Submit to Me, Alpha

6 Gawking

Coming back into the bar, I glare at Dani as she is molding herself all over her mate. She is completely clueless about the fact Andrew is a wreck because of her.

Watching the two of them together makes my heart pang. They’re mates. True fated mates and they are lost in their adoration for one another. Could I have been like that if I had accepted Andrew? The alpha looks so enraptured in her that I’m fighting the urge to swoon, despite my negative feeling for both of them.

The night was so busy that I barely had time to think about them much more, that is until closing time when she was cashing out her chip tips for cash to split between her and Tony. The envelope with her check. I have to give her her last check so she doesn’t bother Andrew again.

“Dani!” I begrudgingly waved her back to the bar as she went to leave in the arms of her mate.

“Andy left this for you,” I keep my voice flat as I hand over the paycheck.

“Thanks! I was planning on leaving an address with him later,” her bright, sing-song voice has Flora snarling in me.

“I guess he wanted to save you the trip. Wouldn’t want to keep leading him on, you know. Since you found your mate and all that,” I practically snarled at her, letting Flora’s emotions bleed into my own.

Dani is gaping at me like she is completely innocent, “Did I do something wrong? If I did, just tell me. I’ll apologize.”

I scoff. This b***h and her innocent act. She spent the last 3 years leading Andrew on and is trying to act like a victim right now. “Of course not. You must be doing something right to get so many guys drooling over you. In your situation, I can only guess what that might be.”

“And what’s that?” the alpha came striding back with a menacing look on his face.

Flora recoils at the fierce glare from the powerful alpha, causing me to sputter in fear. If looks could kill….

“What is she doing right? I would love to hear it.”

“I’m just saying,” I sputtered out, “She could be less desperate. She has a daughter, you know.”

“WE have a daughter,” he seethes, making me shrink back, “My mate and I have a perfect, amazing daughter, and I don’t appreciate you calling my daughter a situation. Apologize to my mate, to my Luna, or I will find your alpha and have you explain to him the kind of rumors you are spreading about him and Dani.”

His alpha aura is no joke. It enraptures me, making Flora whine and bear her neck, even in my mind in submission. “I apologize Alpha. Luna Dani.”

I keep my neck bared in submission as they walk away and out the door.

“Clown-faced skank,” he sneers, loud enough for me to hear, “Don’t let what she said get to you. She’s just jealous. She has to spackle her skin on and you wake up looking perfect.”

“She’s always been so nice,” Dani’s soft voice grates on me as I fight back the broken and shameful emotions his words bring me. “I don’t understand-”

Their voices fade the further they walk away, and I’m left in a pit of shame and embarrassment.

“Sweetie,” Felicity rubs my arm, having heard the exchange and the insults tossed at me. She knows I’m self-conscious about my face and my scars. “Go home. I can finish cleaning up. You’ve been having an off night.”

I nodded, picking up my bag and waving goodnight to everyone, fighting back my tears.

Looking in the mirror at home, my concealer is cakey. My eyes look gloopy and you can still faintly see the tracks from my tears under the layer of make-up. I do look spackled on.

I wash my face, but I can’t wash away my embarrassment or shame.

The next morning, I could barely open my eyes from all my crying and sobbing the night before. I spent up until it was time to leave for work icing and cooling them off, trying to make myself somewhat presentable for the night.

For the next couple of days, I felt like I was on autopilot, numb and broken, like we were mourning our loss. It's been four years, but for some reason, it all feels like it was just yesterday. The guilt and shame are too much to bear. I don't want to bear these feelings anymore. I feel so lost in control, I just want to be able to control something again.

“Run. Let’s go for a run,” Flora asked me, recovering from her own sorrows. She needs to feel like she's in control for a little bit too. I can do that. I can give that to her. I walked around the back of my house, strip in the trees, and let Flora have full control of both of us for a bit.

Andrew POV

It’s been two days since Dani left, and I’m a stinking mess. I left for the packhouse before she left the casino with her mate. I did love her. I loved her daughter. My mom loved her and Eva. Even my dad, though he was still firm that she needed to find her fated mate. He wouldn’t allow me to claim her as my chosen until she had met her fated mate, saying she needed to choose, and I shouldn’t take that choice from her.

I should have known. My own mate didn’t choose me. Why would Dani?

What’s haunting me more than the thoughts of what I lost with Dani because of fate, was the image of my real mate’s tear-stained face that night as she came from the bathroom. It keeps replaying in my head, her mesmerizing eyes were red-rimmed and slightly swollen from crying, and Slade whimpers and howls every time. That, combined with my pounding headache from my hangover, is making me absolutely miserable.

