Hallows: Eulalie

Back to Black

Amy Winehouse- Back to Black

Ashley:

"Mom, calm down," I sigh as she rants incoherently between her hysterical crying. "I don't understand what you're saying,"

"Es tu papa," she says, after a few minutes.

"What's wrong with, Papi?" I ask. "Did something happen?"

"No, no," she tries to calm herself. "He's dying."

"Mom," I push my wet hair out of my face.

"Cancer," she starts to cry again. That's all I'm going to get out of her. If I start asking questions she's going to start yelling at me.

"s**t," I take a deep breath and hold it for as long as I can. "Do you want me to come home?"

"Para que? Your hands cure cancer now?" she scoffs. See what I mean?

"Mom,"

"You don't need to see him like this," she dismisses me. "You got something good, mija. We can handle our own s**t,"

"You know that's not what I mean, ma. He's my dad,"

"Ya se, ya se," she screams. "He doesn't want you here either. Just focus on school and just do that. For him. For us,"

"I'll go Sunday for church," I offer.

"Orale. Eso si. He'd like that," she agrees. "Did you come on Tuesday?"

"No," I lie, knowing that she was going to ask me about the money. "Why?"

"No reason," she dismisses me. "Como van tus classes,"

"Biology is kicking my ass, but I'm hanging in there. I made friends with a couple of girls and they're really smart, so, I think I'm good."

"Amigas?" she says, her tone brightening up. "Que bueno. I was starting to think you were just going to be by yourself for the next two years,"

"Ouch," I laugh.

"I was going to suggest cheerleading again. You went to Nationals twice. They'd be lucky to have you,"

"Ugh, you know I didn't do that because I liked it, right?"

"Si, pero se mira bien en los papeles, no?"

"Yeah, it does. That's not what I'm here for."

"No, pero es una buena distracción. Ya se como te pones con la musica. Once you set the tempo, it's hard to get you out of your head. I can't be there to remind you to eat or leave the f*****g piano alone. I worry,"

"I know you do. I'm fine,"

"Ya veremos el domingo," she scoffs.

"Everything is going to be fine, mom. As you like to say, hierba mala nunca muere,"

"Si verdad?" she laughs. "Y tu papa es bien mala,"

"Right," I grin. "I have to finish up some homework. I'll call you in the morning."

"Te amo, fea,"

"I love you too, mom. Give dad a kiss for me,"

"Okay," she hangs up. I plug my phone into the charger and lay down.

It's not like I didn't see it coming. There are hundreds of diseases it could have been. I'm not blind to my father's habits, but it still hurts so much it burns. Not being home right now sucks more than it ever has. I know it's maybe an hour's walk from here, but still. It feels so far away. So f*****g far because no matter how fast I run towards him, he's still going to die.

I'm very familiar with helplessness. It's why I don't like getting attached. It's too hard to care about more than one thing. If I'm taking it hard, I can't imagine what my mom is feeling right now. He's all she's ever known. They've been together since their freshman year in high school. She's endured so much and now it probably feels like it was for no f*****g reason.

"Ash," a tap on the door makes me look up but I don't answer. "You up?"

"She doesn't like his music. Let's just leave her alone. She's probably asleep anyway. Let her get some rest," Tamara whispers.

"Whatever. Let's go," Kelly dismisses her and they walk away.

Once it gets a little later, I get up and make my way back to the piano. He's not here today and I'm grateful for that. I adjust everything and look down at the keys in front of me. As my fingers brush over them, I don't have the strength to press down. I shut the top and rest my elbows on the wood, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I sit here without moving until my alarm goes off. I go back to my room and change into the outfit Kelly picked out for me. The blouse is loose enough for me to conceal the gun under it. I turn it upside down so the handle tucks under my breast when I'm sitting down.

"Where were you last night?" Kelly demands when I walk into Literature.

"Music room," I say.

"I went by there. No music was playing," she glares at me.

"Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm playing," I sigh. She reaches for my binder and flips through the pages until she finds my notes. She shoves it back toward me.

"I thought you went home," she admits. "I was-"

"Worried?" I laugh. She glares at me.

"You can be dumb as f**k sometimes," she shrugs.

"Not that dumb. I was raised on these streets,"

"Hmm," she nods.

"Did I see you at the piano last night moping?" the voice makes my skin prickle with goosebumps and not in a good way. "What were you crying about, cry girl?" Aubrey laughs. "Fail another test?"

