Fortress Island Series 1: Alejandro, Love Just Ain't Enough

TWELVE: Ride or Die

"Ano po ang ibig nyong sabihin, Senyora?" Hindi ko maitago ang panginginig sa aking boses. May nagawa ba akong mali?

Senyora Leonora sighed as she crossed her arms on her chest. Her stance suddenly made her look intimidating. "Alejandro seems so fond of you, Bea. At hindi ko iyon nagugustuhan." Suminghap ito. "Please don't misunderstand me. I am saying this for your own sake."

Umiling ako sa kanya. I need to lie. Isang buwan nalang ang meron ako para makasama si Alejandro tapos hindi na pala mangyayari iyon? Hindi. Hindi ako papayag. Kung kailangan kong magsinungaling kay Senyora, kung kailangan kong magmakaawa sa kanya, gagawin ko. I just need one month. Please, just one month.

"I think it's you who misunderstood us, Senyora. Aaminin ko po, Sir Alejandro is very fond of me kasi po naiiba daw ako sa lahat ng taong nakasalamuha niya. Makulit po kasi ako, matabil ang dila, minsan nga ay tackless pa. Tsaka lagi pong nagka-clash mga opinyon namin. Hindi niya po ako napapasunod sa mga gusto niya at madalas po ay nag-aaway kami. Kung matigas po ang ulo niya, mas matigas po ulo ko. Yung kanina po sa table, he was just trying to taunt me. Gustong-gusto niya po kasing iniinis ako para makaganti sa kasungitan ko sa kanya. Alam niya kasing hindi ako magpapatalo sa kanya. I was caught off-guard din po. Hindi ko inaasahang pati sa harapan ninyo ay aasarin niya ako ng ganun. Kilala nyo naman po siguro ang anak nyo. Hindi po siya mahuhulog sa isang babaeng kagaya ko." Tila may kung anong mabigat na bagay ang bumagsak sa dibdib ko.

"Tama ka. Alejandro is and never will fall in love with someone like you." She answered. Lumapit ito sa sink at humarap sa salamin. She fixed her hair. "Let me tell you something about my eldest son." Pagkatapos ay hinarap ulit ako. "Alejandro was once the alpha of business world. He dominated and crushed everyone with no respect and consideration. He will take everyone down whoever gets on his way. He's one ruthless, shrewed businessman. Sa mundo namin, kina-iilagan siya ng mga tao. Even the elites cower and shrink when they are in the same room with him. My husband was known for being unforgiving, but Alejandro was way worst than him. People labeled him as being heartless or that his heart was made of steel. He is not the forgiving one. Once you screw up, consider yourself done. He doesn't give second chances. There's always no room for mistake." She filled her lungs with air. "In your world, Bea, you marry the person you love. Pero sa mundo namin, marriage means merging business, building empires, achieving great powers to rule the entire corporate world. And trust me, Alejandro won't marry someone if he knows he can't gain something fom her. He will not put himself at the disadvantage. We will do everything to gain more power. That's how he managed to become the alpha in the business world. Imagine what Alejandro felt after waking up from the accident. His concerns are not entirely about him being disabled. He's more concern about the empire he worked so hard to build."

"Naiintindihan ko po, Senyora. Wag po kayong mag-alala." Halos na pabulong na sagot ko. Nanliit ako ngayon sa sarili ko. Kulang na lang siguro ay sabihin nitong isa lang akong alikabok sa mundo nila.

"Gusto ko lang klaruhin, Bea. Hindi iibig si Alejandro sa isang katulad mo. Sabihin na natin na there might be a chance, like 5 percent chance na magkakagusto siya sa'yo. Well I admit, you have a beauty on a par with other females he had met. Kahit na ba umibig siya sa'yo, I don't think Alejandro will marry you, Bea. I mean..." She shook her head in disbelief. "I'm sorry, kahit sa isip ay alam kong imposible. At siguro nga ay tama ka. Nalilibang lang si Alejandro sa presensiya mo. Why, you're like a breath of fresh air to him. Sa tinagal-tagal niyang nagkulong sa kanyang pad, ngayon lang siya lumabas. Of course, the times we needed to rush him to the hospital are not counted."

I was lost for words. All I could do was to nod because, what else can I do?

Senyora sighed again. This time, nakahalukipkip ito at napasandal sa malamig na tiled wall. "Magtitiwala ba ako sa mga salita mo, Bea? Wala ba talagang namamagitan sa inyo ni Alejandro? You see, Alejandro is engaged."

I suddenly looked up to her. What?

