Sunflower

Chapter 7

4 years ago, continued...

Lucy

Chris and I follow Tommy into his bedroom where he quickly takes his blue prize ribbon and holds it up proudly. He doesn't say anything, but that smile says it all. And it melts my heart.

"I am such a proud big sister!" I say, holding my arms out to him.

He gladly embraces me, something he doesn't do with anyone else except our mom.

"You're a smart kid! Even I don't know much about space," Chris says, looking around at Tommy's room, which is decked out in all things space; from the galaxy themed wallpaper to the rocket ship lamp on the nightstand next to his bed- which is covered in stars and planets.

Tommy gives Chris a look that I know all too well. He's talked to Chris a few times over video calls, but I knew things would be different face to face. Tommy is autistic and has a lot of difficulty with social interaction.

That's why I've taken the time to study up on autism and its associated behaviors. Tommy is the whole reason I majored in Special Education. I want to connect with others the way I connect with Tommy. I want them to feel like they matter and are understood.

I smile when I notice Chris watching me. He smiles back, but it's a different kind of smile; one that makes my heart flutter.

"Tommy is an expert in all things space, aren't you, Tommy," I grin, putting my hand on his shoulder. "He even helped me study for my science test my senior year of high school. Remember that?"

Tommy smiles proudly. "You made the highest grade in your class."

"Thanks to you," I say, ruffling his hair.

"So you're good at science, huh?" Chris asks Tommy.

Tommy's smile suddenly fades as he looks to Chris. He doesn't respond, of course. Chris looks to me as if he doesn't have a clue what to do next. Thankfully, mom calls us back into the dining room for dinner.

We sit around the table, Chris and I on one side and mom and Tommy on the other, with my dad at the head of the table. For a long while, no one really says much. The silence seems to build up a tension around us, like shaking a soda bottle. Once the cap is removed, s**t will surly hit the fan. As a matter of fact, I can already see the storm brewing in my mother's eyes.

Dad shovels his food into his mouth in a hurry, ready to leave the table first, as usual. Ever since he got so involved with work, he's always seemed to hate this mandatory family time. He's hardly ever around for dinner, but when he is, it's not hard to tell he doesn't want to be here.

"Honey, aren't you going to speak to Chris?" mom asks, with an almost bitter tone to her voice.

Dad sighs, not bothering to hide his frustration. "It's nice to meet you, Chris. How did you and Lucy meet?"

"Well, we met at school, sir," Chris replies.

His petrified tone makes me giggle to myself. I've never seen him so nervous.

"Oh. You don't seem like the college type-"

"Dad!" I gasp in disbelief.

"Are you serious?!" mom huffs.

Dad shrugs as of his offensive statement is no big deal. "You know Lucy. She always did like the...simple ones."

My mouth drops open in disbelief, but before I can speak, Chris comes to his own defense.

"I'm actually an international business major. I have a 4.0 GPA and I speak four different languages."

"Wow, impressive!" mom smiles

"Huh. What languages?" dad asks, suddenly intrigued.

"Well, English, of course, Spanish, German and Portuguese," Chris answers.

"He's learning Chinese too," I add, proud of my man.

"Ah, nice. Hopefully this one will stick around," dad says, looking at me and smirking.

I press my fingers to my temples, trying not to completely lose it. I've never really gotten along with my father, but he's pouring it on extra thick tonight. It's almost like he wants to get a rise out of me. Or maybe he's just going through me to get a rise out of my mother.

"They've been dating for a year," mom says pointedly. "If you'd take your head out of your ass for a second, you would've known that."

I keep my head down, embarrassed that this is the way my parents decide to behave in front of my boyfriend, who they are meeting for the first time.

Chris takes my hand under the table and squeezes it. I finally look up at him and smile. Despite the fact that my parents are going at it like children, it feels like it's just Chris and I in the room right at this moment. That's how lost I get in those deep, chocolate brown eyes.

I blink out of my daze when I see Tommy cover his ears with his hands and squeeze his eyes shut.

I have to put a stop to this.

"Please, stop arguing!" I shout over them. "You're upsetting Tommy!"

Mom purses her lips together and hangs her head in shame, while my father just scoffs as if Tommy is nothing more than an insignificant nuisance to him. That's the way he's always treated him, and I'm starting to get sick of it.

"You know, if you hate it here so much, why don't you just go?"

The words have fallen out of my mouth long before my brain catches up to the fact that I have indeed said it out loud. Mom stares at me in horror and for a while, so does dad. But then he clears his throat and stands up, pushing his chair underneath the table.

He doesn't say anything as he exists the room, and we don't bother trying to protest his sudden departure.

Once he's gone, mom blows out a breath and looks over at Tommy. "Tommy, eat your vegetables."

She goes back to eating and so does Tommy, as if nothing ever happened. It saddens me to see them this way. I know my mom's not happy, but she has financial security with my father and I guess that's what makes the misery she lives in every day worth it to her.

Ugh, I could never just pretend to be okay. And I could never pretend to love someone. I either do or I don't.

