swear even Ms. Carter was caught ogling him during third period.
Suddenly, Asher became the only person that was talked about in the entire school. Frankly, he became the only ‘thing’ that was discussed. Every girl could be heard asking one question, and it honestly became exhausting after a while:
"Is it just me, or did Asher Coleman get ten times hotter over the summer?"
And then, something about him seemed to change as well. He suddenly stopped smiling at me in the hallway, and could no longer be seen walking alone. Wherever he went, at least a dozen people followed. Asher had become an overnight celebrity, and his entourage followed him everywhere. And one way or another, it seemed as though that fame went to his head. And just like that, I was back to regular old plain Jane who nobody spoke to.
I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment as I observed this transformation. The boy who had once seen past my invisibility had become trapped in the very web of popularity that I could never even dream of getting close to. We became strangers once again, and I had to learn to live with this new reality. It certainly didn’t seem to bother him.
Let me tell you, losing a secret crush is worse than losing an actual partner in a relationship. You are the only one who mourns the relationship, and the other party is completely oblivious to your plight. And then you have to watch them go about their day, completely oblivious to the fact that you’re still in love with them.
So there I was, a girl with a broken heart, watching the most handsome boy in school ignoring her, while she tried to just keep her head down and pretend all is well.
Oh, and did I mention that Asher’s mom got married to my dad during the summer break?
It happened one fateful evening at the beginning of summer. Dad had been on a date with a mysterious woman, and he’d told me that we needed to talk when he got back. My first instinct was that he’d gotten a girlfriend, and he wanted to introduce us.
But then, when the moment actually came for us to talk, nothing could have prepared me for what he said.
"Enaya," he began, his voice wavering slightly, "I know this is a lot to take in, but ever since your mother left us, it's no secret that I've been struggling to keep it together. I've done everything I can to make things work, but a man needs a wife, and you need a mother."
"Please tell me this is a joke," I begged, but it was too late.
"Her name is Amelia Coleman," he said. "And... I'm going to marry her."
The weight of his revelation settled upon my shoulders, threatening to crush me with a whirlwind of emotions. The room seemed to spin, my heart pounding against my chest. The words echoed in my mind—a jumble of disbelief and confusion.
Amelia Coleman was not just Asher’s stepmother. She was also our social studies teacher. I’d never really had much of a relationship with her, other than imagining whether she would be a good mother in-law or not. But now she was with my dad, which meant one thing:
Asher Coleman was going to be my stepbrother.
I thought I could handle it. After all, Asher barely knew I existed anymore. So what if his mom was marrying my dad? It wasn’t as if anything was going to happen between us, right?
Right?
Even now, I could hear him downstairs watching a soccer game with my dad. The sound of his laughter sends shivers down my spine, and I wish that I could go downstairs, curl up in his arms and listen to his breathing. It was hard enough keeping my eyes on the floor whenever we passed each other in the hallway, or trying not to breathe in his intoxicating scent when we ate breakfast, or pretending not to be hurt whenever he saw me at school and said, "Hey, sis!"
So now you know my secret. And I need you to guard it with your life. If anyone finds out, I will be destroyed. No one can know this one, painful truth that haunts my thoughts every minute of every day:
That I am in love with my stepbrother.
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