Her Second Chance At Love

(6) Happily Ever After. NOT!

Lisa’s POV

                The summer passed by in a flash and before I knew it, I was faced with a decision.  Do I complete the transfer and move to the new town to start school or do I stay here and see where this relationship with Ray is going to become?  We spent nearly every day we could together.  Since I had two bedrooms in the apartment there were times, he would even spend the night at my place but in the other room.  I told him that he could spend the night with me in my room and was surprised by his reaction.  He looked at me with love and lust in his eyes.  “Baby, I would love nothing more than to lay in that bed with you and hold you in my arms but I am a man.  I can’t say that if I got that close to you during the night that I wouldn’t want more from you.  You told me that you wanted to save yourself for marriage and I am going to respect that.”  There always seemed to be the tension of what I was going to do at the end of the summer hanging over us as a couple but I also knew that whatever decision I made I was losing something.  The question was which path did I want to take?  Ray was wonderful, kind and sweet and respected me to no end.  Over the last few months, I have gotten to know him so much more and quite frankly I can’t imagine my life without him.  One night I looked at him and told him that I was conflicted as to what path to take and needed to take some time alone to think about it.  There was pain in his eyes at those words but he told me he understood and left me alone for the night.  That was the hardest night of my life and I never wanted to repeat that experience again.  I felt empty without him around.  Even if he was in the other room at least I wasn’t alone.  The next morning, I called him and asked him to come over.  He wasted no time in getting to my place and he was nervous.  “Ray, I don’t know where this relationship is heading but I know one thing.  I don’t want to be without you ever.  Last night was one of the worst nights I have had in what seems like forever and all I could think of was being with you.  I need to know what it is you want from this relationship.”  He looked at me with the sincerest of eyes and said “I’ve been waiting for the right time to do this but,” he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a little box “will you marry me?  Stay here start a life with me and be my wife?”  With that I started to cry and I told him yes, I would.  College would wait.  At least for now maybe I could take a few classes at the community college but I knew where I belonged and that was at his side.

After he proposed to me things just seemed to go in a whirlwind of sorts.  I was ready to marry him whenever he wanted to be married.  But I was also excited to plan a wedding as well.  I had started to plan a few months down the line as he told me he wanted to be married as soon as possible.  The reasons were twofold.  First, he told me that he didn't want to waste a minute of the rest of our life not being mine completely.  Second, he wanted me to be his in every way and while he was willing to wait, willing to sleep in the other room until they were married, he was sure that the passion they felt when they kissed and held each other wasn't going to let him hold out much longer.  He never wanted to do anything with me that I would someday regret.  When we finally announced the engagement at work the co-workers were all excited.  Of course, it meant a few things on the job like for one we couldn't work the bar together.  Also, he couldn't ring up my charges for my customers to keep things ethical.  We were both ok with it and he even volunteered to go to a different shift to ease the strain it would put on people because of our relationship.  When the bosses announced they didn't want him changing shifts because he was too good to move then I volunteered and that's when they informed me, that I was too much to lose as well.  They would just deal with the situation the best they could and the couple would carry on.  When we finally did get married it would be a different story and they would have to look at things at that time.  What I wasn't saying was that if everything went well, I would be leaving the job soon after I was married because if God was willing or the fates allowed, I would be pregnant soon after.  I was able to choose a date that I found to be perfect about six months away.  When we told my family the good news and told them the date the response was "why so soon is there something we should know?"  Of course, they were trying to indicate that I was already pregnant.  It was the furthest from the truth but it was also because Ray and I weren't wanting to wait any longer than we had to.  Of course, that's when my mother just smiled at me and told me the I was finally fulfilling my destiny to be a wife and a mother.  He gave me a funny look and when we left that day, he asked me "is that why you said you think that's what you want?"  I lowered my gaze and nodded my head at him and told him that all my life my mom has said that was my destiny and while deep down inside I really did want that very thing I wasn't sure until recently if it was something that I truly felt or it was imposed on me.  

Ray’s POV

A few months after announcing the date to our families we decided that we couldn't wait any longer and wanted to be married right away.  I told her one night while watching a movie at her apartment that I wanted to go and get married on our next days off.  When she looked up at me, I smiled and said "there are some great wedding chapels around.  We can just walk in to any one of them and be married.  I love you more than anything and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.  I just want you to be on board and agree with it.  I respect you enough to wait and if you want to wait a few more months then by all means we will wait but I want you to be with me forever.  I want to live with you, to touch you, to bury myself deep in you for the first time and keep doing those things all our lives.  I want to see you having my children as many as you want."  She wasn't sure what to think about what I had just said.  What I hadn't known was she was toying with the idea of us having s*x before we got married because she didn't know if I would want to marry any earlier and she was certain she couldn't wait any longer.  She really loved me and I treated her so well that how could she say no.  She wasn't looking forward to planning a wedding because she was certain there would be people that would be upset by the roles they played or the roles they didn't play.  She just wanted the day she married the man of her dreams to be the best day of her life and filled with sweet happy memories.  I’m sure she could feel me tense as the seconds passed by without her giving me an answer.  My nerves had gotten the best of me and I said "I know this is a lot to take in and I don't want you to feel pressured.  I love you and don't want to cause you any kind of strain.  Please say something."  She took a deep breath because she was about to rock my world in a big way.  She didn't believe that I possibly knew she was feeling the way she was because if I did, I would have known it would take little to no persuasion for her to give in to me.  She would turn her life over to me and give up her virginity to me before we got married all I had to do is ask her to.  She was so in love with the man.  Finally, she turned to me and said "I think our next days off together would be perfect to get married.  Just the two of us with a few witnesses and we would be all set.  I love the idea and can't wait to start our lives together.  I want to sleep with you and have s*x with you so bad it almost kills me. We don't have to wait if you don't want to."  With that I let out a sigh and said "we can wait a few more days until we are married.  I want things to be right with you."