"You heard me. He's been engaged for more than a year now. Kung hind lang sa aksidente ay kasal na siguro sila ngayon."

Magaan na tumawa ako, trying my hardest not to make a pained expression. "Ah, opo. Nabanggit po sa akin ni Sir Alejandro. Kung tama ang pagkaka-alala ko, Adrielle po ang pangalan niya."

"Yes. And she has a royal blood running through her veins. Bonus na lang talaga na nagmamahalan sila."

Nagmamahalan?

Senyora pulled a tissue to dry her hands. "Lamang ay si Alejandro ang nawalan ng tiwala sa pagmamahal ni Adrielle. The girl is always crying whenever she calls me, begging me to ask Alejandro to let her see him. But Alejandro was being hardheaded."

I ducked my head. Alejandro told me she's an ex? Or siya lang ba talaga ang tumapos sa relasyon without asking the girl?

"I'm sorry if I am being harsh on you, Bea. I am a mother. At pinapangalagaan ko lang ang kapakanan ng mga anak ko. My sons will never settle with a commoner girl. Marami ang nakapila sa listahan ko. Elite families wanted their daughters to date my sons. You may find me conceited, but I am just stating facts. Kaya kung umiibig ka sa anak ko, then please leave now. I will not take back the advanced payment that I gave you. I actually plan to give you extra money, kung gugustuhin mo."

"Senyora." I swallowed, unti-unti akong nakaramdam ng galit. Humigit ako ng hininga para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. "Alam ko po kung saan ako nakalugar. Alam kong mahirap lang ako at simpleng mamamayan lang. Pero hindi nyo po ako kailangan alukin ng pera dahil kaya ko po iyang kitain. At hindi po ako aalis." Nagtagis ang bagang ko, kasabay ng pagkuyom ng aking mga palad sa aking likod. Tuwid na tumingin ko sa kanya. "Hindi po ako umiibig sa anak nyo. Tinitiyak ko po sa inyo yan. Hayaan nyo lang po sana na gampanan ko ang pagiging carer ko sa kanya. Hindi ko pa nakukumbinsi si Sir Alejandro sa plano nyong selebrasyon sa kanyang kaarawan. If I will leave sooner, I don't think your plan will work out. Sa ating dalawa po, mukhang mas makikinig si Sir Alejandro sa akin. And I am not being harsh din po. Nagsasabi lang din ako ng totoo."

Senyora contorted her face as if she just tasted a bitter pill inside her mouth. "You have fangs, I see." She smirked. "Okay, then. Alejandro's birthday will happen in less than three weeks. Sa mismong birthday ng anak ko, you have to leave our premises. Don't worry, I will still keep your grandmother. She's been serving with us for decades now. I am not that heartless, Bea."

I nodded at nginitian ito kahit ang totoo ay nagngingit-ngit ang aking kalooban. Senyora is a disappointment. Akala ko ay nalalayo siya sa ibang mayayaman. Mas malalala pa pala.

"Can I ask something, Senyora?"

She was actually started leaving but put a halt when I spoke. She looked over her shoulders. "Yes?"

"Was your marriage an arranged one too?"

She was speechless for seconds before she nodded. "Yes. But we fell in love after that. Arranged marriage is not a bad idea like what you think it is. I just need to find the right woman for my sons. Tiyak akong walang magiging problema pagdating sa mga anak ko."

"Okay po. Pakisabi nalang po kay Sir Alejandro na nauna na po akong umakyat sa kanya. Pakihatid nalang po siya sa pad niya."

"Of course." She looked down on me before she walked away, leaving me restless. Napasandal ako sa tiled wall ng washroom nila. Nakakapanghina ang usapang iyon. I hugged myself dahil nakaramdama ako ng lamig. Hindi ako iiyak dahil wala namang dapat iyakan.

Hindi ko kasalanang ipinanganak akong mhirap. Nagsisikap ako para mabuhay. At kahit mahirap lang ako, kaya kong ipagmalaki sa buong mundo na malinis ang aking konsensiya at dangal. Hindi basehan ang estado sa buhay upang makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan, dahil sa mata ng Diyos, lahat ng tao ay pantay-pantay. At walang kahit anong masasakit na salita mula kay Senyora ang makakapigil sa akin para lumigaya.

Nang dumaan ako malapit sa dining hall ay rinig ko ang tawanan ng magkapatid. Kahit paano, naibsan ang lungkot sa puso ko. Natutuwa akong nakikita si Alejandro na unti-unti nang tinatanggap ang mga taong nagmamahal sa kanya. At natutuwa akong malaman na isa ako sa mga rason kung bakit.