We finish our dinner with minimal conversation and as soon as it's over, I tell mom and Tommy goodbye. I have to get out of here before something stupid happens. Chris has already seen enough of my family drama for a lifetime.

When we get into Chris's car, he catches me by surprise when he takes my face into his hands and kisses me passionately. And I swear, every worry I had just seconds ago melts away. I love that he can do that to me. And I love even more than he knows exactly when I need a little extra affection.

He pulls away, cupping my face with his hand. "You are such an amazing person. Have I ever told you that?"

I giggle in response.

"Your brother adores you. It's like...you're his whole entire world. He literally lit up when he saw you were proud of him."

His words make me tear up a little and I'm afraid of I speak, I'll break down, so I don't. I hang my head and nod.

"Maybe once he gets used to me, we can take him places and do fun things with him....get him out of this house," he says, shaking his head. "The way your father treats him...as if he's less human..."

"I know, I hate it," I agree. I want to say that I hate my father too, but I don't want to say something like that in front of Chris. Besides, I'm not a hundred percent sure I even mean it. I have bitter feelings towards my father, but hate is such a strong word. The fact that I'd even consider using that word to describe my feelings towards him kind if speaks for itself.

"I know you do. But at least Tommy has you. It's obvious you're his favorite person in the world. I can see why, you're mine too."

Despite how terrible this night has gone, Chris still manages to make me smile. "You're mine too."

"Really?" he smiles cutely, starting up the car.

"Of course," I reply, taking his hand into mine and lacing our fingers together.

Present Day

Chris and I have almost walked an entire mile away from the restaurant by this point. I don't even know why I'm out here anymore. I've started to sober up and it's causing the stabbing pain of heartbreak to resurface. We shouldn't be reminiscing about the past. We should be discussing our future- one in which we may not have together.

"You have to go to Australia, Chris," I finally force myself to say.

I can tell I've caught him off guard. His face falls and he hesitates a long while before responding. "I intend to go, just not right now."

"How long will you wait?" I ask.

He hangs his head and sighs. "Do we have to talk about this?"

I pause, causing him to stop next to me. I stare at him in disbelief for a few seconds while I search my heart for the right thing to say. Only, nothing sounds right anymore. "You can't just not go, Chris. I can't let you miss out on this opportunity."

"And what you don't seem to understand is that it's not your decision!" he bites back.

"If it weren't for me, you'd go. You wouldn't give it second thought," I say quietly.

He shrugs. "I probably would go. But if it weren't for you, I wouldn't even have this opportunity. You're the one that's always telling me I'm capable of more and I shouldn't settle."

"You shouldn't," I remind him.

"I'm not settling by not going to Australia, Lucy! How is staying here so I don't lose the love of my life settling?!"

I look around, hoping no one is paying attention to us. "We can't talk about this here."

"Oh yeah? So you want to go home? To the apartment that we shared for the past two years? The one you just kicked me out of?" he asks bitterly.

I should've known it was only a matter of time before things turned sour between us tonight. We've been able to hold it together in front of everyone else, but we're not pretending any longer. We can't.

"I'm leaving that apartment too, it's not like I'm kicking you out!" I snap, tired of tip-toeing around him. If he can't see that I'm doing this for him, for his future, then I guess I'll have to be okay with him seeing me as the bad guy in all this.

"You ended our relationship out of nowhere! You blindsided me, Lucy! How...how could you?" he asks, his demeanor suddenly changing from frustrated to broken.

I would rather him yell at me than look at me like I've wounded him.

I hang my head to fight back the tears I feel coming before I look up at him to speak. "Chris, I... I know it seems like I'm being a horrible monster right now. But one day, in the future, you'll be thankful that I did this."

"Thankful?!" he repeats incredulously. "Are you f*****g kidding me?!"

"What if you go to Australia and after being there for a while, realize I'm not what you want anymore? We'll never see each other, we'll barely be able to talk. We will grow apart and we will start to want different things. We already do! I can't stick around and wait for the downfall."

He stares at me long after I'm done talking. "So what you're saying is...hurt me now, in case I hurt you later?"

I furrow my brows in confusion. That's not at all what I want to mean, but now that he's said it out loud, I can't argue with him. I don't want to hurt Chris, ever. But if I end things now, at least...

I can do it on my own terms...

He's right. I just didn't want to get hurt when he leaves me and decides he can do better. I am the bad guy in this situation. And now, Chris is postponing his trip because of me.

"We can make this work, Lucy. I know we can," he says after a while. "What's two years compared to forever?"

"A lot can happen in two years," I remind him.

He shakes his head, as if he's silently praying for this situation to turn in his favor. When he looks at me again, his eyes are full of tears. Chris hardly ever cries, and when he does, it breaks every last piece of my heart.

"Please, Lucy...I'm begging you...don't do this..."

When I can't seem to find the words to respond, he scoffs at me. "I've always given you my all. I may not be perfect, but I've been a damn good boyfriend. For you to doubt me now? It hurts. A lot. And you're just...okay with that."

I open my mouth to speak, but before I have the chance, Chris turns and walks away.

And I don't stop him...