"Is that what you're doing now, s**t face? Stalking me?" I bite back. The people around us laugh.

"You want to say that again?" she gets up to stand in front of my desk. Everyone immediately shuts up.

"I'm not in the mood for whatever this is, Aubrey. Back the f**k up before your daddy has to buy you a new set of teeth," I warn her.

"You think you can fight me? I'm a black belt in Judo."

"I'm a black belt in f*****g big-mouthed bitches like you up. Not today, Aubrey," I open up the Heart of Darkness and my notes to set up for the class. She snatches the book out of my hand and holds it up. "Give me my book back,"

"Is it really yours though?" she laughs. "You're here on a scholarship. Money probably came out of my daddy's pocket. What does it feel like to have my daddy pay for your s**t?"

"Probably the same way you feel when he pays for yours," I shrug. She holds the book up and pulls on it until she rips it in half. The room instigates by Oooo-ing.

"Thank you, Aubrey. That's exactly how I feel about that book as well," I nod.

"Kelly, your new girlfriend bothers me," she says in the most stuck-up tone I've ever heard. Even for her, it's over the top. "Make her go for a walk,"

"Right now?" Kelly groans.

"Yeah," she says, twisting the ends of her hair. Kelly looks at me and motions me to go.

"Are you for real right now?" I ask.

"Yeah, let's go before she has a f*****g fit and Dante comes down here," she pushes her chair back.

"No, no," she stops her. "You stay right there. Just her. So I can sit here with you, Kels. My second best friend."

"Aubrey-"

"Now, Kelly," she growls.

"f**k," she nods. "Remember what I said when I gave it to you?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"Don't f*****g take it out, Ashley," she warns me.

"It's fine. Just watch my s**t," I say and shut my binder. I slide it over to her. She tucks it into her purse without hesitation. I get up without taking my eyes off Aubrey.

"Bye, trash," she waves at me.

"Bye, s**t face," I smile. The entire class erupts into laughter once again.

The door is shut behind me as soon as I step out into the hallway. Tiffany is sitting on Dante's lap by the staircase with six girls standing behind them. I pull the scrunchy out of my back pocket and put my hair up in a bun as I get closer. I watch as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and whispers something to her. She smiles, looking up at me before looking over at her friends.

"Hey, new girl," she greets me. "Thought you could use a reminder of your place here,"

"Oh, yeah? You think about me a lot, sweetie?" I smile.

"I do actually," she giggles. "You've got some nice pieces to you. Don't you think, baby?"

"I've seen better," Dante answers her. She laughs, giving him a peck on the lips.

"Give us a good show, Queen. Isn't that what you're known as in your shithole? What are you the Queen of anyway?"

"Trash," I laugh. "All of the Southside trash," they all laugh. "You're making my day a lot easier, Tiff. I really needed this."

"Oh, honey. You're welcome," she laughs. The six girls surround me as I let the weight of last night's phone call with my mom wash over me.

"Hit me as hard as you f*****g can," I growl.

I swing at the tallest girl. My fist connects with her face and stumbles back. I feel fists raining down on my back as I pull another girl into me. I pull back and slam down as hard as I can, as fast as I can. I get a few really good shots before I'm pulled back and slammed against the lockers. I push forward and laugh as I completely let go of the rage I feel.

"Dante, you f*****g asshole," I hear someone shout. "She's going to kill somebody,"

My hands wrap around one of the girl's thighs, I lift her up and slam her down. I lash out over and over again until an arm wraps around me and pulls me away. I try to get whoever it is to let me go. My body is shaking with rage and I want more.

"Hey, hey," someone shouts in my ear. I'm slammed against the lockers, my hands are pinned over my head. I can't help the laughter coming out of me. "f**k, look at her. She's f*****g gone. Call the medic,"

"Get her out of here, David. Take her back to the dorms," someone else demands.

"If you let me go, I'm going to hit you," I tell the boy holding on to me.

"How do I calm you down?" he asks.

"Calm me down?" I laugh. "You can't calm me down, you dumb f**k. f*****g hit me,"

"What?"

"Hit me," I shout, pulling at his hold on me. He flinches for an instant and I'm free. My fist connects with his face.

"Hey," a loud growl rumbles through the corridor.

I see Dante stalking toward me. I wipe the blood streaming down my face and prepare to face him. Before he gets close enough, a sharp sting burns my shoulder and everything goes black.