I’ve been alpha for 3 days now, and I feel like I’m failing miserably. My usual controlled demeanor is tarnished by my raging emotions and the only way I can sleep is if I drown my despair in alcohol. I never drink. I like being in control, so unless it's minimal during business meetings and dinner I don’t drink, but I feel like alcohol is the only thing that helps to numb our pain from losing out on a mate for the second time.

Slade is urging me to go to the casino. Cori is the Beta now and is the one running the Casino, so I have no reason to go there, but he doesn’t care. He wants to check on Natasha, and he is so damn adamant about it that he is driving me insane.

“She rejected us! 4 years ago!” I yelled at him as he started howling again to see her. I can't concentrate on anything as I sit at my desk with his constant whining.

“Her wolf never rejected me. She wanted me. I could feel it, that she wanted me still.”

I sighed, rubbing my eyes and running my fingers through my stiff hair. “How can you feel her wolf? She rejected us. It’s over.”

“She was a new wolf. She didn’t understand. You saw her on Saturday night. She was crying for us!”

“Why do you think it was for us?” I asked, exasperated. This is the same thing he’s been saying for days now.

“I told you! I could feel it!” Slade snarls then went back to howling, making my head pulse with pain.

“Fine! If I go see her, will you stop and let me work? I’m failing as an alpha already without your help.”

“Yes! Yes! Go to her,” he urged me. I can even feel his tail wagging in my mind.

I groaned, standing at my feet, nervous and dreading facing Natasha again. Every time I see her, it's like I feel the rejection all over again. It got better over the years, but with my added sorrow from losing my chance with the only other girl I thought could fill that void, losing Natasha left me, that pain is fresh in me.

Grabbing my jacket and keys, I let my secretary know I was leaving for a few hours to run to the casino. She offers me a sympathetic smile and nods, hurting my pride. It wasn’t a secret, my feelings for Dani. I was as open as I could be while still falling under my father’s command to not claim her or let her know my feelings until she found her mate.

Most of my employees expected me to claim her the night of my inauguration. I was going to, if her mate hadn’t shown up just hours before. Everyone’s sympathy isn’t helping me recover. Not in the least. It makes me feel worse.

Driving to the casino, my mind starts to wonder about Natasha. After Dani came to Crooked River, I focused on her to help me get over my rejection, so I’m not even sure what Natasha does outside of working at the bar. I know where her house is in the employee village. I used to run past it every morning and every night trying to catch a glimpse of her. It’s been years, though.

“We will find her. I can find her,” Slade continued to hound me, interrupting my thoughts.

I’m going to have to shift and give him control for a bit or I’ll never get him to calm down.

Parking in the employee lot, I walked around to the employee village, striding towards the small cottages meant for singles. When I reach hers, I can smell her. Her sweet, exotic scent stirred my feeling of loss and rejection. I knew this was a bad idea. I’m just going to be beating myself up more by exposing my wolf to our lost fated mate.

I hesitantly knocked on her door, but there was no answer. Slade urges me to go around the cottage to the forest in the back. I caught her scent, following it to the foliage. She must be out for a run. The thought irritates me. It’s not safe out there by yourself, especially for an untrained wolf like Natasha. She does her mandatory guard duty once every quarter and has to be paired with the stronger wolves since she can’t fight.

I broke through the trees, then started to undress to give Slade control. I’ve got my thumbs in the waistband of my boxers, about to push them down when a rustling in the trees causes me to look up.

There she is. Natasha. She is stark naked, not even wearing the thick make-up she uses to hide her scar. She must have just shifted back. She’s gorgeous. Every inch of her. She shakes out her multi-colored hair, combing her fingers through it with a hair tie held in her pink, plush lips. She twirls the strands in her hand, then ties them back in a bun. My eyes wander around her bare body and Slade is panting and drooling in my head. So perfect. She is so so perfect. I’ve never seen her naked, and now that I have, I know that there couldn’t be another woman as perfect as her.

My hands are still awkwardly hooked in my waistband as I stand frozen, eyes locked on her. What do I do? Do I call out and tell her I’m there? Will she be mad that I’m gawking at her? I can’t stop! I’m still roaming her body with my eyes, taking all of her in. That is until my eyes reach hers and she’s frozen, staring back at me.

“Go to her! Go to her! Her wolf wants me!” Slade is howling.

“Andy?” she breaths softly, head tilting in question. “What are you doing here?”