Submit to Me, Alpha

4 Sorrow

I couldn’t bring myself to go to the inauguration. Flora was nagging and wailing for me to go, but I couldn’t. If the rumors were true, I didn't want to see the sorrow on his face, and if they weren’t true, I didn’t want to be there when he claimed another woman. It would hurt too much.

Instead, I headed to the back of the casino so I could wander through the aviary after my early shift at the bar. It was one of my favorite places to visit. Not because of the exotic birds and lush, vibrant plant life, but because the scent here was so comforting to both me and my wolf. It was a place where we felt at peace with each other, not arguing or ignoring one another like we normally did.

It was the same scent as Andrew before I rejected him. Like fresh water and musk. I find it soothing and so does my wolf.

Grabbing one of the feeder sticks for the parrots and songbirds, I entered the first set of double doors leading into the aviary. I wait patiently as the first set of doors close, then go through the second set, assuring no birds will escape. The animal keepers and janitors aren’t forgiving when they have to catch and clean up after an escaped bird. It happens with small children left unsupervised sometimes, and the janitors get huffy the rest of the week as they discover bird droppings around the casino.

It’s close to 11 pm, so the aviary is empty. Most guests after 8 pm are here for the bars and clubs and, of course, the gambling halls. This is visited mainly by families with children and older folks during the day. I come here at night because I have the place all to myself.

As I froze the first bend, I froze. I thought the smell was stronger tonight. Flora was howling excitedly in my head as we came to Andrew, bending over while sitting on one of the benches. Her howls of excitement turn into whimpers when we notice that he’s hunched over crying. His shudders wracked his entire body and he sobbed loudly into his hands.

What happened? Tonight should have been the happiest night of his life. Unless…. The rumors were true. They had to be. Why else would he be like that? He screamed out, rubbing his hands furiously back and forth through his short dark blonde hair. Even with the rejection, I feel this intense pull to go to him and comfort him. To share his sorrow and sadness, loving him through it. I can’t do that. I can’t be what he needs, but that doesn’t stop the desires from filing me.

A hiccup leaves me, and that’s when I notice I’m crying too. Tears are streaming down my face as I watch Andrew, reacting to his sorrow like it is my own. Andrew stills, hearing the small noise, then turns his head in my direction, his red-rimmed eyes locking on mine.

“Natasha,” he mutters so softly I barely hear it. That’s all the encouragement that Flora needed. She pushes forward, urging me to go to him. To comfort him. I stumbled down to my knees in front of him before she gave me full control back. She never pushes to control my body like that. I'm too concerned for Andrew to be mad at her, though.

“What happened?” The words leave me, and I regret it when his eyes go cold and he looks away.

“Nothing I haven’t been through before,” he scoffs, wiping his large hands roughly over his eyes.

“Dani….” I left her name hanging in the air, not really a question or a statement.

“Is with her mate. Her daughter even rejected me for him. How detestable must I be that even she chose a monster over me?”

“Her daughter?”

“She’s clearly not his. They look nothing alike. She looks more like my child than his and that little girl I have treasured from the time she was born chose that crude beast over me. Am I that horrible?” he cries out, turning his head to finally meet my eyes. The pain and rejection in them stab through something in me. I just want to fix this for him. I want to force her to reject her mate for mine. He deserves whatever he wants. He deserves everything. She should be grateful such an amazing man has helped raise her daughter for 3 years. How can she just toss Andrew’s feelings aside for someone else?

“You are amazing, Andrew. You deserve so much better,” I muttered softly, still meeting his gaze.

He scoffs, “If you believed that, you wouldn’t have-” he clamps his mouth shut, then shakes his head. “Nevermind. I’m….I’m over that. I will get over this too. If you’ll excuse me,” he stands, shifting around me, and strides out of the aviary. He still waits patiently for the first set of doors to close before exiting the second, never once looking back at me.

Flora is whimpering and howling in anguish for our past mate, wanting me to go after him, but also fearing to because of his claim he was over us. He should be over me. It has been 4 years and 3 of those years he spent chasing another woman. We shouldn’t feel so hurt by that statement, but it still feels like a knife to the heart.

I prop my seed-covered feeder stick on the fence surrounding the vegetation so the birds can peck on it when they find it. I don’t feel like walking anymore tonight. I don't feel like doing anything except running home and curling up in a ball on my bed, letting the lingering sorrow and pain wrack my body until I fall asleep.

As I exit the second double doors, I hear lingering guests from the inauguration speaking among themselves as they wander the wide halls of the casino, their voices amplified in the empty space.

“Did you see the way that alpha from Crescent Valley claimed the piano player and her daughter at the end of the ceremony? It was so romantic. I want to be claimed like that one day by some sexy lumberjack looking man,” a younger woman in a metallic ballgown gushes to an older couple that had to have been her parents.

“That was Alpha Paul, wasn’t it? The one that’s been looking for his mate for the last 3 years after she ran away?”

“Did she run away pregnant? The child looked nothing like Alpha Paul, though?” The older woman questioned.

“Maybe that’s why she ran away? Maybe she was with another man and got pregnant and her mate found out?” the young girl is smiling at the potential scandal, her parents are looking at her disapprovingly.

“He was adamant that that was his daughter. Maybe she just took after her mother?”

“He’s Hispanic though?” the girl scrunches her nose, “That would be the dominant gene, wouldn’t it? How do blonde hair and black hair create red hair?”

“She’s a w***e,” Flora growls in my head, “You never should have let them get close. You said we didn’t deserve him? She doesn’t! She ran from her mate while pregnant with another man’s child and you thought she would be better for him than us? His fated mate?”

“You were repressed,” I reminded her, “You weren’t there for the worst of it, then they kept you repressed after I was turned. You don’t know what we went through. What they did to us. If you did, you wouldn’t feel deserving of him either.”

“We were put with him for a reason. I may have not been there, but I’m a part of you. We share a mind. We share memories. I know what you went through and I feel your shame and brokenness. You didn’t give him a chance. If I could accept that as a part of you, he would have been able to as well. He's the other half of our soul.”

I let my tears fall freely as I make my way back home through the winter’s cold. It doesn’t matter now. He said he was over it. He’s over us and our rejection. His sorrow is for Dani alone. We don’t have that power over him.