Sunflower

Chapter 20

Lucy

"Well, we had a good run," I say, looking back over my shoulder at Pin's.

Annie and I have been sitting on the curb in front of the restaurant for the past few minutes, waiting on Cole to come pick us up. We've both had too much to drink to drive or even walk back home.

We're banned from Pin's for life, so we'll have to find a new Friday night hangout, but other than that, I'd say tonight was a pretty good night.

"I hate him, Lucy. I can't believe I ever thought I could spend the rest of my life with him," Annie spits angrily. "All he's ever done is make me look like a fool."

I wrap my arm around her shoulder. "You deserve so much better. I mean, I know that sounds cliche, but haven't I always told you that? Sam is beneath you. In every way. You've been supporting him all this time while he works on this music career," I say, using air quotes. "And you were about to get married in a black wedding dress!"

"I know!" she laughs, wiping tears from her eyes. "I changed everything about myself for him. But he never truly made me happy. I took him back all those times because I was lonely, and instead of putting myself out there and finding someone new, I went back to him because he was familiar. I was afraid...I'd never find anyone else."

"Why?! You're gorgeous! You're smart, you're funny, you're a total bad ass! Any guy would be lucky to have you," I remind her, kissing her cheek.

A sleek, silver sports car pulls up in front of us and the passenger side window rolls down.

"Hey ladies. I heard you were in need of a ride."

"Justin?" I ask, standing up to get a better look at the driver.

He smirks. "Hey Lucy. Long time no see. Hey Annie."

"Did Cole send you?" I ask.

"Yeah. I just moved into his apartment building. He told me he was coming to pick you up and I told him I'd be happy to come give you ladies a ride. It's been a long time," he says, looking to Annie.

She barely even notices him. She slowly stands up and opens the back door of his car, getting in without a word.

"Yeah, no kidding. How have you been?" I ask, getting into the passenger seat.

"Pretty good. I just took a job at Plainview High. I'm the new football coach," he replies.

"That's awesome! Since you're so close now, you should hang out with us sometime. We go to Pin's every Friday! Well, we did until we got banned for life."

"Yeah, Cole told me what happened," Justin chuckles, glancing up at his rear-view mirror at Annie. "You know, a wrestling coach job just opened up at the high school. You interested?"

Annie only scowls at him.

"You'll have to forgive her, she's had a rough night," I tell him.

"It's okay. Hey, if you're serious about hanging out sometime, I'm down. It'll be fun to get the gang back together. How is Chris doing?"

I can't explain what my heart does every time I hear his name, but especially when I hear it unexpectedly.

"Chris is in Australia," Annie replies flatly. "Lucy broke up with him like four months ago."

"Oh wow. I'm so sorry. I had no idea," Justin replies, his cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

"It's okay," I say, waving him off. "I get that a lot."

"I bet. It's pretty surprising. I think everyone at State thought you two would get married. Actually, weren't you voted most likely to get married?" he asks.

"Oh yeah! I remember that!" Annie says, suddenly perking up.

"They won by a landslide," Justin adds.

"You remember our last Christmas party at the frat house? The one where Chris lit the entire street up for Lucy?" Annie asks.

"How could I forget? It's the most romantic thing I've ever seen. I'm surprised they haven't made a movie about it yet," Justin laughs.

While I'm sure they mean no harm, bringing up those perfect, untarnished memories only reminds me of what I gave up. I had been doing so much better lately. I was starting to become myself again. And then all of a sudden, I feel like I'm moving backwards.

I can't stop thinking about Chris. Not even for one second. Our memories have become both a sweet escape and a torturous nightmare. I don't want to forget him or any of the memories we shared. Sometimes I want to close my eyes and go back in time, to the days when everything was easy. When Chris and I were at the peak of our love.

The Christmas party...that was probably it. I remember that night so well. Justin is right, it really was the most romantic thing anyone had ever seen.

3 years ago

Penn State University

"Exactly how many more pictures are you gonna make me take? My arms are getting tired," Sam whines.

"Just a few more," Annie scoffs. "I spent a lot of time getting ready for this party and I spent a lot of money on this dress. I want to remember this night forever, so you better start snapping those photos before I snap your neck!"

"Wow, tense," Chris says, walking up and handing me a beer.

I smile at him. He's so adorable in his sweater with Homer Simpson wearing a Santa hat. I've never seen someone more into Christmas than Chris. He goes all out with decorations, baking, caroling and especially with presents. He always gets everyone a gift and while he doesn't spend a lot of money on them, they're always thoughtful and useful.

Our first Christmas together, he got me a membership to a self defense class that was being taught on campus. After a girl was physically assaulted leaving our apartment building, Annie and I were terrified to leave alone. I never even considered self defense classes before, but I was glad I took them. I was assaulted in the parking lot after leaving the library late one night and what I learned came in quite handy. I even knocked my attacker's front teeth out. 