Nang makarating ako sa pad ni Alejandro, dumiretso agad ako sa aking silid at nagbihis ng pantulog. Naghilamos ako para matanggal ang manipis na make-up na nilagay ko. I brushed my teeth, but I didn't touch my hair. Alejandro liked my braided hair. I'm gonna braid my hair every day then.

Kinuha ko ang guitar at lumabas ng silid. Nagtungo ako sa balcony at balak kong doon hintayin si Alejandro. Pagbukas ko sa French door ay agad na tumama sa aking mukha ang hanging panggabi. The briny sea air filled my nostrils. Lumapit ako sa baluster at tumingala sa madilim na kalangitan. The night sky was breathtaking as the stars shined bright like diamonds. The moon hiding shyly behind the thin clouds was magical. The waves were creeping gently to the shore. The humming sound of the calm waves beguiled me. I used to hate the island, but I am starting to love every part of it.

I sighed deeply. Minabuti kong umupo sa upuang madalas kong inuupan kapag nandito kami ni Alejandro. Kinuha ko ang gitarang pinatong ko kanina sa centre table. I started strumming the guitar and finding the right notes.

Now I don't wanna lose you

But I don't wanna use you

Just to have somebody by my side

And I don't wanna hate you

I don't wanna take you

But I don't wanna be the one to cry

And that don't really matter to anyone, anymore

But like a fool I keep losing my place

And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you

And I don't wanna blame you

Baby you don't have to take the fault

Yes I may have hurt you

But I did not desert you

Maybe I just want to have it allIt makes a sound like thunder,

it makes me feel like rain

And like a fool who will never see the truth

I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home

When it's late at night and you're all alone

Are there things that you wanted to say

And do you feel me beside you in your bed?

There beside you, where I used to lay

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch

There's a reason why people don't stay who they are

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Baby sometimes love, it just ain't enough

Nang matapos akong kumanta ay ganun na lang ang gulat ko nang may pumalakpak sa aking likuran. Lumingon ako. Romano, who was standing behind Alejandro's wheelchair grinned as he continued clapping. Alejandro, on the other hand, was giving me his expressionless face again.

"Damn girl, you've got some talent in your veins. I am very much impressed." Romano commented.

My cheeks burned instantly. I was thankful it was quite dark here. "Thank you."

"You really deserve that guitar. Sa sunod kong bisita dito, I will buy you a limited edition one."

"I can buy her plenty of limited editions from around the globe. Keep the offer to yourself, thank you." Alejandro interjected in annoyance.

Romano chuckled lightly. "Kanina pa yan naiinis, Bea. He's been patiently waiting for you. Nagalit tuloy siya kay Mama kasi hindi nito sinabi na nauna ka na pala dito sa pad. Kung nakakalakad lang to, tinakbuhan na kami."

Alejandro made a tsk sound and I grinned at him. His pouty face was so adorable I wanted to pinch his cheeks.

"Bababa na ako. Please take care of my brother, Bea. Pakalmahin mo." Pang-aasar pa nito at tinapik ang balikat ng nakakatandang kapatid.

"Thank you, Romano. Sorry wala akong merch mo ha. Nag-iipon pa kasi ako."

"Don't worry baby, I'll send you loads of merch soon." He winked at me.

"Can you just please leave now! Flirt." Alejandro huffed at inangat ang tingin sa kapatid. His glaring eyes made Romano laughed boisteriously.

"Fine, fine. Good night, the two of you." He waved and walked backwards. I waved back at him. Nilapag ko ang gitara sa lamisita.

Nang tumahimik na ulit ang paligid ay saka pa lang ako lumapit kay Alejandro na ang mga mata ay nanatili na naman sa akin. His cold stares added the chilliness of the atmosphere.

"I thought you're going to spend more time with your fam."

"And I thought you're going to stay but you didn't." May sumbat sa boses nito.

"I'm sorry. Hindi talaga ko komportable. I was an outsider." Paliwanag ko. Tumayo ako sa kanyang harapan.

"Did I make you feel comfortable back then?"

Tumango ako. "Wag mo na akong isama pa sa susunod. Ale."

"Okay, then. That would be my last super with the family. I'd rather eat with you alone from now on."

Umismid ako. "You are trying to blackmail me. Akala mo ay hindi ko pansin ha. Spend dinners with your fam, Ale. Kahit sa living room nalang ako maghihintay sa'yo, okay?" I winked at him.

"Convince me more." He squinted his eyes.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "Instead of convincing you more, can I give something for you instead?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sure." He said as he closed his eyes.