Lisa’s POV

A few days later we started our lives together as husband and wife.  I couldn't have been any happier. That night was filled with passion and making love until we were both deeply sated. We had fallen asleep in each other's arms and I couldn't be happier.  We had decided that we were going to live in my apartment together since mine was larger and it had two bedrooms.  Which would be perfect if a little one happened to come along sooner rather than later.  I put my plans for college on the back burner for a while.  Things were wonderful between the two of us for years.  My plans for going to college was tabled for a few years. Actually, for the last sixteen years.  I dedicated myself to being a wife and a mom.  When he was working the long hours to make a living for me and the kids I didn't once question his dedication to our family.  In fact, when I started to feel bitter about his long hours, I would remind myself that he was probably hating them just as much as I was.  Then I would feel bad because of all the things we had that his long hours provided.  I did my best to give him everything I had and more.  Kids definitely put a strain on our marriage as the additional financial burden was there.  Many times, I told Ray that I would gladly go out and get a job to help out but he would insist that his wife needed to be home with the kids.  He knew that my heart was at home at least until they were all old enough.  After the birth of our third it seemed like things became strained between them.  The third child should have actually been a third and fourth child but the twin died at birth.  There were complications and I ended up having an emergency hysterectomy.  No more babies in our future.  Our baby is now seven years old.  For seven years things have seemed very strained between the two of us and it didn't seem to matter what I did to make it better it wasn't working.  I felt so inadequate in more ways than one.  It was bad enough that I couldn't provide him with any more children and hell if I admitted it to myself, I felt like I wasn't even a complete woman any longer.  How could I see myself as that when a vital part of what made me a woman was gone? 

When it first happened my little sister, Jessica came and helped me with the baby and the older two kids.  I appreciated the help more than anything as I couldn’t do much but, I was also bitter because he didn't take any time off work to be there to help me.  He didn’t even sleep in our bed next to me at night after leaving the hospital.  His main reason for doing so was because with the death of the baby and my emergency surgery there was even more expense they had to account for.  Also, with the emergency surgery he was worried about causing me pain or discomfort by tossing and turning in bed. I would feel guilty for feeling bitter towards him when he was just trying to help our family get through this tragedy.  But tensions stayed high from that day on.  When we would argue over the subject, he would ask me why didn't I take better care of myself.  It was the theme I heard the most from his mouth.   If I, had he would have had his little boy.  Of course, it didn’t matter that it would have been my little boy as well.  It didn’t matter that I was dying inside because a part of us was gone.  It was always about his pain. We had all girls.  Yes, he lost a baby boy but so did I and I wanted, no needed, nothing more at that time then to have him hold me and cry with me over our loss.  Of course, we had one more expense associated with that birth and that was the funeral of our baby boy.  Parents aren't supposed to bury their child but yet they did. 

It seemed that my youngest sister knew a lot about what was going on in our lives just by the comments she made throughout the last several years.  She would also seem to show up unexpectedly out of the blue.  It would frustrate me because I was trying really hard to rekindle what was lost between Ray and I. If she kept showing up, we didn’t have a chance to be together and when she was there it was the only time, he seemed relaxed, happy and even laughing.  It hurt my heart to not be able to be with him and be the one that caused that laughter.  I irritated me that she didn’t just stay away.  One night I got frustrated with her and spat out at her "don't you have your own home and a boyfriend? Why in the hell do you spend all your time here?"  That's when my wonderful younger sister dropped the bomb I hadn't expected to hear.  "You think you're so grand don't you.  You can't even keep your husband happy; he's been turning to me for the last several years.  We are in love he's just staying with you because he made some stupid promise to you before the two of you got married.  He won't tell me what it was but it has to be a good one if he's willing to be so damn miserable staying married to you.  You are the one standing in the way of not only his happiness but mine as well. You have always been a selfish b***h looking out for just yourself.  Hell, you abandoned me and the rest of your family so that you could be happy and now you are making someone else’s life unhappy as well. He's gotten so miserable that even just me hanging out here so he can see me every day gives him some glimmer of hope.  I can't believe you’re so stupid and so blind that you haven't seen all this before."  I couldn't help the tears falling from my eyes.  I smiled to myself and remembered the promise he made.  It was after I had told him all about the betrayal between Evan and Mary that he had looked at me with the sincerest of eyes and promised me he would never hurt me that way.  Well bully for him he broke his promise.  All this time I was blaming myself for the strain in our marriage and it was because he wasn't happy and just didn't want to say anything.  I couldn't think of a worse betrayal then him sleeping with my little sister.  Hell, I thought the pain of a best friend betraying me with a man I loved was bad this was even worse.  Without thinking I reached out and slapped her.  "You little b***h you have no self-respect at all do you.   Get the f**k out of my house I never want to see your face again because I just might scratch your eyes out.  You can call that asshole of ours and tell him I give up he's all yours but he's not welcome here any longer."  My sister looked at me with shock and then gave an evil looking smile.  "This is his house as much as yours and he invited me here.  Guess what those kids are as much his as they are yours as well and you can't do s**t about it.  How do you feel about shared custody sis?  We all know when things get tough you run away.  After all that’s what you did all those years ago when you left mom and dads."   I smiled back at her because she truly had no idea of reality.  "That's where your wrong little sister, I don't run away when things get tough, I buckle down and try to work through them.  But guess what I realized I was beating a dead horse trying to save a marriage that isn't worth saving so he's yours.  As for this house you should talk to him it's my house.  Not his, he has no claim to it.  As for the kids you are right, they are just as much his as they are mine and I would never hold them from him.  But as far as the two of us go I want nothing more to do with him or you so get the f**k out now."