The Luna Alpha

The talk

Dinner that night had been lonely, my mate had never appeared. I had to mentally scold myself for feeling saddened by his absent. He not only had traveled, but also the fact that he didn’t want us. I picked at my food as I tired to listen to what Dot had been saying. She had been excited about some event that had occurred in her tour travel with the couple she got. They seemed like an interesting couple, the way that Dot gushed about them. Micheal had chimed in on his last he had given a tour. My ears perked up when he mentioned she was a transfer into my mate’s pack. Could it be the woman who went rouge on the Rouge King? I was so lost in my own thoughts it took a minute to realize the both were looking at me.

It seems you both had an interesting day. I can’t wait to be introduced to everyone. Especially, those who made Dot gush I tease. However, I am growing tired, so it is time i retire. See you all in the morning.

I gather myself up rather quickly, and exist before anyone else could say anything to me. The sadness had crept into my mind, so I was beginning to feel the fatigue. As I crawled into bed, I allowed myself to feel a little of the sadness.

The next few days seem to have gone by in a blur. There was sessions lacking in success when it came to the magic department. I just couldn’t see to get water to quit giving me issues. I was beginning to believe Maribel was correct, my focus was lacking, which was effecting my abilities. Unfortunately I knew the main problem. My uncertainty with my mate was tearing at my mind. I needed to have the conversation with my mate, I just didn’t want the rejection. I am an Alpha now, so the pain from the bond would be minimal, however the mental tow of rejection would be hard to recover from.

I was sifting through some of my paperwork on my desk absentmindedly. I had been attempted, while failing miserably, to complete my Alpha duties for the day. I had picked up the same document three times without completing what it needed. Sighing in frustration I threw it lightly at my desk. Just has it had landed with all other papers on the desk, his beautiful smell hit my nostrils. Kayleigh perked up, as a light tap on the door occurred. Calling out for them to come in, my breath caught as I met the eyes of my mate. I waved my hand towards the seat in front of me, as I fixed my papers and sat them aside. He close the door softly, and settle himself in the seat.

My voice was caught in my throat wether I wanted to say anything or not. The fear was beginning to rise into my throat as I watched him tap his fingers on the arm of the chair. I had to focus as much energy into relaxing my face as I could. I refused to let him see the fear of the rejection on my face. It felt like an eternity before he spoke and what he said took me by complete surprise.

I’m not going to reject you. Against my better judgement I can’t stop thinking about you. The mate bond is hard with you, it’s more of like ripping my heart out of my chest.

He paused as he met my eyes. With that being said your alpha status is still new. It’s not as well liked as you hoped I know, and being mated would ruin all chances of anyone seeing you as anything more than a Luna. I don’t want to shred all of what you worked for apart. So mating you is impossible. My idea, enjoy this winter break, maybe it can be more than just this winter. No rejection, no pain, but also no mark.

I looked at him in the eyes for a moment. He was right I knew that. Mating would ruin all ideas of me as an alpha. Not mating however would make me weaker than I wished. Having my mate near me made me whole, made me feel stronger. Would that have an effect on the war that was to come? I bite my lip as I pondered mentally, but ultimately I had to nod. I had no choice, my status of alpha had to be respected. Right now it was extremely rocky. Also, loosing a mate to death was painful, I knew all too well. If he died in this war, I don’t think I could survive another mate death. I still did not feel whole now, and my new mate sat in front of me.

I can agree that you are right. I finally spoke. It is most ideal to not mate. However, I don’t see a need to not enjoy each others company? I asked with an eyebrow raised. Kayleigh was angry at him for suggesting not to mate. However, my mention of at least being around one another made her hopeful. I had to scold her, reminding her that the future was uncertain. She was attached to this handsome man in front of me and I didn’t like it.

I would enjoy spending time with you. I am a Little selfish in that, but if I refuse I would kick myself all the way home.

I smiled widely at his response. I had imagined this conversation to go much worse. Although it had not ended how Kayleigh had hoped, it had not ended with a broken heart. Kayleigh’s satisfaction had seemed to become contagious. I found myself extremely content and ready to face whatever Maribel through out at me in training today. Looking down at my clock i realized I had to go. I had to excuse myself sadly from my mate and head to our new training ground. I knew she was going to punish me though. She always made the sessions after a failed one hard. Like if she pushed me, I would succeed that time. This one might end up worse though, since I was going to be show up late.