Humgalpak ako sa atawa at pinitik ang labi nitong nakausli. "I am not going to give you a kiss, dumbass."

He flicked his eyes. "You're not going to kiss me? So what it is then."

I cleared my throat as I straightened my back. I stood proudly in front of him and I could tell Alejandro was anticipating what I would give him.

I put my arms above my head forming a heart shape. "I am giving you my biggest heart." I said, smiling at him.

Kumurap si Alejandro. Tila hindi maintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin. I pouted and hung my arms limply on my sides. Epic fail.

Tumikhim ito. "That was cute." He then smiled shyly at me.

Yay! It works!

"But I'd still prefer a kiss from you to compensate the times I spent without you by my side. When you asked for a break, you didn't come back."

"Omg, late na pala, Alejandro. You need to wash up now. You still have to take your meds before bedtime and I still have to check your temperature." Lumapit ako sa kanya at tumayo sa kanyang likuran. I held the handle of his wheelchair and guided him towards his bedroom.

"Daya. Wala talagang kiss?" He bickered.

"We didn't have a deal, Alejandro. Wag kang demanding. Kutusan kita diyan eh."

"I just thought you were kind enough to give me the kiss I was dying for."

Honest natin, Ser? Mahalin kita diyan eh. Ay, mahal na pala.

"Naks. Takam na takam ka sa mga halik ko, Ser? Sabi mo hindi ka makakatulog dahil sa halikan natin kanina." I was just trying to make the conversation lighter at gusto kong kalimutan ang napag-usapan namin ng Mama nito kanina.

"Makakatulog ako kapag hinalikan mo ulit ako. Kapag naghalikan pala ulit tayo."

"Asa ka pa. Hindi na yun masusundan pa." Wika ko at binuksan ang handle ng kanyang bedroom door.

Maingat na tinulak ko siya papasok at diretso na sa kanyang bathroom. "Ako na kukuha ng bihisan mo."

"Just grab plain white shirt and sweatpants." He said and I nodded.

Nang iniwan ko ito sa bathroom ay tumungo agad ako sa kanyang closet room. Kabisado ko na kanyang gamit kaya alam ko na kung saang drawers kuhanin ang mga iyon. Pagkatapos kasing labhan at plantsahin ng kanilang kasambahay ang kanyang mga damit ay maayos na nakatupi na ang mga iyon kapag kinukuha ko sa baba.

Nang makabalik ako sa bathroom nito ay wal na itong pantaas. "SPG ka, Ser." Tawa ko at kunwari ay nagtatakip ng mata.

He clicked his tongue. "As if may maitatago pa ako sa'yo."

Pinamulahan ako ng mukha. "Oo nga naman. Don't stay too long, okay? I'll be waiting outside."

Hindi na ito sumagot kaya hindi na rin ako nagtagal pa doon. Kinuha ko ang gitarang naiwan ko sa balcony at sinarado na tuloy ang French doors. Kanina lang ay maganda ang panahon pero bakit tila may paparating na bagyo sa lakas ng hangin?

I placed the guitar in my room at bumalik agad ako sa kwarto ni Alejandro. Gumulong-gulong ako sa kama niya habang naghihintay. Ang sarap ng tulog ko kagabi. Pero hindi na ako matutulog dito, lalandiin lang ako ni Alejandro. Nagiging marupok pa naman na ako sa kanya lately. Yung pagpipigil ko sa sarili, 2o percent nalang. Panira din yung Mama ni Ale. Pero tama nga naman siya.

I sighed at umupo sa kama. Sinandal ko ang aking likod sa headrest. I have one month. No, less than three weeks to be exact. Gusto kong iparamdam kay Alejandro ang pagmamahal ko sa loob ng mga linggong matitira. Ayokong umalis sa lugar na ito na may pagsisisi dahil hindi ko lubusang naipadama sa kanya ang totoo kong damdamin.

Masaya akong lilisan dahil may mga alala akong babaunin. At mula sa oras na ito, ituturing kong espesyal ang mga sandali naming dalawa. Kahit ba kalakip niyon ay bangayan at konting tampuhan.

"Hi."

I whipped my head to the side and looked at him. "Hello." Hindi ko napansing nakalabas na pala ito. Umalis ako sa kama at tumungo sa kanyang likuran. Katulad ng lagi kong ginagawa, pinunasan ko ang buhok niyang mamasa-masa. "You really need a haircut, Ale. Gusto mo akong gumupit sa buhok mo? Ahitin ko rin yang bigot emo kung payag ka lang naman."

"Yoko nga. Mamaya sugatan mo pa ako."

