Blind to love

Family isn’t blood

Callie pov 

Shocked is an understatement as I sit on the front steps thinking about everything that has just happened, the plane guy matt has a child, a child who looks around ten none the less, wow. i definitely didn't see that coming he was so nice and charming, I wonder if the wife or mother is still in the photo. Trying not to think about matt I think about the letter I got about Jacob parents and wonder if they are excited to see me like he said, I don't have anyone to talk to around here with my brother not talking to me yet and Zoey still mad at me, I'm not surprised as I did up and leave without a goodbye but right now I just need a little comfort from people who love me and some company, having no one to talk to is slowly killing me inside, It was so much easy copying when I had the boys to talk too. Pulling my phone out I decide to send Jacob mother I quick text seeing if she's free, I know they said I was welcome anytime but it feels wrong just walking in and making myself at home. 

me: hey, I was wondering if I could come down for a couple of days?x

While I wait for a text back I relax and listen to the cars that drive pass, since moving back home I notice I have always come to the steps outside with a cup of tea in my hands knowing its might be my go to place for now. I have heard stories about people needing a place to relax but I never needed one till now and now I understand, who knew the cars and people talking could be relaxing, its better then listening to the microwave sound or background on telly. 

Teresa: of course sweetheart, your always welcome x

Reading the text message from Jacob mother a smile has formed on my face, the way she always welcomes me is a blessing, she has been lovely to me for eight years and always invites me when ever I was on leave with Jacob, I already know she sees me as a daughter which is nice, when my mother passed I didn't have the mother figure I desperately needed but when I met Jacob his mother teresa welcomed me and was the mother figured I needed. Myself and Jacob both knew they wanted to see us together but we only see each other like brother and sister, plus I think Jacob has eyes on someone, we don't really talk about our love life's much as there pretty non existed although we all be happy for each other when we do find someone. Packing a overnight bag for Jacob parents I make sure I have everything before hitting the road I don't want to be turning back half way as I forgotten something, locking the door I climb in my car excited to get out of my home town even though I just returned, I guess it was harder done then said returning home where everyone lives and the memories still lingering. 

Making the drive I have the music on full blast enjoying the different types off music that is on the radio as normally I'm dead picky but some songs are as bad as I thought they would be, singing along to a couple my fingers start tapping on the wheel and my head starts popping I'm just glad no one sees me as I look like a i***t right now and I'm sure they think I'm crazy or laugh at me. Taking the dirty road Jacob normally uses I feel every bump and start to regret it but Jacob said it was faster and less cars but the view he didn't lie as I carry on driving but keeping my eyes on the road. When Jacob drove us I was normally fast asleep not feeling the bumps but now I'm driving, I wish I took the long way, my poor arse. Turning the music up as I feel the car hit the bumps the house finally comes into view and I could never get enough of how beautiful it looks, Jacob family is lucky to have a house near the middle of no where, more privacy as they do their own thing.  Turning the engine off I look at the doors as Jacob mother Teresa comes out followed by her husband Paul, I would love to have a connection like they have, climbing out the car with my bags in hand I make my way inside greeting both as Teresa leads us to the kitchen, I'm just glad to have these two people in my life right now. 

"My darling, it's been a while how you been?" taking a seat on one of the stools while teresa makes me a cup of tea I pull my laptop on the counter leaving it off for the time being, I know they are worried about me and my well being as Jacob told them everything about how I been, I'm sure he's wrote home straight away when he got my letter. Letting his parents know how I am and how I'm struggling but coming out here and being with people who love me I didn't know I needed it, it makes me feel that I'm not as long as I think I am.  

"I'm good, bought a project car to keep me busy. I had hard days I wont lie but who doesn't when they come home" I admit not wanting to lie to two people who have treated me like family since meeting me, they actually treated us all like family. Ryan makes himself at home straight away, that boy has no boundaries, I'm afraid he will trash my house when he comes over and visit but I wont let him, unlike him I have boundaries. 