"I'm done. If you didn't get the shot you want out of the possible thousands I took, then maybe you should find another photographer," Sam says, shoving the camera in Annie's hands.

"Don't be such a d**k. I asked you to take pictures not give me your kidney," Annie shoots back.

"Oooh a kidney for Christmas, there's a new gift idea," Chris says as Annie stomps past him.

Sam rolls his eyes and follows after her. "Annie! I'm sorry, okay!"

After they're gone Chris and I shake our heads. "I've never seen two people more in love," Chris says sarcastically.

"Speaking of in love, when are you finally going to give me this wonderful, amazing present you've been talking about. Just so you know, I'm setting the bar high this year, Myers. If you're going to top me, you're going to have to pull a big one."

"And just so you know, I pull a big one every year. When have you not absolutely loved my gifts?" he smirks, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Okay, I'll admit you're good at gift giving. Everything you've ever given me has not only blown my mind, but also came in pretty handy. It's like you know just what to give me when I need it most."

"Because I do. I know you better than anyone does," she says, pressing his forehead to mine and holding me close.

Man, he really does. He pays such close attention to me, which at first, I didn't think I liked too much. It's not easy knowing that someone can ready your mind, even when you don't want them to. I can't hide anything from Chris and while that can be a little scary, it's also quite liberating. Especially when he seems to only love me more when I seem to love me less.

Not able to think of a romantic reply, I take his face into my hands and kiss him, silently thanking him for all he does for me. He laughs against my lips, causing me to pull away.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing, I'm just excited," he smiles brightly.

"Excited?"

He nods. "Of course. It's Christmas, Lucy. You know I love Christmas, almost as much as I love you."

It's true. I've never seen anyone celebrate Christmas harder than Chris. And he doesn't leave anything out. He bakes cookies, builds gingerbread houses, decorates, carols, makes us wear matching pajamas and of course, we watch every Christmas movie ever made starting at 12:01am on November first.

I didn't know what to make of his Christmas obsession when we first started dating. He didn't really seem like the type to be into celebrating the holidays. But Chris was raised by his grandparents and he was big on traditions because of that. His joy is contagious, so it didn't take me long to catch the Christmas fever too. I look forward to this time of year and celebrating with my very on Buddy the Elf, creating our very own Christmas traditions.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Chris says, pulling away from me and checking his phone. "Andrew needs my help."

"Your help? With what?"

"Oh, just...carrying a keg...to the backyard..."

"You're giving me my present now. Aren't you," I smirk. He's such a terrible liar.

He smiles sheepishly, c*****g his head to the side. "Just stay here for a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay," I chuckle as he hurries away.

I look around at everyone, dancing, drinking, making out, taking selfies. It's just like any other party except lazily decorated with Christmas lights around the windows and a Christmas tree with only a handful of ornaments in the corner. No one is celebrating Christmas, they're only doing what they do every Friday night.

A few years ago, I may have been right there with them, but since Chris came along, I've been bitten by the Christmas bug. I want to be singing Christmas karaoke while sipping hot coco in my Olaf slippers with Chris, not at some frat party with a bunch of drunk, sweaty strangers.

"Okay, are you ready to have your mind blown?" Chris asks, appearing beside me and making me smile like an i***t.

He offers me his hand and I gladly take it, following him outside. We walk to the the street in front of the house and while I expect us to get in the car, we keep going. Chris stops in the middle of the street and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight.

"This year, I wanted to do something special for you. Something really special. So here we go," he whispers, taking my face into his hands and kissing me softly.

The first thing I notice is the Christmas music that starts playing. Michael Buble's Winter Wonderland, one of my favorites. I pull away and look around, my mouth falling open in surprise.

The whole street...from one end to the other...it's totally lit up in bright, white lights. Strands of the tiny twinkle lights are hanging from above, making it look almost magical. Chris takes my hand and we start walking together.

"So, what do you think?" he asks.

I look up at him and smile. "I think I have the best boyfriend ever. This is so sweet, Chris. Thank you."

He smiles back, squeezing my hand. "Sometimes what you need most is just a good dose of Christmas magic. And after all you've been through this year, I wanted to make this Christmas more magical than ever for you."

"You've definitely done that," I say, hugging him tight. "I swear...I don't know what I'd do without you."

Present Day

Looking back, I'm certain that was the peak of our relationship. It was all downhill from there. The bad thing is, it wasn't even Chris's fault things went bad. And maybe that's why talking about him or thinking about him feels like torture now. He will move on and find someone else. And someone else will be swept off their feet by his cheesy, yet heartfelt charm. Someone else will get to celebrate Christmas with him, in footy pajamas and his special hot coco- which isn't really special- he just adds whipped cream.

Sometimes I just want to call him up and tell him the truth about why I had to let him go. Somehow, I feel like he's the only person in the world who would understand.