The Golden Eyed Alpha

Chapter 11. Allegra

Allegra

I was still grinning like a love-sick pup as I entered my father's office where Marcus and Anthony were already waiting for me. I settled in the chair behind the heavy desk while they just stared at me.

“What?” I asked when they just blinked at me. “Is it really so rare to see me smiling?”

“Honestly?” Anthony quirked an eyebrow at me. “Yeah, it is.”

“Well, get used to it,” but my smile felt more like a sneer now, and I huffed out an annoyed breath at my good mood being ruined. “Whatever. What happened while I was gone?”

“Not much,” Anthony shrugged. “A few minor skirmishes. Ol' Balfore got a bit drunk and was starting fights, but one of the warriors managed to get him home before he passed out cold. I'm sure he had a headache this morning. Other than that, there's nothing really to report.”

“No rogue sightings?” I asked in disbelief. Since the day of my mother's death, I could count on one hand how many days had gone by without seeing at least one rogue on our borders.

“Not a single one,” Anthony confirmed. “Like I said, it was quiet.”

I rubbed my temples as I scowled. I wanted to get up and pace, but knew it would make me look weak. Even though I trusted Marcus and Anthony implicitly, I knew how precarious our pack's position was and I couldn't risk appearing weak in front of anyone. It just wasn't worth it.

“Isn't it a good thing things went smoothly?” Anthony asked softly.

“Yes, it's good,” I answered wearily. “I just can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something. Something important.” I rubbed my eyes and shook my head in frustration. “It's probably nothing. It's probably just because I didn't get much sleep last night,” I said, not believing my own lie. In fact, I'd slept better the night before, wrapped in Conall's arms, than I had since losing my parents. “You did a good job, both of you. I owe you one. Why don't you take the rest of the day off? You've earned it.”

Anthony smiled at the compliment, but shook his head. “Thanks, but I'll have to take a rain check. I already promised I'd head over to the new recruits' barracks this afternoon and put them through their paces. Come to think of it, that's even more fun than an afternoon off!” he chuckled.

“Don't break anyone,” I warned with a smile, wishing I could join him.

“I'll leave you two to... discuss,” Anthony said with a glance at Marcus as he stood and quickly left the room.

Marcus had been uncharacteristically quiet while Anthony had given the brief rundown of the activities, or lack thereof, of the day before. I waited until the door clicked shut behind Anthony before asking, “What's on your mind, Marcus?”

“So, he's your mate, huh?” It was more of a statement of fact than a question. I took a deep breath, not sure I really wanted to have this conversation with him.

I studied his face, looking for a hidden meaning behind his words. I didn't detect any hint of malice, but knew I would have to tread carefully. “Seems like it,” I nodded.

“Congratulations,” he said, holding my gaze steady. For the first time ever, I wished I actually was an Alpha so I could link him and find out what he was truly thinking and feeling.

Pack leadership could link each other, and the Alpha and Luna could link any of their pack members. Other than that, linking was limited among most wolves to their marked mate. When you linked with someone, you opened not just your thoughts, but everything you felt to the other person. It was incredibly intimate, and I had heard of some Alpha's abusing the ability. To me, it had always felt a little like an invasion of privacy. Right at that moment, however, I would love the ability to know how my friend was truly feeling.

“You're not disappointed?” I asked softly.

“Of course, I am!” he grinned at me and I relaxed. I should've known he'd tell me the truth. “A little. Ok, maybe more than a little,” he shrugged. “But, Allie, you and I have always known we weren't fated to be mates. I'm happy for you. Really, I am. But...” he bit his lip and I waited patiently to find out what else was on his mind. “I guess this means your hope of being mated to an Alpha is no longer an option.”

“No,” I growled. Truthfully, I don't think it had ever been an option. “Micah still might be, though,” I mused, but the anger that clawed at my belly at the thought of turning over my pack to some self-important male made me abandon that line of thinking.

“I suppose,” Marcus smirked at me, and I could tell he knew exactly how I felt. “Can I ask you one more question about this mate of yours?”

