Chapter 1
"Ken, please don't do this to me,” I begged, but my cries only fell on deaf ears.
He continued to kiss me, not minding the bucket of tears I shed. I tried so hard to slip away from his embrace. I tried kicking and slapping him, but none of them worked. I even scratched his face, but still nothing! He was like a hard rock that could not be moved! I was so desperate! This was not him at all!
He kissed me so violently that I could already taste something metallic in my mouth. He grabbed my hands and pinned them on top of my head, making me feel so exposed. I tried kicking him again, but he just pushed me on the bed. I shuddered at the force of his shove.
I was so helpless!
I couldn’t do anything but cry…
“Ken, please…why are you being like this?” I immediately sat up on the bed and cried even more. “You’re my best friend, Ken. Please…”
He scowled the moment he heard the word “best friend.” It was like the demon was possessing him. Clearly, he didn’t want to hear that word anymore!
He quickly covered his body with mine. He grabbed both my hands again and pinned them on the bed. I started to kick him again. I kept telling myself that he was just drunk, that he didn’t really want to do this. He was just blinded because of the spirit of alcohol.
But I am just fooling myself!
He pressed my legs with his. I could no longer move again. My heart was beating so fast as he started to kiss me again. I tried so hard to avoid his kisses. I kept on turning my face left and right so that he couldn’t kiss me. But all of that resistance meant nothing to him. He always found a way!
Ken used his right hand to hold both my hands and his left to grip my face. He crushed my lips to mine one more time. I felt so helpless. I just continued to cry as his hands started to roam all around my body.
All my cries and my pleas were left unheard. He was too busy claiming my body. All that mattered to him was for him to reach his peak. He was a totally different person. He was no longer my best friend–the best friend who always had my back and defended me. He was now the person who hurt me the most.
I was busy pitying myself until I heard him unzip his pants. All the alarms in my body rang. I started kicking, punching, and scratching again, but he was just too strong! I didn’t even know how he managed to do it. All I knew was that he was able to insert his member into mine. All I could remember was the piercing pain of my thing down there.
I screamed!
“Ken!!!” I cried in pain. “K-Ken! Please, please… No! No!” I sobbed hysterically, but he still continued to go on. He went deaf!
Why did this happen to me? Why did I experience such a cruel thing as that?!
All my tears didn’t matter to him. He just continued thrusting. I felt numb. I didn’t know what to feel anymore! I feel hurt. The pain was all over! I didn’t even know if it was my heart aching or the pain of losing my virginity.
I stopped struggling. It was already useless anyway! Ken already claimed me. He had succeeded. It was no use fighting anymore… My purity was gone. He already got it! It was supposed to be for my future husband, but he snatched it away with no mercy!
I conceded. I was already defeated. My ex-best friend won. So I just let him do all the things he wanted for my body. I just lay on the bed, waiting for him until he was done.
When he noticed that I was no longer fighting, he took advantage of it! His hands started roaming again, and his thrust became faster. I heard him groan loudly, and before I knew it, I could feel something spurting inside me.
A few minutes passed, and he kissed my forehead first before he decided to get off on top of me. He pulled the comforter and covered me before lying beside me. He enclosed me in his tight embrace, and I turned my back to him.
Tears started to fall from my eyes again. I grabbed the comforter close to my chest. I wept silently. How long did I have to cry? How long did I need to endure the pain? How could someone so important to me betray me? I clenched my fist.
I smiled bitterly. I noticed that he wasn’t able to remove my shirt, just my pants and underwear. I turned my head to look at him. I found him peacefully sleeping. He even had the audacity to bury his face in my neck.
I sighed.
“Why, Ken?”
I WOKE UP with body pain as if several people had beaten me. I could barely even move. I tried to move when I noticed a heavy thing wrapped around my waist. I looked at it and saw Ken’s arm still hugging me from behind.
Then, like a broken record, everything came back to me: how he molested me that night! My tears started pouring again as I remembered everything.
I just lost everything. Everything that mattered to me was gone. And it was all because of Ken. He took everything from me!
I kept asking myself, why?! Why did he do it?! What did I do to deserve this?!
He knew I was getting married! I sobbed uncontrollably. That was when I felt his tighter embrace.
What would happen to Stuart, my fiancé? I had so many unanswered questions, and as pitiful as they sounded, all I could do was cry.
I bit the comforter in hopes of suppressing my sobs, even though I wanted to scream so loud. I was in the same position when I felt Ken move. He hugged me even tighter.
“I will not apologize for what I've done, Blair. I know I don’t have any right to do this, but you left me with no choice…I cannot allow you to marry Stuart. That would surely kill me. What happened last night was the only way I could think of to stop the wedding.” I could hear the sadness in his voice while stroking my hair.
I couldn’t control my feelings anymore. I wailed.
“Shh…stop crying. I will marry you,” he said while stroking my hair.
I immediately slapped his hand! I felt so disgusted by him. How dare he think that by saying those things would make me feel better?! I got up and leaned my back against the headboard. I held the blanket tightly to my chest to cover my nakedness under this cover.
“Are you that desperate, Ken?!” I scornfully looked at him. “I treated you as a special person in my life. I trusted you! But what did you do? Is this what I get back for all the love and kindness to you, Ken?! You’re such a selfish bastard! I treated you like my own brother, but you did this!” I screamed.
I felt the pain all over again. It pierced not just my heart but also my soul. Tears streamed down my face again.
I didn’t wipe them. I let Ken see those tears. He destroyed me! I wanted him to see how I despised him, how he hurt me!
He got up and faced me.
“Yes! I’m that desperate, Blair! Or maybe I’m already out of my mind because of desperation! Indeed, you treated me as a special person in your life. You treated me as a brother! But, Blair…I don’t want to be your brother! Special person? Yes, I'm thankful for that, but not as a brother! I want us to be more than friends! I don’t want to see any man near you. I want to be the only man for you!”
He desperately grabbed his hair and looked down.
“All my life, Blair. All my life, there has been only one thing that I have wished for. That is to be with you till the last days of my life. No matter what I do, you never see me as someone who can be more than a friend to you. Can you blame me if the only thing I can think of to make you mine is to break your trust in me? I would rather have that than to see you with another man.” He stared at me again. “Seeing you with another feels like I’ve been stabbed a million times. I think it’s better this way, at least with what I did; I felt like I had a chance. I know it’s wrong, but I’m willing to take a risk if it means you will be mine.
He sighed.
“I’m not a bad person, Blair. You know that. I’m just very desperate. And I hope one day you’ll understand why I have to do what I did.”
I looked at Ken, whose eyes were starting to redden. He was just staring at me as if he was trying so hard not to cry. I remained silent.
“This is my way of tying yourself to me. And just like what I said earlier, I will not apologize. I know you are mad at me, but I will endure it because you will be tied to me now. I will have our wedding prepared, and then after that, I will do anything for you to forgive me. My only wish, Blair, is for you to give me a chance to prove and show you how much you mean to me. And please, no matter how fvcked up this is, I’m all of this for your own good. That’s how much I love you.”
Ken stood up, not minding his nakedness. I turned my gaze away. I didn’t respond. My thoughts were so messy that all I could think was how all his muscles were in the right places. I shook my head crazily.
Ugh! I blame it on his shamelessness! Yep, that’s right!