As they hug me and hand me my tea, they both leave and finish there tasks before I turned up, I have an email I have to respond to but I'm not sure how I respond to my brother jay without hurting him more or bringing up bad memories off my past, why couldn't this be any easier. Opening my laptop I click on our emails we swapped so far re-reading everything and how much he hates me right now but as I start writing I end up deleting everything and start looking at a blank page once again. Sitting with my head in my hands I'm not sure if he will even forgive me or let me have a second chance, I know I messed up big time and how I have no right turning up eight years later wanting to be a part of his life but there's no harm in trying even if he kicks me down. Leaving my laptop on the counter I walk outside sitting on the steps like I do when I'm at home, but at home I have sounds of cars and people talking, here I have a view and silence. silence that is killing me on the inside that lets me think which is dangerous as I think about the day I lost kai. Staring at the view my mind starts ticking which is never a good thing. Feeling a hand on my shoulder I look up to see teresa stood over me before taking a seat, its like she's reading my mind right now. 

"I don't mean to intrude honey but maybe telling him the truth and let him decide, you will always have us" kissing my forehead she climbs to her feet and leave me alone on the steps. Opening myself up to my brother allowing him a look in my eight years I'm not sure I'm afraid he judge me or better yet take pity on me, I know my last few weeks hasn't been smooth sailing but honestly I'm not ready yet. I shouldn't of reached out if I wasn't ready to open myself up, that was my fault but I just needed my brother in my life was that so much to ask for, I guess so. Heading inside I take my seat in front of my laptop ready to email him back, I can't keep doing this over a email. I miss my brother. 

To. jay

from Callie 

It wasn't my intention to hurt you or anyone I love, I was afraid you was going to stop me from doing this after all it was something I needed to do, I had to get out of town, it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be anymore. However in time I do hope you forgive me I wont push. I have been given some advice I think I should take but telling you the truth open up memories I want to forget, I was told to give you the truth and let you decide and start from there so ill begin.... I enlisted in the army, I'm sorry I can't say anything else as the memories are still lingering, in the mean time I would like to meet and say sorry to your face. I have thought about you everyday for the pass eight years and wondering how you doing so I'm hope you're ok, I'm sorry I dropped in your life like this, I know it couldn't be easy me appearing just like this but It felt wrong of me to come back home and not tell you, I wish I did things differently. 

Clicking send on the email I sit there and watch it disappear I told him where I went but the truth hasn't even started yet and there's so much I have to say but how do I say it without hurting myself more, I lost fiancé and slowly losing hope that I might have someone to love me again without forgetting his memory, kai was great and a real gentleman, just talking about him hasn't been easy. Closing my laptop I didn't spot the book that lays next to it with a sticky note attached 'Callie, never stop believing' removing the sticky note and sticking it at the back off the book ready to re-read the note when I finished the book. Picking myself up I make my way back to the steps in front of the houses with a view, ready to loose myself in the words. Every time we came here I could never get used to the view I loved it here and everyone knew it but the silence that lingers isn't for me, I hate being able to hear myself think and wish it would end but theres no way of ending the silence, I need him by my side. 

Spending a couple of days with Jacob parents I know its finally time to head back home, its been wonderful catching up and watching movies together, it makes me miss my mother. I opened my heart to Jacob mother Teresa as she sat and listen to everything, I knew she would never judge me as I tell her about the day I lost my fiancé leaving out where we was and our mission. It was the first time I open up to someone about that day and like a mother she is, she sat and listened as I poured my heart out telling me it gets easier, but does it? it's been just a couple of months and I still miss him like crazy, we spent an amazing six years together only for our destiny to end the way it did, I don't feel like I can move on, he was my everything. As she told me it gets better over time telling me to talk about him I know I can't without crying, I watched him fall and I couldn't save him thats what is hurting me and right now i'm the reason why I'm alone. Our last day together teresa spent it by my side listening to all the good memories we made and I couldn't appreciate her more, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her. 

 Driving home I look forward to getting my hands on the car that sits next to my house, I have been thinking about everything I could do to it and Paul been giving me ideas to what I could do to it to improve the sale. Thinking about everything i know i'm really home as I have a huge smile as I drive past the home town sign but as I place the gear stick into second the lights start flashing on the dashboard and my car slows down leaving me to wonder what just happened.