I raised an eyebrow and nodded, preparing myself for the inevitable question about Conall's wheelchair. I wasn't sure I'd be able to answer that question, however. Conall and I hadn't done much talking. I knew from the way the muscles in his legs bunched under my fingers that he wasn't paralyzed, but I wasn't sure what had happened to put him in the chair. Perhaps he was born that way?

“Why haven't you marked each other?” Marcus surprised me by asking.

I blinked at him while my mind caught up to this unsuspected line of thought. “If he marks me now, I become a Gamma's mate,” I finally said with a sigh. “If we wait... I can at least attempt to do the Alpha ceremony.”

“So, he agrees?” Marcus asked. “You'll be our next Alpha?”

“I'm not sure if I agree, Marcus,” I said truthfully. “But I feel like I owe it to the pack to at least try. And Conall will stand by my side no matter what happens.”

“That makes two of us, then,” he smiled at me. “Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take you up on that offer of a day off. I don't know how you do this every day. I feel like my skin is crawling with the responsibilities of keeping everyone safe and in line.”

I chuckled, knowing exactly how he felt. “Don't go too far,” I smiled. “I may need you later.”

He groaned, but knew there was no point in arguing with me. There weren't many in our pack that could give me enough of a challenge in the sparring ring. The way I was feeling, I may even need to call in Anthony so the two of them could challenge me together.

After Marcus left, I gave in to my need to move and got up to pace to the window, wishing I could see the pool house from my vantage point and hating that I was thinking that way. I had been hoping for some sort of crisis that would distract me from Conall. Every instinct was telling me to go to him, but I had to resist. I hated how vulnerable I felt around him. He made me feel safe and protected when I was the one that was supposed to be keeping everyone safe. It was hard not to unload on him, tell him all my fears, worries, heartaches, even joys. I knew, without knowing how I knew, that he would listen without judgment. I would never be less in his eyes because of the weaknesses I hid from everyone else- even my brother- but I couldn't stop the lick of fear that it would somehow fundamentally change me to lean on someone. It was a luxury I couldn't afford.

With a sigh, I returned to my desk. It wasn't like there wasn't plenty of work to do. If I were a real Alpha, I could assign a Beta and Gamma to help share the workload. As it was, I had been doing it all myself for the last ten years. Micah had tried to help at first, but it just frustrated both of us. I had a system, and he wasn't part of it. Sorting through bills and invoices, birth notices, death certificates, loan applications, celebrations, condolences, petty squabbles, serious offenses, and scheduling to ensure we had enough security to keep the pack safe without burning anyone out other than myself was suddenly taking its toll, though. After an hour of hunching over the desk, I rubbed my neck and tried to push the thought of Conall's soothing touch out of my head.

The door opened suddenly, and Leigh entered without invitation, slumping into a chair and pouting at me. “Did you really tell Marcus and Anthony I couldn't have friends over while you were gone?”

“Sure, come in, have a seat. Missed you sis. I'm glad to be home, too. What's up?” I said sarcastically. Leigh just continued to pout, until I huffed out a breath. “I said no parties. How many friends did you invite?”

“Just a few,” Leigh whined. She rolled her eyes at me as I slowly raised an eyebrow, too used to her antics. “Three,” she snapped.

“Three? What were you planning to do with three... you know what? Never mind. I don't want to know,” I decided, rubbing a hand over my face. “Let's just say that from now on, when Micah and I aren't here, more than one friend is a party.”

Leigh's mouth dropped open. “That's not fair!” she complained. “What if they're twins? That should totally count as only one!”

I shook my head. “If they're twins, they can just wait until Micah or I get home,” I said, looking in the top drawer of the desk for some pain killers. Discussions like this with my little sister always resulted in a headache. “It's not like we're ever gone very long. Or very often. And please don't whine, Leigh. You're sixteen, not two.”

Leigh shoved out of her chair and stomped to the door. “And you are a mean sister,” she accused. “I know for a fact you had more than three boys in your room at my age, hypocrite!”

I stared at the door as it slammed behind my sister. Although her accusation had been true, I hadn't thought Leigh had been aware of my early days experimenting. I rubbed the ache in my neck again. As if running a pack wasn't stressful enough, I had to worry about my baby sister who was hell bent on making my life as difficult as possible.

I needed to hit something.