"Tss. Ang nega mo, Ser, Hindi pa nga nangyayari. Ah, alam ko na. Pagupit ka bago dumating ang kaarawan mo."

"You knew when my birthday is?"

Ako naman ang umiling. "Actually, hindi. Naikwento lang ng Mama mo na less than three weeks, birthday mo na.

"It's on May 20th."

"Huh? Akalain mo yun! Magka-birthday pala tayo!" Pumalakpak ako naupo sa gilid ng kama, paharap sa kanya.

His eyes glistening. "You're not serious, are you?" Bakas ang excitement sa kanyang mukha.

"Oo naman! Magka-birthday tayo, akalain mo yun."

"Then we're meant to be."

Tumawa ako. "Joker ka." I stood up para makalipat na ito sa kama. As I was looking at him, pinipigilan ko ang pag-alpas ng luha sa aking mata. Magka-birthday pala kami. Ang pagkakataon nga naman. Paano ba yan, Ser? That day would have been special for the both of us, but it'll be my last day with you.

"Pagamit ng bathroom ha." Tinakbo ko ang bathroom niya and I turned on the faucet immediately. I splashed water on my face kasabay ng mga luhang pumapatak. "Okay lang yan, Bea. Okay lang yan." Huminga akong malalim at gumamit ng papet towel to dry my wet face.

Pag labas ko sa bathroom ay nakasanod ang mga mata ni Alejandro sa akin. "Aalis ka na?"

Oo. Malapit na.

Umiling ako at ngumiti sa kanya. Umikot ako sa kabila at humiga sa espasyo ng kanyang kama. "Pwede ba akong matulog ulit dito?"

"Kung gusto mo pwede mo na ring ilipat mga gamit mo dito."

Humagikhik ako. I tucked myself into bed. "Nagbabahay-bahayan tayo, Ser?"

Alejandro made an effort to move. He's now lying on his side, facing me. Ganun din ginawa ko at pareho kaming magkaharap sa isa't isa.

Alejandro reached out and touched the contours of my lips. "About the song that you sang awhile ago, it was sad."

Tumango ako. "Love Just Ain't Enough."

"Is it really?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "I don't know. Siguro."

"Is love enough for you to stay? Are you going to stay?" Napapaos na tanong nito. His eyes lingered on mine. They were asking, begging.

I made a gasp because my heart was slowly breaking, making it hard to breathe. It's getting painful. Looking at him brings joy and pain in my heart at the same time. It's crazy. Sa ngayon, napagtanto ko, Alejandro is my happiness and sadness. He is the complete definition of a cliché, so near yet, so far.

"I haven't been in love, so, I don't know how to answer your question." It was a safe answer.

"If I ask you to love me, will you love me? Will you accept someone like me?" His voice broke. The insecurity in his voice was so easy to notice.

I pressed my lips together because they're starting to quiver. I was so afraid to ask him a question if the answer is not the one I am hoping for.

"Why are you crying, baby?" He cooed.

Oh s**t. There you go, self. Strong-willed Bea is slowly fading. Suminghap ako. "I don't know. I just find your questions too painful to answer."

"Is it difficult to love a disabled man like me? Hindi ako magiging pabigat sa'yo, Bea. I am doing just fine, baby. I am just asking you to stay with me. To be with me. Alam kong hindi ako karapat-dapat sa oras mo, sa atensiyon mo, sa pagmamahal mo. Alam kong ang isang katulad ko ay walang karapatang hingin ang bagay na ito sa'yo dahil wala akong maibibigay na kapalit. I may sound selfish, but baby, you are my happiness." Madamdaming salita nito kasabay ng pagpahid sa mga luha kong lumandas sa aking pisngi.

Tuluyan akong humagulhol at yumakap sa kanya. I buried my face on his chest, crying my heart's out. Oh god. Why am I happy and sad at the same time? What feeling is this?

Tiningala ko si Alejandro. "Hindi ka mahirap mahalin, Alejandro. Do not ever think na hindi ka kamahal-mahal dahil, mahal kita."

He gasped. Inabot ko ang kanyang mukha at banayad na hilakan ang kanyang nakaawang na mga labi. "Mahal kita." I uttered the words again. "And about the song. If love is enough to make me stay? No. You are enough."

Alejandro put his hand behind my nape, pulling me closer to his face. "And you are mine, Bea. The future may be uncertain, but I want you to know that you are my ride or die."

He dipped down to kiss me torridly. The kisses he's giving me are more demanding, passionate and savage. But I love it. I love everything about this man. I love how imperfect he is. I love him.

Yes Alejandro. I will ride or die with you until the end....